The Portal Through the Oven

Summary: My old Fan fic. Yes Artemis is OOC, if you don’t like that. Leave now. “Natassia! Get in here!” Natassia […]

Chapters: 1 2

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My old Fan fic. Yes Artemis is OOC, if you don’t like that. Leave now.

“Natassia! Get in here!” Natassia looked up from washing the steps of the orphanage that led up in Miss. Live’s room. Natassia sighed and set down her brush. She stared at her refection in the muddy bucket of water. A retching voice called to her. “Natassia!”

She stood up and dusted off her blue dress.The dress was once blue but turn gray after so many washes.“Coming, Miss. Live!”  Natassia ran up the sixteen hard oak steps to a huge redwood door way. She opened just a crack.

“Yes, Miss. Live?”

A tall woman with pale skin turned around. Her nose was long and sharp, her ruby red lips upturned in an evil sneer. She look a bit like a tall bat.“Natassia, you lazy girl. A new boy is coming today, you’ll have to split your chores with him. Go prepare his bed and such. Dismissed.” Natassia turned and closed the door behind her. A new boy! Natassia was the only child left on the orphanage over the hill. Everyone was adopted or had ran away a long time ago. Natassia ran to the room with six beds. She took the now gray sheets from the closet and make his bed.

Then at long last there was a knock at the door. Natassia ran to the door and opened it.“Hello,” She said smiling, “How may I help you today?” A man in a large coat held a boy her age by the wrist. She opened the door for them and man tipped his hat. Natassia held out her hand to the boy.

The boy was pale and had eyes as blue as the ocean. He had raven black hair and was wear a light blue suit.“Hello,” Natassia said with a smile, “I’m Natassia.”

The boy smiled back,“Hi, I’m Artemis.”

Natassia took the boy’s hand in hers and smiled at him. She dragged him in to the bedroom.“This is where you’ll sleep, Artemis.” She lead him to kitchen, where Miss. Live was. Miss. Live smirked at Natassia.“Don’t you have chores to do?”

Natassia nodded and picked up another blue scrub brush and handed it to him. She headed to the stairs motioning for Artemis to follow her. She knead at the stairs and started to scrub.Artemis started at her and asked.“What are you doing?”

Natassia looked at him. Her mouth gaped.“I’m cleaning, please tell me you know what that is.” He raised in eyebrow and she slammed the palm of her hand into her forehead.

Chapters: 1 2

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  1. TITLES

    In titles, the first and last words are always capitalized. Nouns, pronouns, adjectives, adverbs, conjunctions and prepositions over four letters long, interjections, and verbs (including helping verbs) are capitalized. The pronoun ‘I’ is capitalized.

    CAPITALS

    Capitalize at the beginning of a sentence. The first letter of a name is also capitalized. Last names are capitalized. Proper nouns are capitalized. Titles (King George III, President Barack Obama) are capitalized. The pronoun “I” is capitalized.

    THAT ANNOYING THING

    You shouldn’t start a new paragraph without finishing your previous sentence unless you had used an ellipse, which actually counts as completing the sentence.

    “She stood up in her patched blue dress. The dress was once blue but turn gray after so many washes.” — not fluent. Try phrasing it differently. Don’t mention that she stands up and what’s she’s wearing in the same sentence, unless you want to try, “She stood up, dusting off her patched blue dress.” It’s better to have two states of being or two actions as the verbs than to have one of each. (Is this making sense?)

    THAT REALLY ANNOYING THING
    When someone is speaking/addressing someone else and they say their name to confirm who their message is being delivered to, that person’s name — the receiver’s name – IS SURROUNDED BY COMMAS. It just is. I’m not quite sure why; it probably has to do with some complicated grammar rule or other about indirect or direct subjects or – blah! *throws hands up in air* I don’t know. Just follow it.

    CLAUSES

    An independent clause has a subject and a predicate and can stand alone. The simple subject and predicate, otherwise referred to as the noun or pronoun and verb in the sentence, can be stripped out. If you can’t, then you’re doing it wrong.

    A dependent clause has a subject and a predicate, but begins with either a conjunction (subordinating or coordinating) or a relative pronoun, which renders it a fragment. It is not a complete sentence. It cannot stand alone.

    A phrase lacks a subject, a predicate, or both.

    Sentences can contain independent clauses, dependent clauses, and phrases, but it must always contain one independent clause. There is only ever more than one independent clause in a sentence when they are separated by a semicolon, a colon, or a hyphen. If they are not separated by a semicolon, then it is rendered a run-on sentence. Run-ons can be fixed in four ways – they can be separated by a semicolon if the independent clauses are VERY CLOSELY RELATED, they can be connected with a subordinating or coordinating conjunction, or you could go old-school and put a period between them. Simple as that.

    VERB AGREEMENT

    Verbs must agree to other verbs in the fic. I’m not saying that if your first verb is in past tense, then every other verb must be past tense. Only consider the simple predicate in the sentence (ignore helping verbs as well). Stories tend to be in past tense because one usually tells them after they have happened. If one is going for a more poetic and simplistic sort of feel, they might use present tense. No matter what, all of the predicates in all of the sentences must agree to each other.

    “She took the now gray sheets from the closet and make his bed.” Compare “took” and “make”. “Took” is in past tense. “Make” is in present tense.

    QUOTATIONS

    The first word in a quotation is capitalized. All quotations must end in some sort of punctuation. This includes commas, periods, question marks, and exclamation points. If the quotation is a full sentence and you do not want to add a tag to the end, end with a period. Ex:

    “Hello, Bob.”

    If you want to add a tag, end the quotation with a comma. The tag is not capitalized unless it is a name.

    “Hello, George,” Bob replied.
    “It’s nice outside,” he said.

    Question marks and exclamation points work the same way.

    “Look at that!” the boy shouted.
    “Where are you?” he asked.

    If you want another sentence after the quotation has ended, but the sentence is not a tag, end the quotation with a period and start the sentence like you normally would (with a capital, of course).

    “It’s so pretty.” He grinned and stared up at the sky.

    A tag before a quotation is capitalized. The first word in that quotation will be capitalized.

    Bob said, “Don’t do that.”

    When handling tags that interrupt quotations, the quotation ends with a comma and the tag does, too. The next word in the quotation is NOT capitalized.

    “Wait,” he said, “what’s that?”

    As you can see, it could also be rephrased as:

    “Wait, what’s that?” he said.

    IN GENERAL

    The whole thing is in bold. I don’t know why and I don’t necessarily blame you. My computer spazzes, too.

    Random typos here and there; they make this harder to read.

    Short. Needs more. (Update.)

    Fairly interesting.

    … *trails off awkwardly*

  2. Hmmm… first commentor in over a year. I had seen this fic several times, but I tend to judge fics in here from their names, so I only read it now. It’s very short and WE left NOTHING to critique. I only commented because when I posted my first fic, only three seperate people have commented, even though it says 13 comments. I figured it would be nice to see another comment.

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