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Summary: this story is basically based on what happenes when artemis fowl caught the wrong guy and of course im the main charachter

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“*chuckle* i love this trail” i said as i was nearing the end of my hike i heard an ear peircing scream as i looked around i realised it was me “what the-”  i said as i fell to the ground “yep its an elf” a cold voice said “how do you know” a big deep voice said “well look at his ear its pointed” the cold voice said, after that i heard nothing


i woke up on a cot and was struggling to open my eyes, when i did i saw a large fly. i closed my eyes immeadietly after that. “dont worry, there just lenses” a girly voice said i opened my eyes a little to see the thing tapping an eye , “wait no that is a lense” i thought opening my eyes “who are you and where am i” i asked quickly “im juliet butler, and your at fowl manor” juliet said “ummm ok i still dont know where i am” i said “ughh fine to be more precise your at dublin, irland, in fowl manor, in a cell” juliet said “A CELL, ALRIGHT WHY AM I HERE” i yelled “ask artemis that i have no idea” juliet said “who the heck is artemis” i asked “im not giving you any more information than that, do you really think im that stupid you dumb elf” juliet said “elf, my nickname at school. courtousy of my pointed ear” i thought “you think im an elf? my ear is just a birth-mark you idiot” i snapped “im not falling for that dumb gag you idiot” juliet said as she left “why the crap would they think im a freaking elf” i said annoyed


“umm sir i think we have a problem” our little pranoid genuis Foaly said “What” root said “it appears that a young man by the name of Artemis Fowl the second has kidnapped a little boy and thinks he is an elf, but he also has immense knowledge of the people” Foaly said “even i dont know about this if we save the boy then he will know about us but if we dont then this guy will look for more of us” foaly said “well THINK OF SOMETHING” root said “maybe we could mind-wipe him after that” foaly suggested “WELL DO IT YOU POMPOUS CENTAUR” root yelled “ok,*turns toward a microphone* retreival, we have a code omega5397alpha12683beta” foaly said “ok Foaly, code understood, where is the target?” the retreival guy asked “dublin, irland, fowl manor” foaly said into the microphone “target aquired moving in to intercept” the retreival guy said


“UGHHH WHAT THE CRAP IS WRONG WITH THIS FLIPPING ARTEMIS GUY. IM NOT A FLIPPING ELF, UGHHH THE DUMB IDIOT” i said “well someone is an angry lier” a cold voice said. “wait i recongnise that voice, its the one i heard on the trail” i thought “and i thought i was the only person in the world as skinney as this” the cold voice chuckled as i turned around, he only looked abot 2 years older than me “ALRIGHT WHAT THE CRAP HAPPENED AND WHY DO YOU THINK IM A FLIPPING ELF” i yelled at him “well well well seems you are angry but since you have to listen to me in my house i tell you, dont hurt me” the cold voice said “alright how about this” i said as i punched him in the gut “OOF, BUTLER”the boy yelled and then i looked up to see a huge man with hands the size of spades “uhhhh he made me” i lied nervously. after that all i remembered was getting knocked out


“alright team, goose formation 20” trouble said “yes sir” the retreival team said as they were about to land meanwhile “alright butler  pause the camera” Artemis said looking at trhe cameras  “yes master Artemis” butler said with a puzzled look “what the-” butler said suddenly as black figures appeard on the camera “fairies can vibrate at high speeds so fast us humans can not see” artemis said “but not the camera” butler said *distant screaming* “uhhh what was that” butler asked “its the prisoner’s dark side” artemis said looking at the camera “whoa, that is one angry elf” butler said looking at everything that had been ripped to shreds on the camera “i think his rage will end in a few hours” artemis said “but lets focus on the task at hand” artemis said bringing some type of a helmet out of a droor “this will allow us to see fairies without pausing a camera over and over again” artemis said as butler started to realise what he was about to do and smirked


i woke up again in handcuffs. i chuckled “wow, good thing he didn’t know that i know how to get out of handcuffs without a key” i said as i slipped my hands out of the handcuffs “well that was easier than usual” i chuckled to myself “of course you did” a girly voice said behind me “ughhhh you again” i said looking at juliet “well someones in a bad mood” juliet said “WELL WHY WOULDNT I YOU IDIOT I GET FLIPPING KIDNAPPED THEN I GET KNOCKED OUT BY A FLIPPING HUGE MAN AND I FIND MYSELF IN HANDCUFFS AND NOW I HAVE TO DEAL WITH AN IDIOT” i yelled “AND DO YOU AT LEAST FEED PEOPLE I FELL LIKE I HAVENT EATEN IN A FREAKING DAY” i yelled loudly “seems someone is in a bad mood” juliet said “UGHHHH” i grunted as i threw the handcuffs at her “oww that hurt, alright thats it” she said as she punched me “ARGHHH” i screamed with my eyes open “at least i didnt feel it when the big man hit me” i thought “NOW YOU LEARN NOT TO TRY ANYTHING STUPID” she yelled at me as i blacked out… again


“arghh” said someone “what was that” trouble asked. trouble had taken a class to know what sounds were and it sounded like 4 getting a chop across the windpipe “alright it sounds like a mud man opens the door, 4 is behind it and gets hit by it and blacks out behind a bush” trouble lectured the team


for the third time that day i woke up… in a plexiglass container. “glad to see your awake, my apologies for juliets behavior and how did you manage to bypass my rules” artemis said “BECAUSE IM NOT A FLIPPING FAIRY YOU IDIOT”. i yelled in frustration “not yet you arent” artemis said “what game are you playing at Fowl” i said “ughhh is everyone dumb” artemis said “UGHH” i grunted as i kicked the plexiglass “WHAT THE CRAP” i said as i saw blue sparks run up my foot “WHAT THE CRAP DID YOU DO TO ME” i yelled as i admired my new pointed ear “i did nothing” artemis said “i only see the truth” artemis said with an evil smile “YOU DID SOMETHING AND I KNOW IT, BECAUSE DONT YOU THINK I HAVE NEVER GOTTEN injured before” my voice trailing off as i realised i never had been injured “see, i know all about everything” artemis said in his usual calm voice


“evening gentelmen” butler said. trouble chuckled “almost as if-” then he saw the goggles “EVERYONE ATTACK NOW” trouble yelled as he saw his teamates get crumpled (except for grub he was faking it) “wimp” trouble said as he got knocked out by the man mountain. butler walked toward grub and picked him up by the fabric of his suit “now where were we”


the time stop area was perfect around fowl manor but Foaly, being a paranoid person, thought that the fowl creature actually wanted them to stop time “sir it seems like this fowl person actually wanted us to stop time. he has been one step ahead of us this whole time” foaly told root “no time for theories, we already did the time stop, so now we can only hope” root said


artemis checked his watch, perfect the fairys had stopped time. he walked over to the monitor for the prisonor “what the heck, where did this come from” i said as i looked at an acorn that fell out of my shoe. artemis’s glacier blue eyes widened “wait is that dirt” i said as i looked at a pile of dirt on the ground “juliet, check on the prisoner. he has an acorn take it away from him you remember what i told you about the ritual, right” artemis said through a walkie-talkie “yes i do sir, on my way” juliet said through her walkie-talkie. but it was to late


“might as well make myself entertained” i said as i threw the acorn at the dirt. suddenly i felt weird but in a good way “WHOA why am i glowing” i asked myself  “wah-pow” i said as i randomly punched the air. what i saw was a blue bolt come out of my hand and hit the wall “even cooler” my face cringed into a smile that could have sent a shiver down artemis’s back  “now i have a plan” i said grinning like a madman. then the door opened, i threw a punch towards the door and another blue bolt came and hit juliet. “out colder than antartica” i said “bye bye” i said in a innocent voice as i walked out the door. “what did you do to my sister” a voice growled behind me. i turned around and threw a punch at him, but unlike what happened to juliet, it only seemed to aggrivate him further “ummmm, oops” i said “i will snap your spine with my bare hands” butler growled “that is not neccesary butler” artemis said as i silently thanked god “i will think of some suitible punishment for him” artemis said “he started it” i said pointing at butler like a child as i forgot about the blue bolts that shot out of my hands. “uhhh” i said as i started whistling like nothing happened and walked up the stairs and punched artemis ” ARGHH oh no you dont” artemis said as he got one of the LEPretreival’s neutrino 2000’s that butler took and shot me with it


in the ops room, foaly started laughing like he just heard the worlds funniest joke “WHATS SO FUNNY FOALY” root yelled as he looked at the moniters foaly was looking at and for the first time in centries, julius root laughed “he did it” the hostage said as a blue bolt shot out of his hand “uhhh” he said and then started whistling like nothing happened and punched the fowl creature. but that was when the funnieness ended, the fowl creature had just shot the boy and foaly and julius watched the boy crumple to the ground “thank the gods it was only a neutrino” foaly said “D’Arvit what does this fowl creature want anyway” root said “i dont know but next step is negotiation so i need to give you some gear” foaly said


i woke up to find my hands have tape around them “aww dang i was starting to like the blue… thingys” i said and found the door opened easily “hmm” i said with suspicion and cautiously walked out “i want gold, a metric ton, 24 carats only” artemis said “hello” juliet said behind me “oh, uhhhh… sorry but you did punch me… hard so are we even?” i said hopefully “no” she said and while she was off guard i kicked her in the face “you just kicked me.” juliet said with suprise “im not much of a gentlemen” i said as i turned and ran “FREEDOM” i yelled as i ran towards the door “butler” artemis said after he saw me “ok turning around” i said as i did exactly that but before i went back into the cell i yelled “BUTTFACE” at artemis “you seem not very good at this” root said “hes a simplton what do you expect” artemis said “ill take care of it” juliet said as she walked in the cell “wait where is he” juliet said “hellooooo im over here are you blind” i said “no apperantly i cant see you” juliet said “ok im in the right corner in the back of the cell” i said admitting defeat “ok and DONT do anything stupid or i will kick your head off your shoulders” juliet said “hey wait i can see you now” juliet said “YAY your not blind anymore” i said with obvious sarcasm “i got my eyes on you” juliet said “yeah obviously because its sooo easy to miss a girl staring at you when shes’ less than 4 feet away” i said with even more sarcasm “Shutup already or ill make you” juliet said “oh yeah just like you made me shoot you in the face with a blue bolt” i said “Alright thats it” she said as she threw a punch at me. i dodged it. i may not be strong but i am fast. “JUST STAY STILL SO I CAN PUNCH YOU ALREADY” she said “ok” i said. she paused “really?” she said “no” i said with a chuckle as i handcuffed her. you see, i had taken the handcuffs that i threw at her earlier and had planned this the whole time, after seeing what artemis had done before and used artemis’s strategy against him. i laughed “i may not be as deceaving as artemis… but i still am deceaving” i said


“good plan” thought artemis “but not good enough” artemis said , finishing the thought aloud as he leaned in toward a microphone “getting comfy are we” artemis said “oh you want me to be comfy? in that case i want 100 clones of me so they can destroy this place and free me” i said with a lot of sarcasm “nice plan but you forgot the handcuffs are electronic” artemis said, ignoring my previous comment “can you at least get me some food? im starving to death… literally” i said “i guess i have no choice in the matter since if you die i wont get the ransom money” artemis said “juliet get him some food to make him be quiet” artemis said as he unlocked the electronic handcuffs “fine” juliet grumbled

Comments on This Post

17 responses to “IM NOT A FAIRY!.” Join in!

  1. imfowltothebone April 5th, 2012 at 10:02 pm 1

    yes this will be almost as long as the book suggestions and questions are allowed oh and please rate too

  2. Dude, this sealed the deal. I am now your official #1 fan.

  3. I’m sorry for double posting, but I forgot today this… Update or feel the wrath of my smacking tuna

  4. imfowltothebone April 6th, 2012 at 10:47 pm 4

    umm you posted that right after i said thanks

  5. Oh. Oops. But anyways yay!!! You shouldn’t spam on your comments. They make puppies cry when you spam, remember?

  6. Absent_Minded_Professor April 8th, 2012 at 1:48 am 6

    I feel like this was sort of sloppy. Spelling was good with some typos, but spacing and grammar were awful. I’m sure it would be a great fic, if we could just read it. 🙂

    By the way,so is this AU? No, first things first. . . when does it take place? That would make a good author’s note.

  7. HEY!! no flaming the story. it may keep him warm at night,but he won’t need it now *gives him lighter & a big candle that smells like ice-cream*

  8. imfowltothebone April 9th, 2012 at 10:35 pm 8

    ohhhhh ice-cream lol

  9. the story is great, but the professor is right it could do with being split up into separate staments instead of one giant paragraph that we don’t know whos talking in. I’m not really sure what “Flaming” is but you sure come up with some interesting story lines. i see no spelling errors, but even if id thought i did i would probably make it worse anyway… anyway great story!

  10. Well that’s something you don’t see very day. No, no, that was a compliment. This is unique and origional. And there are NO spelling mistakes! *applause*
    Just so you know, ‘flaming’ is when a reviewer writes negative comments on the story. It is hurtful and mean, but it is often confused with constructive criticism. Constructive criticism is when a reviewer gives the author helpful hints on how to make the story better. In constructive criticism, the reviewer is kind and points out all the good things in the story.
    I feel like WE now ^^
    Anyway, on to my helpfulliness!
    Your first sentence goes:
    “*chuckle* i love this trail” i said as i was nearing the end of my hike i heard an ear peircing scream as i looked around i realised it was me “what the-”  i said as i fell to the ground “yep its an elf” a cold voice said “how do you know” a big deep voice said “well look at his ear its pointed” the cold voice said, after that i heard nothing

    Remember that magical sparkly period that flies around extinguishing flames? (heh. Grammar nerd joke ^^)
    Instead of drowning you in a sea of grammar lessons (that’s WE’s job), I will give you a free edit! Once in a lifetime offer! Here we goes!
    *sings* REVISION~
    “I love this trail,” I chucklesd. As I was nearing the end of my, hike I heard an ear peircing scream. When I looked around I realized it was me.
    “What the-” I said as i fell to the ground.
    “Yep, it’s an elf,” a cold voice said.
    “How do you know?” a big, deep voice asked.
    “Well look at his ear, it’s pointed,” the cold voice said. After that, I heard nothing.

    I really don’t want you to feel sad. Please remember that spelling mistakes are veru common in most stories (even mine!) and having zero is a HUGE accomplishment. So have a marshmallow. (that’s right people! I’m bringin’ them back!)
    I just want to help. You can choose whether to take my advice or not. I gave you help on your first chapter so you can do it yourself in the future.

    Keep on writing,
    By the way, that squiggly line has a purpose other than being a cool endy thing! 0.0 It changes “Ahhhhh!” into “Ah~!” Like magic! ^^
    Random grammar fact. Wootings!

  11. flaming is mean comments. J ^ : < no being mean

  12. Hm…just before I left FanFiction…I think I remember you.

    You need to work on typing. I literally got a light headache from reading through the first paragraphs, no offence intended. I just got here, so the others may have gotten used to you, but I certainly have NOT.

    Here we go. The review.

    Character development: Too shallow. Work on description at the very beginning, but also mesh it in with the actual fic.

    Dialogue: I see this SO often. Written language is NOT the same as spoken words. If you write like you speak, the speech becomes flat, awkward, and poorly written.

    Grammar: Yeah, you already know what Imma say. XD

    Lastly: Scene changes: Now, this is not always a bad thing. I’ve done a fic which had very abrupt scene changes, but was still successful. But you need to know WHEN to utilise them. For suspense? For a cliffhanger? You decide. But NOT just to change the scene.

    WHEW. I’m done. Longest review ever. Feel proud.

  13. imfowltothebone April 13th, 2012 at 4:38 am 13

    hey! your back, good to see you again

  14. slepyoneshot April 14th, 2012 at 4:03 pm 14

    this is just great, a story that i actually like (which is hard to do)

  15. imfowltothebone April 14th, 2012 at 4:14 pm 15

    no its not your just trying to be nice. TELL ME WHAT IS WRONG

  16. dude… over reacting calm down… people can like a story without thinking somethings wrong.

    No comment conversations, please. Try to make sure that everything you submit actually pertains to the post. ~WE

  17. this is flippin’ awesome and flippin’ funny

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