Iridescent, the Colour of Death

Summary: You'll never look at bathwater the same way ever again.

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A/N: This is the creepiest one-shot I’ve thought of writing in a while. So I’m going to include the spookiest song I’ve ever heard. Credits go to FowlStar and Immortal for beta-ing and improving the one shot(and in Fowlie’s case, making me crack up, big time. I will never look at scary scenes the same way again).

Ghost in the Mirror(loop)

 

White froth, iridescent. Rainbows, glaring, mocking.

She shivers.

Fear. Fear of little orbs of colour. Fear of the reflective, unseeing surface below it.

“Don’t worry. They can’t hurt you.”

Is that a reassurance or a threat or a taunt? She can’t tell anymore.

***

She remembers falling face first into the water.  Bubbles, by the swarm, rise to meet her…  She remembers swallowing the bitter bubbles, and the soapy water, as she opened her mouth for a soundless scream. She remembers the rim of the tub suddenly morphing into flesh…

A pair of hands.

The warmth morphs into cold steel, and a slice of terror, a long scar, memories that were burned into her mind.  The next thing she knew, it was hard to hold on to the edge of the tub. It was slippery. With soap, or water, or blood, she didn’t know.

The foreign grip was holding her head down. Forcing her to eat the bubbles.  Eyes, nose, mouth… all submerged. Clogged with the little orbs, bringers of bitterness and death.

She couldn’t breath, couldn’t think…

***

“It won’t hurt you, Holly.”

She squints her eyes shut, as a set of claws force her head down, and then scrubs her face with vigour.

She… can. She can breath.

Why are you scared of water?

She doesn’t know the answer. She only knows the irrational terror that twisted her stomach like the knife, the meaningless fear that threatens to force the acid up, every time she had to face the bubbles.

Soapy, iridescent.

The colour of death.

***

The elderly nurse munched on the spinach roll at the cafe, her colleagues feeding her mindless chatter about their respective patients. Finally, it was her turn to speak.

“That girl, the LEPrecon Captain? I got assigned to take care of her. Sad case, really. She got attacked last week. Someone tried to drown her. Must have been quite a sight, I must say. The paramedics that found her says she was in her underwear and lying in a pool of blood and bathwater. She squirmed so much when I tried to wash her face this morning. Doubt she’ll ever be the same again.”

“Pity,” the fairies chorused.

“You know, some people say it was that Mud Boy, Fowl,”Dolores, one of the sprites, whispered.

“What? He’s been dead for a decade!”

The nurse shuddered. “Maybe it was his ghost.”

Marjorie, a no-nonsense elf shook her head. “It was probably suicide.”

Once again, there was another chorus of “Pity,”s.

~End~

Comments on This Post

8 responses to “Iridescent, the Colour of Death.” Join in!

  1. What…? Soapy water…? Eh, I didn’t really get this at all.

  2. Agreed…….please explain….

  3. The story was very hard to understand ,and really has no storyline. Was she dying, what was keeping her down, and why were the bubbles mental problems? All these were questions that your readers are asking, and you should have implied the answers.

  4. Alright, I guess…
    So there wasn’t much to this. It looked interesting, if ypu followed it up. But you didn’t. It isn’t bad, in fact it’s good, but you just didn’t follow it up.

  5. *cracks neck* Let’s do this.
    … *trips over rock*

    First mistake! “Fear of little, orbs of colour.” Ah, you see, the word “little” here is describing the orbs of color. Because there is only one adjective, there need not be a comma between it and the noun.

    Second mistake — “Don’t worry, they can’t hurt you.” The first independent clause in this run-on sentence is “Don’t worry.” This is a sentence all on its own because the subject is “you” (implied) and the predicate is “worry.” “They can’t hurt you” is another independent clause that must be disconnected from the first SOMEHOW.

    An independent clause has a subject and a predicate and can stand alone. The simple subject and predicate, otherwise referred to as the noun or pronoun and verb in the sentence, can be stripped out. If you can’t, then you’re doing it wrong.
    A dependent clause has a subject and a predicate, but begins with either a conjunction (subordinating or coordinating) or a relative pronoun, which renders it a fragment. It is not a complete sentence. It cannot stand alone.
    A phrase lacks a subject, a predicate, or both.
    Sentences can contain independent clauses, dependent clauses, and phrases, but it must always contain one independent clause. There is only ever more than one independent clause in a sentence when they are separated by a semicolon, a colon, or a hyphen. If they are not separated by a semicolon, then it is rendered a run-on sentence. Run-ons can be fixed in four ways – they can be separated by a semicolon if the independent clauses are VERY CLOSELY RELATED, they can be connected with a subordinating or coordinating conjunction, or you could go old-school and put a period between them. Simple as that.

    “Is that a reassurance, or a threat, or a taunt?” Not fluent. Eliminate the commas.

    “Remembering the rim of the tub suddenly morphing into flesh…” This is a participial phrase, a fragment. I know that you purposely left it incomplete, but it would sound less awkward if you used “remembers” intead of “remembering.”

    Other than that… the whole thing seems strange, awkward. Slightly disturbing. Needs more detail, more of a backstory, I suppose. I’m just generally confused as well, but it works nicely as a drabble.

    ~WE, out

  6. the huntress (or tress) January 8th, 2012 at 10:17 pm 6

    hmmm… random! though nice. i like the little old ladies at the end. I could imagine this scene perfectly. All problems were kinda covered by WE, soo… refer to top. 🙂
    ……. NO! not the soapy water!!!( as I load the dishwasher)…. i will never see it the same again….. scarred for life…

  7. LEPofficerHollyShort February 19th, 2012 at 7:51 am 7

    *ahem* it was a little confusing, but i all never look at my tub in the same way eevvveeerr. oh and * pouring soapy water on the huntress(or trees)* mwaha haha

  8. *applauds* Very nice, very nice! I loved it! I don’t know why everyone else is saying it’s hard to understand(not enough creepypasta in their diets?), or maybe I’m just weird. Whatever, this was wonderful!

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