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The Lonely

Summary: Yep, another songfic. I like doing those, because I don’t have people hounding me for update. I figure this can […]

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Yep, another songfic. I like doing those, because I don’t have people hounding me for update. I figure this can hold y’all off for a little while, so I can figure out what to do with Deadly Melody.

The song I used is The Lonely by Christina Perri

 

2am, where do I begin
Crying off my face again

 

She never slept anymore. Thoughts of him plagued her every night, haunted her dreams. She spent most nights crying, tears streaming down her face uncontrollably while silent sobs wracked her small body. She would clutch her sides as hard as she could, trying to hold herself together.

But how could she hold together a heart that was already broken?

The silent sound of loneliness
Wants to follow me to bed 

The piercing silenced wailed louder than a siren, screaming into her head, locking her with her thoughts. The lonely silence never seemed to leave her. It followed her everywhere, casting a shadow on her that never allowed her a moment’s rest.

It never let her sleep.

I’m the ghost of a girl
That I want to be most

 

No one around her seemed to know of her inner demons. She always put on a mask of the calm professional she was supposed to be, but it was just that. A mask. She never let anyone see her as she truly was. What everyone saw was a hollow shell of who she wanted to be.

Someone free of pain.

I’m the shell of a girl
That I used to know well

She tried to act as normally as she could, but the hollow covering was only a shadow of her. She felt as though she could be two different people. At work, she was only someone who played the part of a woman she had once known so well. But that woman was missing something on the inside.

The other half of her heart,

Dancing slowly in an empty room
Can the lonely take the place of you

She would occasionally play one of his classical records at night, hoping the music could distract her if only for a little while. Sometimes it worked. She would dance across the room, just as they used to do with the moon shining on their shoulders like liquid silver. Loneliness would envelop her as she danced without her partner, but it would lessen the pain.

For a little while.

I sing myself a quiet lullaby
Let you go and let the lonely in

To take my heart again

 

Nights when she didn’t dance, she would quietly sing his favorite songs as they whispered through the heavy air. Her shaky voice would start to fill the room, her usually smooth tone thick and hoarse, but she didn’t care. She would sing softly, her low tones mingling with the quiet music, until they became something quite melodious. But, eventually, the emptiness of the room caught up to her.

It always won.

Too afraid, to go inside
For the pain of one more loveless night

She never left her house. She was so afraid of the outside world, the painful reminders it would bring.  Despair settled over her, her long nights so frequently spent crying caught up to her. Cracks had begun forming in her mask, people noticing her absentness. They began to see though the act, but said nothing, Everyone knew who he was, what he had done for them.

What he meant to her.

‘Cause the loneliness will stay with me
And hold me till I fall asleep

It didn’t matter, though. The pain was there anyway. It held her body in a heavy shroud, clutched her soul until it ached. It held fast to her until she would fall asleep, exhaustion finally claiming her. But sleep only brought nightmares of his death. or worse, dreams of all their adventures.

They reminded her of what she had, but lost.

I’m the ghost of a girl
That I want to be most

 

She wanted to be that person again. Witty, outgoing, herself. But she couldn’t seem to find her. She would try to change, become who she once was, but something was always missing. People saw her half-hearted efforts, but they were always just that. Half-hearted. She knew why she would never be the same.

The other half of her heart was the key, but it was gone.

I’m the shell of a girl
That I used to know well

Now, she was simply trying to get through the day. Each became a struggle as time wore on, Every hour tormenting her with what she lost. Occasionally, someone would try to comfort her, but she pushed them away. They all knew there was nothing they could do for her. She stopped trying to be her old self. Now, she seemed to be a mindless puppet, no longer living, but simply enduring.

She didn’t want to do it anymore.

Dancing slowly in an empty room
Can the lonely take the place of you

 

She would dance all night, swaying to the soft rhythm, acing to clutch a hand that was no longer there. Longing to rest her head against his chest, just one more time. But only empty air would meet her, loneliness taking his place. More and more often, she would stumble and fall, no slender, but now strong, arms reaching to catch her.

She wept on the floor, broken on the inside and outside.

I sing myself a quiet lullaby
Let you go and let the lonely in
To take my heart again

She never sang anymore. She would never get farther than a few lines before she began to choke and sob, her voice withering under the empty silence. She wanted to let him go, but didn’t want to release him. She was afraid if she let him go, she would forget him. She was afraid to move on, not willing to go forward.

She was afraid she would lose him forever.

Broken pieces of
A barely breathing story

 

Hollow bits of their lives constantly swirled in her head. Their story was ended too soon, broken off by death, clung to by what could never be. It wasn’t over yet, but it hung on by a hairs breadth. It was slipping away as she did, will to go on fading faster each day.

She didn’t want to do it anymore.

Where there once was love
Now there’s only me
And the lonely…

She knew what they had, what she had lost, but what could she do? Where there had once been so much joy, so mush happiness, now there was only her. Now, there was only a broken soul. She had once had the world, never felt a moment of doubt in his arms. It was her safe haven. But now, nowhere was safe from the hurt.

She was alone.

Dancing slowly in an empty room
Can the lonely take the place of you

 

She could no longer dance. Her hands shook violently when she set the needle on the worn record, often pricking herself with it. For a while, she would watch her magic heal it, small blue sparks skittering a moment before disappearing. But, eventually, her magic faded.

If only the heavy loneliness would fade, too.

I sing myself a quiet lullaby
Let you go and let the lonely in
To take my heart again…

She was finally at an end. She had suffered for so long, and she could no longer endure. For the first time in almost a year, she left her house. But not to restore her magic. She toyed with the small bottle in her hand, no bigger than her palm, but it would suffice. She opened its small cork, tipping it back and draining it dry. The holy water churned in her stomach, sharp pains lacing through her body. She didn’t mind. She looked up, closing her eyes as her last tears glistened on her cheeks.

“I’m coming, my love.”

Yay, more depressing suicide fics! I honestly don’t know where this obsession with death comes from. But it’s something!

Comments on This Post

6 responses to “The Lonely.” Join in!

  1. suicide fics,huh? i enjoyed this! your songfics are the best. honestly,its like you can make one for every single song there is! could you do an A/H for back on track? some cute fic of them doing the tango? i would love that. Anyways, good job!

  2. Mastermind Excello May 12th, 2013 at 3:13 am 2

    I always feel sad after reading your work…

  3. Me too. Lots of Silver’s works are sad, but they are all awesome. Nice fic, Silver! 5 stars! 🙂

  4. Mastermind Excello May 12th, 2013 at 9:14 pm 4

    Where do you find these songs?

  5. SilverGoddess May 12th, 2013 at 10:51 pm 5

    I just hear them at school or on the radio or something. I like depressing music, so my friends are constantly recommending things. Coldplay does a lot of good ones(I have two songfics with them). I also can find some good angsty songs in my vast mental collection of Country songs, which is my favorite genre.

    I also listen to parodies like Emo Like a Nazi, which goes to Paparazzi by Lady Gaga.

    If you want some of my other ones, email me and I can send you a list.

    My songfics always end up with a sad or depressing feeling, because the only other kind of music I listen to would make terrible songfics, like Slipknot, MCR, Staind, etc. Actually, there ARE a couple of Staind songs that would work, but those are fics for another time…

  6. the huntress (or tress) May 14th, 2013 at 8:04 pm 6

    Sorry this isn’t a review- please be mindful that we are being attacked by spammers- please ignore those posts (as of now- 5/14/2013)as I attempt to figure out a way to remedy this. Thanks! -Tress

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