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There, Right There!

Summary: TWS: Elle SEABLUE: Callahan YOSHI: Brooke and Judge CC: Enid ALLY KAT: Warner K12: Vivian ARTIFICIAL ASIAN: Emmett MIKOS: Artemis […]

Chapters: 1 2 3

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TWS: Elle
SEABLUE: Callahan
YOSHI: Brooke and Judge
CC: Enid
ALLY KAT: Warner
K12: Vivian
MIKOS: Artemis Fowl
CARLOS: Butler
I don’t own AF, or Legally Blonde. This had to be written, though. A few parts were chosen for irony (CC), and many because it was . . . appropriate (SB, K12 and Yoshi). Ah, Yoshi. I’m deathly afraid of you killing me for this, but I seem to remember you had a “thing” for a certain Irish genius- well, more than the rest of us XD

Pairings: Yoshi/Artemis, and raging Artler
I, TWS, walked into the boardroom of FanGathering’s writers.
“’Ello, all,” I nodded, and reclined into the wheelie chair waiting for the Mod to show up, and tell us we were all amazing, but to cut the spamming. It kind of made me wish that POSF was back, but, alas, she was gone.
Then, suddenly, Artemis Fowl walked in. Now, you may be surprised that we didn’t freak out on him, but these meetings were neutral territory, and canon characters often show up to whine about characterization . . . or whatever.
“Gay,” I sang low enough for BXA to hear, and grin at.
“He’s straight,” SeaBlue, who sat next to me murmured.
I watched Artemis for a second, and then noticed the feminine sway to his girlish hips.
With a dramatic slam, my wheelie chair shot against the wall as I violently stood up, and pointed to the startled genius. He must have thought it was a fangirl attack.
In a key my alto voice should be, yet magically wasn’t, murdering, I sung/screamed: “There, right there! Look that tan and tinted skin, look at the killer shape he’s in, look at that slightly stubbly chin! Oh, please, he’s gay! Totally gay!”
I saw a girl in a Legally t-shirt (probably a newbie whose name I didn’t know) and nodded to her. She immediately turned the instrumental on.
SeaBlue, knowing it was his part, stood up and sung, as if he knew he needed to, “I’m not about to celebrate, any trait could indicate a completely straight expatriate. This guy’s not gay, I say not gay.”
I grinned, semi-proudly. I love being the author. It’s kind of like being Bowser. Just plain awesome.
“That is the elephant in the room, whether it’s relevant to assume that a man who wears perfume is automatically radically fey?”
Artemis was just standing there, seeming a bit shocked. Minerva seemed to be trying not to giggle, and Butler was on guard.
I think Artemis smelled himself.
“But look at his coiffed and crispy locks.” Artificial Asian (AA/Battery) testified.
“Look at his still translucent socks!” I replied.
SeaBlue had enough. “There’s the eternal paradox. Look what we’re seeing.”
“What are we seeing?” I humored him, completely assured in my opinion.
“Is he gay?” he asked dramatically.
Artemis was just about to speak out.
“Of course he’s gay!”
“Or European?” He finished.
If Artemis was an anime character, I would like to believe he would have melted.
“Oh,” the entire room sang, include our Mod, K12, who had just walked in.
“Gay or European, It’s hard to guarantee, is he gay or European?” We all sung.
“Hey, don’t look at me,” Ally Kat trailed off, at the Fowl in question’s glare.
“You see,” K12 said in her lecture-voice, one I was familiar with, “they bring their boys up different in those charming foreign ports. They play peculiar sports.”
“In shiny shirts, and tiny shorts!” Everyone sang/argued. “Gay or foreign fella? The answer could take weeks!”
Artemis groaned.
“They say things like ‘ciao bella’, while they kiss you on both cheeks.”
“Oh, please!” I protested.
“Gay or European? So many shades of gray!”
“Depending on the time of day, the French go either way . . .” Ally Kat teased, coming to stand by Artemis, ergo Minerva.
“Is he gay or European? Or-“
“There, right there!” Crazy Chick cried, standing up, her chair sounding far more dramatic than mine had. “Look at that condescending smirk! Seen it on every guy at work! That is a metro, hetero jerk, this guys not gay, I say no way!”
The girl, one of your youngest, retrieved her chair and sat back down.
“That’s the elephant in the room . . .” We all sang, and she was even dancing a bit, “Well, is it relevant to assume  that a hottie in that costume . . .”
I saw BXA point to his clearly tailored suit, and noticed how he seemed to have edged that he was almost hiding behind Butler. Total uke behavior.
“Is automatically-radically.”
“Ironically, chronically.”
“Certainly, pertin’ly.”
“Genetically, medically.”
“Gay! Gay, gay, gay!”
Artemis noticed this, and swiftly moved to stand by Yoshi’s side and introduce himself, kissing her hand.
“Damn it! Gay or European?”
“I think his chest is waxed . . .” SeaBlue said, and I think we all wondered how he knew that.
“But they bring their boys up different there!”  K12 tried again at diplomacy between the Irish homosexual and us. “It’s culturally diverse! It’s not a fashion curse!”
“If he wears a kilt or bears a purse!” We all sung/shouted with gusto. I think we managed to convince all.
“Gay or just exotic? I still can’t crack the code . . .”
“His accent is hypnotic, but his shoes are pointy toed.” Yoshi noticed aloud.
“Huh.” We all accepted it, and saw his pointy-er-than-knives-shoes. “Gay or European? So many shades of gray!”
“But if he turns out straight, I’m free at eight on Saturday,” Yoshi said, clearly in his direction. He nodded.
“Is he gay or European? Gay or European? Gay or-“
“Wait a minute!” Battery said, stilling the chorus. “Give me a chance to crack this guy, I have an idea I’d like to try.”
SeaBlue shrugged. “The floor is yours.”
“So . . . Mr. Argitacos . . .”
“The name is Fowl.”
Battery ignored him. “This alleged affair with Ms. Windam has been going on for?”
“Two years,” he answered swiftly.
“And your first name is?”
“And you boyfriends’ name is?”
“I’m sorry, I misunderstood! You said ‘boyfriend’, I thought you said ‘best friend’!” Domovoi is my best friend.” Artemis covered up.
Butler slammed his fist on the conference table. “You bastard! You lying bastard!”
Okay, if I didnr’t know this was coming, I’d be scared,
“People; I have a big announcement! This man is gay and European!”
Double gasp.
“No matter what he says! You have to stop being a complete closet case! No matter what he says, I swear he’d never swing the other way.” He turned to Artemis. “You’re so gay, you big parfait, you flaming boy band cabaret!”
“Burn!” Someone whispered.
“I’m straight.” Artemis said emotionlessly.
“You weren’t yesterday.”
Gasp the Third.
“So, if I may say, I’m proud to say he’s gay!” Butler announced.
“And European!”
“He’s gay!”
“And European!”
“Alright. I’m gay.” Artemis admitted.
“Hooray!” Everyone but him screamed.
About a half an hour and one particularly uneventful meeting later, Yoshi threw a small bundle at Artemis. “I don’t even want your sock, filthy man-whore.”
Huh. Never thought I’d see the day. I tossed her my sock, just to be nice. She grinned and stuffed in her pocket.
All together, a good day.

Chapters: 1 2 3

Comments on This Post

44 responses to “There, Right There!.” Join in!

  1. “You flaming boy band cabaret!”

    I loved that. A musical on paper, I mean screen, I mean…. in type. Sheer brilliance.

  2. You’re crazy. =)=)

  3. That was totally insane! I loved it soo much. I’m pretty well crying from laughing right now. OMG TWS strikes again. Fantabulous!

  4. If anyone wants to look it up, and hear the voices, (they’re rather amusing) its “There, Right There!” from Legally Blonde.

    Crazy like a /fox/!

    And thanks. I kind of thought someone/everyone would be a bit . . . pissed at their part.

  5. Pissed?! Heck no! Actually, that fit me surprisingly well for a song like that XD
    Yay for breaking out into random musical numbers!! That was awesome!! One of the most entertaining fics I’ve read in quite a while. Very nice. I love eet. 😀

  6. *laughs so hard I fall right out of my chair*

    I love how you got the Broadway musical effect, when it’s all typed. I AM somewhat disappointed that he’s gay *sits alone at 8:00 on Saturday 😥 *, but it’s still one of the funniest fics I’ve ever read!!! *goes back and reads it again*


  7. This is CoMpLeTeLy AmAzInG!!!!!And surprisingly IC. Creepy. Its like you’re watching me. *shifty eyed* This is one of my favorite fics EVER!!! I’m just happy i’m IN it! I saw less than .23 mistakes, and that’s ;pretty awesome. (NOTE; POINT 23. Not 23. Like, DECIMAL 23.) 😉

    That is actually something I’d do/ have done. 😆 That’s like cool. 😀

    Amazing work, TWS. I’d love an update/sequel. 🙂

  8. Oh, and I totally forgot to mention this, but I love the line about Bowser. XD

    He’s my second-favorite character from Mario Bros.! 😀


  9. I just watched a video of the number on YouTube. It really is surprising how much those people… are like us… o_o
    Brilliant idea.

  10. 🙂 Well. Every one copies me… *sniff*

    I’m kidding. But stll, its creepy how much we’re alike!!!

  11. I know, right? And I don’t know about you guys, but I’m not a blonde lawyer. And, no offense, but I doubt many of you have been jurors on a legit trial

    As for a sequal . . . I suppose I could do other’s LIKE this, with other songs/types of songs (likely still from musicals), but I can’t garuntee too many . . .

    Maybe you guys could write a few?! Id love to read them!

  12. Okay, here’s a serious one. It’s A-MAZ-ING.

    The SONG, not my FIC. My fic makes it seem sucky. I’m not that big an egotist -_-#

    But, yes, this is a bea-tatious musical, called Pippin, where my friends and I have decided all is awesome.

    Except Morning Glow. Morning Glow can can just rot in shame.

  13. Im forgotten. Poor me… And by you? TWS?? * sighs * I was gone for about 4 months…. But does the Silver Fox vanish so easily?

  14. where am I??? please can I be in this?

  15. Huh? What?

    No, I just chose semi-randomly. Silversong, Ohan, trust me, you were considered, I just had to play the part of casting director and say “WW(insert name)D?” and I figured Ohan would hurt someone (my main Yoshi-concren), and that SS wouldn’t care, and other people would . . .

    If I need you, I’ll use you, okay? I’ll do my best not to repeat. But, the only real-person narrative I’m doing is my own. I am NOT risking that kind of off-pissing on other people.

  16. Its alright! I know i was silent for a little while… don’t be mad… Don’t worry! Be happy!

  17. Oh my God… -dies-

    This was awesome!

  18. *revives* Thanks! Gotta suggestion?

  19. Yeah, I do!

    Although I’m not sure how you’ll do that one…

  20. Oh well. I probably WOULD hurt someone. 😆
    No, seriously.
    *people back away slowly*

  21. …Um…???? WHY is everyone from AF gay/lesbionic now?

  22. Ok why hadn’t I read that before?
    I love ur work TWS XD
    @Love child: I dunno it’s their choice isnt it?
    And mate I’m totally straight..not everyone..actually hardly nayone is gay/lesbionic

  23. […] There, Right There! has Teenagers by MCR, Silver, Ohan, cookieninja, BXA (she’s my partner in slashy crime [in MY mind, at least]) and a subliminal message all take major part. […]

  24. 😀 Wonderful chappie two!!! But… *sniff* No more SueStories??? 😥


    😀 Oh! I love chappy two! And… although you probably don’t care… I loved the description of Siver. 😉 I’m proud of her.

  25. Nah, I’m just a wittle tired of “OMFG, Minerva!!! She’s after Arty so we should all hate her fairly well-thought out character!!! Grrr!!!” It irks me because she, much like Kikyou and Rosalie Hale before her, is a good character. Terroble person, but good character. So, Sue away . . . I’ll just sit here and be irked.

    Thank you 🙂 Proud of her for not jumping, or proud of her for being about to shoot the Commander?

  26. Well… she’s a good Fangathering Ranger because she didn’t jump, and remained impassive. Annnnnd, she’s a good strategist because she knows how to easily make Root stop the singing. 😀 Well. Her longbow may be powerful, but my recurve is, too! 😀 We are both equal… sorta. 😀

  27. Ohansahyosheli March 10th, 2010 at 2:31 am 27

    Well, the one sentance I spoke was IC. And this story is AWESOME. UPDATE!!!! I will 😥 if you don’t!
    (well, not really, but I will inside.)

  28. I have to speak in favor of slash fics. Artemis is just lucky that I never published my tentative A/F, or A/O for that matter.

    I love this story! You manage a whole musical thing with pure text!! 😀


  29. Oh please, me write terrible stories. Recently I have changed my ways, I MUST admit. Though my first story wasn’t that bad, just very… kiddish.
    Anyways, thank god you used Teenagers, I was waiting for some MCR to pop up SOMEWHERE. Now, to my MCR songfic that I haven’t even thought of yet.
    Great job TWS. I love chappy 3.

  30. ‘Twas absolutely a-mazing TWS. I am laughing so hard I am crying! Beautiful! I loved the Legally Blonde theme mixed with a musical. I could clearly picture everything in my head. As my reading teacher would say, “Wonderful imagery, and beautiful form. Bravo! Bravo! 5 stars!” Well, she doesn’t really say that, but I do. XD

  31. -gasps- I’d forgotten about this. The third chapter is awesome although it left me wanting to write more Artler…

    Ooh, and “BXA (she’s my partner in slashy crime [in MY mind, at least])”

    I feel so flattered! I
    ll be your partner. 🙂

  32. 😀 I still would lie OnE mOrE uPdAtE!!! Go TWS!!! WHOO HOO!!!!


  33. Hermione Fowl March 26th, 2010 at 6:50 am 33

    You rock, TWS. Your stories never fail to make me laugh.

  34. This is spooky. A gay Artemis? But I fell off my chair laughing anway.

  35. Ohansahyosheli May 17th, 2010 at 1:30 am 35

    Oh, lol. Continue!


  37. Alanna-Lena Zelen July 10th, 2010 at 12:11 pm 37

    Wow… I say wow *blinks* (yes, so good I log in *gasp*)

  38. 😀 Love this. I really, Really do. 🙂

  39. The first was by far the best. The second was my least fav. (but still awesome). 🙂 It’s stories like these that make me want to hunt you and bring you back here.

  40. I’m amazed how I have never come across this pice of geniusly crafted song fic before.

    I’ve never actually seen the legally blonde musical before and I never really knew why my friend liked it so much but NOW I see why.

    I loved the first it got me really hyped, the second was a little slow but good nonetheless. I knew the song to the thrid and it was weird how I was listening to the song in my head but also could imagine them singing so I felt really weird.

    5/5 it’s in the TOP TENS anyway but let’s secure it there 😀

    Marshmellow for awesomeness. 😀

  41. Please do more! And since you made this so funny, you get the… L.O Certificat of Random Funny-ness!!!

  42. Lotsa cursing. Lotsa random. Lotsa no sense. Have read a LONG time ago. Have been procrastinating on commenting pretty much… since I’ve joined the site, I’m ashamed to say. But I finally finished all of it… yah. Pretty humorous, and with the signature TWS impeccable grammar/spelling/punc/caps. Yeah. Feh.

  43. December Holly February 4th, 2011 at 9:54 am 43

    This was painfully funny, especially the first chapter. I looked up the song and almost split an organ laughing. In the same breath, Artler gives me the serious creeps.

    No mistakes that I see. Excellent job!


  44. The song fits so well I thought that you made it up. Chapter 1 is possibly the funniest thing I have ever read.

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