But it turned out to be the most wonderful place they had lived so far. It was 1680, and the pilgrims had not landed yet. Holly was completely ecstatic to be in a place that the humans hadn’t contaminated yet. In their own time, even in the national parks, you could still see the pollution in the distance.
They made friends with the Sioux Indians and acquired permission to live on the land once Holly displayed her ability to heal. Artemis spent much of those first years in America with the witchdoctor, learning of herbs and their properities, and acted as an interpreter when the Mayflower came over.
“Can’t we warn them?” Holly pleaded when she learned how much the newcomers would exploit their native friends.
“We can’t disrupt the timestream,” Artemis insisted, but Holly smiled when some of the treating sessions fell through that Artemis attended. He’d become quite a valuable figure in their little tribe.
After living their fifty years, however, (the Indians were so superstitious they didn’t question artemis youthful state) Artemis decided it was time to join society. After Holly almost got lynched by Salem maniacs, however, they moved again only twnty years later. The West seemed to be getting popular. Artemis set up a tavern that sold only the best of Irish beers and had a small poker parlor installed in the corner where he learned to play rather with not a little bit of cheating. One day, however, a notorious player (and cheater) came into The Tinhat and demanded a game with the imfamous Aesop Sliv (another of Artemis’ pseudonyms). Artemis grinned beneath his shopkeeper’s hat as the man barged melodramaticly with his men through the swinging doors. “I’m here seeking a duel.” The man, Rob C. Jameson, crowed, his handed on his pistols slung at his sides.
“So the rumors are true,” Artemis commented without looking up, his smile widening to show his incisors. “You do need to lay off the lard, Jameson.” Jameson actually growled. “You gonna play me, boy, or sit around and show off yer smart words all day?”
“I believe I can do both.” Artemis informed him, briefly wiping down the counter in front of him, then whipping a deck of cards, seemingly from nowhere, and began to deal. “I am the Master of Cards,” Jameson boasted as Artemis dealt, too self-inthralled to notice Artemis cut the deck and slide an ace up his sleeve. I never did here how this imbecile managed to win all those poker games. Artemis mused, sorting his cards. Still, I must not underestimate my opponent. And he didn’t. At least, not intellectually. Jameson was still gloating when Artemis used his ace in the hole, glad for Jameson’s loud voice as a distraction. That was, until Artemis realized that was all it was, as he saw the barrel of a gun point at him from around the counter.
“No cheating, now.” Jameson smiled malevolently.
So this is how he wins. Artemis realized, warmth building up in his face. As Jameson made his move, Artemis made a little grunt. Little did anyone else know it was the Gnommish world for help. Jameson heard it, though, and misinterpreted it as a cover for another cheat.
“I SAID NO CHEATING!!” He screeched, and pulled the trigger aimed for Artemis’s heart… but not before Holly got in a shot with her hidden Neutrino and knocked the gun off-kilter. The shot instead grazed Artemis’s shoulder.
“Holly, it’s time to leave!” He called to her in Sioux, as Jameson’s possy began to pull out their guns.
The cowboys could hardly believe their eyes. On a simple command from the bartender, the pair had… disappeared.

Some other stories by iesnoth:

• STORYLINE CONTEST!!!!
• Artemis Fowl: the forgotten times