How In Frond’s Name did you get my Email(or HIFNDYGME)

Summary: Yes, ANOTHER fic where you totally INSANE people get to bug Artemis to insanity. And Holly. And Butler. And all […]

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Yes, ANOTHER fic where you totally INSANE people get to bug Artemis to insanity. And Holly. And Butler. And all the other Characters I don’t feel like mentioning. How? With EMAILS!! Posted by you in the reviews. you probably know how this works, but there ARE newbies, sooooo…(And yes, the title stinks.HELP MEEE!!!0

Chapter One: How the HECK did you get this address??: Fowl Manor, Ireland: Artemis was sitting in his study, relaxing, when his laptop chimed. He opened it, heading for his emails. When he opened it, he found the most bizarre Email he’d ever seen.

Dear Arty,

It’s me, Orion, And I’m insane again!! Oh, and there’s a whole Society of people who know all about you Arty. And did you know that your in a book?? And that this guy named Eoin Colfer wrote you up? uh-huh. None of it is real. And now that I’ve destroyed your basic comprehension of reality, bye-bye!!                                                                                                                          – Orion Fowl

Artemis gaped at the Email. It DID seem like the sort of thing Orion would write. But all that other stuff…garbage!! Right? Right?Right……..

Dear Orion Fowl

I find it rather hard to believe that you are Orion, and I most definitely do not believe that load of centuar dung you told me. But you are most definitely insane. GoodbyeArtemis Fowl II

Almost as soon as he sent the letter, a new one chimed up. He sighed, clicking on it.

Hello Mr.Arty-frekkin-Fowl,

How are you doing? Who am I your puny mind may be asking? I AM SHORT!!! If you start calling me “Shorty” Like FS (Fowlie) does, I will have to murder you in your sleep. I hope you are enjoying your life right now, because soon, I shall make it hell. Oh! And say hi to one of my many comrades, Orion, for me.

K, thanks loser, goodbye for now,

Short

Artemis stared at the letter for a minute or so, blinked, and replied:

Dear Short,

I am seriously beginning to doubt the sanity of you and your “comrade” Orion, if at all he IS Orion, which I doubt. And by the way, if you, your comrade Orion, or any of your “Society” attempt to murder me, Butler would snap your necks before you put toe on the manor’s grounds, much less my bedroom.

-Artemis fowl II

Artemis pressed send. And waited. After a minute or two, his computer had not chimed. he got up, thinking about asking Juliet for some escargot, a real delicacy. As he walked out the door, his computer chimed. Artemis stood stone still for a moment, his eye twitching angrily. A minute later, his jaw hung open as he read the latest email.

Hello Mr Im-so-smart-that-I-can-cheat-the-time-stop
I’m sure you’ve heard this before but I’m going to say it anyway. I….. HATE……YOU!
Yeah, I said it. You think your so smart since your a genious and you have a tough babysitter? Do you know what they called soldiers back in the days. Bash ‘n’ wackers! And that’s all he is, a bash ‘n’ wacker. No I’m kidding, I do respect his super cool awesome ninga skills. But I DO NOT like you. You kidnapped my Conrad. I WILL GET YOU!
Tell Butler, Juliet and Mr Crazy upstairs i said hi!
With hate, Lep officer.
P.S DIE!

Artemis rubbed his forehead, then leaned back and let out an exasperated sigh. And started typing.

Dear Lep officer,

First things first, I did NOT cheat the time stop. The knowledge was right there. I simply reached out and pulled it out from under centuries of misinformation. And Butler does not really care that you think he has “Awesome ninja skills”, but that you threatened me. And I do not know who “Your Conrad” might be, but if you mean “Comrade” I have not done so, but I will if you continue to pester me with annoying threats that will never become reality.

-Artemis Fowl II

Comments on This Post

17 responses to “How In Frond’s Name did you get my Email(or HIFNDYGME).” Join in!

  1. So?? What do the critics say? And If you moan about it not having a Plot, the Plot progresses with YOUR email, therefore, the life of this fic is in YOUR hands. Bye-Bye.

  2. Imma go moan ’bout plotlessness anyway! *moans in complete pain in agony, then starts in on a lengthly psychotic rant*

    There’re some typos… and seriously, why not make a category for these sorts of fics? They’re extremely annoying, too. It is OOC for AF and Co. to even be replying these in the first place! I refuse to enter in a letter, so now I’m off to mope on the sheer number of these sorts of fics…

  3. The above comment was mine, I was logged into my dad’s account… sorry…

  4. Ok, that is possibly the STUPIDEST thing I have ever heard of.
    No offense…

  5. If you have nothing nice to say, dont post. and Offense TAKEN, bub!!

  6. Oh! I’ve seen these before! Yay! k then, on with it:

    Hello Mr.Arty-frekking-Fowl,
    How are you doing?
    Who am I your puny mind may be asking? I AM SHORT!!! If you start calling me “Shorty” Like FS (Fowlie) does, I will have to murder you in your sleep. I hope you are enjoying your life right now, because soon, I shall make it hell.
    Oh! And say hi to one of my many comrades, Orion, for me.

    K, thanks loser, good bye for now,

    Short

  7. Updated!!

  8. Uhh… Could mine say,
    Hello Mr Im-so-smart-that-I-can-cheat-the-time-stop
    I’m sure you’ve heard this before but I’m going to say it anyway. I….. HATE……YOU!
    Yeah, I said it. You think your so smart since your a genious and you have a tough babysitter? Do you know what they called soldiers back in the days. Bash ‘n’ wackers! And that’s all he is, a bash ‘n’ wacker. No I’m kidding, I do respect his super cool awesome ninga skills. But I DO NOT like you. You kidnapped my Conrad. I WILL GET YOU!
    Tell Butler, Juliet and Mr Crazy upstairs i said hi!
    With hate, Lep officer.
    P.S DIE!

  9. i want to e-mail fowl dear fowlboy, What is wrong with you? your a total NoOb and youras pale as edwared cullen you act like a !@#$%@!# jerk to everybody and your not even real. worst wishes deltaboymax p.s this letter will blow up in 10 seconds

  10. Hey mine might say
    Hi arty
    Have you ever noticed how much minerva likes you? Try calling her for once in your life! Also i am very angry that you kidnapped holly in book 1!!! What did you do that for?!?!?
    A Kind gift of Three thousand one hundred pounds of pure GOLD would make it up to me!!! Bye! Kyora

    Thank you bye!

  11. Wow, I’m so hateful. Now write his reply!!!

  12. Dear My-Butler-Will-Kick-Your-Asses,
    You are really stupid. Our “society” has been on and off the mansion grounds many times before. In fact, I’m on the grounds right now. Hell, I’m right outside your window. That’s right. I’m watching you. Now you’ll look out the window and think I’m lying. But I’m not.
    So yeah, Hell is starting.
    Bye loser.

    *ShortChan*

  13. Dear Mr. Explosion-On-A-Plate,
    I love you. So does Holly. I dare you to call her and ask. I am watching from under your desk right now, so don’t chicken out. By the way, you’re now legally married to me. Congrats!

    Jinx

    P.S. I’m a rockstar. Listen to my latest song!

    P.P.S. I’m still watching you.

    P.P.P.S. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

  14. deltaboymax, i’m veryyy sorry, but being ten, as a rule, i don’t allow cuss on my fics. except the occasional D’arvit.

  15. D’Arvit!

  16. I’ll update soon-ish, I gotta go Look for birthmarks…

  17. xD i lold irl! nice :3

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