Arty’s facebook…

Summary: This may not be how Facebook works, but like I know how it works. Overprotective parents, remember. Just read, for Pete's sake.

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

17 votes, average: 3.47 out of 517 votes, average: 3.47 out of 517 votes, average: 3.47 out of 517 votes, average: 3.47 out of 517 votes, average: 3.47 out of 5 (17 votes, average: 3.47 out of 5)
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Reading Mode

Artemis: Hello, Holly.
Holly: Yeah?
Foaly: Fowl? Since when do you have Facebook?
Artemis: Since forever.
Artemis: All right, all right! Since I was six.
Mulch: Someone got up on the wrong side of the roof!
Foaly: Shush!
Artemis: What? The ROOF?!
Mulch: You didn’t expect he could fit in a BED, did you?
Holly: Along with Caballine to boot! 
Butler: Speaking of which, she’s getting big. How far along is she?
Juliet: Gasp! Caballine is PREGNANT?
Foaly: Yeah, for 4 months now.
Juliet:  No one ever tells me ANYTHING!! Wahhhh!! 😥
Butler: Oh, you baby.
Foaly: I didn’t expect that Artemis would shout it out to the whole neighborhood, now did you?
Juliet: I bet he told Minerva, and NOT ME!
Minerva: Who told me what?
Artemis: Don’t tell her, Juliet!
Minerva: Don’t tell me what?
Juliet: Caballine is pregnant!
Minerva: Who?
Artemis: Now you’ve done it.
Mulch: No one you know, Mud Girl.
Minerva: I know everybody important.
Foaly: Now just a minute! Caballine is SO important!
Minerva: If she was so important, I would have heard of her.
Foaly: Why I oughta…:evil:
Minerva: o.O
Butler: Ok. Change of subject needed. Now. Master Artemis?
Artemis: I am having a contest with SeaBlue, the resident rabbit maker of FG, to see whose rabbits are better.
Minerva: What’s FG?
Artemis: FanGathering. Artemis Fowl FanGathering. You don’t see a Minerva Paradizo FanGathering anywhere, now do you?
Minerva: Why not? I know that guy Eoin Colfer writes a bunch of books adapted (very loosly) from our adventures, but why wouldn’t I have an FG too?!
Artemis: Probably because most of the people on this site hate you with a firey, burning passion.
Minerva: WHAT!
Artemis: Supposedly, it’s because you are stealing Holly away from me.
Holly: Romantically?
Artemis: I know. 😛
Holly: What he said!
Mulch: 😛 😛 😛
Artemis: Did you know that that Eoin Colfer made us KISS in the latest book.
Mulch: We didn’t really need to hear that, Mud Boy.
Butler: Moving on. Let’s hear about the contest.
Artemis: I made a rabbit that had hind paws. His rabbits, however, lack even front paws.
Juliet: Show us your rabbits!
Foaly: That way, we can conpare them to SeaBlue’s.
Mulch: You mean “Compare”?
Foaly: Yeah, yeah.
Artemis: ()()
Juliet: Awesome rabbit!
Butler: Show us SeaBlue’s.
Artemis: ()()
Butler: That’s seriously it.
Artemis: He refuses to compete any further.
Juliet: Like, total lack of feet!
Artemis: Holly and Minerva haven’t said much. Are they still here?
Minerva: I am. I believe Holly left, disgusted at the thought of kissing you.
Holly: I’m right here.
Minerva: Well, I would have done that if I were you.
Holly: But you’re not, thank God.
Minerva: What was that supposed to mean?! 👿
Foaly: Uh-oh, here we go.
Minerva: You little snob!
Holly: You friken bitch.
Mulch: BURN! Score one for Holly.
Foaly: Holly one, Minerva nothing.
Minerva: Shut up. I’m leaving.
Holly: Chick thinks she can diss me?
Artemis: What a low-life.
Juliet: I bet she’s still here, watching us right now…
Minerva: I am not!
Artemis: Yes, you are.
Minerva: Well, Holly, you are a sustantivo! Oh! Top that!
Mulch: A what?
Holly: I dunno.
Foaly: Minerva, if you’re gonna diss someone, you have to choose a diss they actually understand, and can be offended by. Got it?
Minerva: I’m leaving for real now!
Foaly: She’s really gone this time..
Artemis: I know what sustantivo means.
Juliet: What? What?
Artemis: You’ll have to figure it out by yourself…
Holly: Brb, gonna find it.
Butler: I also know what it means.
Mulch: Tell us!
Foaly: *chants* Tell us, tell us!
Mulch: Tell tell tell!!!
Butler: No way. Wait until Holly gets back.
Holly: I’m back.
Butler: Ah, perfect timing.
Artemis: Do you know what it means?
Holly: Uh…
Mulch: 👿
Holly: I’m not telling.
Mulch: Aw, crap! I’m leaving.
Juliet: Same here. See ya later, big brother.
Butler: I think I’ll go find my chi…
Artemis: See you all later. 
Holly: I’m gonna go roast some veggies.
Foaly: Want to come over? Caballine is making veggie stew for dinner. She wanted me to invite you.
Holly: Sure. I’ll be right over.
Foaly: Bye, all.

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Comments on This Post

43 responses to “Arty’s facebook….” Join in!

  1. I disliked with with a burning paqssion; please take no offense, but you’ve done much, much better.

    But . . . what does “sustantivo” mean?

  2. Oh, and I liked it up untill the B word then i liked it after that. I’m not allowed to use those kinda words. 🙂

  3. partyonsoccerfan November 28th, 2009 at 9:20 pm 4

    Yo CC I aint allowed to use ’em either but I do anyways.
    But I’m totally with TWS. I disliked it so much I couldn’t finish it…

  4. I dont understand the substantivo comment really; after translating it it became even more confusing.

    Topical but still Ohan has done better. I like it but it’s still not something that can suck me in.

  5. Bunring. Burning. My eyes are on fire man! Why can’t people just email the flippin beta?!

  6. Ohan, I would be HAPPY to look this over for you; do you mind if I do?

  7. Um… definitely not your best. I pretty much agree with TWS, posf, and AK. Sorry… it just… wasn’t very good.

  8. partyonsoccerfan November 28th, 2009 at 10:53 pm 9

    Yeah, I hope you learned, that you might want to have a beta look at some of ur stories. Just check out the list.

  9. wow….wwhat does the substantivo thingy mean?????

    ps i also do not cuss *much*….so yeah, sorry but that’s why i didn’t like that part.

  10. In real life, I swear way too much. It’s a bad habit but as long as I can control it when necessary, it doesn’t do me much harm.

    Also…*pssst*…I was never here…and everything will be explained soon! (Also I’m writing you guys a shiny new fanfic! sshhhh!)

  11. Ohansahyosheli November 29th, 2009 at 1:21 pm 12

    Naw, it’s ok. I wrote this to be awful. Was it as bad as Arty on MSN? *closes eyes, crosses fingers and prays that I have not sunk to that leval*

  12. Ohansahyosheli November 29th, 2009 at 1:26 pm 13

    Darn it. I porbably have…I’ll delete this right away and replace it with an Ohanemis update.

  13. Ohansahyosheli November 29th, 2009 at 1:26 pm 14

    Darn it. I probably have…I’ll delete this right away and replace it with an Ohanemis update.

  14. Ohansahyosheli November 29th, 2009 at 1:27 pm 15

    Oh, crap, stupid pcs

  15. partyonsoccerfan November 29th, 2009 at 4:33 pm 16


  16. hey! i actually beleive this to be funny. seriously!

  17. im serious. 50 million times better than Arty on MSN.

  18. *face and eyes burn beyond recognition*

    It’s nothing /personally/ against your story, but…..


    What is WITH everybody in the freaking WORLD and those sites? Why do we have to record every sneeze in a blog so we can feel important? Why would ARTEMIS FREAKING FOWL of all people join the insanity?!

    I’m sorry I got all ranty and ravy.

    ~Yoshi, a hater of blog sites

  19. She called Holly a noun? o.0

  20. partyonsoccerfan November 29th, 2009 at 9:32 pm 21

    Yoshi, just wanted to let you know, that posf is totally on your side…*thinks of how terrible it would be if Twitter was brought in*

  21. fowlfannuberone December 2nd, 2009 at 2:52 am 22

    i agree with burning passion 👿

  22. I like it…

  23. Ohansahyosheli December 6th, 2009 at 1:58 pm 24

    Iwa likes it.

    -This book was advertised as being a second “Harry Potter”. It makes me so mad the way that advertisers are likening everything to HP in an attempt to con people into buying their product. Just because a book contains a bit of magic, does NOT make it “like” H Potter!!

    I would not say that this book is like Harry Potter at all except that magic is involved and there is a boy (quite unlike Harry) involved. The same can be said of MANY books much older than Harry Potter. It is unfair to J K Rowling and to Eoin Colfer to compare the two books.

    Artemis Fowl tells the gripping story of a clever yet sinister young boy who has discovered a secret world of “fairies”. Not fairies as you would probably think of them e.g. cute with wings and star wands – more like a race of little people with limited magical skills. He uses this information to try and blackmail the Fairy race into giving him vast amounts of gold.

    Unfortunately for him, the fairy he tries to capture is a member of the fairy secret police force and his troubles are just beginning.

    This book is very funny in places and quite gripping in others. There is more violence than you would generally find in a book of this type with things being blown apart and a “butler” who goes around with a garrotte, stun grenades and a cosh in his pocket. Don’t worry – it is not too violent and it has a very satisfying outcome in the end.

    The book is well written and a good read but it is not a classic like Harry Potter.-

    (I thank you for your support, iwa, but it was non-deserving.)

  24. Well, I liked it too. I don’t think it is like Artemis to be on facebook as himself, but what was actually said (except for the last bit ) was IC. I liked the idea of Caballine being pregnant.
    I think the problem with it was that there were too many people in it.

  25. i kinda liked it, and who the freek was bob? and the sustantivo thingy. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!?!?!?!? so yeah, other than that….I actually kinda thought it was funny =D

  26. I don’t know who Bob was/ I’m still trying to figure it out myself

  27. its okay. i like it better than the other chatroom things.

  28. Finally someone included Mulch in their story. Mulch is the only comedian in AF that makes me laugh histarcally. By the way its funny when Arty mentions him and Holly kissing. Completely awkward!

  29. Ohansahyosheli March 28th, 2010 at 11:39 pm 30

    Sustantivo…I really have no idea what that means.. I was searching up Spanish insults. 😉

  30. OHMIGAWD UPDATE AND TELL ME THE NAME OF THOSE PILLS!(If you have no idea what I am talking about, please see Unrequited by the same unrealistically good author who wrote this AWESOME FANFIC)

  31. I am a psycho VAMPIRE (fear me) October 31st, 2010 at 6:39 pm 32


    Cool it with the letter repetition, please 😉

  32. Desparately needing an update! Perhaps Madam Ko/Mulch romance…? Or is Loretta/Mulch a permenant thing?!

  33. kat, you’re weird

  34. How am I weird? 😕

  35. Please, I beg of you, update….*sob*

  36. […] First of all, my categories box thingy won’t go down, so I can’t put this in announcements–can a mod help me out or something? Second, I’ve updated Arty’s Facebook about 2389579285729592365782975389275498265823683825 times, and only that weird chick Kat von D has commented. (No offense, Kat–Weird is awesome. )…Oh wait, Orion commented. He wanted an update. Thanks, Orion. Sorry for saying your stories stink. There’s room for improvement, is all. Please read! And PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE help me with my category box issue. =/ […]

  37. I can’t, sorry. Not for a while.

  38. Very creative! 4 stars!

  39. hehehehhehe love it!

  40. And I thought I was the sensible one. Thanks for setting me srtighat.

  41. Legion76767 May 5th, 2011 at 8:34 pm 42

    I love it! my fav bit was:
    Cabaline: gtg got to look after filly
    Holly: i know how you feel, i work with grub kelp
    please update!!!

  42. OH-EMME-HEH. ARTEMIS FACE-PALMED! Didn’t see many mistakes in the update, and it was pretty funny. Is there a plot to all this?

    PS. I was seriously hoping that you’d update Her, but… I guess this works too. Sigh.

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