IG 1: AF
Interview Girl(IG): Hello, and welcome to the first ever Happy Interview Girl Show and Radio Broadcast! I’m your host, IG. Today, I’m interviewing the Artemis Fowl gang!
Track: *applaud sounds*
IG: Here are our guests! *motions to a group of people*
Foaly:*stands and bows* Thank you, thank you, you’re too kind, IG!
Holly: Sit, Pony-Boy.
Foaly: Fi- Hey! *sits anyway*
Holly:*smirks and turns her attention back to IG*
IG: Alright, from what I’ve heard, Arty now has a certain fairy disease. Any details?
Opal:*in a straitjacket* Isn’t he afraid of fo-*Artemis claps a hand over her mouth*
Artemis: Nope, noooooo, I am not afraid of any numbers! Especially.. Erm.. The number who shall not be named.
IG: Last time I checked, Voldemort isn’t a number….
Holly: You mean the number four?
Artemis:*has a mini twitch spasm* No one shall mention that number in the presence of the great and almighty Artemis Fowl The Second!!! *he laughs evilly*
IG: Erm… Has he been exposed to anything called “marijuana” recently…?
Juliet: Erm… I may have dropped a teeeeeensyyyy bit in his tea…
Butler: Juliet! How could you?!
Juliet: It was an accident, I dropped a little of my stash. *she shrugs* Not that bad.
Butler:*looks as if he’s going to explode*SINCE WHEN DO YOU DO DRUGS?!?!???!?!!?!?!?!?
Juliet: Chill, Baldy.
Juliet: You heard me! *they start cat fighting*
IG: Oh crap… *she pulls out a whistle* Stop fighting or I’ll call out my guard!
Butler:*snorts* I’ve taken on a troll. No guard can beat me!
IG:*blows her whistle. From the back room comes…*
Butler & Juliet:*in shock* CHUCK NORRIS?!?!?!?!
Chuck: Yeah, IG?
IG: Pull the fighting siblings apart, please.
Chuck:*nods and does so*
IG: Thanks! *he goes back into the back room*
Butler:*shudders* Man… He scares me…
Juliet: *nods* I heard that under his beard isn’t a chin, but actually another fist.
Mulch: I heard that the Boogeyman checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.
Holly: Scary. Someone told me that Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.
Opal: I was told that the only thing that can cut Chuck Norris IS Chuck Norris.
Artemis:*has recovered from the drug enough to act sane* Really? I heard that Chuck Norris is Victoria’s Secret!*the others gasp a little*
IG:*snaps her fingers* Enough discussing my employees! Back to our interview! *they quiet down* So, Opal, why do you have an obsession with truffles?
Opal: Well, truffles are just so amazing and perfect! Just like moi~ *she smiles haughtily*
Foaly:*muttering under his breath* Last time I checked, truffles weren’t bent on taking over the world.
IG: Ok! Let’s take some calls! First caller, you’re on!
Caller(Falcon): My name is Falcon. I was told Artemis Fowl was there.
Falcon: Ok. Ahem. LOLLIPOPS LOLLIPOPS LOLLIPOPS LOLLIPOPS
THE GAME *evil laughter, then hangs up*
Artemis: WHO WAS THAT SATAN?!?!?!?!?!!? *he cowers under his chair*
IG: I believe that was Falcon Millinium. She’s notorious for that sort of thing. *under her breath* I of all people should know…
Mulch: She’s a little scary…
IG: Fal? Noooooo. She’s like a vicious little puppy. She wouldn’t hurt a fly.
Butler: So she wouldn’t think of attacking people?
IG: Nope. Flies aren’t worth hurting to her.
IG: Yep. So-*she’s cut off by a loud laugh* Oh dear lord.. What now?!?! *in the door way of the studio, there’s a silhouette of a teen boy*
Silhouette: You shall all bow before the great Russian leader, Mark! Mwahahahaha!
IG: Oh god….
Mark: Bow, you weak Americans!
Artemis: But I’m not American. I’m Irish.
Mark: Oh. Oh well! You shall bow before me! Mwahahahaha!!!!
IG:*facepalms* Dear lord… What did I do to deserve this??? Chuck! *Chuck Norris comes out from the back room*
IG: Escort the Commie out. *she motions to Mark*
Chuck:*nods and walks over to Mark* I believe it’s time for you to leave. *he picks Mark up from the back of his shirt and walks outside*
IG:*rubbing her temples* Oi… Now then.. Juliet.
IG: I heard that you now have a career in wrestling. Any details?
Juliet: Well, it’s pretty awesome. My stage name is Jade Princess, and my training at the Diamond Academy[A/N: I forgot what it’s called, just bear with me] has helped a lot! *she smiles*
IG: Wow, sounds fun. Hey, Bu- *she’s cut off by a loud “PIKAAAA”* GOD******!!! *she grab a shock proof broom and opens the door, revealing several pikachus, all shocking* D*** rats…
Holly: Um… What are those..?
Artemis: They were on a show I watched when I was younger. They’re called Pikachus.
Pikachu 1: Pikaa! *it shocks IG’s broom*
Opal: Anime come to life! *she yelps and hides under her chair*
IG: Out! Shoo! *she sweeps at the pikachus, shooing them away* Sheesh… *she checks her watch* Oh, looks like our hour is just about over. See you all later! Bye!
Producer: And.. Clear!
IG: Thank Lord! *she kicks the characters out of her studio* We are so done. *she dropkicks her headset and walks out of the studio*
Ok, time for the thank yous!
1. Eion Colfer for lending me his characters without written consent
2. Falcon for making a small appearance in my story
3. The original IL stories for inspiring me to write this story
4. WB and Nintendo an whoever the heck else owns pikachu and Pokémon.
5. Chuck Norris for being my awesome bodyguard
6. Mark, a kid at school who actually does say that. It’s fairly entertaining.
7. My US History teacher, Mr. Gilliam, for supplying me with all the Chuck Norris facts.
Now, onto fun facts!
1. This story was completely typed up on my iPod within 2 days.
2. I wrote this under the influence of epic music, specifically Bowling For Soup.
3. This story was finished at 11:19 pm on a Tuesday night
4. Yes, Falcon’s character last name is Millinium. A cookie for whoever can guess the reference!
5. Lulu, my puppy, decided that the best place to play was on my back while I’m laying on the floor typing this story.
6. This might not be the only IG story, if enough people like it, I’ll write more!~
Please rate and review! Email me if you have any questions or suggestions. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Is that all? Ok, later!