Artemis Fowl Goes Shoe Shopping with His Fans

Summary: What do you get when you mix seven Artemis Fowl fans and Artemis Fowl? Oh, and I forgot to mention that five of them are pre-teen/teen girls

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This is going to be a bit OOC, so don’t kill me, okay? I mean, how can it not be when he’s shoe shopping?

Artemis was peeved. He was ordering new shoes, but they were all out online. He would have to go out to the store. Dressing in his jeans and t-shirt his mother gave him, so as not to be questioned, he got his wallet and asked Butler to take him to the nearest shoe store selling Gucci loafers.

They drove to the store, without incident. Little did Artemis know, that there would be incidents enough at the store.

When he arrived at the store, there was a group of five girls, two blonde, one brown, one red, and one black.*sorry Fowlfan4ever. You forgot your hair color, so I just used a color to match the outfit you described.* The girls were on the right side of the store, looking at girly shoes with useless buckles, supportless bottoms, and flowery decorations.

Artemis looked away and walked to the left side, where the much more sensible men’s dress shoes were. As he walked by, though, he saw the girls turning to look at him. He calmly walked over to the shelves of shoes, where the girls couldn’t see him. He looked through the cracks between the shelves to see what they were doing, and he saw them jumping up and down excitedly. He lipread the girl with red hair.

She was saying, “Oh my gosh! Do you think it’s really him? Artemis Fowl?!?! Eeee!”

Slightly disturbed that these girls knew who he was, he turned away from the crack. He began looking at the variety of loafers, but was disturbed in minutes. A teenager about two years older than him came up to the same side of the shelf. He had to walk past Artemis to get to the part of the shelf with his size, and he said excuse me. Artemis stepped out of the way and nodded at him. The teenager looked at him, and his jaw dropped.

“You- you’re…..Artemis Fowl!”

The girls on the other side of the store apparently heard this, and came rushing over, squealing.

“Really?!? It’s really him?” one of the blondes asked excitedly. She rushed up to Artemis, and said, “Oh my pies! It’s really him! Ahh! We’re, like, huge fans! Oh my frieking pies!”

The other blonde, who had glasses, and kind of reminded Artemis of Minerva started jumping up and down and clasping hands with the girl with brown hair and squealing. This was the thing they had dreamed about for so long. They were meeting Artemis Fowl!

Artemis, slightly disturbed that these people knew him, looked around for Butler. he was nowhere to be found, however. He would just have to deal with the situation himself. Just then, a kid came running around the corner.

“Chocolate!” he yelled. Artemis decided to ignore him, but then the kid stopped dead in front of Artemis. “Ar-Artem-mis F-Fowl,” the kid said in disbelief, abandoning the obnoxious chocolate voice.

By this point, Artemis was extremely disturbed. After an almost frantic, but fruitless search for Butler, Artemis sighed, and faced these people who seemed to know him.

“Yes. That is my name. Have we met?” he asked in a voice that answered the question for them.

Nevertheless, the girl with black hair and who was wearing plenty of silver and black piped up. “Oh no, but we wish we had before this!”

Artemis, who was now as disturbed as he could possibly be, had only one thought in mind. Stalker.

“Umm…okay. What do you want?”

“Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate!!!” the kid yelled again, apparently over his disbelief.

“Um, well, I don’t have any chocolate,”

“Oh, don’t mind him. He’s always like this. Anyways,” the girl with red hair continued. “We’re, like, humongous fans. We’ve read all your books, and never ever thought we’d meet you.”

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean. There are no books about me. I have read very near all the books ever written, and I can assure you, none of them are about me.”

“But there are!” The blonde girl who had been jumping exclaimed. “You know, by Eoin. Colfer?” Seeing Artemis’s face, she said, “No?”

“Look, if this is all a prank, you can all clear off now, and let me buy my new loafers. If not, then let’s get some introductions, I guess. If I’m famous, I might as well know my fans.”

Right away, the other girl with blonde hair said, “I’m Falcon.” She then gestured to each of the others, and introduced them. “This is Fowlie.” she gestured to the girl wearing the black and silver. She then gestured towards the girl with red hair. This girl introduced herself.

“Hi! I’m Crazy.”

“That’s nice, but what is your name?” Artemis inquired.


“Um, okay. Nice to meet you, er, Crazy.”

Next the girl with blonde girl who had asked him about Eoin said, “Hi, I’m MJ. You know, like Micheal Jackson? Just kidding. I’m Mary. Oh, and just so you know, I think you should ask Holly on a date. You know, just a little thought.”

Slightly embarrassed by this, Artemis turned to the last girl. “And you are?”

“Hi! I’m Amber.”

Artemis nodded, and the other teenage boy there said, “I’m Sarek. I’m seventeen. Oh, and this is Bobo. All he says is chocolate, and things related to chocolate.”

Artemis sighed. This could be a long shopping trip.

After the formalities were finished, the girls started asking him questions, like what shoes looked best on them, what his favorite color for a certain shoe was, etc.

“Hey, Artemis. I know you’re really formal and everything, but which pair of flip-flops do you like better?” Amber asked. She was wearing two different shoes, one was dark pink with white polka dots, and the others were some kind of woven tan material with pink trim around the edge, and pink straps with a small flower on the outside one. Artemis didn’t know which to choose. He really didn’t like either, them being pink, but he chose the woven ones; they looked nicer.

Artemis went back to the shelf with his size of shoe, only to be interrupted by Bobo. “I want chocolate shoes! Get me some now!” he screamed at Artemis.

Artemis attempted to explain the concept of chocolate shoes melting. “Bobo, firstly, chocolate shoes are not made. Secondly, the heat from your feet would melt the shoes. All the would be left would be a melted puddle of chocolate.”

Bobo wouldn’t accept it, though. “Chocolate!” he screeched. Artemis noted that he was barefoot as he ran off to the size eight section. He came running back with a bar of chocolate which he pointed at Artemis. “Buy me chocolate shoes, or face the chocolate bar of doom!” he warned.

Artemis ignored him this time, picking up a brown loafer.

“Chocolate shoe!” Bobo screamed, and snatched the shoe from Artemis. He then attempted to take a bite from the leather. Seeing that it wasn’t chocolate, he whipped the shoe at Artemis and ran to the front of the store. There he ran in circles yelling, “Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate!”

Artemis picked up the loafer, and replaced it in it’s box. He wouldn’t be buying that pair. He chose a pair of black ones, tried them to make sure they fit, replaced them in the box and walked to the cashier. On his way, Fowlie stopped him. He thought it kind of strange that her name was so similar to his own, but brushed it off.

“Oooh, Artemis,” she said to catch his attention as she noticed walking by. She was looking at several pairs of combat boots. “Which ones should I buy?”

At that moment, Artemis Fowl had his first awkward turtle moment. He just stood there, embarassed that these people he barely knew were talking to him as if they were best friends. And about girls shoes, no less!


“Oh, um, those one, I guess.” He pointed to a pair with a metallic look. He didn’t really like any of them, and thought that modern popular footwear was getting outrageous. Fowlie smiled, and tried them on.

“Thanks, Arty.”

He winced barely noticeably at the use of the pet name. These people even knew his nickname! Where had his privacy gone? It was like all his cameras and such were for nothing! Then he remembered the mention of an author. Eoin Colfer, that was his name. He pulled out his phone, and did a google search. He chose a wikipedia result.

The result said, Eoin Colfer (play /ˈ.ən/ oh-in; born 14 May 1965) is an Irish author. He is most famous as the author of the Artemis Fowl series, but he has also written other successful books.” Artemis thought of all his adventures. Did these people know all about them? Growing slightly frightened, he scrolled down.

Artemis clicked on a link that said Artemis Fowl. It said,”Artemis Fowl is a young-adult fantasy novel written by Irish author Eoin Colfer. It is the first book in the Artemis Fowl series, being followed by Artemis Fowl: The Arctic Incident. Described by its author as “Die Hard with fairies”,[1] it follows the adventures of its 12-year-old title character, a criminal mastermind, as he kidnaps a fairy for a large ransom of gold.”

Worried that the book had given a bad reputation, he went back and clicked on the second and third link, and all through the rest. All of them summed up all of his adventures. Deciding that he needed to get back to the manor, and find out who this author was, and why he knew him and the story of his life, Artemis made a bee-line for the cashier. He checked out without incident, and made to leave the store. Just as he did, Bobo squealed.

“Artemis is getting away!Chocolate!”

All the fans in the store perked up, suddenly mad. Not mad really, just….crazy. Instantly, a knife, a bow, a Nuetrino, a sword, a gun, a bowling ball, and a chocolate bar were pointed at Artemis. He stopped in his tracks, fearing for his life. He didn’t actually think these fan people would kill him, but they looked kind of dangerous.

Artemis looked over his shoulder. He saw Butler strolling through the parking lot to pick Artemis up, but he didn’t see the trouble he was in. Artemis turned back around, just in time to see a bowling ball rolling at his feet. He tried to sidestep it, but he only got as far as lifting his foot, before the ball rolled under it, knocking him off balance.

The girl called Mary, or MJ, whichever it was, stepped forward with her Nuetrino. “We’ll let you go if you show us the Manor,” she said, in a voice with more hope than seemed right for the situation.

Artemis turned and saw that Butler was almost in the store now. “Um,” he said to stall. Crazy threw a knife so close to his ear, he heard it whistle. It lodged into the wall and Artemis thought,Yes, she really is Crazy.

“Okay, okay! Enough with the weaponry! I’ll show you the manor. In fact, I’d be more than happy to show you around,” he lied. Just then, Butler burst in the door, saw the situation, and jumped in front of his principle. The fans, stunned to see Butler appear so quickly, even after reading about him, stared at his bald head, only a few inches away from the ceiling. Artemis took the time to leisurely stroll out the door. Once outside, he looked back through the glass door to watch the show.

Inside, Butler enjoyed the moment of stunned silence as these people stared at his height. Then, Falcon said, or whispered in disbelief, “Holy pies.”

Butler said, “Now, all of you calmly put down your weapons.” No one moved. “Okay, I guess I’ll have to do this the hard way,” Butler mumbled to himself.

He started to run at a girl in silver skinny jeans, but before he got very far, she had turned into a white wolf and leaped on him. Taken by surprise, Butler was knocked off his feet. He quickly threw the wolf/girl off of him, and stood. The wolf became Fowlie again, and she lay on the floor, the wind knocked out of her from being thrown down.

As Butler stood, he assessed the situation. He had a buzz baton pointed at him by Amber, a long range muzzleloader rifle by Sarek, and two bows, one by Falcon, one by Crazy. An arrow whizzed by his ear, and he saw the slight wink that Falcon gave him. It wasn’t a very nice wink.

Outside, Artemis was beginning to worry. It actually looked as if these people wanted to kill Butler. He walked to the doors, intending to go help Butler, but even as the automatic doors slid open, Amber hurled her buzz baton at Butler, where it struck him in the temple. With Butler down, they came rushing so Artemis would show them the manor.

He sighed as Butler quickly regained consciousness, and told Butler what they wanted. Butler knew all they could do is agree. He told the fans this, and they dropped their weapons, and grinned. Everyone piled into the car, some sitting on the floor and on top of each other.

By the time they arrived at the manor,  Orion had almost been driven forward from the constant babble about chocolate from the little boy named Bobo. Artemis climbed out of the car gratefully. The others seemed tired of the obnoxious whining, too.

Artemis led the fans into the manor, and showed them around, gasping as they went. When the tour was finished, he took them back out to the gate.

“Anything else?” he asked, trying to shoo them away.

“Oh, can I have your autograph?” Crazy asked hopefully. She was obviously not easily embarrassed. “I mean, I need proof that this actually happened.”

Artemis sighed, “Do you have a pen?”

“Oh. Yeah.”

“I don’t have any paper.”

“Oh, that’s okay. You can sign my arm!”

The other fans saw him sign, and asked him to do theirs, too. He obliged.

“Will you leave now?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Falcon answered for all of them. “Bye Artemis. This was awesome.”

All the fans said something similar to this, and then they left. The last thing Artemis heard was, “Give me chocolate!!!”

Artemis went back inside, and did more research on the author of his life. Eoin Colfer. After hacking several websites, including Facebook, and Twitter, he managed to find Colfer’s phone number. He called.

“Hello, Eoin Colfer.”

“Hello. May I ask who’s calling?”

“This is Artemis Fowl.”

There was stunned silence on the other end, but then the author recollected himself. “Yes. What would you like?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

“I would like to know how you know about my life. Have you been– let’s see, I’ll use current teenager slang– stalking me?”

“Well, no. I’m friends with Foaly. You’re not the only person to know about the fairies.”

“I see. Thank you,” he said, and hung up. He then twisted around his fairy communicator. Foaly was in for a thrashing.

After a brief argument and apology with Foaly, Artemis was satisfied that he was relatively safe. He went to bed.

He woke up the next morning to the ring of the doorbell. He checked the row of moniters on his desk, and saw that the fans were back. This was going to be a long day.

So, I know this took forever to post and I’m really sorry. I wasn’t sure how to start. Anyways, I hope you like it. I tried to fit you to your descriptions, but if I didn’t sorry. I kind of based you off of some of my friends. Please R&R!

Comments on This Post

14 responses to “Artemis Fowl Goes Shoe Shopping with His Fans.” Join in!

  1. Coolio!!!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaah I’m in it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have perfectly!!!! Do another!!

  2. Bobo Paradizo June 24th, 2011 at 4:59 am 2

    Yay! Chocolate! I love reading fanfics with me in ’em! UPDATE or face the chocolate bar of doom!!!

  3. funny.

  4. Wonderful story. I don’t believe Artemis would say ‘um’ at any time in his life. He is a bit OOC. But it is a good story overall. One question, I haven’t been around here for a long time. I took a long break, but do I know you? I seem to be in this story. You got me perfectly. Combat boots, white wolf, perfect. Just one thing, my last resort for fighting is morphing into my wolf form. I usually slaughter people with my sword, Tamerion.

    But that aside, it’s a charming story.

  5. WOW … WOW I have no words to say about that. I … I’m speechless! O I got an idea ypu should do one with the fans at his house.
    Luved IT!

  6. Mew mew mew THIS is FUNNEH

    I didn’t notice any mistakes, but I wasnt paying attention. Very IC, considering the plotline. Not bad.

    Well, I was IC.

  7. Okay, wait. Fowlie, you just confused me. Cuz Fowlfan4ever signed up to be in it and said her name was Fowlie, and then described herself like that. So I don’t know.Weird.But thanks, anyways, guys. I was a bit worried that I got your personalities wrong or something, but I guess not. Thanks for signing up.

  8. Interesting. I apologize if I sound a bit peeved, maybe it’s a pure coincidence, maybe she saw one of my old comments, saw I wasn’t very active and decided to take on my name, or whatever else, but excuse me if I do point on that my nickname has been Fowlie since way before FowlFan4ever ever signed up, and way before I took a long hiatus from FF. I will understand if she wants to continue to use it, though it will create confusion between the original Fowlie (myself) and herself. On the story though, that explains why there wasn’t a purple ribbon around my wolf form’s left foreleg and why the character didn’t use Tamerion on her first try. Anyway, thank you for clearing up the misconception, and I hope you’ll update soon.

  9. ooookay. That makes some sense. I’ll try to get in some new stories soon, but I haven’t been able to use the computer a lot lately. My dad says we’re not allowed on the computer from 8am to 8pm in the summer, so…..

  10. CHOCOLATE?!?!? WHERE?!
    Good story, me likes! Mello does as well (he’s the worst chocaholic ever, apart from me, and probably Beau Paradizo…)!

    Hehe, thank you! Yup, I love chocolate too, thanks!

  11. I loved it.he was just so out of his element both in the girl’s shoes and in having fan’s.I just adored should write one about the fan’s coming to his house and him having to show them around.I loved how awkard he was around the fan’s.he was just so Arteims.I loved every part of it.

    Yeah, I almost started this one like that, but decided against it. Thanks!

  12. I read this again and I still love it. I agree with HollyGirl, you should make one when they go to his house. I kinda wish I hurt Butler harder. Did I say that! Sorry Butler!!! But ya I think that sometime if I hurt him he’ll be scared of me and would like let me throw parties at FowlManor and things. Mostly see Arty. I wish he was real.

  13. in love with Arty 6302 August 3rd, 2011 at 3:22 pm 13

    OMZG thats so awesome! 5/s!

    Please make sure to add constructive criticism and actual depth and thought to your comments. 😉 ~Fowlie

  14. Sorry, I didn’t like this story.
    I loved it! 🙂

    Yay, thanks! But can you please leave something more constructive? Thanks! ~<3Trouble<3

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