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No, You’re Lying

Summary: my recent love of portal 2 inspired me to have Opal say some things from GLaDOS, when she talks about Wheatly's history.

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

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SPOILER ALERT FOR LAST GUARDIAN!!! this starts at the end of The Last Guardian, when Opal is dying.
As the cold blade pierced her heart, Opal looked up at Artemis with more hatred than everything she ever hated combined.
She said “You know, I used to imagine a human with magic, he had the power to dampen everyone’s intelligence around him, I couldn’t visualize it-” Opal said
“-Nonononono not this again” It was your voice” opal said
“No, you’re lying” Artemis said
“You were a clone made by the greatest minds in the fairy population, trying to make the worlds biggest idiot, they made you to make my predecessors not commit crimes, you’ve been living longer than most fairy’s do, they have just been mind wiping your lives away and shrinking you back down. You don’t have a soul, you monster.” Opal wheezed and died.
Artemis then knew what do.

6 months later

When Artemis woke up he knew the only reason he was there was because of Holly’s soul, her eye was what saved him. He looked deep into Holly’s eyes, and saw the same exact expression she had when she saw Nopal, he was had probably said something, and he was looking for confirmation.
A clone, he didn’t have a soul. Opal’s last words would haunt him forever ‘You don’t have a soul. You monster.’

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Comments on This Post

7 responses to “No, You’re Lying.” Join in!

  1. imfowltothebone October 19th, 2012 at 5:31 am 1

    Thats right 2 storys in 1 night, turns out i have less of a writers block when i stay up past my bedtime XD so ya… *lightbulb!* ok i think i might do something, every year or month, ill do something called ‘fic frenzy’ where i will either pre-make 5 fanfics and publish them all in a row, or ill do the same thing except ill make them at the same time. what do you guys think? should i do it? should i kill 3 billion grammer nazie/police’s heart?

  2. the huntress (or tress) October 20th, 2012 at 3:15 am 2

    Hmm… sounds promising, but I’m slightly confused. I really think, one of the things that would be helpful in reading this, is putting each quote on a different line. Like instead of:

    . Holly opened the door a few seconds later. “come in” holly said, while foaly walked in. “We need to tell him” Foaly said “id rather die” Holly replied “think about this, he knows, if we dont tell him soon, he’ll never forgive us, and i will find a way to give him a soul, somehow, even if it means ripping out my own and giving it to him. “fine” Holly said “but after that im not doing you any more favors for a decade” Holly said “Deal” Foaly said.

    Do:
    Holly opened the door a few seconds later.

    “Come in” Holly said, while Foaly walked in.

    “We need to tell him” Foaly said

    “I’d rather die” Holly replied

    “Think about this, he knows, if we don’t tell him soon, he’ll never forgive us, and i will find a way to give him a soul, somehow, even if it means ripping out my own and giving it to him.”

    “Fine” Holly said “but after that I’m not doing you any more favors for a decade” Holly said

    “Deal” Foaly said.

    That, and Capitalization/punctuation, is really all you need to do. People oft don’t read stories that looked unfinished because of the Capitalization/punctuation. So, if you fix that. your stories really will be very good. Please continue!!! 🙂

  3. imfowltothebone October 20th, 2012 at 4:02 am 3

    ok thanks for the grammer inspiration tress!!! i will try and do that to my best accord

  4. Why in bold? And the grammar isn’t the best Finn seriously please try at least a bit for good grammar.

    And something you might to take note of;
    in a story, you don’t put shouting in CAPITALS. You use the bold text. So instead of ‘“It was YOUR voice” opal said’ it would be ‘”It was your voice” Opal said’ with your in bold.
    Also, I was taught when I was six to never use said more than a little amount of times. It is un-descriptive and terrible. Use something like shouted, whispered, anything.

  5. imfowltothebone October 30th, 2012 at 11:12 pm 5

    ok guys the reason i havent uptaded is because im grounded, right now im breaking the rules… anyways hope you guys like the new grammar uptade wicky helped me with!!!

  6. Mkay… well. It’s an interesting story with a good plot, but there are several repetitive mistakes. You need to capitalize your sentences and start a new paragraph when someone else stars speaking. You don’t necessarily need a functional tab key for indentations, just hit the space bar five times. Your chapters are a tad short and more descriptive words couldn’t hurt.

    Example:
    Holly grabbed his face and shoved him to the ground, murder in her mismatched eyes.
    “I will never go out with you, Trouble. Get that into your thick head!” Holly hissed angrily.
    Trouble gave her a cocky smile.
    “Holly Short, you are needed in the Ops Room”(actually it’s Ops Booth)
    Holly groaned and walked to the Ops Room.

    Also, your punctuation isn’t top notch, but your spelling isn’t too bad. It might be a good idea to use a thesaurus for descriptive words too.

    Hope this helps.

  7. Great story so far! You might want to use more descriptive words, I was young, and use bold instead of all caps. Update soon!

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