Artemis Fowl and the Council of Liars

Summary: Underrating is overrated. -Ckat “Ouch.” The statement hardly suited the situation, as most people shouted something rather unpleasant when faced […]

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5

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Underrating is overrated.


“Ouch.” The statement hardly suited the situation, as most people shouted something rather unpleasant when faced with a like situation. However, Falcon was not in the mood to talk, so she simply said ‘ouch’ when Short jammed her foot into her forehead.

Come to think of it, most people would be screaming their heads off when trapped in a wagon with two other people and their luggage, which happened to be the exact situation they were in. It was clever, considering all they had were two wagons and an electric scooter for transportation. So, they simply hooked the two wagons to the scooter and were now speeding down the shoulder of the highway at a grand total of fifteen miles per hour. And the best part- they still had 45 minutes left untill they got to the airport.

CC sighed. This was going to be loooooong 45 minutes.


A black wolf trotted down a dark hallway. He sniffed the air; something was burning. No surprise there. Humans were always burning stuff. He smelled something else, too.

“Silver. Explain.”

She appeared out of the darkness, as if by magic. “Explain what?”

“Something is happening. What is it?”

“The Machine. It is… not right. I am not in the mood to disscuss it.” Her brilliant white fur flashed as she continued down the hall. “Full moon tonight. Enjoy it, go outside and soak it up.”

Silver continued down the hall, into a dark room wher Fowlstar was talking- or rather, yelling- into her cell phone.

“Yes, well, we don’t know what’s going on. Of course we checked the handbook…. The radiation could kill us! Well then, your going to have to risk it. I don’t care.” Silver emphisized her point by growling into the phone.

As Fowlstar hung up, she sighed. “Well, I suppose we have no time to spare. Those girls will be after him by now. If they acted as soon as they knew, they should be halfway to Ireland by now.” Silver nodded, thoughtfully.


Artemis glanced around the Coffie Shoppe!. He was at his office just a moment ago. What a horrible name. The people who work here must be underpaid. They didn’t even spell it right. He glanced around, and was not surprised to find he was the only coustomer in the place. It had a fast-food atmosphere, and a cardboard cut-out of Crusty the clown in the corner; which probably had something to do with the emptiness.

“Hey, kid, whacha doin’ here! Git!” Artemis barely had time to look at the angry waiter before he was tackled. “Git outta my store! I ain’t gonna pay for somethin’ yer gang does! Whaccha kids to this time? Ain’t graffiti, is it? Git! SCRAM! ‘Fore I call the cops!”

Artemis rolled away, into the cutout of Crusty the clown. “I am going.” Artemis power-walked out of the resturant, eager to get away from the grusome place, hopeing the drunk man- owner, apperently- before he noticed the fallen cardboard cutout.


“Ninedy-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninedy-nine bottles of beer…” Three annoyed heads turned arouned and groaned in unison.

“Fine, I’ll stop. But don’t expect me to do anything better.” Falcon said this, and her expression changed dramaticly. Ckat made a face, and CC explained that Falcon was minorly bipolar.

“When she’s not crazy, she’s emo,” Short added.

Falcon muttered something that nobody listened to and was probably an insult, but it contained the words ‘provoked’, ‘reality’, and ‘bad puns’, not nessisrily in that order.

“We’re here,” Star said, annoyed.


“Alright, I’m here! Now, quit with the whining, because I will do all I can!” Foaly (a centaur) roared, storming into Silver and FowlStar’s hideout.

Silver growled. “I’ts about time. We need to get this down sooner than later.”

As if on cue, Fowlstar and a black wolf entered the scene. The black wolf growled, and the centaur took a subconsious step back.

“It’s all right, Shadow. He’s here on buissiness.” Silver stroked the black wolf’s head but even as she spoke her eyes narrowed.

FowlStar, Silver and Shadow guided Foaly to the Machine Room, as they were beginning to call it. Automaticly, Foaly started circling the thing, muttering to himself.

Fowlstar cut to the chase. “Just tell us where he is.”

Foaly snorted. “Did you even read the manual? He shows up… Aretmis Fowl, right? In Ireland, then.” Silver face-palmed. “Unless you pressed this button,” Foaly added, pointing to a button on the corner, hidden in a tinted glass compartment.

Bolth the girls face-palmed this time.


Takeoff. The plane was airborne, and CC and Ckat were wondering how Short and Falcon were doing.

Not so well.

Bolth Falcon and Short agreed that there was no way that they could keep up with the jets, and had instead entered as pets. There were some issues involving licences and permits, as apperently Falcon was an endangered species. Also, there happpened to be a special section for pets, so they had to deal with an angry bulldog and some rats.

I will now skip the next few hours, as they contain very little.


Falcon and Short stepped out of the bathroom at the Irish airport, having completed their transformation back to humans. It was quite the adventure, as the busy stalls contain very little privacy. But that’s a different story.

Crazy Chick checked the GhostBusters- style handheld radar.

“The blip is very close. Like, wthin fifty feet close,” noted Ckat.

Of course, this statement caused an incredible ammount of exitement. Short, CC, Falcon, and- of course- Ckat poured over the device, following the blip, never looking up.

Untill Crazy Chick noted a change in the tiles on the floor. Upon shifting her gaze from the radar to the scene in front of her, she found herself in the entrence to an Irish gift shop. The place was filled with mugs and T-shirts that said ‘Kiss me, I’m Irish!’. The blip was some where in that store.

Ckat glanced up, too. “The blip is somewhere in this store.” Falcon snached the radar out of Ckat’s hands and took off running, nervous and exited down the halls. The whole gang followed after.

What Falcon saw, she still debates in her mind. But the story she generally tells is that he was looking at a snow globe on the right side of the isle, but what made her stop was the radar. They had found the blip, and it was probbably sheer surprise at what was there that made her put her arms out, stopping Short, Ckat, and CC, and causing them to crash and fall, which attracted the attention of the figure standing at the end of the hall.

Falcon grabbed the back collar of Crazy Chick and Short, pulling them into the isle to the left. Only Ckat was left, and she soon followed.

“That’s it. The blip.” Falcon shook her hesd, as if clearing her mind. “We need a plan of action.”

CrazyChick sighed, but her mind was raceing. Their first real mission. It was too late too back out. Who knew what was waiting in the next isle over. Acting on a whim- or very possibly the adrneline- she said: “We can’t do anything if we don’t know what it is, can we?” With that, she stood up, headed for the next isle, and took the radar  right out of Falcon’s sweaty hands. Short followed, before Ckat, who was looking rather smug.

CC’s reaction was simmilar to that of Falcon’s.  “Yeah, but… I mean, what do we do?”

There was a scilence, in which Falcon blinked several times. But by then, it was far too late. CC opened her mouth to speak-

-and the figure peeked around the corner. Short yelped.

Falcon sprang up,  trying to look importaint.  It must have worked, and even if it didn’t it served it’s purpose, as the figure hesitatied.

Falcon studied the figure. He was tall, and dressed in a suit. His hair was a deep, rich black, as was the look on his face. Unaccepting. Falcon hated it.

“Sir,” she said, fumbling in her pocket, “You are, more or less, under arrest. You are under suspicion for, um, a technological problem.” Here she pulled out her ID.

Ckat frowned, and CC gasped. (Short was oblivious).

Falcon had an authentic Identification Card that stated her ranking in the group, and gave permission to purchace age-restricted merchandice and arrest people, stated in fancy government lingo. The figure’s eyebrows raised.

Falcon looked at her watchless wrist, and then looked around for a clock. “Now we make the next flight out of here.”

Relived that she didn’t have to do any thinking, Short followed when Falcon grabbed her wrist and led her at a brisk pace out of the gift shop, where a flight attendant was hurridly ushering people onto a flight that was ablout to take off.  Ckat and CrazyChick had actually been thinking, and were guiding the person Falcon had just arrested after them.  Falcon turned around, looked at the group, and then unexpectedly bolted for the entry. She let go of Short and grabbed the kid-in-the-suit, as Falcon subconsciously called him, by the collar of his shirt. With a flash of ID, and an esspecially fast burst of running, they were on the plane. Again.


Woot! another chapter, gone! So, does anyone remember this? It’s my best work, and made it the 7th top-rated stories in the Top Tens (when there was a Top Tens.) But anyways, I likes it. I’m making it a goal to write more, and to be more active on the site, to those of you who remember me. And, that just about covers it! Thanks for reading!

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5

Comments on This Post

43 responses to “Artemis Fowl and the Council of Liars.” Join in!

  1. Looks like this will be cool but whats going on with the orginazation? What are thay soposed to be defending aganst?
    Sorry for misspelings.

    *does first coment dance* 🙂

  2. All in good time, my friend. All in good time.;)

  3. Update please. 🙂
    I love the way you don’t reveal the plot right at first. I am hooked.

  4. Cool can I come in? Read your message. Black hair(halfway down back), dark brown eyes, tan, tall, skinny, sarcastic, crazy, bad memory, enjoys cats and cookies. Name- Ckat

  5. This is impressive, Falcon. 😀 Very impressive. 😉 Well written with beautiful grammar. 😀 Thanks for putting me in. 🙂 I really appreciate it. :]


  6. YYYAAAYYY!!!!! I GETS TO THROW WHIPPED-CREAM!!!!! WHOOOOOOOO!!! AND NO, I haven’t had a potato.

  7. This is the next “Valley of Fools” story. Everyone rate this a five and get it to the top rated! Wonderful story, flawless grammar and exceptional spelling. I loved the update, but I need another one. I also love the machine idea, very original and creative. Update now or you may not live to see the next hour Fal. This story is addicting. Wow!

  8. You left me HANGING! 😐 Not cool buddeh. Finish the update now. Or else. And let me quote Hermione on this one:


    And mine. Now hurry! Shizzz, this story is addicting.

  9. Fal, you know my powers and I know where you live… SO UPDATE! And I don’t talk like that!

  10. GEEZ, I did! I will again, as soon as i can… It’s what I do in my spare time.

  11. Wow. UUPPPPPPPPPDDDAAATTTTTTTTEEEEEEEE! Put me in it or I will send all my minions after you!(Not really. I don’t have any minions, unless you count my cat.) Love the story by the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  12. My mions are hot pink bunnys. Just kidding, I don’t have any. But i like to use ’em as empty threats.

  13. Love it! Update or I will do… something I don’t know what.
    But still, update!

  14. You better stop being lazy when you come back. I am so not happy with you! How much do I have to beg to get you to update five or six chapters! Huh!!!??? Huh???!!! How many Fal…:(

  15. Fine, I shall. But I’m on a break. When I come back…

  16. FoalyIsAGenues September 6th, 2010 at 3:00 am 16

    put me in
    i am a centaur
    gender :boy
    always on computer
    vary sarcastic
    black hair glasses

  17. Why do you keep saying you’re a bad writer, modesty or so people will excitedly read your stories to see just how “bad” they are. Really, Falcon, I’ve seen tons of suckish-er stories. Stop saying you’re horrible, because you’re NOT. Update before I EXPLODE. If I can be in it, please add me. I have straight black hair halfway down my back, dark brown eyes(you can’t see it unless you’re about 6 inches from my face and stare really hard, otherwise they look black), tan skin, bad memory, dark blue glasses, enjoys cats and cookies, and I hate cheese. And most other dairy products. EXCEPT ICE CREAM. I am also random and 12 years old. Female. Will eat off floor depending on cleanliness of floor and tastiness of food. Will sit/climb just about anything. Stares off into space and has a lot of potentially useless facts.

  18. Yer in. I know, your right, people probably DO read my stories just to see how bad they are. But really, I’m just being modest- i still think they stink, though. I wrote a quiz to identify people with AlantisC, and I failed it XD

    Anyways, no more people for this one. It’s closed.

  19. HAHA! I’M IN IT!!! GRACIAS!!! XIEXIE!!! THANK YOU!! Er… that’s all the ways I know to say thanks… not really a lot. Anyway, it’s a short update, but I understand you just got on, so whatever. Good you can update at all, you know, cuz of school and everything.

  20. update or die( not really you wont die because of me)

  21. I has updated.

  22. Short, but it’s something. A quote? How bout-

    Underrating is overrated.

    Kay, not very good, I just made it up. I don’t really have any good quotes that I say myself…

  23. Oh, I LIKE that. Anyone else? I want a quote by as many of the people I’m using as I can.

  24. XD Why is that when I read the first few paragraphs, I immediately saw a comedy story? Other than that, after the turns it’s taking, maybe it won’t entirely be funny anymore, which kind of dragged me down a bit. T_T
    BESIDES THAT, with this being one of the first stories I’ve read on this site, I have to say it exceeded my expectations in a really good way. Though, to give you any criticisms at the moment… might want to have a look at chapter 2. A few things repeated itself one too many times….

  25. GAH! I have fixed chapter 2 like, ten times! Ah well.

  26. Wow. 🙂 Awesome.

    First of all, dittoing FowlStar, I love it how you didn’t reveal the plot right away and kept me wondering what was going to happen. Also, thanks for putting me in this! I loved the whip cream battle. *broad grin* Epic.


    P.S. Something’s wrong with Chapter 2… 🙁 It keeps repeating itself.

  27. There, I fixed chapter 2. Is it still… Ah. Yes. It is. I give up.

  28. You’ve updated!!!! But it’s short. But you updated! Miehhehehhh!!

  29. UpDaTe!!!!!!!!!!!!

  30. Oooh, one more person rate it 5* and it will be in the TTs!!!! Please? Somebody? Can’t rate it myself…

  31. UPDATE PWEESE!!!!!!!

  32. WOOT YOU UPDATED… and it’s short. Ah well, nice job. I dunno if I mentioned this before, but it’s ninety, despite the pronounciation.

    Yurp… I just really want an update. Sorry for my tineh comment.

  33. Great fic! 5 stars!

  34. Alright… it’s been updated.


  36. oooh cabn I be in it?I want to be called alpha. and I have a quote for ya:
    Im carzy reulary but give me lightning powers and IM cole mcgrath on weed.

  37. …Sorry, i’ts too late to join, although I might use your quotes… 🙁

  38. Falcon? This is fantastic. Update, or the Hounds will get ya. (See Taurus) Sorry, I just felt the need to post an ‘update or fear my wrath’ type message.

    I didn’t see and mistakes, and you’ve got a great fic going. Good job!

  39. I just came back from the dead, and what greets me? Your epic story. Woman, you need to update this if you value our band locker without whipped cream smeared on the walls! Kidding- mostly |D Ahem. So, update? It’s great(as always), except for a few typos. Keep up the work if you enjoy life!~

    Woman, you need

  40. chocolatetruffles1 March 24th, 2012 at 3:56 am 40

    Very funny, and please update soon.

  41. Re-reading these comments…. Gah how I miss everybody *flails everywhere* But like seriously, this used to be a classic… *cries* Fowwie called it the next Valley of Fools story aufuyfjhjvhhvj

  42. A couple times a year I reminisce on this and man, it only now occurred to me how nobody questions that like half of these characters have magic powers. I don’t think I had a plan for that at all.
    RIP FG, RIP my most ambitious writing project, miss ya still lololol

  43. Hey good book teach me how to write my writing teacher hates me

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