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Interview Girl

Summary: Rated PG-13. Most cussing is bleeped, but there are some other references..

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IG 1: AF

Interview Girl(IG): Hello, and welcome to the first ever Happy Interview Girl Show and Radio Broadcast! I’m your host, IG. Today, I’m interviewing the Artemis Fowl gang!
Track: *applaud sounds*
IG: Here are our guests! *motions to a group of people*
Foaly:*stands and bows* Thank you, thank you, you’re too kind, IG!
Holly: Sit, Pony-Boy.
Foaly: Fi- Hey! *sits anyway*
Holly:*smirks and turns her attention back to IG*
IG: Alright, from what I’ve heard, Arty now has a certain fairy disease. Any details?
Opal:*in a straitjacket* Isn’t he afraid of fo-*Artemis claps a hand over her mouth*
Artemis: Nope, noooooo, I am not afraid of any numbers! Especially.. Erm.. The number who shall not be named.
IG: Last time I checked, Voldemort isn’t a number….
Holly: You mean the number four?
Artemis:*has a mini twitch spasm* No one shall mention that number in the presence of the great and almighty Artemis Fowl The Second!!! *he laughs evilly*
IG: Erm… Has he been exposed to anything called “marijuana” recently…?
Juliet: Erm… I may have dropped a teeeeeensyyyy bit in his tea…
Butler: Juliet! How could you?!
Juliet: It was an accident, I dropped a little of my stash. *she shrugs* Not that bad.
Butler:*looks as if he’s going to explode*SINCE WHEN DO YOU DO DRUGS?!?!???!?!!?!?!?!?
Juliet: Chill, Baldy.
Butler: Baldy?!?!
Juliet: You heard me! *they start cat fighting*
IG: Oh crap… *she pulls out a whistle* Stop fighting or I’ll call out my guard!
Butler:*snorts* I’ve taken on a troll. No guard can beat me!
IG:*blows her whistle. From the back room comes…*
Butler & Juliet:*in shock* CHUCK NORRIS?!?!?!?!
Chuck: Yeah, IG?
IG: Pull the fighting siblings apart, please.
Chuck:*nods and does so*
IG: Thanks! *he goes back into the back room*
Butler:*shudders* Man… He scares me…
Juliet: *nods* I heard that under his beard isn’t a chin, but actually another fist.
Mulch: I heard that the Boogeyman checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.
Holly: Scary. Someone told me that Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.
Opal: I was told that the only thing that can cut Chuck Norris IS Chuck Norris.
Artemis:*has recovered from the drug enough to act sane* Really? I heard that Chuck Norris is Victoria’s Secret!*the others gasp a little*
IG:*snaps her fingers* Enough discussing my employees! Back to our interview! *they quiet down* So, Opal, why do you have an obsession with truffles?
Opal: Well, truffles are just so amazing and perfect! Just like moi~ *she smiles haughtily*
Foaly:*muttering under his breath* Last time I checked, truffles weren’t bent on taking over the world.
IG: Ok! Let’s take some calls! First caller, you’re on!
Caller(Falcon): My name is Falcon. I was told Artemis Fowl was there.
Artemis: Speaking.
THE GAME *evil laughter, then hangs up*
Artemis: WHO WAS THAT SATAN?!?!?!?!?!!? *he cowers under his chair*
IG: I believe that was Falcon Millinium. She’s notorious for that sort of thing. *under her breath* I of all people should know…
Mulch: She’s a little scary…
IG: Fal? Noooooo. She’s like a vicious little puppy. She wouldn’t hurt a fly.
Butler: So she wouldn’t think of attacking people?
IG: Nope. Flies aren’t worth hurting to her.
Butler: Oh.
IG: Yep. So-*she’s cut off by a loud laugh* Oh dear lord.. What now?!?! *in the door way of the studio, there’s a silhouette of a teen boy*
Silhouette: You shall all bow before the great Russian leader, Mark! Mwahahahaha!
IG: Oh god….
Holly: Commie!
Mark: Bow, you weak Americans!
Artemis: But I’m not American. I’m Irish.
Mark: Oh. Oh well! You shall bow before me! Mwahahahaha!!!!
IG:*facepalms* Dear lord… What did I do to deserve this??? Chuck! *Chuck Norris comes out from the back room*
Chuck: Yes?
IG: Escort the Commie out. *she motions to Mark*
Chuck:*nods and walks over to Mark* I believe it’s time for you to leave. *he picks Mark up from the back of his shirt and walks outside*
IG:*rubbing her temples* Oi… Now then.. Juliet.
Juliet: Yes?
IG: I heard that you now have a career in wrestling. Any details?
Juliet: Well, it’s pretty awesome. My stage name is Jade Princess, and my training at the Diamond Academy[A/N: I forgot what it’s called, just bear with me] has helped a lot! *she smiles*
IG: Wow, sounds fun. Hey, Bu- *she’s cut off by a loud “PIKAAAA”* GOD******!!! *she grab a shock proof broom and opens the door, revealing several pikachus, all shocking* D*** rats…
Holly: Um… What are those..?
Artemis: They were on a show I watched when I was younger. They’re called Pikachus.
Pikachu 1: Pikaa! *it shocks IG’s broom*
Opal: Anime come to life! *she yelps and hides under her chair*
IG: Out! Shoo! *she sweeps at the pikachus, shooing them away* Sheesh… *she checks her watch* Oh, looks like our hour is just about over. See you all later! Bye!
Producer: And.. Clear!
IG: Thank Lord! *she kicks the characters out of her studio* We are so done. *she dropkicks her headset and walks out of the studio*

Ok, time for the thank yous!

1. Eion Colfer for lending me his characters without written consent

2. Falcon for making a small appearance in my story

3. The original IL stories for inspiring me to write this story

4. WB and Nintendo an whoever the heck else owns pikachu and Pokémon.

5. Chuck Norris for being my awesome bodyguard

6. Mark, a kid at school who actually does say that. It’s fairly entertaining.

7. My US History teacher, Mr. Gilliam, for supplying me with all the Chuck Norris facts.

Now, onto fun facts!

1. This story was completely typed up on my iPod within 2 days.

2. I wrote this under the influence of epic music, specifically Bowling For Soup.

3. This story was finished at 11:19 pm on a Tuesday night

4. Yes, Falcon’s character last name is Millinium. A cookie for whoever can guess the reference!

5. Lulu, my puppy, decided that the best place to play was on my back while I’m laying on the floor typing this story.

6. This might not be the only IG story, if enough people like it, I’ll write more!~

Please rate and review! Email me if you have any questions or suggestions. Email me at

Is that all? Ok, later!

Comments on This Post

6 responses to “Interview Girl.” Join in!

  1. Yay! This was pretty funny. Just a few tips…

    1) You should put the names in bold. Such as,

    Holly: Um… What are those..?

    Holly would be bolded. :3

    2) You need a warning in red at the top. Cuz of the drug references and language and potentially offence “Commie” things. Maybe, at least, PG-13

    You barely had any spelling/ typos, nice. 😀 And I don’t think all the little grammar things I found would really matter in this sort of fic. :3 This made my laugh, and I really liked it. 😀 Good job, keep it up!

    PS, Fun Fact #4, The Millinium Falcon, from Star Wars? :3

    Heheh, I was in a hurry when I posted this, thanks for pointing out the rating for me~ ^^
    And Yes, it is a Star Wars reference! :3

  2. The Chuck Norris part was funny, so was the 2 characters cowering under their chair, could I come in? This was really funny and had no mistakes, update please.

  3. Hey. Yalls dont know me but im an af addict & arty’s secret admirerer. And i just want to say the thing with “four” is not very fowl, even after the atlantis complex equation added. if you keep. This u. Must fix. It. I WILL NOT. ALLOW U TO RUIN MY ARTY!!!!!!!!!!! *fixes clothes* ahem……. also i. Never got the whole chuck. Norris. Thing. And some japanese people own the right. To. Pikacu and pokemon.Typos & extra periods courtesy of my stupid cheep nook

    Short: His personality was exaggerated for comedic effect. I’m not going to change my entire fic because some chick I don’t even know said that I should. Go write your own fic if you want it your way.

    Hey, Amy here. I merged your comment to the one you’re replying too. I thought people might get confuesrd since you didn’t say the name of the person.

    I don’t know if Lily would see this, but. Next time, both if you need to speak a little bit nicer. Kay? Short, I know her comment might have gotten you mad. Don’t mind them. Everyone else loves it. Remember the positive and ignore the negitive. 🙂

  4. actually made me laugh with the juliet/ butler disagreement. and i rarely laugh

  5. MWAHAHAHAHAA! i ignored your warning about swear words! it wasn’t too bad anyway. funny story.

  6. Heh. Forgot you up Mark in this XD and he hasn’t changed one bit. She wasn’t exaggerating one bit, he really is like that. Anywhat.

    Chuck Norris is Victoria’s Seacret *snickers*

    …Just all ya old stuff

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