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The Daily D’arvit

Summary: Fun an' games for Fowl fans, along with some news in the Fowl world, advice from Foaly, ect.

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

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The D’arvit Daily

The World’s First Cross-species Newspaper!


Well Hey, That was Fun!

So, after my refusal to update this, I have poll results. In order of popularity from most popular to least:

Holly’s ring: D, C & B

Minnie’s ring: B, A & D (Ironic, no?)

…That was amazingly epic. Or maybe I’m just in a good mood today? Anyways, we definately need more people to participate in the future, but I can’t really blame that on you people because I havn’t done my part in marketing this well. (That’s a message to everyone on strike because of lack of comments!)


Ask Foaly. No Seriously, Ask Him Anything.

AFcrazy15: What’s the stupidest thing you and Mulchh have ever done?

Well, that’s a deep question. I mean, Mulch and I have done a lot. But I have to say, the stupedest thing we’ve ever done in probably that Mudman bet. I mean, you can never take food bets on somebody else. Okay, let me explain, because if I don’t, I’m goning to sound like a total idiot. It’s not as bad as it sounds, trust me.

Anyways, in case you havn’t heard about that resturaunt that mysteriously collapsed in Italy, it was caused by a troll. If you’re one of the People, then you know this was a bit before Holly Short was kidnapped. Anyways, I was on a two-way speaker montotoring Mulch in his jail cell, and telling him all about it, and somehow it got to the point where we started taking bets. On how many people the troll would eat, I mean. Mulch said at least one butย less than ten, and I said at least fifteen. And guess how many that troll ate? Five. I lostย a few gold coins that day. I mean, come on. Only five? That’s insane. I’ve never seen one eat less thanย ย twenty.


Quote of the Week:

“Hate to tell you this, Dorthy, but you ain’t in Kansas anymore.”

– Julius Root, The Artic Incident



Yes, this is Artemis, the usual author of this article. At risk of sounding unpropfessional, I need help NOW. I’m being attacg by crjj fangirkjhls. Please help. Email me ap, and we’ll talkyhrgft.

PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



The Best Poll Ever

Here it comes. You knew this was inevitable.

So… what Star Wars character is Artemis most like?

A. Darth Vader :3

B. Luke Skywalker

C. Han Solo

D. Princess Leia (for fun.)

Seriously, guys, I don’t usually care much about comments, but it is a lot easier when I get more votes. So, try to particaipate, okay? No pressure ๐Ÿ˜€

Woah… I finally finished a chapter…

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Comments on This Post

29 responses to “The Daily D’arvit.” Join in!

  1. Cool idea!
    Ask Foaly: what is the funniest thing you’ve seen on Artemis’s security camera’s? (I know u watch them)
    Musical Core: artemis and holly- every time we touch

  2. Ask Foaly: Could you survive one day without eating carrots?

    Mulch? I got this, I got this — OH! OH! EAT IT, THE PARODY OF BEAT IT BY WEIRD AL YANKOVICH!

    Few mistakes — plus, I really wanted someone to start writing this again, so YAY! GO FAL! And please actually try to update? XD

  3. Thank you for making this less spammy. XD Could you maybe shorten the dividing lines, though? They kind of stretch the page…

    A song for Mulch? Yes, there is.

  4. FantasyDevourer May 23rd, 2011 at 4:13 am 4

    Yay ๐Ÿ™‚ this is really cool.
    And now that Artificial Asian points it out, I do see the dividing lines go actually OFF the page, but I didn’t see it before.
    Love the idea, and Artemis actually sounds like he would! (a.k.a. Not using modern curses and not sounding like a normal teen)

  5. Um, I can’t figure out how to add new chapters in this version. No updates ’till I do, because haveing them on the same page would be confusing.

  6. Ha! That’s what messed me up when I first started this thing. It’s the curse of the newspaper. You know it.

  7. Try this link.
    Second to last comment of mine is a tutorial on adding chapters.

  8. ๐Ÿ™‚ Yay ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks, AA. ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. Fowlfan4ever May 29th, 2011 at 2:17 am 9

    A) stay at Fowl Manor for 48 hours

    Every time we touch: by Cascada

  10. A) Stay at the manor 48/2

  11. A.) Stay at Fowl Manor for 48 hours straight! (if I can stay longer, do tell).

    Question for Foaly: What’s the stupidest thing you and Mulch have ever done?

    Question for Arty: If you were to go on a hypothical date with an imaginary elf that has auburn hair, hazel eyes, and is the first female Captain in the LEP *winky winky*, where would you go?

  12. FantasyDevourer July 19th, 2011 at 3:00 am 12

    A) Stay at Fowl Manor for 48 hours

    Assuming someone else is there. That’s either a Fowl or a fairy.

    Question for Holly- Say you were stuck on a glacier in the Arctic with your wings broken, and not a drop of magic in you, who would you rather be with? Also take into consideration you would have to huddle/hug to conserve body heat.

    AFcrazy15: You’re back????


    Sorry for the double post, but I realized there is a fourth section. ๐Ÿ˜›

    By the way, I saw the ‘hidden’ message. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Holly’s Ring: C

    Minerva’s Ring: D

    No double posting! ๐Ÿ˜‰ ~ Fowlie

  13. I like this. Holly’s ring:D Minerva’s ring:B. Oh yeah and I figured out the message. Update!!!!!!!!!

  14. Holly ring B, and Minerva (cuz i don’t like her that much) ring A. This is really cool!

  15. YOU’RE BACKKKKKK! HAI! Everyone’s returning these days. *grins*

    Anyway, I don’t see the update… but I hope you’ll be writing soon. Some small typos, like forgetting a space.

  16. I likey this idea!

    Um… Holly would have the ring D, and Minerva would get ring B.

  17. Farther Vader, ya that’s right :3

  18. I say, D. Princess Leia. XD

  19. It’s hard to choose between Luke skywalker and Han Solo, Artemis has had some experience like Han but throughout the books he seems more like Luke. (minus the darth vader being his father thing :D) Sooo I guess in this prolonged message with no significance I have to say B. (but princess laya would be funny, still sticking with B though)

  20. Absent_Minded_Professor January 30th, 2012 at 12:46 am 20

    Foaly: What is your most impressive invention?
    Artemis: HAVE BUTLER LURE THEM AWAY WITH COOKIES. Crazy fangirls do love their cookies.
    Poll: Um… I haven’t seen Star Wars (sadly), so I can’t say.

  21. Absent_Minded_Professor February 1st, 2012 at 2:57 am 21

    Okay, Falcon, that works. No harm in trying, right?

  22. Artemis: You have to let them do something with you. After this, though, you might want to consider building a panic room.

    Poll: Darth Vader, because he goes from good to bad.

  23. Flaming Rings Of FIRE!!!! Yes!
    Question: Which si smarter, Foaly? You or Arty? ๐Ÿ™‚
    I LOVE this! I was laughing SO hard! Probably the best fic I’ve read in a while. Oh, ring D for Minerva and B for Holly.
    Oh, a song: Forever, by Red.

  24. Oh my, I can’t stop laughing, Falcon. xD

    For the poll I choose letter E because I want to see him do that, but mostly since I would very much like to see Butler’s reaction.

    Oh and can you categorize this? Letter/funny maybe. Thanks!

  25. the huntress (or tress) October 19th, 2012 at 10:15 pm 25

    Hmm… tough question…
    Artemis.. would probably do the rings of fire, because, ya know, in TLG, he’s been working on his jumping. What would I like to see? Juggling. His coordination is sssoooo OFF that it eould be TO DIE FOR!!!! XD Love this. Continue!!!

  26. Absent_Minded_Professor October 20th, 2012 at 9:13 pm 26


    Hmmm…I would say jump through flaming rings of FIRE!!! but his screams of pain would totally ruin the fun, same with D and E…so I’d have to say a juggler.

  27. I think Artemis Fowl would steal the Ring from Lord of the Rings if it were real…

  28. Foaly, since you watch the cameras you must know, are artemis and Holly dating, and if he’s dating Minerva please give me her address so I can go kill her.

  29. A is my choice.

    And ask Foaly this: What files have you found on Artemis’s computer?

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