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Dust

Summary: Nothing Moved Everything was still Suspending the moment Where an angel fell But Silence this great Could only last so long […]

2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 52 votes, average: 4.50 out of 52 votes, average: 4.50 out of 52 votes, average: 4.50 out of 52 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5 (2 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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Nothing Moved

Everything was still

Suspending the moment

Where an angel fell

But Silence this great

Could only last so long

And the world started moving

Once again, to its song.

Holly dropped

Her knees in the dust

Her skin lost it’s warmth

Her eyes lost their lust

Artemis stared

In the the craft that he manned

At the big gun

Still smoking in his hand.

 

 

 

Comments on This Post

8 responses to “Dust.” Join in!

  1. Wow. That was abit morbid, confusing at the beggning, but good 😀 I liked it. 4 stars :3
    FCD

  2. Whoa. Short and intense. All I have to say.
    ~Holls

  3. Very nice. Very.

    But still, I gotta give concrit.

    1) But Silence this great.
    Silence is “silence”. Without the capital S.

    2) In the the craft that he manned.

    I saw a brain teaser like this, kinda.

    A
    BIRD
    IN THE
    THE BUSH

    See the mistake? The the…two thes. I guessing that was just a typo though.

    A few parts are a bit choppy, but otherwise, it’s perfect. Like Holls said, short and intense. Nice work, Dream. 😀

    ~Sara

  4. I agree with Captain_Short, short and intense. Great job.

  5. Great job! It’s definitely short, but, like everyone else said, it’s intense. I don’t really see the point, though. I liked the poetic sort of way you wrote it. And I didn’t find any mistakes, unless you didn’t mean to capitilize Silence. If you did, it should be lowercase.

  6. Actually, the capitalizations were either intentional (meaning you wish to put emphasis on the meaning of these particular words) or they’re mess-ups. I’ll assume the former ^^

    An apostrophe (‘) is used to show possession. For example, if Bob owns a cat, his cat could be addressed as “Bob’s cat”. The apostrophe is between the name and the s.

    If more than one thing owns something, then use the plural form and add the apostrophe after the s. Ex. “Cats’ toy”
    If someone is quoting someone else, you use apostrophes instead of quotation marks around the second quote.

    “He said, ‘go away!’”

    You also use them in contractions. Examples:

    could’ve
    should’ve
    would’ve
    can’t
    I’ll
    he’ll
    she’ll
    won’t
    shouldn’t
    wouldn’t
    couldn’t
    I’m
    he’s
    she’s
    we’re
    they’re
    they’ll
    didn’t
    it’s
    isn’t
    etc.

    The apostrophe replaces the missing letter(s).
    If an “it” owns something, instead of using “it’s”, you use “its”. This is because “it’s” means “it is”.

    Got it?

    Interesting use of words. Fairly nice rhyming, not overdone. Short, but that adds OOMPH. You get what I’m saying? You don’t get what I’m saying?
    … *walks away*

    ~WE, out

  7. WE’s sure good at english lessons. XD

    You prolly shouldn’t’ve commented again just to say that, but yes, I am ^^ *smug*

    BTW, English should be capitalized because it’s a proper noun. Jus’ saying XD ~WE

  8. Absent_Minded_Professor August 27th, 2012 at 12:00 pm 8

    I agree with the above comments. Short and intense. The beginning makes really no sense yet, and then you slowly come to the realization.
    Describing the contrast between what both characters did had a really cool effect. Especially lines 9 and 13.
    Someone also said it was choppy, and I have to agree somewhat. A few syllables could have been added or taken away here and there to give it more . . . poetic flow. For example, the 14th line seems really awkward. See where I’m coming from?

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