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Emails to Arty-Boy!

Summary: Mild cussing and Gore

  • Story Complete? Not yet.
  • Author:
  • Category: Letters
  • Word Count: 186
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A/N Yep, we get to annoy the hell outta Arty. I will allow mild cussing and gore. Just leave your ‘e-mail’ to Arty in the comments, and I’ll try to update the fic. Happy annoying~!

Artemis was up in his bedroom, figuring out how to hack into the US government computers, when his laptop unexpectedly Pinged. Hmm… He thought, wondering who the heck was e-mailing him. He opened his e-mail inbox, and there, at the top of the screen, was 1 unread message. Artemis clicked on it and read the message:

Dear Arty,
How are you? I’m fine. Who am I? Leader of the IAFFF. Short. Yep. Watch your steps Artemis, ‘cuz hell is comin your way. That’s all!

Artemis was slightly surprised to get a message from some random person. He quickly replied back:

Dear Short,
Don’t call me Arty! And how the hell did you get my e-mail address?! Step foot on the manor grounds and I’ll have Butler snap your neck!!!
~Artemis Fowl II

Artemis sent the e-mail feeling slightly satisfied.

Comments on This Post

19 responses to “Emails to Arty-Boy!.” Join in!

  1. Dear Artemis Jr.’
    I am Fowlmaniac, and I’m coming for YOU!

  2. Dear Artemis Fowl II~

    Opal Koboi has contracted AC, and I am her alter ego, Ash. She’s really pissed at me right now, and I don’t have long, but she wants me to tell you to drop dead… I DON’T WANT YOU TO DROP DEAD! I WANT YOU TO MARRY ME! Or at least go out on a date or five… Hack you soon!

    ~~Ash Thorn Blackwood~~

  3. Dear Master Fowl,
    Will you ever tell anyone else you have a lil sister? Because if you don’t I will…
    M. Fowl

  4. Dear Arty,
    When will you come down here to Texas and ask me to be your wife! if you don’t i will sneak into Fowl manner and kidnap you in the middle of the night and make you marry me!
    Torry star

  5. FantasyDevourer May 22nd, 2011 at 2:51 am 5

    Dear Fowl,
    I have a warning for you. The rabid fans are coming. They’re coming right now!!!! Mua ha ha ha ha!!!
    P.S. Did you know that you are in an alternate dimension?

  6. BoboParadizo May 22nd, 2011 at 9:44 pm 6

    Dear Arty,
    Rabid Lampsters haunt my dreams. They are after you. AFTER YOU! Or can you? No escaping now! You may have broken Minerva’s heart, Arty Boy, but you cannot escape my wrath, my Chocolate Bar of Doom! Hee!

    With all my hate,
    Bobo Paradizo

  7. Dear Artemis,
    I am from a different dimension, and in the dimension of mine their are INSANE, RABID FANGIRLS in love with you. So if they ever find a way to get to you make sure you have Butler at hand. No scratch that BOTH OF THE BUTLERS AT HAND!!!!! Take heed of my warning DO NOT SHRUG THIS OFF AS A MYTH!!!

    Yours Truly,
    A friend…..


  8. Dear Artemis,
    I have news. You’re not real. You are nothing more then a puppet and a figure of Eion Colfers imagination. He could kill you with a few movements of his fingers, and not even Butler could stop him. But don’t worry! I will personally send an angry letter to Eion if he kills you. I can write one heckuva angry letter.
    Kirby Derby

  9. Dear Artemis,
    4. 4. 4. 4. 4. There. Five fours. What do you make of that, hmmmm, Arty? What do you make of THAT!?!?
    Yours truly,
    Luna Fowl

  10. Dear Artemis Fowl,
    Look at my name. Study it. What do you think it means, Mud Boy? Ill give you one hint:
    I’m coming after you.
    -White Stone

  11. Fowl,
    You needn’t know who I am, merely what I intend. You and your fairy friends will soon understand that I mean nothing good towards them. I have a special torture just for you. You, who has always made my ingenious plans go awry with luck alone! There is nothing you can do to stop me now!

  12. Dear Artemis,

    Prepare for Vreality.


    (Shameless story promotion, I know)

  13. I always find these so annoying… as someone else once ranted, it’s OOC within itself to even have Artemis reply. Oh well. If it turns out good, I can learn to appreciate it. So far, it’s really short — 150 words or so if you omit your A/N.

    … … Yeah, Artemis would probably be less violent and harder to rile up. Most likely, he’d trace the email or something. Etc.

    ~WE, out

  14. Dear Artemis Fowl the II,

    Will you go out with me? I am bored and want some intelligent conversation. If you decline my most generous offer then MARRY HOLLY OR I WILL KILL YOU!!!!!. Also send me a few metric tons of gold while you’re at it.

    Your Most Annoying Fan Girl,
    WildeRose121 a.k.a StarFire101 i.e. Wilde a.k.a Star

  15. Dear Artemis Fowl,

    (NOTE: PUT THIS IN ONLY IF YOU PUT IN Luna Fowl’s FIRST, PLEASE!!!!) (ANOTHER NOTE: IF YOU DO PUT MINE IN, PLEASE LEAVE OUT THE NOTES IN PARENTHESES.) To counteract Luna Fowl’s e-mail, 5555555555555555555555555. 25 fives! 5 multiples of 5!! If numbers deter you no more, than I will feel very stupid. Anyway, I am writing a story based on your recent adventure at Okiob High School. Please read it, then e-mail me back to tell me how accurately I posed the details. Wondering where I got the information about your little misadventure? Two words: video surveillance.


  16. dear artemis,

    why is it that you think that 20 is a good number? shouldn’t it be indifferent as it is a multiple of both 5 AND 4? Oh, and also global warming doesn’t exist.No, don’t argue, it doesn’t.



  17. Fern Razorblade December 23rd, 2011 at 2:35 pm 17

    Hello Artemis,
    I know everything about you. How you walk, how you talk, who you love(in case you forgot, it’s Holly) every major scheme you’ve ever had. Some would call me a stalker, but I prefer the term creeper. In fact, I’m outside your window right now, playing my ocarina, but don’t bother looking for me. All you will see is a red plume of hair and my boots, but in that plme of hair lies a speck of green. So guess what.


    I’m watching you,
    Fern Razorblade

  18. Ummm…sorry about that last comment. something happened and my computer just sent it. So. The email. here we go. Hope you like it:

    Dear Arty,
    Secret, secret! Butler can try, but he will not, no, cannot hurt me. I am your worst nightmare, Arty. Don’t deny it. You’re afraid aren’t you?

    Well? Did you like it? i sure hope so. 😀 🙂 😀

  19. aw,hope im not too late…….”dear arty, you have no clue that,like,so many AWESOME people like me have read your biography*smirk* oh and please let me dare u 2…EAT YOUR EARWAX!(if you have any) plus this email is to annoy the figgin’ frond outta you! plus i wanna know what D’Arvit means cuz then i get to blame my expanded knowledge of bad words…on YOU! ps:if you reply impolitely ill spank u big time and ill send you MORE EMAILS! fitting revenge! sincerly,the princess of awesome weirdos:shaadia.

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