“OH, DEAR LORD IN HEAVEN, I’M STUCK!”

Summary: Hilarious, a little OOC, T for implications, just about no swearing (unless you have a problem with taking God’s name in […]

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Hilarious, a little OOC, T for implications, just about no swearing (unless you have a problem with taking God’s name in vain) 

It was a normal day in the Fowl household. Mr and Mrs Fowl were out for the day, and Holly took this convenient chance to hang around Artemis and annoy him, as she found it quite amusing.

“So, whatcha doing, whatcha doing, whatcha doing, whatcha–” said Holly.

“Must you repeat everything you–or for that matter, I–say?!” complained Artemis. Holly stifled a giggle.

“I bet you find me amusing from a psycological point of view–among other views,” Holly smirked.

Artemis groaned. “Puberty. It hits and suddenly people are all over you like a fly on flypaper.”

“Oh, you’re talking,” Holly grumbled. “Who’s on who like a fly, I’d like to know?”

“Can you please be quiet,” Artemis said, his face turning red. “I’m trying to manage my stocks.”

“Oh, is that what you’re doing!” Holly cried out in mock awe. “Finally I get an answer!”

Artemis turned his face, now redder than a tomato, toward the laptop balanced on his knee. Holly decided to try a little experiment. She reached over the back of the leather couch and ran her finger lightly over Artemis’s leg.

Artemis yelped shrilly and jumped a foot in the air. The laptop flew away and smashed down on the hard floor tiles. Holly winced.

“You owe me six hundred dollars!” hissed Artemis as he ran to inspect the damage. “That laptop was state of the art!”

“Oh, stuff it,” grumbled Holly, kneeling beside him. “We LEP have equipment decades ahead of that caveman toy.” She picked up the mangled laptop and examined it critically.

“Oh, Arty, come on! It only needs a little TLC, and it’ll be fine.” Holly stopped looking at the laptop and began to examine Artemis himself. “Speaking of which, what was up with that yelp?”

Artemis was making the reddest of tomatoes look pale in comparison by this point. “Well, now I have nothing to do,” he sighed.

“Oh, be quiet! I’ll bet you have a hundred more–”

That was when Holly realized that she could use Artemis’s boredom to her advantage. “Let’s play Dare.”

Artemis realized what was happening. “No. Oh, no. I’m a genius. You can’t make me.”

Holly grinned. “Wimp.”

“Fine, I’ll play.”

“Good. My turn first. I dare you to stick your head through the stair rails.”

Artemis shook his head furiously. “No. Never.”

Holly’s grin seemed to stretch from ear to ear. “Lollypops.”

Artemis’s beet-red face went pale. “You wouldn’t.”

“I would. Now, head through the rail, buster.”

Artemis walked toward the stairs as slowly as if he was being led to the gullotine. As he reached them, he gulped loudly and turned to Holly. Holly jerked her head toward the rails.

Artemis gulped again, then stuck his head through them.

“See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?”

Artemis let out a sigh of relief and made to get out. Strange, he thought; it seemed as though…

“OH, DEAR LORD IN HEAVEN, I’M STUCK!”

Holly went pale and grabbed Artemis’s leg. Artemis stifled a shriek.

“Brace your arms along the sides and push when I count to three!” commanded Holly. Artemis did as she said.

“1…2…3!”

Holly pulled as hard as she could manage. Artemis yelped in pain.

“Oh, hush up, you baby!” Holly grunted as she struggled to maintain hold. Eventually, the only thing that came out of its place was Artemis’s pants.

“Nice underwear, again,” snickered Holly. Artemis’s underwear was once again the same shade as his face–dark purple.

“Just saw me out before Mother and Father return!” Artemis yelled.

“All right, no need to get crabby,” Holly said. She reached to her hip holster, grabbed her Neutrino, and fired a few rounds around Artemis’s head. Artemis collapsed to the floor and lay there, gasping for breath. Holly waited.

“Now…we must find a way…to explain this mess to Mother and Father…not to mention Butler,” Artemis groaned when he finally caught his breath.

“We? Who’s we? You’re on your ever-lovin’ own, Fowl,” Holly giggled. Then she sheilded. And Artemis was left on the floor as Butler raced down the stairs, to the sight of Master Fowl lying on the ground with shards of wood around him and a gaping hole in the railing.

Comments on This Post

26 responses to ““OH, DEAR LORD IN HEAVEN, I’M STUCK!”.” Join in!

  1. FCD

    that story is very OOC. But it’s funny, so I don’t care.

  2. Oh, my, randomness galore! Despite all its (!!!)s and (???)s, it ROCKED.

    *Second comment cha-cha*

  3. Hermione Fowl May 2nd, 2010 at 6:00 am 3

    That was soooo funny!!! =)=)=) 3rd commetnd dance!!=)

  4. Great story Ohan. XD Hilarious!!!! 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 >.

  5. Ohansahyosheli May 2nd, 2010 at 2:03 pm 5

    Thanks guys. 🙂 I had nothing to do, and I got this idea…

  6. “Lollipops.”

    “You wouldn’t.”

    *tries to contain burst of wild laughter so I don’t stretch the page* 😆 😆 😆

    Very funny, and not as OOC as I expected. Made even funnier by the fact that I’ve done the exact same thing as Artemis (got my head stuck in stair rails) and, unfortunately, I didn’t have an elf with a Neutrino to get me out. THAT was a fun day. 🙄

    ~A still-laughing Yoshi

  7. Ohansahyosheli May 2nd, 2010 at 4:25 pm 7

    Thanks you guys! @Yoshi: did you get what Holly meant with the lollipops thing? She was threatening to tell everyone. *shudders as thinks about what would happen to Arty’s reputation*

  8. OOC. Holly was too mean!! =C

  9. shadowsnake451 May 4th, 2010 at 1:05 pm 9

    I seriously love it.
    @people claiming this as OOC- “$%*(^$%^&$$$%^”!::

  10. *laughing so hard* *faints* *revives*
    LOL! THAT WAS FUNNY!

  11. heh heh heh that’s kind of funny. cool.
    though, it is OOC

  12. XD! 😆 😆 😆 That. was. HYSTERICAL! I laughed so hard that my lil’ brother gave me a really weird look. Awesome, Ohan! 5 *s.

  13. lep officer May 8th, 2010 at 11:20 am 13

    write more or die!

  14. *gasp* LEP Officer?!?!?!? No mean language on a brilliant story! *wags finger*

  15. Ohansahyosheli June 14th, 2010 at 1:20 am 15

    It’s all good. Maybe there’ll be a sequel in which Holly dares Artemis to make out with Minerva.

  16. SEQUEL! SEQUEL! SEQUEL! HECK, UPDATE THIS STORY! SEQUEL! SEQUEL! SEQUEL! SEQUEL! SEQUEL! SEQUEL! SEQUEL! SEQUEL! SEQUEL! SEQUEL! SEQUEL! SEQUEL! SEQUEL! SEQUEL! SEQUEL! SEQUEL! SEQUEL! SEQUEL!

    Have I made my point clear? Pweese! Pretty pweese! I wuuubbb it so much! Pweese!

  17. Ohansahyosheli August 23rd, 2010 at 6:49 pm 17

    Lol. Maybe. 😉

  18. Beckett Simpleton August 23rd, 2010 at 7:12 pm 18

    That was the utter definition of hilarious!

  19. That made me laugh.so.hard. OOC, but that was still amazingly(did i spell that right?) funny. 5/5 *S!!!

  20. REALLY DO YOU TAKE PILLS? (If you have no idea what I’m talking about, please see the story Unrequited by the one and only AMAZIN OHAN)

  21. Amazing? 😮 Am I really? *blush* Why, thank you!

  22. Modesty? Really? That’s like Eoin Colfer saying his books AREN’T the best thing ever written.

  23. Hahahahaha! Ditto, WE. I just re-read this. STILL AMAZING! Ohan, you rock my socks off! 😀

  24. Have I really not reviewed this? REALLY? I’ve read it like a million times because it’s so hilarious.

    I guess it is kind of OOC but that’s okay because it’s SO FUNNY!!! It’s OOC because that would never actually happen, but if it did it’s probably how Holly and Artemis would react…or something like that. 😀

    ~December Holly

  25. Wait….. lollipops? What? I know the reference, but what exactly is she threatening to DO? I’m sorry, I just healed and my brain shut down. I DON’T GET IT!

  26. Beckett Simpleton March 24th, 2011 at 10:40 pm 26

    Aaah the link in TTs was too much! I had to read again! FUNNY! OMG I have never read anything quite so randomly plotlessly funny!

    (five starts because i forgot to rate last-time)

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