Written by Mira and LEP Recon Girl!
Welcome to my life. I guess you assume it’s a good one, but… not really. My life is anything but great. I’m in the LEP, actually in Retrieval one. I suppose that makes me kinda cool. But I guess I should explain why nothing is really going good right now. It started three, or four, years ago….
“Bye Trouble!” Cried Holly, one of my best friends as she left Police Plaza. For once, she didn’t use the nickname that I hated.Thank Frond. Actually, it was my brother who had given me the nickname. But my sister and Holly caught on it pretty soon. My sister, Mira, the little nut job. I miss her, but I didn’t have too then.
“Troubbie!” Said someone behind me. Speak of the little devil. Mira had gotten into Police Plaza. Again. I sighed, she was always breaking into my office, playing pranks. I swear she sent Holly a love note once, though she denied it. But there had to be a reason Holly couldn’t look at me without blushing for a weeks. She grinned at me devilishly, reminding me that she wasn’t just a kid anymore. She was a corporal now. What Root was thinking when he let her in, I don’t know. But whatever was going on in his mind, it made my sister a corporal, able to follow me around more easily.
“Hello Mira,” I sighed. “What is it now?”
“Can’t I see my brother without arousing suspicion?” She pouted “And I’ll have you know, I was only punishing Chix for attempting to ask me out three days ago. He knows I have a boyfriend….”
“Really? Who?”I asked, raising an eyebrow. She grinned.
“Ash, I thought you saw us when you were on a date with Short,” she grinned.I swear, there is something wrong with her.
“Wait, you’re dating Ash? My friend? And when was I on a date with Holly?” I felt my face flush red.
Mira snickered, the evil snicker that told me that something was going on. “Since last weekend. Gosh you have a short memory.”
“Seeing you in the same place didn’t really raise suspicion.” I argued. “Besides, I was a little, uh, distracted.” My whole face must be bright red by now.
“Hey, Lying Is The Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking All Her Clothes off,” Mira grinned, making a Panic! At the Disco reference.
“Wait, so are you dating him or not?” gosh, I felt like an idiot
“Trouble, I love to break it to you, yes! See you tomorrow. Family reunion!” She grinned, sliding off my desk and to the hall. She disappeared around a corner, grinning. That was today? I felt a headache coming on. There was a family reunion… today. Oh d’arvit.
I rushed out into the hall, hoping to think of some sort of excuse to get out of it.
“Trouble Kelp, I don’t think I have seen you so upset in ages.” Holly was watching me, hands on hips. I sighed, now I had to explain.
Why me? I thought, while explaining to her about the family
“Oh, I hated those things once I turned about forty” she exclaimed. “Now I don’t, to reunion.
“Anyway, now I just have to think of a suitable excuse to escape.” She snickered.
“Good luck, Kelp,” she grinned. “Want a ride?”
“You are evil, Holly. Why hasn’t Opal hired you yet?” I asked jokingly. She grinned, and shrugged.
“I really don’t know,” she said, getting in her car. “All I know is that I’ll be laughing at your pain all night.”
“Well, If word of this gets out, I may have to tell everyone you were head cheerleader in High School,” I mused, rubbing my chin in a fake evil manner
Mira peeked out from behind the car she was spying on us from. “Ohhh, lead cheerleader?” She asked, while Holly started to blush.
“I- yeah. But it means I can kick almost any of their butts. Not many of them can do back-flips,” Holly explained. Mira laughed as I walked away. I was kind of frightened, to say the least. There were a lot of Grubs in my family. Not to mention the about three other Miras, and the pyromaniac. I was almost jealous of Holly for having no family. At least she didn’t have to watch out for explosives every visit.
Mira caught up to me about halfway there. “So, we confiscate Aunt Tammy’s Zippo again, or just empty it?”
“How about filling it with helium?” I joked, mind on other things.
She grinned. “We’ll make a prankster of you yet, do not fret!” She said, rhyming on purpose just to annoy me.
“And I suppose I can make a female out of you someday. You know they’ll force you into a dress soon.”
Mira squealed jokingly. “No, not a dress!” she mimed fainting., and dashed into an alleyway off to one side of the street, then she re-joined me an alleyway later.
I rolled my eyes. “I saw the one Mum has ready for you, lots of lace and pink.”
“And when are you going to be forced into a suit?” She asked innocently, she must have saw me pale visibly, because she cracked up.
“At least I can make it look good,” I retorted.
She stuck her tongue out at me. “You didn’t see prom, I was a stunner in a dress.”
“Yeah, that you wore shorts under so you could do cartwheels.” she rolled her eyes.
“No, so I could still kick someone if need be.”
“Very lady-like, Mir. No wonder you go through boyfriends so fast.”
“At least I’m not so shy I had to know someone decades before asking them out!” she was referring to Holly.
“Well at least I didn’t go through nearly all of the students in the Academy while I was there,” I retorted. She grinned cheekily.
I really should’ve guessed what she said next. “We both know you went through most of your class,” she grinned brightly.
“Oh, shut up you little demon.” I was definitely blushing now. She snickered as we turned a corner to our mother’s house.
“Dress time” I whispered to her, grinning evilly
Mira blushed a bright red, remembering the last time she wore a dress. Dark days, very dark.
“And I bet she’ll put your hair in ribbons, and make you wear nice shiny shoes, and you’ll look like a little doll!”
“Oh shut up, or I’ll inform Mum who exactly lit the carpet on fire in Sixth grade,” she said, glaring at me.
“That was an accident. Sort of.” She rolled her eyes, stopping her walk.
She grinned and knocked on the door. “I saw the suit Mum has for you,” was the last thing she said before our mother opened the door.
“Trubbies! Mimi!” I hated her nicknames, and Mira’s face looked like she agreed with me.
As we went inside, I realized we were two of the last people to arrive. Mira’s friend, Mae, was in one corner, waiting for her at the door. Grub and the rest of the Grubs were in the center of the room. I scanned the room for the one cousin I could stand, Rachel. She was twirling a strand of hair, looking bored. Of course, in a corner holding her notebook. That girl was obsessed with writing.
“Hi Trouble. Guess what?”
“You’re dead. I had to kill off your character to make the plot feasible.” Her eyes followed me, waiting for a reaction. I sighed, she was always killing me and Mira off. It was cute, in a weird way.
“And don’t worry, you kissed Holly before you died.” I froze. That was new. I heard Mira snickering with Mae, Denia, and Tessie.
“And what makes you think I would kiss her?”
“She’s the only person who’s allowed to call you Trubs, I’ve heard you talking about her a million times, Mira saw you two on a date…” she was ticking the reasons off on her fingers.
Mira high fived Mae. But then she froze when she heard Rachel say, “But Mira’s engaged to Ash, so every one’s happy!”
“And who are you engaged to?” I asked, watching Mira carefully to make sure she didn’t kill our cousin.
“Nobody. My character isn’t in love or dating in the real world. And by that, I mean that you love Holly and Mira’s dating Ash. Someday you can look back and say ‘oh, I was dating Ash then.’ My books reflect the current situation you guys are in.”
Mira rolled her eyes, and took Mae off to find the whoopee cushion.
“I already put a hole in the whoopee cushion, got rid of all the fake blood, and hid the fake spiders. But I kept the remote controlled rat. It’s always fun to use around the Grubs.”
I heard Mira wail from where Tessie told her. And then saw her pull her super glue out of her pocket. That never ended well.
When she pick-pocketed Aunt Tammy, I knew she was doing something with the lighter. Rachel must have noticed it too, because she stood up, tugging my sleeve.
“There’s a tall tree out back.” she stated, tucking her notepad into the messenger bag she had at her side. “Come on.”
I followed her out back, and started climbing with her. When we reached the top, a flash lit the inside of the house.
“I’m staying here,” she stated, sitting against the trunk, sprawled on a branch. I realized she had her notepad out again. I nodded, starting down the tree.
“Trouble?” She called
“Good luck.” Rachel watched me climb down, and I think she might have pulled a candy bar out of that bag. I sighed, heading for the door. When I walked in, the house was in chaos. The Grubs were cowering, Mira was grinning, and the pyromaniac looked like she regretted it was over.
“That was awesome!” Mira cried happily, the pyromaniac grinned. I sighed, regretting coming down.
“What did you guys blow up this year?” I rolled my eyes. They were slightly insane. My whole family was insane. Now I was really jealous of Holly. The Grubs were whiny, the Miras crazy, and even Rachel probably had a few screws loose.
I sighed. “What happened?” Mira happily started explaining how she had set her superglue on fire. Aunt Tammy smiled more with every word.
“Mira, you need counseling.” I muttered, wishing I was still in the tree.
She sighed, and looked up. Her mother was grinning coldly, holding a dress. Mira moaned loudly, knowing what fate had in store for her.