Holly’s b-day
Written on December 31st, 2009 by iwa the Chris TormentorStory Details
- Status : Complete
- Category: Romance
- Author: iwa the Chris Tormentor
- Word Count: 378
- Read 93 times
(7 votes, average: 4.86 out of 5)
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Today was her birthday and of course I was invited. Captain Short and I became much closer especially after the time travel. I didn’t know she had feelings for me. I did not know I had feelings for her…
The kiss that had electrified me still holds my lips. I still feel that taste when her lips touched mine.
I stood in the room wincing from the loud music searching for the birthday girl.
Butler was here also. I found him talking to Foaly. Suprisingly, he was laughing and smiling as if he met an old friend of his. I smiled and looked around. And there she was in that beautiful dress of hers. Blue… sparkling blue.
“Holly,” I called out.
“Artemis, I’m glad you came,” she looked so happy.
“Can I talk to you in private?” my hands were trembling again. Luckily, my hand was behind my back. Holly nodded and we both entered a small quiet room.
“So, what did you need me for?” she asked. I quietly got out a wrapped box and held it out. Holly stared at me, “What..”
“Open it.” Holly ripped the wrapping paper and opened the box. She gasped as she saw a sparkling necklace. She hurridly chained it on her neck.
“It changes color depending on your mood unlike the fake mood rings that changes depending on your temperature. I put a special chip in it.” I gave her a list, “Blue as relaxed. Black as tense and nervous. Pink as fear and others.” Each color had a special mood in it exept….
“What’s dark blue?”
“Let’s find out.” I held her cheek and moved closer to her. She did also.
Our lips met and for a blinding second everything seemed to be focused on us only.
We seperated and Holly looked at her necklace, “Love, passion, romance. That’s dark blue.” I didn’t need to say yes.
“Happy birthday Holly.”
Author’s note: Enjoyed? Please read, reply, and rate. If you don’t believe me on some colors than check this url out: http://www.moodjewelry.com/chart.html
thankyou.
I do not own any of this characters. I would love to own that necklace though.
December 31st, 2009 at 1:38 am
Aw, that was SO good. There were no mistakes, and it was so sweet! Great job!
P.S. I want a necklace like that!
December 31st, 2009 at 1:41 am
Thanks Star and tks for rating 5*s! XD star
December 31st, 2009 at 2:04 am
You can call me Star if you want. And your welcome.
December 31st, 2009 at 2:35 am
There are a couple of minor punctuation issues, mainly having to do with the quotes, and it might be just a bit OOC… but I loves me a good A/H one-shot…
Nicely done overall. The writing definitely flows, and the idea of the necklace is unique.
December 31st, 2009 at 2:40 am
Wow. I love it. =)
December 31st, 2009 at 3:59 am
Luvluvluvluvluv it! Great job IWA!!!!! Take a cookie, (I don’t poisin mine)
December 31st, 2009 at 4:43 am
Ooh! I’ll take one!
:D
December 31st, 2009 at 10:05 am
5 *’s! that a creative way to write it
December 31st, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Nice. I like it… lots! I saw one or two places in need of a comma, but nobody’s perfect! You did well. It was origional and sweet. And I don’t think it was badly OOC. It was perfectly IC.
December 31st, 2009 at 3:25 pm
hm…like it
December 31st, 2009 at 3:54 pm
nice
December 31st, 2009 at 6:59 pm
Cute idea, but it didn’t flow very smoothly at points, so maybe get a beta or have another look at it in a weeks time or something, that usually helps me to sort it out.
Other than that very sweet.
December 31st, 2009 at 11:01 pm
Thanks guys. Yah: I’m not good at punctuation and I just wrote it like that soo… yah.
(the stars are the highest points i got)
I bet they are OOC (A lot..)
Can you guys give me where the punctuations are missing???
tks!
December 31st, 2009 at 11:10 pm
wow that sooooo shweet! lolz great job! XD!
p.s. Where can I get one of those necklaces?=D
January 1st, 2010 at 11:42 pm
I have noooo idea.
January 2nd, 2010 at 11:03 pm
awwwwwwwwwwwwww