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FanFiction Winner: An Artemis Fowl Christmas, by Star Jinin

Chapter 1: Fiction or Reality?
(this takes place after the Lost Colony)
For most people, Christmas was a time of cheer, presents, and family and Angeline Fowl was no exception. Mrs. Fowl could be seen spending hours making phone calls to various décor companies and Juliet was about to receive her fifteenth Kevlar suit from Butler (“You can’t ever be sure you’re truly safe from potential gunmen”). Myles and Beckett were in the Daughters of Mercy nursery and well taken care of. Flashing lights adorned every nook and cranny of Fowl Manor. Singing elf ornaments were specially hammered to Artemis’s door, much to his displeasure, and the fact that they looked like Commander Root (only without the red complexion) didn’t help either.

Great. Just when he needed to concentrate on the task on hand, Juliet thinks it’s funny to attach those abominations to his study. Artemis shook off the dreadfully sung noel and proceeded with his fairy hacking.

Butler just interrupted Artemis to bring him a few sandwiches. When he glanced at the screen, he snorted.

“Artemis, do you realize they don’t exist?” Butler snickered. Artemis rolled his eyes.

“Yes… well, Butler. Humans thought fairies didn’t exist either, and look at all the gold that turned out just from one measly trip to Ho Chi Minh and a night of plotting. It’s worth a shot.” Artemis proceeded wearing out his fingers on the gel keyboard.

Butler stole a few furtive glimpses and strolled quickly out the door, fully aware that his young principal was in an irritated mood. Artemis ended the facade as soon as the room was void of all presences.

Artemis felt the tug of guilt again. He removed the book cover of a Webster dictionary and pulled out a picture of Holly, fresh and content from her daily Recon duties. He sighed. Sorry, Holly. I know you would never approve of my planned actions, but…

Artemis Fowl shook off the feeling and was himself again. He was a criminal mastermind, not some priest that should be concerned about what others thought of him and did what was “right”. His head turned to the uploaded files from Haven’s online confidential library. Hmmm… Interesting. These files should prove useful later.

What exactly was Artemis Fowl the Second seeking? Not gold this time, no, but to unearth another great mystery that had troubled mankind for centuries: the secret of San D. Klauss and the “Christmas elves”. He was fully prepared to face a calamity like the last time he had tried to exploit an unknown species. He could remember his mother reading those absurd stories to him when he was three, although by that time, he was already smart enough to know it was physically impossible for large, four-legged mammals to levitate and unfeasible for a fat man to fit all of the worlds children’s toys in one sleigh as well as delivering them in one night, flying.

The problem was that the Book did not provide much information about San. How troublesome. The LEP had quadrupled their security defenses since the last time Artemis took a hacking jaunt in their files and by the time Artemis went through the firewall, Christmas would be long gone by. No. He’d have to make do with his current sources. Luckilly, the library was open for the public, and Foaly was more concerned about his own LEP files and not some library’s. Artemis’s second stop was eBay. Artemis disliked eBay. Where else could scammers lurk and defective, used products be found? However, this run was necessary. He browsed around the site for an hour until-

“Perfect.” Artemis leaked out his evil grin.

Now that Artemis had uncovered the existence of fairies, however, he began to see them on another scale. He even spent a month nonstop on investigating alien sightings two weeks after the Fowl Manor siege.

Seeing that the last time Artemis attempted to kidnap Holly it worked quite well, he didn’t see the reason not to do something similar again, only with a different target. Artemis called Butler to fetch some hardware and the hunt began.

The presents were laid out on Christmas Eve with a pretty Christmas skirt underneath. Twenty stolen LEP cameras (courtesy of Mulch Diggums) with ion trails were aimed at the chimney and tree. Not even Mulch could disable all the LEP cameras and sneak off without being detected (okay, maybe yes with jaws like his and disregard for the fairy commandments combined with Mrs. Fowl’s highly chewable carpet).

Artemis knew that Father Christmas would come. He knew the Christmas legend of course, and now if San D. Klauss was real, so were the stories that had connected them. Artemis had been a criminal mastermind for as long as he could remember, but after his involvement in the B’wa Kell revolution, Opal Koboi’s second takeover attempt, and the Hybras thing, old Klauss was sure to pay him a visit. Artemis didn’t have to wait too long. He had personally monitored the security system and made a few adjustments so the LEP equipment would adapt to his computer. Although Artemis didn’t know it (surprisingly), his latest changes to his PC had also weakened his security. Some files were weakened intentionally and unintentionally. Foaly and the LEP had gotten wind that Artemis Fowl the Second was about to plan something big.

To read Chapter 2 and the rest of of An Artemis Fowl Christmas, click here.

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Comments on This Post

31 responses to “The Haven Herald.” Join in!

  1. Umm…just so you know, I’m a girl…

  2. The “You wann be a crimminal mastermind” was AWESOME! Except I think cash instead of presents is kinda unlikely and crimminal masterminds probably get coal instead of presents. Keep it up!

  3. Sorry about that! I’ll fix it.

  4. Fixed. XD

    Ah, and yeah, great point about the coal. Thanks. 🙂 The guide assumes that you’re still on Santa’s “nice” list, though.

  5. I’m sorry I didn’t get the advice out on time…..

  6. Great issue guys!!!As always!!!!Articles are great and everything looks very nice!!!Congrats to all winners and you Star Jinin!!

  7. Meo!  Feandril!  Holly314!Great Job!Also congrats to Star and K_K and Forsaken.

  8. [Statement]: Artificial intelligence – not amused. Putting brackets is not about being cool. It’s about being productive. It’s about expressing your emotions clearly. Something we cyborgs are far better in than you humans. Or at least would be if we HAD emotions… but we don’t……[Confused Query]: What was this about anyway? [Reseting. Success.][Humanizing. Success.(WOW!)]Umm… yay for me… Newbie? >.>Sure makes MY day… :p [Ending. Success.(Two in a ROW!? Who would have thought)

  9. this is my first post on this I’m new lol

  10. Feandril, what are with these things: []?

  11. I have a science project due tomorrow

  12. HELLO welcome Nokomis
    congratulation all winners and StarJinin

  13. Hello Nokomis!So did you like 5th issue guys?!Is there something you would like to change?!

  14. Iloved the “So You Wanna Be a Criminal Mastermind?” and “Opal’s View on TTP” They were both awesome!!! And congrats to Star Jinin! Yay you! 😀

  15. Hey guys! Congrats Meo! Yer awesome… really awesome…totally awesome! Hey congrats to everybody else too [statement] Hey Feandril! I knew you’d get noticed for your…unique style.

  16. [Statement]: Of course I would. My style and the fact that I am very cool. In fact, too cool… :Plol…

  17. Ty guys well I wonder what the new book by him is like anyone read it?

  18. I can’t read “The Haven Harold” Where is it? I can’t locate it on the site! 😕

  19. Oh! never mind… I feel stupid now.

  20. I got member of the month? Yay! *does happy dance* Thank you so much! 😀 😀 😀

  21. Congrats guys especially Meo and Feandril, well done :D.

  22. CONGRATS TO EVERYOE WHO HAS WON!!!! You definetly deserved it!!!!!

    Does anybody know if I have won anything in this competition ???????????? Cuz I have only read The Fourth and Fifth Haven Heralds. I can’t find the other ones, or else i would read them.

  23. Hmm, you may want to check out all the past Haven Heralds. Here’s everything from the very beginning, for everyone’s benefit:

    The Haven Herald Issue#1
    The Haven Herald Issue#2
    The Haven Herald Issue#3
    The Haven Herald Issue#4 

    😛

  24. hi!!
    i’m new here, i love the haven herald
    specialy the part of “so you wanna be a criminal mastermind?” ’cause actually i do… XD
    when i was little i wanted to plan a bank robbery haha. the problem: i don’t have that much money(and i don’t think santa claus will provide enough :P)and i don’t think can put a paper outside my door asking for minions (i don’t want them to start thinking i’ve gone crazy or someting hehe)…

  25. Хм… спорно, поспорил бы с автором…

  26. It’s great to find an expert who can exlipan things so well

  27. Ahahah, mas tão submissos que nós andamos ao paizinho Saakashvili!!! Agora o "blog dos ucranianos de Moçambique" (aka o blog do Jest) até faz propaganda aos comandos georgianos… e que tal se mostrasse o belo trabalho dos artilheiros georgianos que bombardearam selvaticamente Tskinvali?Jest, qual é a razão para adorar o Saakashvili dessa maneira? É por ele também ser anti-russo?

  28. then that once this movement gains traction, it will take off. It certainly has started. But we must be ever diligent and we must be ever mindful that the change must be clear, concise and very calculated. Sloppiness will not rule the day.I believe that this young priest, in 1996, saw in his daily work with Card. Mayer what would be. If I could question that young priest today, I’d ask him this: “Are we on track? Is the vision which Cardinals Mayer, Stickler, Oddi, Ratzinger, Casaroli, Gantin, Innocenti, Palazzini, and Tomko saw coming to bear?”I wonder what that young priest would say?

  29. We need to make sure that holiday through the 1st by going online sale Ugg Boots Promotion, to their new supply for your hunters might be non-problematic as they possibly can

  30. (The Ghost of) Van Wijk,Have you joined the Heavenly Choir?I hope this is not to say that you've never smoked kief at all, Rick.No comment…. when you go to discuss philosophy (or foreign policy) with the headhunters, do you ask to see the Headman? Aren't they all Headmen?Ha ha! Yes. When you want the top guy, you have to ask for the Head Headhunter.

  31. July 2, 2012 Wow! This can be one particular of the most useful blogs We’ve ever arrive across on this subject. Actually Great. I am also a specialist in this topic therefore I can understand your effort.

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