Artemis Fowl: Bleak Horizons (#2)

Summary:   Hello, it’s me, your lovable site madman, ORION!!!! I’m back, with an UUUUPDATE!!! As a vary wise madman said […]

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Hello, it’s me, your lovable site madman, ORION!!!! I’m back, with an UUUUPDATE!!! As a vary wise madman said once, very, very long ago, like nine months  or something….LOLLIPOPS AND ICE CREAM!!!!!!! An eye for a pinkie, a pinkie for an ulcer, and an ulcer for an ASPARAGUS !! Assssparagussss. I hisssss now. It’s cool. Like bowtiessss. Now, let’s put an end to the randomness for a second (yeah, right, lol) and get down to buisness   I’m sorry it’s been delayed for so long, but i give you, the highly anticipated sequel to Af: bleak Horizons. (Warning. There is a cheesy movie reference involved. Avoid if you are allergic to cheesiness. See your doctor if you have or have had allergic reactions to cheesiness. Cheesiness should not be used if you have cancer, Orion-Fowl-itis, or are more than 6 months pregnant. See your doctor before taking cheesiness.)


Chapter 2: Perfume, Lingerie, And Slightly Apocalyptic Weapons Of Mass Destruction


LEPrecon Captain Holly Short was disgusted with the human race.

Her eyes flicked back over the large poster of a scantily-clad mud-woman, supposedly advertising some kind of perfume. It was sick.

“Perfume, my badge.” Holly rolled her eyes and turned around.

She glanced around her once more. Except for the poster, the entire store seemed to be constructed entirely out of a purplish pink. From the paint on the walls to the different types of…ahem…clothing offered in the store, it was all pink.

And of course, this was where one of them most dangerous Goblin Triad factions in Haven city had chosen to smuggle their illegal weapons.

Holly sighed and flicked the safety of her Neutrino. She’d left Artemis at the coffee stand and flicked off her communicator, leaving the mud-boy and the smart-mouthed centaur to argue about some theoretical physics nonsense.

Holly swung her Neutrino around, aiming the latest delta-class Neutrino One-Million at a rack of bras. She fired, and the frilly pink underclothes burned to cinders, the ashes floating to the-pink, of course-carpeting.

“Perfect, as alwa-”

Suddenly a rough voice growled behind her, and a cold gun barrel pressed into the small of Holly’s back.

“Shuddup, elf. You’re comin with me.” rasped the cold voice of a goblin. “And we’re gonna do this the easy way. Wait-uh..I mean the hard way?”

Holly rolled her eyes. Curse the half-witted troll who let male fairies get their hands on Hollywood. Without responding, Holly swung her foot backwards, jabbing the goblin in it’s weak nerve, the ankle. As the goblin grunted in pain, Holly twisted, and kneed her scaly would-be captor in the gut. Holly finished him off by bashing him in the head with the barrel of her gun.

“D’arvit.” grunted the goblin. A second later he fell to the ground, unconscious.

Holly flicked her comms on and inched her Neutrino up to its 5th setting, Medium rare, or, as Foaly liked to call it, BBB.

Burn, Baby, Burn.

“Foaly, I have a situation here.”

“I know. Your suit’s video feed let me see it all. Your backup should be here faster than a stinkworm’s-”

“I get it. No need for…ahem, details.”


Artemis fumbled slightly with the Neutrino 3000 in his hands, slipping his fingers into the custom-made trigger. Though he’d be more likely to hit himself with it than something that posed a threat to him, Butler had insisted on it, as incentive for not following Artemis on the mission. The facts were, a giant with a gun and a tuxedo drew more attention than a pale, vampiric teenager with a gun and a tuxedo.


Artemis raced through the mall to the Victoria’s Secret, directed by the voice of Foaly in his head.

“Ok, sharp right turn at…um..the “Gap”. Frond, where do you mud-men come up with these things?”  Artemis swiveled to the right and continued running, ignoring Foaly’s comments.

“Turn to your left…and, Ta-da. They should pay me to be a personal GPS.”

“Yes, I’m sure everyone would love to be subjected to your annoyingly sarcastic voice for a few hours.”

Artemis pictured Foaly rolling his eyes hundreds of miles below his feet, and smiled his own personal smile.

Then he spun around and headed into the Victoria’s Secret.


D’arviting goblins.”

Holly clutched at a bloody gash on her shoulder and sprang backwards as a goblin leaped towards her, holding a small knife. It had a cold, metallic look, and Holly had the uncanny feeling that it would be very, very bad if it touched her again. A second later, there was a humming sound in her head as her comm activated. Foaly’s voice blared out through her mind.

“Fowl’s here!”

Almost on cue, a badly placed Neutrino shot zipped past Holly, and,  out of pure luck, hit the goblin on the arm. He screamed and dropped the knife. Swiftly, Holly darted forward and, using a fallen clothing rack, restrained the goblin, who spat curses at her in Gnommish.

Holly turned around, and came face-to face with Artemis, who was standing awkwardly, attempting to figure out how to hold the tiny fairy weapon without discomfort. Holly stepped forward and yanked it from his hands, then strapped it into her extra holster.

“What?” protested Artemis.

“You were going to kill yourself with that thing.  Somebody had to stop you.”

Artemis sighed, then grunted slightly in consent.

“Foaly, what were you thinking, sending Fowl into a battle zone?! He’s more likely to wind up knocking me out than hitting something useful.”

“Well, actually-”

Holly spun around and shot a glare at Artemis. “Quiet Mud-boy. The grown-ups are talking.” With that, Holly pulled out her Neutrino and started exploring the store.

Artemis stopped, stunned.

“Grown-ups? What kind of childish retort is-mff!”

A goblin had grabbed Artemis, and with one hand over his mouth, was dragging him out of sight behind a rack of perfumes. Deep below the Earth, Foaly, watching through Artemis’ eyes, watched as something hard whacked Artemis on the head, and the Mud-boy’s screen went black.


“Holly, Holly, it’s Artemis! He-”

Suddenly, Foaly noticed he was screaming into empty air. His connections had been disabled. He couldn’t speak. All he could do was watch helplessly as Holly patrolled the store vigilantly, unknowingly walking closer and close to the goblin ambush.

Foaly stared for a second, then spun around and walked to the other section of the control room.


“K-Kelp, Sir?’

“Yeah? What is it, Foaly?”

“…We might have a possible code O here.”

“You don’t actually mean-”

“My communications with Holly and Artemis have been cut off! Goblin’s can’t do that.” Said Foaly, the frantic panic he was beginning to feel emerging in his voice.

D’arvit. Gimme a second, I’ll muster a patrol.”






😀 much love (and Lollipops) From Orion.  -O -O -O     < three lollipops for the first three commenters. 😀





Comments on This Post

5 responses to “Artemis Fowl: Bleak Horizons (#2).” Join in!

  1. Glad you’re back! I read the first half such a long time ago, this automanically jogged my memory. Very nice.

  2. Thanks. 😀

  3. hey, where do i get the rest of this?

  4. First part is…here

    Part 1

    Fixed the URL and linked it for you! 🙂

  5. Never mind. (SAD)…

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