It’s literally been years since I’ve posted or updated anything. Falcon did this. Blame her. 

Note: It’s been a while. A long while. Why has it been so long? Don’t ask questions. 

“Why is this out again.” It was said more as a statement than a question. As if the speaker knew something stupid was going on.

“Uhm. Because?”

“…aren’t you an English Major?”

“…yes?”

A long groan.

“What are you two- oh God no.” A new voice.

“Oh God yes! Help me fix the camera.”

“No.”

“..ass.”

The video feed suddenly sprung to life with a flash of color. Just one color. A faded, orange-pink. One of the voices muttered something rude under their breath.

“Oh, fuck this sticky-note so hard.”

“Language.”

“Sod off, Fowl.”

The orange-pink thing was removed, and the image came into focus, though the color was messed up while the lens was still adjusting to the sudden change. Sitting in a beat-up looking desk chair was a.. somehow familiar girl. She was older, that was for sure, and much more tired-looking. The eyes were the same- still full of spite and mismatched. The hair was longer and messier, half blonde with stark, dark brown roots. She shoved up a pair of magenta glasses, then ran a hand through her hair. “Whoa. I look like hell.” She murmured, canine ears twitching on top of her head.

“When do you not?”

“Ow. True, but still. Ow.” The girl pouted, glancing at on off-screen voice before turning her gaze back to the camera. “..er, well, hey! It’s been, uh… some years.”

“Four.”

“Right. It’s been four years since our last update! Crazy, right?” She laughed nervously. “Do you even recognize me, Fangathering?? It’s me, Short.” She grinned, winking at the camera. “And I’m still here- here with Fal and Arty. Surprising how few things change in four years. I graduated high school! Fuckin’ crazy, right??”

“Why are you still in my home, then?” Grumbled a male voice.

“Because someone decided to blow up yet another secret base.” Came the other voice from before. Another familiar figure came on screen. She’d gotten just a bit taller and slightly less edgy, and her glasses were different. Falcon was still recognizable(it helped that her hair was still very long and her standard pose still consisted of crossed arms), even with her hair tied back and her dirty black hoodie replaced by a significantly more radical white striped one.

“Sounds like a personal problem.”

“Eat ass.” Short snapped at the male voice again, frowning.

“Make me.”

“OH IT’S ON.” The brunette jumped out of the chair and lunged at the speaker off-screen.

Falcon blinked, then glanced down at the camera. A hint of mischief came to her deep blue eyes and a small smirk tugged on her lips. She sat, resting her elbows on the desk and lacing her slender fingers together. “So. FG. I have a joke for you.” She sat up straight, locking eyes with the lens. “How many ears does Captain Kirk have?”

In the background, the sounds of Short assaulting someone taller than her were very clear.

“Three! The left ear, the right ear.. and the final FRONT-ear!” Falcon’s grin was so wide, so smug, it looked like it was almost painful.

“RAAAH!” The blurry form of Short chased a black-clothed figure behind Falcon. “FOWL!”

Thud. 

Short popped back into the frame, hair messed up and glasses skewed. She rose to her feet, dragging her ‘prey’ in with her. Said prey was an iconic Irish genius, his normally perfect, raven black hair was slightly disheveled and his tie had been messed up.

“Yeah, Artemis is still a douche, in case anyone was wondering.” Short growled, shoving him next to Falcon.

“So rude.” Artemis muttered, adjusting his tie and running a hand through his hair to straighten it. He glanced into the lens, his icy blue eyes bored and mildly irritated. “What was even the point of this update?” He asked, glancing at Short, who was also trying to fix herself.

“Y’know, I forgot.” She replied, glancing away, guilty, as she pushed her glasses up on her nose.

“Bruh, you’re gonna get so much flak for calling him a douche.” Fal murmured, also pushing up her red-framed glasses.

“The fangirls can fight me.” The wolf muttered back, folding her arms over her chest. “Anyway, I should give this video a purpose.” She cleared her throat, looking back at the camera. “So, we’re back at the Fowl Manor because Artemis is an idiot. I know I had something to say.. I blame you, Fowl.”

Artemis looked offended. “This was your stupid idea!” He snapped back, folding his arms over his chest.

“I mean, he has a point..” Fal spoke up again, shrugging.

“Oh, whose side are you on?!”

“Well, I pity whoever decides to be allies with yo-” Artemis began. He was cut off as a massive and sudden rumbling shook the room- and the manor itself. The video got really shaky, the figures of the three becoming almost impossible to discern.

“Shit!” Shout yelped, tackling both Artemis and Falcon to the ground as the rumbling became stronger.

After a few minutes of steadily increasing rumbling, it stopped, almost as sudden as it had started. The trio slowly lifted their heads above the desk, glancing around the room. After a moment, they slowly got to their feet, still on edge.

Short grabbed the laptop that was recording them, shifting it so they were in the center. “Hey, uh, gonna cut this update off here. Until next time! Aha..ha..”

“We’re screwed.” Fal added, trying to adjust her glasses.

“Of course…” Artemis groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose.

With that, the video cut.

“On a scale of one to fucked, how boned are we?” 

“Extremely.”

“Awesome. Cool. Artemis, any ideas?”

“..I’ll call Holly..”

~~~~~

Holy shit, that was an adventure. Here’s some shout outs.

1. Fal, for giving me the idea and urge to post something again. I was going to post a draft but. Those are all terrible and empty.
2. Artemis, for being a massive bag of dicks. You heard me.
3. Colfer, for writing the AF series, which I’m finding a new appreciation for.
4. Anyone who is still alive and on this website! You’re awesome, let’s revive this place.

I don’t remember what the original plot is so here’s a new one. We’re all doomed. Will update this sometime in the future. Probably.