Artemis was never very good at sports. He was a terrible cyclist. He couldn’t hit a tennis ball to save his life, and his skills in football were to awful to describe.

Artemis was never very good at talking. He was rude and sullen to most of his seniors. He liked to act superior to all his teachers, and when talking to girls he would flush an unholy red colour for one so pale and ‘vampirish’.

Artemis was never very good at eating. He would choke on his food often when he was younger, and has always had to eat with miniture cutlery so as not to hurt the sides of his mouth.

Artemis sat back in his armchair. He reviewed his list of ‘points for improvement’ with a hard eye. It was a reasonably short list. Compared with his list of ‘good points’ it was positively tiny, and of course, who needs co-ordination when one can speak in 20 different languages including the fairy language; Gnommish?

Things Artemis Fowl can do that no-one else can do:

…

Make a blue spark appear on his hand?

This was not a long list. He may be a genius but there were plantly of geniuses out there. This would not do.

He turned in his chair and reached for the plate of caviar which was sitting on the mahogony table. He picked up his fork. He looked at his hand with the fork in it. He put the fork down. He walked over to the cabinat containing larger cutlery. He took out a large spoon. He walked back towards the table and sat down neatly.

 Butler was a little surprised when he found Artemis shovelling caviar into his mouth with a large spoon.

Later at dinner, Butler noticed the peice of fish-egg stuck in Artemis’s teeth.

He was sure Minerva did to after she was seen hurridly wiping her mouth with her sleeve in disgust whilst leaving the manor.

Some other stories by Vinyaya:

• Meet Eoin Colfer
• Aphrodite ~The Adventure Continues~
• The Holly Short Novellas
• Auditions still running but hurry! Story starting now, don't be late!
• Holly, don't shoot the mailman!