Artemis Fowl saves the rap battle

Summary: Artemis looked at the scrren, scrolling down the page. “What’s up Artemis?” Holly walked into the dimly lit room, pulling […]

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Reading Mode

Artemis looked at the scrren, scrolling down the page.

“What’s up Artemis?”

Holly walked into the dimly lit room, pulling a chair up aside him.

“One of my advid fans has just started a rap battle about me… but now, shes gone. Just, dissapeared. I’m studying the rap battle for anyclues about her where-abouts”

“Theres one problem with that Artemis…” Holly began “The story might get shut down from all its spam”

“But how can we find this WTG if the story gets removed!?!”

“Well, lets read this rap battle”

“Okay…” Artemis began “I’ll bring up the page”

The following rap battle actually happened a few months ago. It involves epic raps, spam, and awesomeness. We are warning you for the sake you might be too amazed to function.

  1. Artificial Asian Says:
    January 15th, 2010 at 5:49 am

    Double A? Wow, nobody’s called me that in a long time! I know, teh remix is so awesome. It was the best one I found.

    Artemis Fowl vs Opal Koboi rap battle… I have a feeling that’s going to go down in history.

  2. The Weird Shipper Says:
    January 15th, 2010 at 5:49 amYo, can’t wait,
    And I’ll be a’stayin’ up late
    To read this fic,
    S’epic ona stick,
    And don’t be mistakin’,
    O’, miscalculating’,
    I’m gettin’ into the fightin’ spirit,
    And rappin’ down to it it,
    My money’s on the pixie,
    Darn shame she’s a floosy*,
    So, write it up quick,
    So I can freaking sleep.

    * You read right. It’s kinda rappish, and it totally rhymes.

  3. Artificial Asian Says:
    January 15th, 2010 at 6:04 amCheck it
    Che-check it
    She’s gonna write the rap fight
    And go down in history
    I think it just might
    TWS, I’m challengin’ you
    If it’s not too much spam
    Let’s do our own battle, foo’
    Or if it’s too much
    And ya can’t take the spam
    WTG, will you pick up the beat I drop, ma’am?
  4. The Weird Shipper Says:
    January 15th, 2010 at 6:14 amLook at these beats,
    A’flyin’ from my face,
    Honey, poetry’s my niche,
    And dissin’ is my skill,
    If you think you can take it,
    Try to swallow the pill,
    Spam is the thing,
    To which I sing,
    So, if you’re smart, you can back out now,
    Or, I’ll take mercy, and not completely throw you down.
    And, sorry WTG,
    If this somethin’s poit you just can’t see,
    But the rhymes are made,
    And /I’m/ made in the shade,
    So, if you’ll give the okay,
    Then bring it, baybay ;)
  5. WTG Skillet Says:
    January 15th, 2010 at 6:16 amHmm well lets see?
    you left it to me…
    We’ll I had a hard life growing up sea to sea
    but artemis fowl that guys a f-ing hero to me.
    we all have that dream to be the next Holly.
    You concerned? you just earned the respect to listen to me… TEE-HEE

    They call me WTG Skillet for a reason Im yall homefry
    and if you dont like Artry-mus, baby you dont fly
    -thats all i got

  6. Looking Like A Fool With Your Pants | AXI Says:
    January 15th, 2010 at 6:18 am[…] Artemis Fowl FanFiction » Blog Archive » Artemis Fowl RAPS?! “Pants on da ground… Pants on the ground… Looking like a fool with your pants on the ground. Gold on ya teeth, hat turned sideways. Think ya look like a cool cat but your a fool, with your pants on the ground. Pants on the ground,… Looking Like A Fool With Your Pants – on Twingly […]
  7. The Weird Shipper Says:
    January 15th, 2010 at 6:19 amI gotta say ‘Sorry’,
    But I’m nobody’s Holly,
    This chick’s too fly,
    To stand by some /guy/,
    She’s got her eyes on a diffrerent prize,
    Looking into mi bonita’s eyes,
    And, of Arty?
    I guess I’m a fan,
    But, hey, maybe that’s part of his next evil plan . . .
  8. Artificial Asian Says:
    January 15th, 2010 at 6:42 amStep aside ladies
    I’m throwin it down
    Compared to my rhymes
    That Arty’s a clown
    There’s only one in the L, E to the P
    Who can spit it out good enough
    To attract me
    WTG you keep your Arty
    TWS keep whoever who’ll help
    But I’ve never told a soul
    I’d rather be with Trouble Kelp
  9. Yoshi Says:
    January 15th, 2010 at 9:10 pm*tries to rap and ends up killing self*

    I don’t like rap and I can’t rap.

    I liked Holly’s rap, though, it was funny.


    P.S. Lookin’ like a FOOL witcha pants on the ground! XD

  10. Artificial Asian Says:
    January 15th, 2010 at 9:25 pmLol, she was no longer a “homedawg”? XD Nice.
  11. The Weird Shipper Says:
    January 15th, 2010 at 9:51 pmHoney, you talk bigger than Arty’s head,
    And, I gotta say, yo in a mess’a’trouble instead.
    And, I ain’t talking ’bout Kelp, oh no,
    I’m talking about this rap-masta, yo,
    I gotta say WTG, that yo rap was a’lackin’ in rhyme,
    But, when I started reading, it was laughta time,
    I liked Holly telling Opal what’s what,
    Though, the giant paragraphs were a huge pain in the butt.
  12. abracadabra Says:
    January 15th, 2010 at 10:19 pmMY PUNCTUATIONS
  13. The Weird Shipper Says:
    January 15th, 2010 at 10:36 pmI got the rhythem in my blood,
    And bad@$$-ery runs through my veins,
    So if you think you can take it,
    Join in our rappin’ game ;)
  14. iwa the Chris Tormentor Says:
    January 15th, 2010 at 11:51 pmHAhhhh! XDXDXD
  15. Artificial Asian Says:
    January 16th, 2010 at 12:08 amAbracadabra
    You’re spittin’ lies
    Your attempts at rappin’
    Burned my eyes
    Don’t enter a battle
    That you can’t win
    Lemme play yo rap a eulogy
    On da violin
    Les go.
  16. WTG Skillet Says:
    January 16th, 2010 at 12:15 amAYE! Its WTG Skillet and Im back
    everything is alittle wack
    I just lost 200 Dollars in my wallet
    I was gonna donate it to the Save Haiti project
    Yall play Violin?
    I use to play trombone
    except it sounded like a dieing horse so ya know…
  17. abracadabra Says:
    January 16th, 2010 at 1:20 amI’LL JOIN THE BATTLE
  18. chelly Says:
    January 16th, 2010 at 2:22 amrap battle
  19. hiholly Says:
    January 16th, 2010 at 2:54 amI’m in wit the rap battle stuff. That would be super crazy and hilarious.
  20. Hermione Fowl Says:
    January 16th, 2010 at 4:27 amI’m listning to the din
    You want me to join in?
    But I’m warning you now
    When it comes to rapping
    You don’t know how
    Abra your crazy
    Your mind’ll go hazy
    When I make ya’ll
    Tumble and fall
    Battery, my dear
    Read this and fear
    My rapping talents
    That’ll put you off balance
    Let’s take a guess
    Your a beginner
    And your talents are thinner
    Then a piece of paper.
  21. Artificial Asian Says:
    January 16th, 2010 at 4:39 amHermione Fowl
    Put your money with your mouth
    You’re braggin and baggin
    But so far you’re laggin
    Don’t talk so big when you’re new to the biz
    And don’t rag on me, you know who this is
  22. WTG Skillet Says:
    January 16th, 2010 at 4:46 amYou call yourself a rapper?
    Yall beat is falling flatter.
    I got a ryme…
    And my wide rimmed hat is phatter
    They call me WTG
    They call me crazy
    But this beat is loosing rythe so let me drop you a new beat.
    This battle would never hit the ground
    If the idea wasn’t found.
    I aint lying…
    I hate dissing
    But please, Arty is mine not lost and found.
    I’m the next Holly short.
    Us girls are really tight.
    We be talking about Arty like every night
    Our favorite momment is Book 6 page 138
    And if your a A/H Shippa
    you’ll know thats great
    so what if Martha Stewart is my sister?
    and Slim Shady is a brother from another mister.
    Im writing this ryme
    Like a Tara files draft.
    I work on it all night
    And the result isn’t my plight
    I’ll fight till I win
    This battle someday
    Even if it ends on the day I leave for colledge
    Which, is actually, a long time away
    This is for real
    this is the deal
    please remember
    let da rap stick
    cause honey
    this is epic
  23. WTG Skillet Says:
    January 16th, 2010 at 4:50 amOh by the way
    I found my 200 dollars so…
    I’ll be able to donate it the next day
    and save some lifes
    Ya know
  24. Hermione Fowl Says:
    January 16th, 2010 at 6:49 amI’m not suprised
    That your trying to beat me
    With your dirty lies
    Cause your not that good
    And under that hood
    Is just a child
    And in my books
    Your filed
    As rapper kin
    But you’ll soon be going
    Down into the bin.
  25. hitsugayatoushiro Says:
    January 16th, 2010 at 12:09 pmLOl!
    The lyrics made me roll around holding ma side.
    Poor Opal….getting beat by Holly.
    WAs Holly sticking up for Arty? I smell love!
  26. shadowsnake451 Says:
    January 16th, 2010 at 3:50 pmHA HA HA!!! why would I flare this? I go for option B. This is amazing!!!
  27. The Weird Shipper Says:
    January 16th, 2010 at 6:04 pmSorry I’m late,
    But I’d never hesiatate,
    To tell y’all that she lies,
    I ain’t no begginna,
    Puh-lease b*tch,
    I’m practically a sista,
    And hurt me?
    No, nobody tries,
    ‘Cause everyone who does, dies,
    TWS in the house!!
    Sorry, I missed a couple hours,
    But honestly, this was gettin’ a little tired,
    So, to finished it off,
    Boys a’ jerks, and yo’ Arty’s no special,
    He lied to Holly, and no doubt she cursed ‘im to hell,
    And, finally,I gotta say,
    That I could kick yo @$$es anyday.
  28. WTG Skillet Says:
    January 16th, 2010 at 8:46 pmWoah dang?
    ya’ll usage of slang
    Its off the wall TWS
    what word yall saying?
    Im about to see Lovely Bones
    was gonna see sherlock holmes
    but Lovely Bones a good book
    so Im gonna take a look
    Im really upset
    cause Im started to fret
    Lady Gaga passed out at her concert
    the thought of it really does hurt
    Im her biggest fan
    right next to Arty man…
    I love them both so much
    Its breaking my hearty
    This rap battles getting intense
    the words I use gettin more immense
    Im trying to decifer
    how much I were
    going to be dissed
    If I just quit
    but I don’t do that shit
    this is our battle yo
    this legit
    No wonder they call may
    WTG Skillet
  29. WTG Skillet Says:
    January 16th, 2010 at 8:53 pmI may like Arty
    but my real heros Holly
    with her Neautrino
    she turns the 7th kraken
    into fried calamari
    cause Arty needs to know
    he shouldn’t like a ho
    like that frenchie Minerva
    I hate her alot ya
    Holly is a rescon officer
    and if she had the chance
    yall would see
    she would kick minervas @$$
    if “detruction could not be her legacy”
    Holly knows that her mommy
    who worked in the sea
    would not like that at all
    cause then her legacy would fall
    Holly now carries the torch
    and her internal flame shall scorch
    as long as shes with that fool arty
    that know-it-all smartie
    the cheese for her mac
    so double A, if yall listening
    please holla back!
  30. Artificial Asian Says:
    January 16th, 2010 at 9:27 pmI hear my name
    And I come runnin’
    And I find a girl who thinks she’s cunnin’
    Language, Skillet
    Watch it, dear
    We got some sensitive people here
    And now to business
    The game’s afoot
    Don’t take Sherlock Holmes to figure your rap’s soot
    You call it on fire
    But you’re a liar
    Same as everyone else who beatin’ me desires
  31. WTG Skillet Says:
    January 17th, 2010 at 12:19 amthis rap battle is sweet
  32. WTG Skillet Says:
    January 17th, 2010 at 12:21 amtoo bad I can’t really rap XD
  33. Artificial Asian Says:
    January 17th, 2010 at 12:24 amIf we could, we should take this to YouTube. But I’m afraid none of us could actually rap as well as we write… heheheh XD
    That and I’m not even supposed to be on this site, let alone one with a video of myself…
  34. WTG Skillet Says:
    January 17th, 2010 at 12:46 amsame here…. except my sister likes my writing so sometimes I let her read my stories. This is probably gonna be the reason someday we’ll all be well known novelist’s
  35. Hermione Fowl Says:
    January 17th, 2010 at 5:50 amI thunk ya’ll
    Need to be taught
    How to rap
    ‘Bout Holly Short
    Her hair is red
    And she’s back from the dead
    Thanks to Artemis Fowl
    (Though in my opinion he’s a bit of a cow)
    But he’s the one she desires
    One who all admire
    Look at my rap!
    I’m on fire!
  36. bookwormchick Says:
    January 17th, 2010 at 5:53 amNow I don’t really knoe how to rap,
    but i wanted to join the fun like some kinda sap.
    and I would like to say- rap battle would be so epic!
    the vibes from the computer would be electric.
    Now Arty he is my homeboy,
    and i don’t want to annoy.
    but I love gettin into Trouble,
    Cus when i read about him my heart took a tumble.
    Holly shes a cool cat, my personalo idol,
    I think she and Root should have a reunital.
    Now Opal she should die cus’ she got no flair,
    And then Arty and Holly wouldn’t have a care.
    That’s all I’ve got to say, you’ve heard my stance.
    I hope i didn’t step on any feet, in this crazy rap dance.
    I loved the fic. cool beans, I’ve gotta say,
    Now update sista right away! D
  37. WTG Skillet Says:
    January 17th, 2010 at 8:36 amI’ll do that
    thought I’ll remind you for me
    it be two in the morning
    so if my spellings all slurred
    just giving a warning
  38. Artificial Asian Says:
    January 17th, 2010 at 9:51 amOwned? Owned?! It’s pwned!!! Hah, kidding though…
    This is so funny in a parody-ish way… heehee. Opal Koboi does not get owned! XD
  39. ArtiHoli180 Says:
    January 17th, 2010 at 9:12 pmAhhhhh! the comment snatcher strikes again! I’ll try this again…..

    I think I’ll join yo rap game, honey,
    Cuz yo lyrics lookin’ funny,
    Yall think you could beat me, foo?
    Well, I’d back off if I was you,
    Holly Short, she’s mah home girl,
    Opal’s singin’ makes you hurl,
    Arty’s rappin’s not the best,
    But, I mean, he passed mah test,
    I’ve got my group uh’ homies yall,
    Got yo faces to the wall,
    Can you hear me, loud ‘n clear?
    Well, listen up, cuz Dexta’s here.


  40. abracadabra Says:
    January 18th, 2010 at 8:43 pmwell i could beat you all
    with my hands behind my back
    i’m a better rapper
    then holly thats a fact
    you know you can’t beat me
    you’d better beware
    I could rap a song
    in my underwear
    hermione fowl i know who you are
    i know all your secrets
    from near and far
    if you think yall can beat me
    you’ve got to be jokin
    because abracadabra
    is totaly smokin
  41. star7 Says:
    January 18th, 2010 at 8:55 pmThat was H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S!!!! D ;) D

    Pretty please continue. Or, as Hermione Fowl says, FEAR MY WRATH! D

    I didn’t see many mistakes, by the way. ;) Excellent job. You have become quite good.

  42. Hermione Fowl Says:
    January 18th, 2010 at 9:55 pmAbra, you’re crazy
    You don’t have a chance
    Your mind is hazy and
    In a trance
    If you had any brains
    You’d stay away
    You know there’s no point
    In joining the fray
    Your not even a threat
  43. Artylover41697 Says:
    January 19th, 2010 at 4:01 amHAHA!!! So funny! Artys got rhymes! Who knew? And, he must’ve had an AWESOME birthday party! P.s. I love tik tok! that was prety good!
  44. abracadabra Says:
    January 19th, 2010 at 8:58 pmhermoine fowl
    you are a cow
    you know I aint crazy
    and my minds not hazy
    as I said before
    secrets galore
    I could out rap you
    any day of the week
    so you better watch out
    or I might just shout
    that you just like trouble
    thats right she likes kelp!
  45. WTG Skillet Says:
    January 19th, 2010 at 11:19 pmListen Abra
    Trubbs a fine man
    I think you just fell
    into my master plan
    I rap like theres no tommorow
    dont worry I got no sorrow
    I do worry for you Abra cause well get another come back by tommorow
    I promise to update
    as soon as you don’t hate
    chill out my lil rappers
    dont stay up late for my update
    They call my self crazy
    But I don’t see that in me
    Baby, Im not crazy
    Im WTG
  46. Artificial Asian Says:
    January 20th, 2010 at 12:05 amWTG, WTF was that?
    The rhyme and rhythm
    Was mixed and flat
    You tellin’ people how to rap?
    Well, that fits, here’s my speech
    They say that those who can’t do should teach!
  47. WTG Skillet Says:
    January 20th, 2010 at 1:26 amdid you read the update
  48. star7 Says:
    January 20th, 2010 at 2:14 amYep.
  49. Artificial Asian Says:
    January 20th, 2010 at 4:27 amYeah, sorry. I didn’t see it earlier XD *slaps self*
    It’s funny, as usual.
  50. WTG Skillet Says:
    January 20th, 2010 at 5:11 amI also wrote somthing alittle serious, cause I wanted to see If ive completely lost it or not XD
  51. abracadabra Says:
    January 20th, 2010 at 9:27 pmyou haven’t lost it
    your just mad
    troubles the nickname
    of a boy in my class
  52. Hermione Fowl Says:
    January 21st, 2010 at 8:26 pmYou call that a rap?
    I say your mind is taking a nap
    Your puncuation’s
    An abomination
    You rhyme as bad
    As my dad
    Your rapping’s dead
    So quit while I’m ahead.
  53. shadowsnake451 Says:
    January 22nd, 2010 at 2:35 pmthey is going to make the lovely bones into a movie.
  54. abracadabra Says:
    January 24th, 2010 at 4:17 ami couldn’t rhyme
    as bad as your dad
    even if i tried
    i recken if he hadn’t wrote a poem
    artemis wouldn’t have died
    hermoine fowl
    isn’t a friend
    we should all call her foe
    if i could i really should
    chop off all her toes
  55. abracadabra Says:
    January 24th, 2010 at 9:53 pmno-one else has rapped
    maybe I have won
    maybe i’m the best rapper
    to walk on the sun
    do you all give up
    cos you know i’m the best
    oh yes i am better
    then all the rest…
  56. star7 Says:
    January 24th, 2010 at 10:18 pmHey, I thought I couldn’t rap
    But look at me
    I’m gonna make you all
    Become history!

    Ya, sorry. That’s all I’ve got so far.

  57. abracadabra Says:
    January 27th, 2010 at 12:28 amthat was a short rap
    you were right about one thing
    but i could beat you all
    and isn’t that something
    tws and hermoine fowl
    do you guys give up wow oh wow!
    maybe i’m a spaceman
    or maybe i’m not
    but you know you can’t deny it…
    i’m smokin hot!!
  58. Wowthatsgenius Says:
    January 27th, 2010 at 3:48 am*sniffles* this is the result of me getting over a weird flu thing? IM SO PROUD!
  59. abracadabra Says:
    January 28th, 2010 at 2:01 amwho are you proud of
    it must be me
    cos i’m the hottest rapper
    you’ll ever see
    if you think not
    your minds gone hazy
    its either that
    or you goin crazy
    its such a hot day
    that you can’t deny it
    i’m winnin the rap battle
    so don’t even try it
  60. Hermione Fowl Says:
    January 31st, 2010 at 6:07 amI haven’t run away
    I was on holiday
    You haven’t won
    You’re far from it
    This battle’s nearly done
    If I were you I’d quit
  61. Tori Says:
    January 31st, 2010 at 6:14 pmCan people stop thinking of rap one seconded and think about how good that rymed. Even thougt rap has to ryme I think that that was really good work. I hope you will make a chapter 5 even a chapter 6 even a 7 would be great. ) ) ) ) )
  62. abracadabra Says:
    January 31st, 2010 at 9:49 pmi ain’t quitten
    you know i wouln’t try
    if your not careful
    i might make you cry
    i know you think you’ve won
    but your not even tryin
    i’ve walked on the sun
    and i didn’t start cryin
  63. Hermione Fowl Says:
    February 1st, 2010 at 12:10 amYour lyin’
    You’ll end up cryin’
    ‘Cause I’m the best
    In this rapping quest
    TWS why aren’t you here?
    I say your cowering in fear
    Make room for Abra
    She’ll soon be there
  64. abracadabra Says:
    February 1st, 2010 at 10:21 pmthankyou hemoine
    you are a true friend
    so i hate to say this
    but i’ll kick your rear end
  65. Hermione Fowl Says:
    February 2nd, 2010 at 4:06 amYou spelt my name wrong
    You crazy old fool
    And your lying
    Made me drool
    Why are you thanking me?
    Is it this invite to lose?
    My rapping shall sting you
    Like a wasp or a bee.
  66. abracadabra Says:
    February 2nd, 2010 at 8:20 amwell you suck at rapping
    and you know I ain’t lieing
    just like a fairy
    you’ll soon be flyin
    and when you lose
    don’t come a cryin
    cos i know you know
    that you’ll be a whineing


  67. Hermione Fowl Says:
    February 3rd, 2010 at 5:18 amI’M a bad rapper?
    You’ve got to be kidding
    Please Abracadabra
    You know everyone’s bidding
    On Hermione Fowl
    They’ll all shout
    Oh wow!
    When I thrash you
    You know it’s true.
  68. abracadabra Says:
    February 5th, 2010 at 8:44 amyou thrash me?
    that made me laugh
    you couldn’t thrash me
    in the bath
    if i were a king
    and you were a queen
    i would behead you
    and yes i am keen
    you did a bunk
    and didn’t go to my house
    hermoine fowl
    you are a LOUSE:(
  69. Hermione Fowl Says:
    February 6th, 2010 at 7:33 amI didn’t come ’round
    ‘Cause I’m cooler then you
    I am on top of the rappers mound
    Your at the end
    You loser, you fool
    Go round the bend
    Join the uncool
    I’m here to win
    You’re shouldn’t be here at all
    You’ll be in the bin
    And take a great fall.
  70. abracadabra Says:
    February 6th, 2010 at 7:42 pmi don’t wanna play
    with you anymore
    your not my freind
    your just a snore
  71. Hermione Fowl Says:
    February 6th, 2010 at 9:49 pmDoes this mean your leaving?
    Hip hip hooray!
    I’ve won the game
    You refuse to stay
    Belongs to me
    I’ll call you soon
    I’m just over the moon! =)
  72. Artificial Asian Says:
    February 6th, 2010 at 11:18 pmWhat’s this say?
    You think you’ve won?
    Just cuz I haven’t been on
    Doesn’t mean I’m done!
    This rap is short
    Cuz I have no time
    But don’t ever think
    You can beat my rhyme
  73. Beckett Simpletoon Says:
    February 6th, 2010 at 11:22 pmOh my God all the comments are in ryme.
    How can you have the patiance to do that?

    They say Fowl is foul,
    And maybe Short is short,
    But to make this world it takes allsorts.
    And one may be a criminal,
    Or a master mind.
    But deep down he’s really kinda kind.
    His dad’s a crook,
    He’s done some real big deals.
    And Little Arty’s tried every trick in the book.
    Tricked the LEP and his mother too,
    But this site is made because he’s loved by you!

    Yeah, I know I suck at rap.

  74. abracadabra Says:
    February 7th, 2010 at 4:53 ami said i wasn’t your friend
    not that i surrenderd
    i’ll kick you butt
    i’ll make it remembered
    hermoine fowl
    you are a bad rapper
    i’ll kick you so hard
    you’ll allways remember
    cos i’m gonna win
    and theres no doubt about it
    hermoine fowl
    you’ll need remedies
    cos when sian comes a knocken
    you’ll have broken knees


  75. Hermione Fowl Says:
    February 7th, 2010 at 4:55 amIt wasn’t THAT bad
    You’re just mad
    But don’t try
    And beat me
    I hate making you cry
    Battery, you’re mad too
    Only difference is
    Everyone’s better then you
    Abra, where are you?
    I’ve called 3 times
    So I’m hanging out here
    Doing my rhymes.
  76. Artificial Asian Says:
    February 7th, 2010 at 5:13 amOhhh snap you did not just go there! XD

    Hermione Fowl
    Prepare to go down
    You say you’re better
    But you rap like a clown
    Don’t say I’m mad
    Cuz I’m just better
    You’re the one who’s angry
    It shows in every letter
    Don’t mess with me
    Cuz I’m the best
    Don’t even dare say
    I’m worse than the rest
    Don’t hate on me
    Cuz I can rhyme
    Please don’t be jealous
    It’s worse than a crime
    I’ll leave with this
    You’d best remember
    This battery’s charged
    To annihilate members

    AA out!

  77. Hermione Fowl Says:
    February 7th, 2010 at 6:30 amI admit that was good
    But I can do better
    You really should
    Stop ’cause the place is getting wetter
    With the tears from you’re eyes
    AA don’t be suprised
    When I beat you
    And your horrible lies
  78. abracadabra Says:
    February 8th, 2010 at 4:08 amDouble A and Hermione
    you’d better beware
    i’ve beaten Artemis
    in his own lair
    TWS where have you gone
    you’ve been missing for ages
    so I guess it’s so long…


  79. Hermione Fowl Says:
    February 9th, 2010 at 4:29 amI helped you with that
    But now you’re lying flat
    ‘Cause my skills are too great
    It was just fate
    TWS why are you hidin’?
    Maybe you’re curled up in bed
    Cryin’ and cryin’
    ‘Cause I am the best
    And I’ll never rest
    Until everyone is beaten
    (I’m not even eating)
  80. Princess Joob Joob Says:
    February 9th, 2010 at 5:58 amI vote for AA
    And thats no lie
    she’s better than yall
    Ya can’t deny

    lol sorry I felt left out I’ll stop now… but I do think AA is the best rapper… sorry everyone else…

  81. Hermione Fowl Says:
    February 9th, 2010 at 8:30 amI’m on the top!
    And I’ll mop
    Ya’ll down
    ‘Cause you’re rapping
    Makes me frown
    How dare you suggest
    That I’m not the best!
  82. Princess Joob Joob Says:
    February 9th, 2010 at 5:46 pmDude I never claimed I could rape I just said AA was the best. I know I can’t rap…
  83. Princess Joob Joob Says:
    February 9th, 2010 at 6:37 pmOMG I mean rap! NOT rape!
  84. abracadabra Says:
    February 10th, 2010 at 6:19 amyall rapped without me
    that musta took courage
    i hate to say this
    but i hate raw curry!
  85. Hermione Fowl Says:
    February 11th, 2010 at 6:32 amI think you’ve gone mad
    Maybe you always had
    It didn’t even rhyme
    So maybe it’s time
    For you to say goodbye
    And it’s no lie
    Die Abra die!
  86. abracadabra Says:
    February 11th, 2010 at 8:01 pmyou know i hate curry
    so thats not a lie
    do you hate raw curry?
    and as for die abra die
    your being so childish
    just give up the fight
    cos if your not careful
    i might even bite!
  87. Hermione Fowl Says:
    February 12th, 2010 at 5:04 amI’m the hundredth comment!
    WTG you better feel loved
    Though we’re here to torment
    And get above
    Everyone else here
    And look down and leer
  88. abracadabra Says:
    February 12th, 2010 at 11:55 pmyo hermione fowl
    you’d better read this story
    its called one day
    its under 13
    but read it any way!!
  89. Hermione Fowl Says:
    February 13th, 2010 at 12:01 amIt’s really good
    I’d already read it
    But if it’s not updated
    I’ll have a fit! =)
  90. abracadabra Says:
    February 13th, 2010 at 6:23 amhermione fowl
    that hardly rhymed
    when it comes too rapping
    i’ll kick your behind
    your rap was short
    and not so sweet
    you will soon hurt
    when i cut off your feet!!


  91. Hermione Fowl Says:
    February 13th, 2010 at 9:45 pmI don’t think
    I can come play
    I’m on the brink
    Of ending the fray
    But maybe
    Another day
  92. abracadabra Says:
    February 14th, 2010 at 3:53 amthats okay
    its not your fault
    another day
    would be on top!
  93. Hermione Fowl Says:
    February 14th, 2010 at 5:15 amI can do another smiley
    Though really it’s sad
    But I really really wish
    That I could do the mad!
  94. Hermione Fowl Says:
    February 17th, 2010 at 4:46 amAbra, where are you?
    ‘Cause soon I’ll be goin’ away
    On holiday
    If you don’t reply
    I’ll be the winner
    On second thoughts
    I like that idea
    So you can stay there.
  95. abracadabra Says:
    February 18th, 2010 at 5:44 amhey hermione
    you’ll never win
    plus i don’t care
    what you do with your kin
    i went to technology
    and couldn’t find you
    next time at 10.30
    i’ll be at hard tech
    you’d better be waiting
    or i’ll snap your neck!!
  96. Hermione Fowl Says:
    February 18th, 2010 at 5:57 amI do tech on Monday
    Ain’t it sad?
    I wanted to be with you
    But i can’t-too bad
    I do Food tech
    It’s SO drab
    I wish I was working
    In a lab
  97. Silversong21 Says:
    February 20th, 2010 at 8:35 pmSmirks * takes deep breath *

    Meh name is Silversong
    Believe it or not, i got my pants on,
    Minerva Pazedio can suck it,
    I think she’s crazy, just a bit,

    Me and Crazy Chick like a book
    Maybe you should take a look,
    There is a man called Halt
    He really, really hates salt,
    I bet he would hit a cat,
    with a very large bat,
    * i think i love his apprentice, wow!*

    Artemis Fowl is a cow,
    When it comes to computer games
    When he comes around, all the girls say, ” Lames! ”
    And the jocks punch him around,
    But Butler will make them look like clowns, (does that rhyme? )
    And Arty will laugh,
    at there quivering hides,
    And make them stop saying stupid lies.

    Now look at me,
    I happen to be,
    Burning with such a flame,
    You can never douse it,
    Much less beat it!
    Now you can start your wailing,
    cause im sailing,
    Way back home.

  98. Silversong21 Says:
    February 20th, 2010 at 8:36 pmDid i just rap??
  99. Hermione Fowl Says:
    February 22nd, 2010 at 4:23 amRap? No way
    Just go away
    Leave the masters
    Alone, O.K?
    I like RA too
    Much better then you=)=)
  100. Artificial Asian Says:
    February 22nd, 2010 at 5:28 amYo, DJ, will ya drop da beat? It’s time for Battery to bring the heat.

    Your rhythm’s sloppy
    You rhymes are shot
    You think you’re rappin?
    Bad news, you’re not
    AA in da house
    And you’d best be wary
    This takes skill not
    Just a rhymin’ dictionary
    It’s time to show that
    I rule this town
    So watch and learn
    Cuz I’ma throw it down
    One, two, three
    I can make you disappear
    I can make you flee
    Don’t flatter yourself
    And say you’d win
    If the others left
    Cuz I’d still be in
    Hermione Fowl
    You’re losing your style
    You’re starting to rap
    Like a little lost child
    Don’t even try
    Cuz being beaten
    Might make you cry
    I’m back and rappin’
    Just in time
    If it seems a bit off
    Go learn slant rhyme
    Heed my warning
    Can’t best the master,
    This battle’s done

  101. Hermione Fowl Says:
    February 23rd, 2010 at 4:17 amYou call that a rap?
    You’re losing your knack
    So step back
    Off the masters track
    But about Abra
    I have to agree
    She’s just in the way
    Of you and me
    Silversong too
    Is no competition
    I think she needs
    Rapping tuition
  102. abracadabra Says:
    February 26th, 2010 at 7:48 ami agree about silversong
    but i aint in your way
    i hate too say this
    but i’m ending your fray
    hermione fowl your raps are childish
    you’d better watch out
    cos abra is stylish
    and double A as for you
    just so yall know
    i got da flu
    why am i tellin
    so you come prepared
    when abra starts sneezing
    you’d better beware
    and silversong
    i got time
    to list all your faults
    i’d use up my rhyme
    tws why aren’t you playin
    i guess its because
    you thought i weren’t playin
    just by the way
    if you dont start rappin
    i’ll declare you loser
    in here and manhatten
    so i just outrapped you
    yes i am the best
    and just so you know
    i neverv rest

    ABRA!! )

  103. abracadabra Says:
    February 26th, 2010 at 7:49 amoh yeah i am da BOMB!!:)
  104. Artificial Asian Says:
    February 26th, 2010 at 8:17 amThis is turnin’ into
    A full blown schism
    Abra, I gotta say
    You need to learn some rhythm
    It don’t make a rap
    Just cuz two words rhyme
    You gotta know how
    To put em in time
    Abra, my friend
    You need to get calm
    Learn to rap
    Before you say you’re da bomb
    Yo Abra
    Manhattan ain’t as chill as da BAY
    So step aside
    Ya know the master’s AA
  105. Hermione Fowl Says:
    February 26th, 2010 at 9:59 pmYou two ain’t got skill
    That’s something that’s nil
    Find a good spot
    To hide, you lot
    But leave heaps o’ room
    ‘Cause real soon
    Everyone here
    Will cower in fear
    Ya’ll start runnin’
    ‘Cause Hermione’s comin’
  106. abracadabra Says:
    February 27th, 2010 at 2:42 amdouble a and hermione
    yall think you scare me
    but i’m not afraid
    i’ve been stung by a bee
    you think your on top
    but thats a big lie
    i’ll bet my money on you
    when pigs start to fly


  107. Hermione Fowl Says:
    February 27th, 2010 at 4:46 amHave you really been stung?
    Or was it lie
    Either way, Abracadabra
    You’re gonna die
    About AA nobody disagrees
    His brains are
    The size of a pea
  108. abracadabra Says:
    February 28th, 2010 at 1:49 ami wasnt lieing
    i’ve been stung by a bee
    and i’m gonna win
    just wait you’ll see
    and hermione fowl
    i don’t dissagree
    batterys brain
    is the size of a pea!
  109. Hermione Fowl Says:
    February 28th, 2010 at 5:40 amNow that that’s settled
    Just let me win
    I sting like a nettle
    On the top of your chin
    AA’s cryin in bed
    So it’s just me and you
    But you’ll soon be dead
    And that is true
  110. abracadabra Says:
    March 1st, 2010 at 6:20 amyou don’t sting
    like nettle on my chin
    just you wait and see
    watch and i’ll win:)
  111. Hermione Fowl Says:
    March 1st, 2010 at 7:20 amYou raps are dyin’
    And I’m not lyin’
    Now stop your cryin’
    And start hidin’
  112. Artificial Asian Says:
    March 1st, 2010 at 7:22 amOkay people, you say “his” regarding me and I whup yo… THROW IT DOWN!

    HF and Abra
    You’re both such tools
    You both belong
    In the valley of fools
    It’s time for me
    To settle the score
    The rep from California
    Has the floor
    You say I rap badly
    In your eyes
    Well I beg to dream and differ
    From the hollow lies
    Green Day
    All the way
    What I say
    My beats are hot
    Like the southern Cajun
    You’d best respect
    This wannabe Asian

    AA out

  113. Hermione Fowl Says:
    March 1st, 2010 at 7:30 amComing from you
    That was quite good
    But in my point of view
    It was like rotten wood
    Run away
    If your smart
    Or I’ll hit you
    With my dart.
  114. abracadabra Says:
    March 2nd, 2010 at 6:44 amyoyo hermione
    don’t get in a tiff
    i hate to admit it
    but his rap was quite good
    it may not beat mine
    but it settles the score
    you know what hermione
    get off the dance floor!
  115. Artificial Asian Says:
    March 2nd, 2010 at 7:06 amI quit.
    If I’m gonna complain about spam, I may as well not be a hypocrite. Have fun with your rap battle D
    Really though, this is quite spammy, and if we’re going to yell at others to take down their fics for spam, we can’t be doing the same thing just around the corner. Hope you listen, you probably won’t. That’s okay. I won’t go tell K12 on ya. ;)
    Having said that, what happened to wtg? I kinda miss her ( she just disappeared.
  116. abracadabra Says:
    March 3rd, 2010 at 3:33 amyes one down one to go
    abras smoken
    she put on a show
    its just us hermione
    but have no fear
    i could defeat you
    in my underwear!!
  117. Hermione Fowl Says:
    March 3rd, 2010 at 7:26 amThat’d be a sight
    But I won’t take flight
    I’ll finish this fight
  118. abracadabra Says:
    March 5th, 2010 at 4:41 amit took guts to say that
    i’ll give you that much
    but with you rap abilitys
    i could make lunch
    the rap that i saw
    burned my eyes
    so hermione fowl
    your tellin lies!!
  119. Hermione Fowl Says:
    March 5th, 2010 at 4:55 amI know it was small
    But that’s isn’t all
    I’m here to the end
    Against my foe and friend
  120. abracadabra Says:
    March 6th, 2010 at 11:10 pmif your talking about me
    i don’t know what you mean
    you may not know this
    but i’m the rappin queen
    if you dare to out rap me
    then give it a try
    but you aint gonna win
    cos abras on fire
  121. Hermione Fowl Says:
    March 13th, 2010 at 12:57 amYou might win
    Against a bin
    Even then it’s tricky
    So you’ve got no hope against Vicky
    I’ve nearly finished your book
    It’s off the hook =)=)
  122. Hermione Fowl Says:
    March 20th, 2010 at 2:25 amAbra, you’re scared
    Hidin’ in bed
    I think you need
    To realise
    I’m in the lead
  123. abracadabra Says:
    March 20th, 2010 at 9:38 pmyour not in the lead
    and i don’t know where
    you came up with i’m hiding
    thats quite an idea
    i just couldn’t be bothered
    to write in a rap
    i was packing for camp
    and so thats that.
  124. Hermione Fowl Says:
    March 21st, 2010 at 4:44 amGood luck with camp
    I hope you have fun
    Just don’t try
    To outrap anyone
  125. star7 Says:
    March 21st, 2010 at 6:52 pmWTG Skillet, what happened to you? You’ve been gone for months, and I was really enjoying you! (
  126. Hermione Fowl Says:
    March 22nd, 2010 at 6:32 amStar7 you should go
    With the flow
    Seriously bro
    Just so ya know.
  127. Artificial Asian Says:
    March 24th, 2010 at 1:34 amAlright, my little darlings…
    I’m afraid it’s time for me to turn on my own creation. This rap battle, I’m afraid, is spam, and I just wouldn’t feel right without warning you guys. I’m an editor meself now, and it just wouldn’t sit right with me to overlook this.
  128. Hermione Fowl Says:
    March 26th, 2010 at 5:11 amAA you meanie
    We’re having fun
    But I don’t really mind
    ‘Cause I’ve won!
  129. Artificial Asian Says:
    March 26th, 2010 at 5:25 amNo, if I were a meanie, I’d delete this entire rap battle and issue official warnings. I’m being pretty lenient with spam comments, actually.
  130. abracadabra Says:
    March 29th, 2010 at 5:51 amyou hermione fowl
    you haven’t won
    in fact your as bad as
    crooks on the run
    i’m the rap master
    you’d better watch out
    cos i am da coolest
    rapper in this house
    WORD )
  131. Hermione Fowl Says:
    March 29th, 2010 at 7:30 amJust by the way
    AA’s a mod
    But there’s another way:
    I’ll email you
    And we can still play
  132. abracadabra Says:
    March 30th, 2010 at 5:50 ami can’t wait to play
    but i don’t know when
    around about halfpast ten?


    oh yeah and you guys
    wheres tws
    i guess i miss her
    she was almost the best
    and thats a good compliment
    coming from me
    because as you know
    i’m as cold as the sea
    double A
    where have you gone
    accually i know
    you’ve run from the song
    you can’t deny it
    i am the best
    cos i am abra
    and i need a rest!!!

    This is AA. One comment at a time, please. And I haven’t run off, I’ve decided to follow the rules. Hermione Fowl, that is an excellent suggestion. I really really did not want to have to sink to the level of hypocrisy it would take to call you guys out on this. )

  133. IwishIwasafaerie Says:
    March 30th, 2010 at 5:09 pmlol, Update.
  134. abracadabra Says:
    March 31st, 2010 at 4:19 amso have you guys quit or are we still rap battleing? abra out!!
  135. Hermione Fowl Says:
    March 31st, 2010 at 6:21 amWe’re going to email eachother, because no-one else seems to be playing and AA’s a scary, evil mod now!=)=)
  136. Hermione Fowl Says:
    April 21st, 2010 at 6:59 amIsn’t it iroic that the person who started the battle ended it?
  137. IwishIwasafaerie Says:
    May 2nd, 2010 at 1:46 amUPDATE DARNNIT!
  138. lep officer Says:
    May 15th, 2010 at 11:48 amWOOT WOOT! ya betta write more
    or i’ll die on the floor.
  139. crazy chick Says:
    May 18th, 2010 at 4:24 pmI agree with AA. Even though its spam, its interesting spam. Silver? Niiice! Meh buddeh sitting next to me right now liked it, too. D

    Where has WTG gone?

  140. star7 Says:
    May 20th, 2010 at 3:33 pmAA’s a scary, evil mod? Um… okay.

    Seriously… where the crap is WTG? She was here one day, and gone the next. Anyone know?


  141. Hermione Fowl Says:
    June 1st, 2010 at 8:16 amI don’t know, but I miss her.
    Star:My friend doesn’t know what a mod is, so I figured she’d kinda work it out. *glares at Abra, who DID NOT work it out* Anyways, how would you describe it??
  142. FowlStar Says:
    July 9th, 2010 at 4:24 amI haven’t even read it yet! OMG, so many comments! I think this is going to be good. AF RAPS? Woah!


    [comments merged]

  143. FowlStar Says:
    July 9th, 2010 at 4:54 amThat was….beautiful????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


“Holly, how do my fellow teenagers say this. That rap battle would be removed because its so “epic” as they say. Plus, you can clearly see a bunch of fans fughting over me”

Holly slapped him across the face



“The point is, we need to find this… WTG Skillet and have her return to the website”

“But how… We don’t even exsist…” (sadly) “… Remember?”

“Holly, with my new machine, we’ll be able to jion their dimension regardless of our authors creative will!”

“So, what your saying is were gonna go into another demention, find this WTG, and tell her to write?”


“Sounds like a plan”


Comments on This Post

9 responses to “Artemis Fowl saves the rap battle.” Join in!

  1. Hermione Fowl July 26th, 2010 at 8:52 am 2

    Can you get rid of the comments that aren’t part of the rap battle?? That’d make it a bit shorter. Good though. Yay the rap battle’s come back!!=)=) UPDATE OR FEAR MY WRATH!!!

  2. 😀 Nice, WTG! 🙂 I like that. Alot. 😉

  3. Cool. Creative. Interesting. 🙂 Really long, though.

  4. …And THAT’S the rap battle… nice.

  5. I only read the start and end of that. I can only sum y feelings into one word. Huhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh????

  6. LEPreconGirl May 12th, 2011 at 2:37 am 7

    ROFL! I must say, TWS or AA won. Probably AA. I’m sorry I missed that…

  7. Wowthatsgenius May 12th, 2011 at 2:54 am 8

    😛 thanks dude! if you like this, you should check out the story i just wrote a half hour ago

  8. OHHHHHH! This is one of the best. You remembered that the kiss was page 138? U R awesome! I always mean to remember the page, but I alwayz 4get…

    Orion won’t like this… I don’t think he’s mentioned anywhere.

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