I have had this idea for a year, but E.N.HA’s story about Julius Root’s opinion on dating prompted me to write it now. Enjoy it, and please R&R! 😀
Note by Julius Root: This report was compiled for the benefit of any rookies in the Academy who dare seek my
always right humble opinion. You may be offended. If you aren’t, good for you. If you are, I suggest you leave the Academy, because if you can’t handle my always right humble opinion, then you certainly can’t take life in the field.
Hello, rookies. My name is Julius Root. Your name is rookie. If you ever wish to be known as commander, you have to listen to my
always right words.
Advice #1) I have heard of some particularily stubburn rookies referring to me as ‘Beetroot’. If you do this and I find out, you will be fired.
Advice #2a) Do not become romantically/sexually/whateverly involved with ANY LEP officer, male or female. If you do and I find out, I will personally fire you.
Advice #2b) Do not become romantically/sexually/whateverly involved with Wing Commander Vinyáya. If you do and I find out, I will beat you senseless, and then I will fire you.
Advice #3a) Always listen to your commander, who is always right, which is why he is Commander.
Advice #3b) Except when he is wrong. Which is rare.
Advice #4a) Always follow orders, whether they be from your commander or from your major.
Advice #4b) By the way, your major is wrong more often than your commander, but less often than a captain.
Advice #4c) And a private is always wrong. That’s why he’s a private.
Advice #4d) Or she.
Advice #5) If you say the word d’arvit and pronounce it wrong, you are incompetent, and I will fire you.
Advice #6a) If you smoke, you are clearly doing it to make yourself look like me. I congragulate you; you’re obviously well-endowed in the brains department.
Advice #6b) Although you may get lung cancer, in which case I can’t be responsible for your health.
Advice #6c) Or your bills.
Advice #7) Do not presume to refer to me by my first name. I have worked hard
er than you to get to commander, and if you do not remind me of this, you are incompetent and you will be fired.
Advice #8) Do NOT, under ANY circumstances, neglect the Ritual. If you do, and I find out, you will be yelled at loudly and then made to do it, and then yelled at some more when you return.
Advice #9a) Do not allow yourself to be kidnapped by a Mud Man. If you do, and I find out, I cannot be responsible for your safety.
Advice #9b) Unless I am fond of you, in which case I will use our hostage fund to get you back, although I won’t be happy about it.
Advice #10) Do NOT waste your potential. This is the most important rule. If you do, and I find out, I will be very angry with you, in which case it is best to run for your miserable life.