E-mails, Letters, and Love notes. II

Summary: Okay, so I have been emailing Jazz, If you know her, and she is letting me adopt her story! so […]

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Reading Mode

Okay, so I have been emailing Jazz, If you know her, and she is letting me adopt her story! so this is everything she has made so far! all you have to do is write a email letter or love note, as I said before everything from the first word to Artemis’s letter to Hope Fowl was written by Jazz.

Okay, Jazz said that she had a plot for this story, and I am going to stick to it, but I need more letters in order to do so. (THIS IS NOT A PLOT LESS STORY)

this is suppose to be when Artemis is getting better so he may act a little differently then he did in the earlier books, oh and if a letter is written in inadvisable ink all you have to do is Highlight it.


Artemis Fowl the Second sat at the Dining table eating breakfast with his parents and brothers.
“Artemis.” said his Mother, “Will you go get the mail?”-’Artemis,”

“Yes Mother.” replied Artemis. as he got up and left the room.

A few minutes later he returned to the room with a pile of envelopes in his hand. He set the envelopes down by his mother. Then went to his seat.

“There is a letter for you here Arty.” said Mrs. Fowl. reaching over to hand him the envelope.

Artemis opened the envelope and pulled out a hand written letter:, It said.

ear Arty Artemis Fowl.

My name is Jazz. I LOVE YOU!!! I have read all of your books three times, and I have written some fan fics about you too.

do you like Holly or Minerva better?

Can I go to Fowl manor?

will you Pleases write me back you can e-mail me if you want here is my e-mail address blahblahblah@blahblah.blah,



Later in Artemis’s room.

Artemis sat at his computer typing a email.


Dear Jazz.

I don’t know how you know about me, but I assure you that there are no books about me.

I like both Holly and Minerva as friends.

No you may not come here.

Please do not send anymore letters or e-mails Thank you.

Artemis Fowl II.


As Artemis hit the send button a new e-mail appeared.

He opened it.

Dear Artemis Fowl.

these are the things I like about you
your hair. Your eyes. You evilness.
Blah Blah Something about Beckett. Blah Blah Blah Blah Ect. Blah Blah Blah How you look at Holly, Blah Blah Blah.

yours truly Holly.Jr

P.S I know where you live.


After Artemis Finished reading, He opened up a new e-mail and he wrote a reply.


Dear Holly.Jr

I’m glad there is so many thing that you like about me.

And what do you mean ‘How I look at Holly?’.

I don’t know how you know where I live but if you do than you must know about Butler.

Artemis Fowl II.


The next day.

“Arty!”called Mrs.Fowl From outside  Artemis’s door, “You have a few letters here.”

“Okay mother” said Artemis as he went and opened his door.

“Here you go” said Mrs. Fowl as she handed him the Envelopes.

“Thank you mother.” Said Artemis taking the envelopes.
He after his mom walked away he went and sat down at his desk. He opened the first envelope and pulled out the letter.


Dear Artemis,

I know all about your adventures with Holly, and I think, no matter what you say, that you are very much in love with her. Ever think about asking her on a date? If you don’t have the guts to, I’m sure Orion would be happy to oblige.


Ash Fairleaf (Pixie)


Artemis got out a piece of paper and a ink pen and started to write.


Dear Ash Fairleaf.

I Do not like Holly as anything more than a friend. And I most Certainly do not love her. and if I did what makes you so sure she would like me?

And I am not asking holly out on a Date!. Or getting that fool Orion to do it for me!. And even if I wanted to go on a date with Holly ( Which I Don’t!)I’m sure she Would not like to go.

And what is With the Acorns?.

Sincerely yours Artemis Fowl II.

He was about to open up the next letter when his computer chimed.

He looked, There was a E-mail from Orion. He quickly opened the E-mail.

Dear Artemis, It’s me Orion, e-mailing you from the back of your mind. How would you like to let me have control again for a teensy-weensy minute?

Orion Fowl


He started a new e-mail


Dear Orion.

How on earth can you e-mail me from the back of my mind?.

And to Answer your question, NO! Orion you may not take over a even a second.

Have a nice day.

Artemis Fowl II.

P.S I’m not saying I would but if I did let you take over would you be able to ask Holly on a date for me?

Less than a minute  later a new E-mail popped up. Oh boy, thought Artemis. as he opened the E-mail.

Dear Artemis Fowl HI!! I was wondering if you still have the Atlantis complex?. is butler really as cool as he is in the books? and why are you to scared to ask Holly out on a date?

P.S tell Orion I say Hi!



Okay said Artemis, as he typed a reply.


Dear Torry

Yes I still have the Atlantis complex, If I didn’t then Orion would not still be sending me E-mails.

And yes I guess Butler is as cool as he is in the books (even though there are no books)

And Why do you people keep saying that I need to ask Holly on a date?

Okay I will tell Orion you say hello.

Artemis Fowl II.


After he finished typing he went to read the other letters that his mother had brought to him.

He opened the first one.


Dear Artemis Fowl II

Hello! I love you so much i read all your books! I know you like holly don’t you? just ask her out already!!!!!!


Artemis got a new sheet of paper and started to write.


Dear Mrs.L

What is with you people? there is no books!

And though I do like Holly I cant ask her out on a date! I guess I am a little scared.
P.S Don’t you ever tell Holly I said that!

Artemis Fowl II


Artemis picked up a Pink envelope and pulled out the letter. it was written on pink paper. and he read it.


Dear Arty

When is a good time for our next date as in , after my imaginary ones? I can do any time in the world, to be with you.
Yours Lovingly,




Artemis wrote a reply.


Dear Jayjay.

I just have one thing to say. imaginary Dates??????

Artemis Fowl II


Artemis got on his computer. He had two new E-mails. He opened up the First E-mail.


Hey Artemis,

I love all your books so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know you’re in love with Holly, so why don’t you just ask her out already!?! It’s driving me crazy!!!
-M Master
P.S Tell Butler he’s awesome. And Holly. And Foaly. And Mulch. And pretty much all your fairy friends.


Wow, Thought Artemis, these AF fans are really Crazy.


Dear -M Master

Like I have said there are NO BOOKS!.

I am sorry that me not asking Holly on a date is making you ‘CRAZY!’ But I don’t want to ask Holly on a date. Sorry

Artemis Fowl II

P.S I will tell Everyone that You think they are awesome.


Artemis looked at the next E-mail. It was from opal!.


Mr. Artemis Fowl,
I am pleased to announce that I am sending a bomb to your house. Attached to it is your friend, Holly. Do not try to escape. Do not try to save your friend. You have been warned. Koboi Labs and Evil Industry salutes you, and hopes that you have a semi-bearable afterlife.


Artemis didn’t even bother to reply. He just picked up the next letter.


Hi! This is Opal. Wait! Don’t put down the letter! I’m just writing to say: I LOVE YOU!! DON’T LISTEN TO YOUR FANS!! DON’T GO OUT WITH HOLLY!! GO OUT WITH ME INSTEAD!!


P.S. Sorry about the email, that was sent by Mervall and Descant. I couldn’t even get them to copy and paste it correctly! There is no bomb, and Holly is going about her business as usual. I checked. Smoochies!


Wow thought Artemis as he wrote a reply.


Dear Opal

I am glad to hear that Holly is okay.

And you will be happy to hear that I don’t plan on ‘going’ with Holly.   or You.

Well bye I guess.

Artemis Fowl II.


Artemis’s computer Chimed he had a new E-mail.

Dear Artemis,

Angrily, Captain Mira Kelp Holmes

PS: But, I wouldn’t murder you dead if you asked Minnie, thanks!


The E-mail upset Artemis he typed a reply.



And if that happens to be Holly then I will Date Holly!.


Artemis Fowl II.


Artemis looked at his computer, it chimed. YAY he thought another E-mail.


dear Mr. Artemis freaking Fowl

how the heck are you just to prove to you there are books I have enclosed a et of them along with Jon Spiro and a bomb that will go off……… now!!


Artemis sighed. and wrote a reply.


Dear. ( Do you even have a name? )

Obviously you are wrong. or i would be dead.

Thank you for wasting my time.

Artemis Fowl II.


Artemis looked he had another E-mail from Orion. And he still had some letters left to open. I’d better see What Orion wants. Thought Artemis. And he opened the E-mail.


Dear Boorish counterpart,

I would be PERFECTLY happy to ask Holly out on a date for you.. and fix up that little scandal with Minerv-oh, yeah. i wasn’t supposed to go in that corner of your mind, right? Uh. look, A DRAGON!!

– Orion Fowl I


Artemis was mad. He was going to leave Orion E-mail Now.


Dear Mr. I’m  so smart I can go look at all of Artemis’s privet memories!!!!!!

I have one thing to say to you Mr.!!!!

HOW DEAR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

P.S Torry said Hello.
Someone smarter than you will ever be. Artemis Fowl II

Artemis thought it would be best if he read the next letter.


Dear Artemis Fowl,
it is me Mrs.L again. and i already told Holly! *evil laughter* Now ask her out!!!!!!!!!!


(lolz xD)


Artemis wrote a reply.

Dear ~Mrs.L~

I can’t believe  you told holly!.

well I guess I can after all you are a crazy fan!

And for the umpteenth  time I will not ask Holly on a date!!

Artemis Fowl II.


Sometime the next day.

Artemis Fowl sat at his desk cheeking his E-mail. He looked at the little box in the corner of the screen. ‘You have 1 new E-mail’ It said He clicked on the box and the E-mail opened.

Dear Master Fowl

You CAN’T date whoever you want, I will find you, NO DATING HOLLY!!!!!!!

~ Mira Alyssa Kelp Holmes


Artemis typed a reply

Dear Mrs. bossy Mira Alyssa Kelp Holmes.

I CAN date whoever I want, And You will NOT find me,

AND stop being so bossy!. Or I will have to send Butler, Juliet, And Orion, After you!

Artemis Fowl II


He looked at the little box. He had yet another E-mail!.


Dear arty.

I am so sorry that you still have the Atlantis complex . I hope that you feel better soon!

Yes there are books or how would me or any of the other fans know about you?


Thank you for telling Orion that i say hi!!


Artemis wrote a reply.


Dear Torry.

Thank you for wishing for me to get better. I will remember that.

I don’t know how you know about me, Maybe you have a hidden camera.

Sincerely Artemis Fowl II.


He looked he had another E-mail from that Alphaboy whatever.


dear Artemis friggen fowl for your information the bomb was a dud and there are books about u!random mooooo!! okay so maybe Jon Spiro wasn’t attached but hes looking for you…. -alphaboymax


Artemis was amused  at that last E-mail and let himself laugh while he wrote a reply.


dear alphaboymax. (I am glad to see you do have a name)
The bomb was not a dud for there was no bomb.

Random moo?

Sincerely Artemis Fowl II.


The next day.
After Artemis had a long talk with Holly in a fan-gathering chat room
Artemis looked he had three E-mails. Three. Thought Artemis, at least it is not 4. Artemis decided to send out a E-mail to all of the people of fan-gathering. Before he opened the E-mail

Dear Fans of me.

I just wanted you to know that I have asked Holly on a date……And she said yes. It will take place next week.
Sincerely Artemis Fowl II.


He opened up the first E-mail


Yes you will ask Holly out on a date Artemis…I COMMAND YOU!
BTW, why on earth would you ever have a ’scandal’ with Minerva? She may be your type, but she should really be with someone else *cough Trouble cough* , and you should be with Holly.


Artemis wrote a reply.


Dear whoever you are.(why are there so many of you that don’t have names?)
I don’t have a type, And I have no Idea what ‘scandal’ that you are talking about.

I agree that Minerva should be with Trouble.

Sincerely Artemis Fowl II


He opened up the next E-mail.


Dear Arty,

If you ask Opal out on a date and kiss her, I would be SO happy because I am stuck in the back of her mind right now and would like to have some distractions from all the 4’s.


Ash Fairleaf (Pixie)

P.S. You asked why I sign off “Acorns.” Well, why do you sign off “Sincerely?” It’s just the way I do things.


He wrote a reply.


Dear Ash Fairleaf (Pixie)

I will NOT ask Opal on a date. And I will NOT kiss HER!.

How did you come to be stuck in her head?

Aha yes those 4s can be very horrid.

Sincerely Artemis Fowl II

P.S People often use the word Sincerely when they sign off. However they do not use Acorns. But maybe that is how they do it where you come from. In that case

Artemis Fowl II


He opened the next E-mail


Dear Artemis Fowl,
Do you have a sister because I think I might be her and also hate lollipops and have you heard from Mira because i need to talk to her bad also tell her I said hi and to come to FG already! and love ya books.

Hope Fowl


He wrote a reply


Dear Hope Fowl.

How did you know About my half sister! Who name can not be told. Or she will kill me. I mean I only found out about her last week!

But her name starts with a M. not a H.

Do you mean Captain Mira Kelp Holmes, or another Mira?

Yes I am now Aware as of last night that there are books. So I am glad that you ‘Love’ my books (just so you know Ya is not a word)

Sincerely Artemis Fowl II


Two days later…

Artemis sat at his desk, he was getting TIRED of all these letter! just when he thought they were done, a giant bag full appeared out of nowhere.

He opened the bag and pulled out the first letter, unluckily for him it was bright pink and smelled like roses, not that he smelled it of course.


Dear Artemis, 

I just wanted to tell you good by, I know you have no clue who I am but I LOVE YOU!



Artemis wrote a reply


Dear Jazz,

Didn’t you send me a letter the other evening?

Out of curiosity where are you going?

Sincerely yours

Artemis Fowl II

Artemis Pulled out the next letter.


Dear Arty,

I’m glad to see that you except the fact that there are books made about you, but YOU CAN’T GO OUT WITH HOLLY!!!

YOU HAVE TO GO OUT WITH ME! sorry about that…
by the way if you don’t want to go out with me I’ll shoot you with a tazer and go out with Orion.

Nikki Kelp =^.^=




Dear Nikki Kelp

I have no idea why you are using that ridiculous nickname that my mother gave me, but I would appreciate if you would not ues it.

And how do you know that I am going on a date with Holly?

I do not go out with insane stalker people, and in case you did not know I have a bodyguard who would stop you before you could get close enough to ‘taze’ me.

Sincerely Artemis Fowl II.




Comments on This Post

8 responses to “E-mails, Letters, and Love notes. II.” Join in!

  1. Please check your grammar and Arty would never say ‘okay’

    up in till the last letter the fic was written by someone else, I don’t plan on changing what she wrote, but I agree that Arty wouldn’t say okay. ~Torry

  2. Dear Arty,

    I’m glad to see that you except the fact that there are books made about you, but YOU CAN’T GO OUT WITH HOLLY!!!
    YOU HAVE TO GO OUT WITH ME! sorry about that…
    by the way if you don’t want to go out with me I’ll shoot you with a tazer and go out with Orion.

    Nikki Kelp =^.^=

    Alright, I Added your letter 🙂 ~Torry

  3. Oh can you add me too? 😀 Please!

    Dear Artemis Fowl,

    I am Amber Root. This is not a crazy fan of your’s. You Butler, named D. Butler dared me to say this to you;


    So… Ya… Oh if you were wondering how I know Butler. I’m his wife. Bai. <3

    Oh and give the heart to Dom, thanks!


  4. Oh, MAN, that was funny! PLEASE ADD MINE!!!!!!

    Dear Master Artemis Fowl II,

    I am sorry to inform you that I have hacked into your e-mail and have been keeping track of all of those e-mails sent to you. Please give this following message to all of the senders: HOW IN THE NAME OF FROND DID YOU GET ARTEMIS’S E-MAIL ADDRESS, AND WHY DO YOU KEEP TELLING HIM WHO TO GO OUT WITH??????? HE CAN CHOOSE HIS OWN DATE!!!!!! Eh, sorry, I got a bit carried away, didn’t I? Anyways, I am EXTREMELY pleased to hear that you chose Holly(who is standing right behind you, I might add) and wish you two the best of luck!!!!



  5. ArtemisFowlII July 18th, 2012 at 12:09 pm 5

    that is soo funny! can you add me too?! if you do, heres my letter:
    Dear Arty,
    You are awesome! I am your number one fan! can you tell me how your date with Holly goes? I love you! i also LOVE your books! could you go one a date with me? I know where you live!:) Tell Orion that he is also awesome! He is soo funny!

    Love from your NUMBER ONE fan,
    P.S. Can I visit Fowl manor? please? you and Orion are AWESOME! and so is Butler, Holly, Mulch, Chix, Foaly, Juliet, and all of your other fairy friends!

  6. Um, ArtemisFowlll,
    Neither Butler nor Juliet are fairies.

    Hey Trollslayer5, I might be wrong but, I do believe that when ArtemisFowlll says “and all of your other fairy friends.” He/she is referring to the other characters in the book. Such as, Trouble, Grub, Vinyaya, Root, and Lili Frond. Not saying that Butler and Juliet were fairies.

  7. Can you put mine in?

    Dear Artemis Fowl the Second,

    I love your books and yes, I do know that you did not write them. I am probably the only sane fangirl. Email me at mg@gmail.com if you want to.
    Mila Griffith

  8. can you add mine too?pleeesee? “dear arty-mistake-miss foul, i swear i am gonna add you to my contact list and send u emails till your computer gets slower than you are! whatever. please tell mulch that he’s funny,tell foaly that i am smarter coz i eat less carrots,tell minerva she is superlame,tell holly that she looks pretty in that shimmersuit so don’t wear anything else,tell beckett that he rules at annoying you,tell butler that he doesn’t scare me,tell myles that proffesor primate is cooler than his older brother and tell mister colfer that he’s awesome. not sincerly, evil weirdo shaadia

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