Athena and Artemis fowl (part 1)

Summary: It’s  was summer  and Artemis had to go for  a buisness trip to the United Arab Emirates. Artemis had landed […]

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It’s  was summer  and Artemis had to go for  a buisness trip to the United Arab Emirates. Artemis had landed in the Dubai International Airport. He took his luggage and and had got out of the airport. He waited for the taxi to arrive and then got inside keeping his black suitcase just beside him. He told the driver to go Ajman , English villas. And so the the driver went there and droped Artemis. Artemis looked at his watch and it was 8:00 pm. He opened the door and went inside the villa and then locked the door. It was cold. He unlocked the back door and went outside near the swimming pool. It was very dark but the water was gleaming green with it’s riples. It looked very beautiful. Artemis sat down in a chair and started to meditate peacefully. Then suddenly he heard a beautiful voice…he opened his eyes and saw a beautiful girl. Beautiful as beautiful that a man can fall in love with her easily….

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6 responses to “Athena and Artemis fowl (part 1).” Join in!

  1. me:I take it your knew to the site?Well first off you should put paragraphs in.
    sexond off you just picked the clichest plot for artemis fowl fanfiction ever
    trubs:and it needs more of a storie to begiun with.
    me:But it does have some poteniel. and it`s better than mt first storie was.
    trubs:andat the be-why did you put my name as trubs?
    me:~grins~
    “trubs” and alpha

  2. That was awkward. And extremely short. If there is nothing more that I detest in a story, it is a combination of those both those things. It is rather very intriguing, but you have a problem with being descriptive. I have no idea what Artemis saw while he was in the Taxi, neither of what the villa looked like indoors. Also, I would like to ask if this is some type of prologue to the story? It did interest me slightly, so I shall be looking for a longer and better articulated update.

  3. I don’t get it? In the middle of it I kinda got lost.
    Try to describe more like what he saw or if they saw anthing, and what they are thinking. Also try to write more, but other than that UPDATE!

    * Shoot PC with gun that shoots tacos!*

  4. oookay. Um, very short. You definitely need to work on your paragraphs, and length. You also might want to practice your sentence structure. It just seemed kind of redundant. I like the idea, but I really think you need to work on your writing. And I do agree with Fowlstar about being descriptive. It needs more details. Other than that, it does have some potential. It just needs work and dedication. And maybe a beta reader. If this is your first fic, and you’re new, I understand. Just try a little harder, k?
    Good job. update!

  5. AAARRRGGGHHHH WHY ARE ALL FIRST FICS SO ******* SHORT????

    Work on clarity and flow of plot. Like FowlStar told me, my fics needed more description(thanks for the tip). In my opinion, so does this.

  6. Yeah,I argee you should write more on to it is quite short.

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