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The Haven Herald

33 Ways to Annoy Artemis

1. Ask him, “Isn’t Artemis a girl’s name?”
2. When he introduces himself say, “Oh, I’ve heard of you! Aren’t you the smartest creature in the world, after Foaly?”
3. Constantly mention lollipops, no matter what you’re talking about.
4. Make a point of calling him Arty.
5. Mind-wipe him.
6. Tell him that he’s started to get pimples
7. Claim that he isn’t a prodigy because you’ve already stolen fairy gold before he even thought about it.
8. Show him your new invention called the D-Cube and tell him that you are giving him a few months to sell all his stocks and invest in (insert your last name here) industries.
9. Repeat everything he says. (Okay, this won’t exclusively annoy Artemis. You can use it on other people too.)
10. Remind him that he has to babysit the twins tonight instead of saving the fairy race.
11. Unleash a troll in his house.
12. Tour his house and touch all of his belongings.
13. Paint mustaches on the Fowl family portraits in the manor
14. Drop his laptop into a pool
15. Tease him about his ‘girlfriend’.
16. Ask him something he won’t know.
17. Mention how smart Foaly is all the time
18. Make him sit next to some girl who will stare at him.
19. Point out that the person who is playing him in the Artemis Fowl movie has a 99 IQ.
20. Offer him the children’s menu.
21. If he gives his usual retort, tell him that he must eat the actual menu.
22. Serve him his spring water with tap-water ice in it.
23. Just follow him around. Your presence will annoy him.
24. Tell Holly about how he said ‘I don’t like lollipops’ after she had punched him and gone.
25. Tell him that he looks cute.
26. Ignore whatever he says and pretend he is a bother.
27. Argue with him any chance you can get.
28. Take a huge, brightly coloured lollipop and take a big lick. Then stick it in his hair. Tell him that you were trying to make him see the joy of suckers.
29. Refuse to believe in the existence of fairies. No matter what evidence he comes up with, and even if Holly shows up at your door, tell him that his juvenile fantasies have no place in a “grown up’s world.” While talking to him put an a ridiculously babyish voice.
30. Treat him like a small child all the time.
31. Gather some friends of yours and sing very loud while he’s working
32. Put him in a room with idiots.
33. Poke fun at his mismatched eyes.

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Comments on This Post

23 responses to “The Haven Herald.” Join in!

  1. I love this! Great job on this issue! Hard to believe it’s only your second! 🙂

  2. Mentos_not_mental September 9th, 2007 at 4:07 am 2

    Wow! That was an amazing issue. Yay! I got member of the month. Thank you soooo much. Congrats to everyone. And good job with this issue. I love it.

  3. hEllO ouT tHerE! September 9th, 2007 at 4:30 am 3

    great job everyone, cant wait till next issue. Congrats mentos_not_mental.

  4. hey wonderful job
    congrats mentos_not_mental

  5. congrats mnm

  6. hey! i read the haven herald all the way through! thanks for making a new letter! and congrats mentos.

  7. Congrats mentos! It would be cool….nah never mind. I think It would sound stupid to ask, so yeah. I’m in a creative block, but anybody could try to read through my terrible attempt at a story, deserted. I loved the news letter!

    (Don’t go falling into any coke bottles mnm! :P)
    Holly Short, signing out.

  8. Oh well, I might as well ask…how can a willing member help with the newsletter? I would be willing to submit just about..well anything. *braces self for refusal and a telling off*

  9. I love to work and I would be eternally grateful if I could help, so……*Blushes and looks at feet* yeah…*embarassed*

  10. We are always looking for help. 🙂 Sign up on the forums and post in this thread:

  11. This was an awesome newsletter! I’m really happy right now! I got an honorable mention, woohoo!! sorry really happy right now.

  12. Wow! I am so happy i won FANART OF THE MONTH! I mean i never won anything here! It feels good! Thanks to everyone! I hope i can post more art, but we have school.. T_T

    THANKS AGAIN! I appreciate it! 😀

  13. My congratulations to you on yet another brilliant newsletter, And my thanks for mentioning my quiz.


  14. I’m really glad you liked it guys!!!It’s so nice to hear that.Congrats to all winners!!!!!!!!
    And Holly,it would be awesome to have you in our site team.It’s very nice you want to help:D

  15. Woop! Go me! I was always attached to that avatar 😛
    Congrats to all the other winners and to everyone involved with The Haven Herald for a thoroughly enjoyable and creative second issue! Keep those amazing ideas coming!

  16. Well, I just joined forums, and It’ll take me forever to get 35 posts. I have an idea, but I don’t want to ruin the surprise, so i’ll just post it under the topic.

  17. I am so happy and surprised to win the Newbie of the Month! I am glad to have joined FG! All you guys are so good and this HH are very good too. Hope for the next issue.

  18. Congrats to all winners!
    LEP-We are glad you joined too!!!!

  19. i dont have any computer know-how whatsoever. but is there any way I can help? with the newsletter or anything else on the site?
    i just want you guys on the newletter that i love the haven herald and congrats to all the honorable mentions, fanfiction of the month, etc.

  20. @1hollyfan: As Moneyman said up there, we are always happy to get volunteers to help out with the FanGathering website. 🙂 Since you’re already a forum member, just check out this thread to learn more.

    Those who would like to help out are advised to check out that link. 😛 Thanks so much for volunteering. It means a lot. 😀

  21. 😯
    My really, really, REALLY bad picture won? 0.o
    Imagine if I actually tried.

  22. Thanks! I write these stories for my friends to read called Twisted Humor and I have had SEVERE SEVERE SEVERE writers block. Even though I just write a story and add weird jokes.

  23. +1 к предыдущему комменту 🙂

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