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The Daily D’arvit

Summary: Fun an' games for Fowl fans, along with some news in the Fowl world, advice from Foaly, ect.

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

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The D’arvit Daily:

The world’s FIRST cross-species newspaper!


Today’s paper contains MINOR TLG spoilers in “Ask Foaly!…!”

The Moment We’ve All Been Waiting For

That’s right, folks! It IS the one, the ONLY D’arvit Daily, legend among fanfics! And to supplement your excitement, your fangirli/guyness, your bouncing-in-the-chair anticipation… Poll results are in!

Last update (about an eon ago)  we asked you about the Star Wars character Artemis most resembles. Thanks to your geekiness, we got a number of replies and answers.

Artemis is most like:

Darth Vader!

We also said Luke Skywalker and, uh, Princess Leia. Hey, some people.

Thanks for a fun poll! Remember, how quickly this thing gets updated depends on the number of participants I get in the polls, (Can’t quite make it count with only one or two, right?) so please try to review!

Ask Foaly. Seriously, ask him anything.______________________________________________________

 Absent_Minded_Professor: What is your most impressive invention?

Well, first of, this article is perfectly legal. The project I have been working on has been shut down by the Council and has completely and entirely ceased activity. It will not become active again until approved by the Council.

But anyways. I had been working on it for month before it got shut down. So, have you ever seen something simple, yet beautiful? What if those little beauties which you loves so were watching over you, like guardian beauties? If they were something you could talk to, play with, watch, adore, intelligently interact with? And what if you added to that some practical uses, like using it as your phone, having it send a text message, watching your cooking while you go sleep in your favorite recliner? Or have it walk the kids to school? Well, the technology’s there! May I present to you the latest and greatest of my ARClights. They’re far more than just surveillance cameras, oh, no. They are actual living beings. They are dragonflies, capable of maneuvering and hovering and interacting just like a living ting, but they don’t die. They don’t defecate. They do exactly as you tell them to, whether that be guarding your favorite bench at the local park or alerting the authorities when your house burns down. These virtually indestructible little things have the latest and greatest tech, all by me, Foaly, which means they’re great for anyone from the tiniest kid to the greatest Council leader. So why wouldn’t you pick one up today? Oh, yeah. They’re illegal because of animal cruelty.

Quote of the Week:_______________________________________________________________

“Mrs. Fowl was here, but then she went bye-bye, then she went bye-bye.”

-Juliet Butler, Artemis Fowl

Artemis FOwl!!!!11!!1!______________________________________________________________

Hi, I’m Artemis. I love lolipos! I love elves, too, especially ones wiabf



hI i’M ARTY BOY I LIKE ASDFBAsgsf to cuddle kittens and Butler is my butler

Oh, hey, hi, crazed fangirls here. fasef we’re having some difficulty with SHARING THE KEYBOARD AIBFasfi;keb but aes wd aklre fur the mostp art keepinsds the Fowls under control. Except for Bedakiit!!! SUGGAR! Artymes id a simpletoon!

We’re doing fine, for the most part. Artemis has locked himself in his room. We fear the (brat)worst. Haha! Gat it!?

Poll time! Yay!___________________________________________________________________

And for the next stunt! Artemis, leaping through seven flaming rings of FIRE! Okay, not really. But what circus act WOULD he be doing, then? What would you like most to see?

A. Juggler!

B. Atemis, leaping through seven flaming rings of FIRE!

C. Cartwheeling down the hall in clown shoes!

D. Bullet-biter!

E. Tiger tamer!

Remember, every vote counts! My goal this time is more than five voters!


Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Comments on This Post

29 responses to “The Daily D’arvit.” Join in!

  1. Cool idea!
    Ask Foaly: what is the funniest thing you’ve seen on Artemis’s security camera’s? (I know u watch them)
    Musical Core: artemis and holly- every time we touch

  2. Ask Foaly: Could you survive one day without eating carrots?

    Mulch? I got this, I got this — OH! OH! EAT IT, THE PARODY OF BEAT IT BY WEIRD AL YANKOVICH!

    Few mistakes — plus, I really wanted someone to start writing this again, so YAY! GO FAL! And please actually try to update? XD

  3. Thank you for making this less spammy. XD Could you maybe shorten the dividing lines, though? They kind of stretch the page…

    A song for Mulch? Yes, there is.

  4. FantasyDevourer May 23rd, 2011 at 4:13 am 4

    Yay 🙂 this is really cool.
    And now that Artificial Asian points it out, I do see the dividing lines go actually OFF the page, but I didn’t see it before.
    Love the idea, and Artemis actually sounds like he would! (a.k.a. Not using modern curses and not sounding like a normal teen)

  5. Um, I can’t figure out how to add new chapters in this version. No updates ’till I do, because haveing them on the same page would be confusing.

  6. Ha! That’s what messed me up when I first started this thing. It’s the curse of the newspaper. You know it.

  7. Try this link.
    Second to last comment of mine is a tutorial on adding chapters.

  8. 🙂 Yay 🙂 Thanks, AA. 🙂

  9. Fowlfan4ever May 29th, 2011 at 2:17 am 9

    A) stay at Fowl Manor for 48 hours

    Every time we touch: by Cascada

  10. A) Stay at the manor 48/2

  11. A.) Stay at Fowl Manor for 48 hours straight! (if I can stay longer, do tell).

    Question for Foaly: What’s the stupidest thing you and Mulch have ever done?

    Question for Arty: If you were to go on a hypothical date with an imaginary elf that has auburn hair, hazel eyes, and is the first female Captain in the LEP *winky winky*, where would you go?

  12. FantasyDevourer July 19th, 2011 at 3:00 am 12

    A) Stay at Fowl Manor for 48 hours

    Assuming someone else is there. That’s either a Fowl or a fairy.

    Question for Holly- Say you were stuck on a glacier in the Arctic with your wings broken, and not a drop of magic in you, who would you rather be with? Also take into consideration you would have to huddle/hug to conserve body heat.

    AFcrazy15: You’re back????


    Sorry for the double post, but I realized there is a fourth section. 😛

    By the way, I saw the ‘hidden’ message. 😉

    Holly’s Ring: C

    Minerva’s Ring: D

    No double posting! 😉 ~ Fowlie

  13. I like this. Holly’s ring:D Minerva’s ring:B. Oh yeah and I figured out the message. Update!!!!!!!!!

  14. Holly ring B, and Minerva (cuz i don’t like her that much) ring A. This is really cool!

  15. YOU’RE BACKKKKKK! HAI! Everyone’s returning these days. *grins*

    Anyway, I don’t see the update… but I hope you’ll be writing soon. Some small typos, like forgetting a space.

  16. I likey this idea!

    Um… Holly would have the ring D, and Minerva would get ring B.

  17. Farther Vader, ya that’s right :3

  18. I say, D. Princess Leia. XD

  19. It’s hard to choose between Luke skywalker and Han Solo, Artemis has had some experience like Han but throughout the books he seems more like Luke. (minus the darth vader being his father thing :D) Sooo I guess in this prolonged message with no significance I have to say B. (but princess laya would be funny, still sticking with B though)

  20. Absent_Minded_Professor January 30th, 2012 at 12:46 am 20

    Foaly: What is your most impressive invention?
    Artemis: HAVE BUTLER LURE THEM AWAY WITH COOKIES. Crazy fangirls do love their cookies.
    Poll: Um… I haven’t seen Star Wars (sadly), so I can’t say.

  21. Absent_Minded_Professor February 1st, 2012 at 2:57 am 21

    Okay, Falcon, that works. No harm in trying, right?

  22. Artemis: You have to let them do something with you. After this, though, you might want to consider building a panic room.

    Poll: Darth Vader, because he goes from good to bad.

  23. Flaming Rings Of FIRE!!!! Yes!
    Question: Which si smarter, Foaly? You or Arty? 🙂
    I LOVE this! I was laughing SO hard! Probably the best fic I’ve read in a while. Oh, ring D for Minerva and B for Holly.
    Oh, a song: Forever, by Red.

  24. Oh my, I can’t stop laughing, Falcon. xD

    For the poll I choose letter E because I want to see him do that, but mostly since I would very much like to see Butler’s reaction.

    Oh and can you categorize this? Letter/funny maybe. Thanks!

  25. the huntress (or tress) October 19th, 2012 at 10:15 pm 25

    Hmm… tough question…
    Artemis.. would probably do the rings of fire, because, ya know, in TLG, he’s been working on his jumping. What would I like to see? Juggling. His coordination is sssoooo OFF that it eould be TO DIE FOR!!!! XD Love this. Continue!!!

  26. Absent_Minded_Professor October 20th, 2012 at 9:13 pm 26


    Hmmm…I would say jump through flaming rings of FIRE!!! but his screams of pain would totally ruin the fun, same with D and E…so I’d have to say a juggler.

  27. I think Artemis Fowl would steal the Ring from Lord of the Rings if it were real…

  28. Foaly, since you watch the cameras you must know, are artemis and Holly dating, and if he’s dating Minerva please give me her address so I can go kill her.

  29. A is my choice.

    And ask Foaly this: What files have you found on Artemis’s computer?

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