Ehhh… don’t ask. Keep in mind that they’re not necessarily meant to relate to each other, but if you see it that way, fine. And try to guess the three songs that inspired these three sections, please.

I. He ponders over the utter truth contained in her words when she declared that it’s his own fault that he will always be all alone. He knows it’s better to keep his heart safely secured to things he knows well, as opposed to allowing his heart and soul to be terrorized by mere glances from her. His greatest fear, however, isn’t the glance – the external – itself. The glance is merely a stimulus for the most terrifying thing he can think of – turmoil of the insides. He tries to avoid it like devout Catholics try to avoid sin, like earthworms try to avoid hungry sparrows. Does he succeed? He likes to think so.

II. He ponders over how totally and completely his world came crashing down at his feet after she left. Before her, he had the impression that the fear he was able to place in his enemies’ eyes was the key to ruling the world – he already did, if that were the case. Then she came and sorted out his unwilling head, tearing down his previous notion. For a few, shining years he knew he held more than the key – he had achieved what he wanted in a way he had not anticipated. But then she was gone, and not only did he lose the world, but the walls closed in on him. He can’t explain it, but now that she’s gone, he doesn’t care much about any type of key anymore – there is no honesty left behind to make it worthwhile. His life was always about the key to the ultimate door, and he can’t unlock anything without her. He doesn’t want to.

III. He ponders over the curse of lucidity versus the bliss of alcohol-induced oblivion. In a stray train of thought, he wonders why enduring pain beyond belief is a requirement when trying to remember her in his preferred analytical style. He cannot detach himself from the situation like he used to be able to, and he can’t stand being lucid without detachment. He never though that he would submit to anything as foolish as drinking sprees – benders, if you will. But since he can’t think normally and he doesn’t want to forget her – he shudders at the thought – he resorts to shot after shot for remembrance. It’s a wonderful painkiller, alcohol. Of course, it often leads him to think of things he wouldn’t normally allow himself to think of… but he doesn’t care much, seeing as he’s drunk as who knows what. What would he do for just one last kiss? Would he surrender?

Sorry if that was icky.

Some other stories by XxEviexX:

• I'll meet your eyes, I mean this forever
• I can't add a chapter!
• The Aphrodite Scandal
• Sunset
• Gone