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Summary: A/N:Basically, this is just Captured in Arty’s P.O.V. Trust me, you will not hate him anymore. You’ll cry. It’s sad, […]

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5

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A/N:Basically, this is just Captured in Arty’s P.O.V. Trust me, you will not hate him anymore. You’ll cry. It’s sad, obviously. It was originally going to be one chap, but once I started writing I couldn’t stop. R, R AND R!!!!!

Artemis’ P.O.V

I hate to see her like this. Hurt, broken. I wish I could stop myself. But I can’t. Not now. It’s too late now.

I’m not mad. Well,I don’t think I am. I’m just possessive. Butler died a little while ago-killed trying to save me. I don’t remember much after that. Just pain. And longing. Desperate, uncontrollable longing. I needed Butler back. I didn’t realise how much I needed him. After a month, according to Mother, logic kicked in. I can’t have Butler-I’ll have Holly instead.

I’m in love with Holly. Always have been. I miss her when I’m not with her. So I proposed to her. She told me no. She lied, and told me she was in love with Trouble. From then on I was convinced I was going to die. Someone would kill me-I’m not exactly a likable person. Or I’d die of heartbreak. Melodramatic, I know, but it felt like the truth at the time. I stopped eating, I wouldn’t speak, and eventually I moved away from my family, deciding it was unfit for me to be around them, particularly my young brothers.

I don’t remember actually planning it. I just stole her, right from under the noses of everyone. It was stupid-I realise that now. I should have simply apologized. But for once I didn’t think, just acted.

I suppose I must have thought about sometime. I’d blocked up the windows of my bedroom, and put chains on my bed. She was chained there.

When I first went to visit her she was terrified. It was obvious, although she wouldn’t admit it. I found her pain hilarious at the time. Then I saw her cry. I’d made her cry. I hated myself.

But I can’t help myself. I hurt her, I say horrible things to her. I want her. I want her all to myself.

Today I remembered I’d forgotten to feed her. Idiot. But of course she was stubborn, and wouldn’t eat a single mouthful. I tried. I wasn’t trying to hurt her, I wanted to stop her from starving. Then I heard banging on the door, and a shout. It was that Kelp boy. Trouble Kelp. Again, all sensible thoughts left me. I wanted to kill him.

He had a gun. I didn’t. I didn’t have any weapons in this house, because I don’t trust myself to not hurt Holly. But my total calm, and Holly’s muffled screams scared him. He simply dropped the gun and ran to her.

I picked up the gun and shot. Silence after that. A creepy, eerie silence. All reason came back to me. I’d killed the person Holly loved most. I remember how I felt when that happened to me, and I hate myself. I should put the gun to my head and pull the trigger. I pull the blankets off her head. She’s bouncing with excitement. I haven’t seen her happy in so long. And now I have to hurt her again.

“Artemis?” she gasped in disgust.

I chuckled, although it wasn’t really funny. “You didn’t honestly think I would let Trouble take you? You are mine, after all.”

“Did you shoot him?” she whispered.

“Yes.” And I wasn’t ashamed. I couldn’t lose her, and if murder was the way to keep her, then I would kill.

She began battling against her chains, sobbing. “I hate you,” she sobbed. “I’ll kill you. I hate you.”

I rolled his eyes. “Go on, I dare you. Just try and kill me.”

And I left.

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5

Comments on This Post

41 responses to “Uncontrollable.” Join in!

  1. … ultimate depressingness. Wow. Trilogy spelled as so.

    *gawps at utter sadness*
    I really have nothing else to say. You can kinda just throw away your dreams of a long WE comment.

  2. O O

    …Wow. That is depressing. WE’s got a point on the “Triloy” part. And I’m kinda speechless, too.

  3. Hermione Fowl March 5th, 2011 at 1:37 am 3

    Well D’Arvit you, then. I was sooo pleased that you’d commented-you always do long comments. And flattered as I am that you like it, and that you think it’s sad, isn’t there anything I can improve on? Grammar? Plot? Is he OOC??
    What did you like? Cause I’ll add more of it.
    Hermione Fowl signing out. 🙂

  4. Well, there’s nothing grammar-wise. You seem to be telling, not showing a lot in this one. I’m not sure why.

    “But I can’t help myself. I hurt her, I say horrible things to her. I want her. I want her all to myself.”

    When I read that, I shivered. It was a good shiver! Creepy, but good. 🙂

    Hope that’s enough to help!

  5. Aww…….I wished Orion had taken over his mind again. I would totally do that. Because I’m your Resident Neighborhood Psychopathic Alter Ego. If you haven’t read book 7, the Atlantis complex, you have no idea what i’m talking about. Very good, but Arty is a bit OOC.A couple grammar mistakes, BUT THIS ROCKED!! And if I”D done it and taken over his mind, this P.O.V would be totally insane. Hee-hee. DORITOS!!! Wow, longest comment ever…sorry bout the spam.

  6. yes orion yes you are. upate or else I swear you become chuck norris next prey.

  7. I posthumously Award this 5 stars….or was it 4…..or was 4678??Ah well….INSANITY!!!Hee-hee.

  8. Hermione Fowl March 5th, 2011 at 5:11 am 8

    Thanks guys. 🙂 Particularly Ann.
    Isn’t it creepy that my best stories (well, my best in my opinion) are about kidnapping?? 🙂

  9. Weird, my comment disappeared.

    But I don’t have the time to write it again so:

    Very angst-y, and well written.

    The last two sentences were kind of weird, I didn’t really understand if it really happened or didn’t.

    With much distraught and praise,
    – Mr. B

  10. Hermione Fowl March 5th, 2011 at 8:00 am 10

    Weird as in how? I will re-write them, but I don’t know how to change them.
    Thank you for a long comment. If you have time the original comment would be appreciated. 🙂

  11. Whoa, I feel like someone just slapped me in the face with a fish. This was AWESOME! I just love it when you kill people. Don’t ask me why. Upeedate please!

  12. AMAZZZZZZZZZING! Not many grammar mistakes, a couple spelling, but this can go lots of places.

  13. Hermione Fowl March 7th, 2011 at 4:25 am 13

    Short comments are not cool!! They are annoying!! Please please please type longer comments. I’m glad you like it, though. 🙂

  14. Ooh, suspenseful. 🙂 I likey. 😛
    There were a few spelling mistakes, but nothing to be worried about. All and all, I liked it. Sorry this comment’s so short. XD I’m amazed by the utter awesomeness and suspense. 😀
    UPDAAAAATE!!!!!!! 🙂

  15. Hm, not bad. I like the fact that it’s getting back to normal, kinda happy. Artemis has hope. That’s a good thing. 🙂

    I like this chapter, I really do. I think you misspelled “apologize.” You had an “s” in the place of its usual “z”.

    The sentence around the middle, “And it made me cry.” That makes me think that you’re telling not showing again.

    Hope you update soon! Keep up the good work! 🙂

  16. T-this UPDATED!!???

  17. Hermione Fowl March 31st, 2011 at 4:11 am 17

    Holly:Short comment is OK, at least you commented. 🙂
    Ann:I know, I couldn’t decide if it was spelled with a z or s. Is z the American way, and s English?? And is telling good or bad?
    Orion:Yes, I did update. Don’t stretch the page, it’s against the rules. And I need a proper comment.

  18. Oh, well I’m not sure about spelling for the different countries. If it is actually English, and you prefer that, go ahead and choose that.

    I was taught in the third grade to “show, not tell.” I know it was just 3rd grade and all, but I keep it in mind and it basically means to show what’s going on with describing words, using all 5 senses if you can manage it, instead of just telling it bluntly and taking the fun out of what could’ve been a really immersing fic otherwise.

    Wow, that is a run-on sentence up there, isn’t it? 🙂 Hope I’ve managed to help and not confuse you more!

  19. Hermione Fowl April 1st, 2011 at 3:27 am 19

    Yes, you’ve helped heaps. I will fix it very very soon. 🙂

  20. I’m pretty sure it’s z for both Americans and English peeps… but hey, ya never know. Don’t take my word on that, it might not be reliable.

    Sorry ’bout mah really short comment. I’ll try to make this one long, but it’ll probably end up normal WE size. Which is pretty long, XD.

    I loved it that he was counting the seconds, though. Really added to the suspense and depressingness. I feel like an emo when I read this, you know? It’s so sad. You didn’t get me to cry, though, but it was incredibly, incredibly sad. Nicely so. Nicely so.

    I think fiance only has one “e”, but you’re right with the dashy thing, I just don’t know how to show it here. I don’t think you should’ve killed Trouble, to tell the truth. You should’ve had Holly marry him and then Artemis would be even more — Imma sadist. -__-. Sigh.

    Erm, this is still too short to my liking… but just update.

  21. Hermione Fowl April 2nd, 2011 at 7:35 am 21

    I liked killing Trouble, it was fun. And yes, you are a sadist, but I agree, that would’ve been SO MUCH cooler. ]
    I know fiancee is spelled right, cause I have spell check and it does the dashy thing for me.
    Was the story too short, or your comment?? Cause if it was the story, I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s going to happen now. Holly and Artemis can’t get back together, that is predictable, boring, and happy, not at all my style. 🙂

  22. Beckett Simpleton April 2nd, 2011 at 11:32 am 22

    ‘because I don’t trust myself to not hurt Holly’ /is/ grammatically correct, but ‘because I don’t trust myself not to hurt Holly’ would work better.

    First chapter comment.

    What people said about telling not showing is true. You write as if looking from afar, and then there’s a dialougue. It’s a bit ‘jumping into a dream’ kind of thing.

    Looking from afar isn’t that bad. You can do the ‘looking back and feeling, thinking’ thing well in that style. And it’s nice to write, and not to challenging to read, but you MUST NEVER be lazy with it. Not saying you were, just that… Just don’t even go there, because it looks like the writer didn’t try.

    This… Isn’t my thing. I’m not saying it’s /not good/ it’s just not up there for me, but I figured you’d like some constructive crit anyway.

    You get comments then beg for longer ones. Do you have to do that? It makes you seem a bit ungreatful (specially to me, because I’m chapter-fic comment deprived)


  23. Hermione Fowl April 2nd, 2011 at 10:41 pm 23

    Well, I’m am ungrateful, but when people like Orion comment, it’s really annoying.
    I’ve decided I’ll leave the story as it is, but from now on I’ll try to show not tell. It’s a compromise, so I don’t have to choose between you and Ann. 🙂
    Thanks for commenting. 🙂

  24. This is a good fic, and Character development is nice. I’m sorry, but I gave up on it long ago when you stopped updating. Glad it’s back!!

  25. Hermione Fowl April 3rd, 2011 at 4:04 am 25

    Oops, sorry about not updating more frequently. I forget, and I haven’t been on here for a while, I was on school camp, then Girl Guide camp, and I have heaps of homework. . . I shall stop moaning now. 🙂 Thanks for commenting.

  26. Please Update!!!

  27. Artemisia Snape April 28th, 2011 at 8:36 pm 27

    Whoa…Where in the hell did you got that idea? I almost fainted when I read this. But all in all, great story. I don’t know if I like it or not, but it is good. 🙂

  28. Hermione Fowl April 28th, 2011 at 11:22 pm 28

    Thanks. 🙂 I am mental.

  29. *drool* *pant pant* Update, pleeeease?

    I really like the whole insanity branch of fanfiction… you know, the desperate, ugly, beautiful hatred. This is perfect; I can’t offer critisism. Thank you for writing this!!!!!!

  30. Hermione Fowl May 11th, 2011 at 9:14 am 30

    Your welcome. 🙂

  31. Thanks for the update!
    Trouble is ALIVE?! I thought Artemis shoteh him! 0.o
    A mystery. More updates; I must find out!
    And I agree with ILoveFowl, I love this type of writing, and I love to write it, too! It’s energetic in a depressing, engaging kind of way. 🙂
    Good writing, and no mistakes in the newest update as far as I could see. I might have missed something, though. I’ll double-check…
    Ooh, I might have found something, but it’s not a big deal.
    “I have no idea how I survived, the white hospital sheets smothering me definitely wasn’t a hallucination.”
    Instead, you might want to put:
    “I have no idea how I survived; the white hospital sheets smothering me definitely isn’t a hallucination.”
    I’m not sure if you meant the past tense, because Artemis had felt them before. You were writing in present tense before, though, I saw.
    Other than that, it all seems good! 😀

  32. Hermione Fowl May 17th, 2011 at 4:43 am 32

    OMG I forgot I killed Trouble!! D’Arvit. Thanks. I will fix that. 🙂

  33. wha how who?? How could Artemis do that??? poor Holly, Poor Artemis, Poor Butler, Poor-well, don’t really care about Trouble.
    That was a really good fic. Please update,

  34. Hermione Fowl May 18th, 2011 at 8:01 am 34

    I hate Trouble too. 🙂 Will update (and finish) vair vair soon.

  35. ArtfullyInsane July 13th, 2011 at 8:06 pm 35

    Gasp. Just gasp. I love it! But it makes me depressed.

  36. Hermione Fowl July 16th, 2011 at 9:17 am 36

    Thanks. It was meant to make you depressed, so I’m glad. 🙂

  37. Whoa! that was… ahh… utterly depressing,creepy, insanefully but beautifully and wonderfully written. Which is a good thing. 🙂 i agree with.. ehh… whoever said this too, (I’ve read to many comments to remember) I think it sounds good the way it’s “telling” and not just showing. it almost adds, like a third- person-point-of-view-kinda-thing,which i think adds to the insanity of it all. Not many people can acuratly depict insanity, but you did AWESOME!!! great job!!5 stars!

  38. Words cannot describe how happy I am right now.

    BWHAHAHA~ It’s so funny ^^ I make my return, you post something at long last — it’s a conspiracy, isn’t it? Revenge of the oldies ^^

    Beautiful ending. I love the perspective, how Holly still left him in the end and went with Grub, of all people and fairies in the world above and beyond and below and — ah, beautiful~ I do feel sorry for him. Unrequited love hurts the most~

    Excellent job. Minor grammar issues.
    The pain~
    The agony~

    Oh, I’m so proud ^^ *glomp*

    (Am I not making sense? *checks* No, I’m not making sense.)

    (BTW, I was listening to Obsession by SHINee when I read this ^^ the irony~ the coincidence~ I literally just put my master playlist on shuffle. Link of song with English translation — )

    (And because I’m a selfish person who wants more reviews, the songfic I wrote for it ^^ coincidentially. Again. Great minds think alike. )

  39. Yeah, us oldies are back. 😀 Cause we are the best generation.
    Thanks WE and Huntress. 😀 I will update again ASAP.

  40. SO SAD!! i love this. keep it going! awesome work!

  41. Hermione Fowl May 23rd, 2013 at 6:42 am 41

    Thanks 🙂

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