It’s A Love Story (or maybe not. Do potato chips count?) Chapter Five Added

Summary: orion takes the others on a noble quest involving ravenous mermaids,trolls, and potato chips for Mulch!

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5

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Okay! I’m back! Check for Chapter one of TCSB’s rewrite, which I posted moments ago. I’m sure I don’t have unlimited computer time so I decided to update this. As for the disclaimer I forgot to add into the previous chapters, I don’t own the Artemis Fowl characters and the song referred to in the first chapter is “Best Song Ever” by One Direction, which I don’t own either. I thought it might be funny, since both Arty and 1D are Irish. Couldn’t think of a more suitable song anyway.

Written in Shakespearean style, something I have come to admire a lot. Well, in just some plays. Not all of them. You should check Julius Ceasar.


HOLLY: Orion, I said no!
ORION: Please?
ORION: With a lollipop on top?
ARTEMIS: Neither one of us like lollipops, you are aware.
ORION: Be quiet.
ARTEMIS: Yes, right, because the last time I checked, this body is MINE and not YOURS!
ORION: But we exist separately for now at least.
HOLLY: Quit the chat eventually leading to scientific debate stuff. Orion, no is no.
ORION: But, fair maiden!
HOLLY: What happened to the chivalry?
ORION: Oh, I relent. Please forgive my repulsive behavior.
HOLLY: At least HE knows what an apology is!
ORION: Yes, Artemis! At least I know what an apology is!
ARTEMIS: You are me.
HOLLY: Shut up, Mud Boy!
ORION: Yes, do shut up, Mud B–
ARTEMIS: You are in no way fit to call me “Mud Boy”.

ENTER: Mulch

MULCH: I just found some very tasty potato wedges. Not necessarily chips, but they were–hey! It’s night!
ARTEMIS: (dryly) You notice now.
MULCH: Don’t care. Hey, Oreo, we get our own rooms, right?
ORION: For you, my knight, royal bedrooms! Come, we must find the Noble Steed and ride to my palace!


SCENE II: The Magnificent Palace Of Orion Fowl


HOLLY: NO! Should I say it again? NO! I am NOT “sharing your chambers” with you!
ARTEMIS: Of course she is not. And you need my permission for a thing of that nature, Orion. I strongly disagree.
ORION: Alright, I must respect the maiden’s wishes. Now, for a royal feast!
MULCH: Oh, finally! The REAL fun begins!
FOALY: Ugh. I cannot sit on a human chair!

Orion turns it into a centaur-appropriate chair.

FOALY: For that, I am grateful. Now, let’s dig in!
MULCH: Wow. Hey, er…is that mutton or beef?
ARTEMIS: I thought your dwarf nose could tell the difference.
MULCH: Er, it’s…BEEF! Why did I not think of it, I do not know. (Mulch eats)
FOALY: *faceย palm* He can’t just admit the aroma of the spices is far too great for his Dwarfen senses!

Silence Ensues.

HOLLY: Em, Foaly?
HOLLY: Why are you speaking like…medieval?
ARTEMIS: It’s Mulch as well.

FOALY: Medieval! I, for one, am content with my speaking–Oh. I do sound medieval! HELP! ORION’S GROWING ON ME!
ORION: An improvement, I’d say.
MULCH: I, for one, remain unaffected.

Silence ensues once again.

HOLLY: I think…I’m going.
ARTEMIS: Me too. I need a shower. Considering Orion’s palace has showers.
ORION: Aye, regrettably not. But we have the best spring wells!
FOALY: Spring wells. Joy.
MULCH: I think I’ll pass.



HOLLY: Oh, no you don’t! Like it or not, all of us need a bath after everything that happened today.


SCENE III: Spring Wells.


ARTEMIS: This is very undignified.
HOLLY: I think I like it.
FOALY: Me too, but a little privacy wouldn’t hurt.
MULCH: Like we haven’t seen a shirtless donkey before.
FOALY: Hey! Seeing a naked Dwarf is worse!
MULCH: I’m not naked.
FOALY: And thank Frond for that. But, as I was saying, get out of that suit, Arty.
ARTEMIS: And wear what, my undershirt?
FOALY: Like we haven’t seen you in less.
MULCH: We’re straight males, we don’t care.
ARTEMIS: But Holly is…
HOLLY: I’ve seen you in less.
FOALY: Don’t get ideas, Captain Short.
HOLLY: (murderous glare)
MULCH: Or, we could just leave you and the mud boy alone.

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! Cliffie! And more A/H, H/O to come! ๐Ÿ˜€ Review!


Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5

Comments on This Post

11 responses to “It’s A Love Story (or maybe not. Do potato chips count?) Chapter Five Added.” Join in!

  1. Potatoe chips and Mulch, sitting in a tree. Actually, that would be too much work for Mulch. The fountain of youth is in Orion’s mind?Did you get the mermaid thing from Pirates of the Carribean? I really don’t care but Orion made it sound a lot more ridiculous.

  2. Definitely. And i could see why you didn’t finish that ryhme, ThunderSpirit, because with Mulch and chips it wouldn’t be K-I-S-S-I-N-G, but E-A-T-I-N-G. And Orion IS ridiculous…

    ๐Ÿ˜€ Very funny, shaadia. Update soon! If possible… ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. As quick as I possibly can! ๐Ÿ˜€

  4. yes, that’s where I got the idea!

  5. I can’t wait to see Holly’s reaction to the video! And Mulch is so funny! Or more acuratly, you are.

  6. Aw, thanks.

  7. For some reason, I can’t imagine Arty drawing. Dragon! *thinks about what might happen* Oooh, I hope it kills someone! Not really, I have an Opal side. *grins micheviously* Im waiting for the update!

  8. The funny thing is that I read that fic right before I came here. Too late though, sorry. This story gets better and better! Keep going!

  9. Alright, but TCSB is coming first! isn’t that simply great XD

  10. Yes! TCSB! Can’t wait!

  11. Oh my, shaadia. . WHY do you insist on torturing us all with such cliffhangers?? It’s really not fair. Though, if you had a reason for cutting it off, like say, to work on TCSB re-write, I could deal. As long as you update something soon. . ;D So , yeah. . .great work, and update soon!

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