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If I Lay Here.

Summary: “there goes my pain, there goes my chains, did you see them fall?” Lifehouse. I’m standing here, and I hate […]

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5

5 votes, average: 5.00 out of 55 votes, average: 5.00 out of 55 votes, average: 5.00 out of 55 votes, average: 5.00 out of 55 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (5 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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“there goes my pain,
there goes my chains,
did you see them fall?”

Lifehouse.
I’m standing here, and I hate the feeling. I’m holding a gun, making my palms sticky. The feeling is not good, the atmosphere none the better. I’m in this ill-fitted uniform, the stains that they didn’t bother to wash off scare me. I’m wearing this helmet, and I feel the sweat, the pain the blood from the hundred men that have worn it before me. The rain starts to fall. And pitter patter goes the rain. And splitter splatter goes the brains.
They run, they push me, but I stand there. And I cannot move. I will my legs to, but I cannot. I scream. Because…
I don’t want this to happen.

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5

Comments on This Post

18 responses to “If I Lay Here..” Join in!

  1. Hermione Fowl March 27th, 2010 at 6:33 am 1

    That’s SO good SeaBlue! 1st comment dance!=)=)=)=)

  2. Excellent. Two tiny issues, one with chapter teh first, being “so says them”. It sounds… awkward. Not entirely sure, but I think perhaps it should be “so say they”. Chapter two has a little stumble as well, where you have a bit of tense-switching. If it’s not tense-switching, then it sounds odd. “Bound me to my race,” that bit. Maybe… bind?

    Seriously though, excellent. I love your work. Lufffff it 🙂

  3. WoW 🙂
    awesome.
    *3rd comment dance*

  4. Ahh, finished. :3

    And thanks everyone for the comments! 😀

    () ()
    (0.o) IMMD. ;D

  5. aww…. that was kinda sweet and very sad

    wait. who were they again?

  6. sweet? o.O well, to answer your question: (any fairy girl) and (any mud-man)

    You see, the point is, it can be any one of The People and any one of the Mud-Men, possibly with the same situation as Holly and Artemis (if you want to think it’s them, so be it.) The main point of the whole thing is not anything romantic, no, it’s not “love conquers all”, more of “No war”.

    Understand?

  7. That’s amazing, man. Amazing. Wow. You can write dude. Imagery, description, just… just the subtlety of some of it… pure genius. *standing ovation*

  8. Ok, I’m meant to be a ghost memember..I told myself I would not log in but I couldn’t help logging on just to say:

    Holy Cow that was great!!!
    *joins AA in standing ovation*
    You are one awesoem writer, you have to admit it..people can only wish they could write like you!
    The whole thing left me open mouthed. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, your ah-may-zing..when will you believe us?
    5 stars..wish i could give you more XD

  9. 😕 Oh, how it gets on my nerves when people take a story as amazingly brilliant as this and say only ‘Good. Update.’ Sea, this story doesn’t deserve that. It deserves so much more.

    This was… as previously said, amazing. I cannot believe half of the people on this site aren’t paid authors. This… scares me a bit. The way you dug deep into the feelings and emotions of the main character. The way you expertly described the setting without excess detail.

    I was there, Sea.I was there. And that scared me You reached deep into my heart and tugged as hard as you could. And, to my knowledge, not many people can do that This is brilliant, Sea. Brilliant.

    ~CC

  10. Sea, that was wonderpipical. I pride you on your excellent skills. This story made me cry for the first time in two years. You captured everything like a camera and then you mailed me the pictures. You are an artist. You amaze me. r:

  11. He’s amazing, isn’t he? *glowing admiration*

    ~CC

  12. You can say that again!!!
    I cant believe he can write like that and you’re right. If Sea published stories or poems (His poems are AMAZING) I’d buy them straight away. He’s one of my fave unknown (except by FGers) unpublished authors…right next to AA and TWS and MK

  13. Man, you guys are too nice. 🙂 this was an attempt to get those songs outta my head. XD

    Hey, anyone can guess how many songs were used in this fic!?

    Oh yeah, I’m planning on posting the draft (my handwritten one). If you wanna see it, then I’ll post it. Because my drafts, I don’t think you’ll understand it.xD

    () ()
    (0.0)XP

  14. I could check how many songs you used but I really dont wnat to…I have a feeling I’d be open mouthed at the effort you put in your fics.
    Yes I for one would love to see your draft though I’m so thick I probably wouldn’t get it XD

  15. I just love reading this. 😀

    ~CC

  16. Goddess Artemis April 25th, 2010 at 2:21 pm 16

    perfect. I love the emotion and depth of this.
    it made me think.
    ~GA

  17. Bravo! This is beautiful.

    I really can’t say anything else it speaks for itself.

    One of my personal favorites.

    -Kitty XD

  18. *grins* This doesn’t surprise me that it’s editor’s choice. 😀

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