Yes, ANOTHER fic where you totally INSANE people get to bug Artemis to insanity. And Holly. And Butler. And all the other Characters I don’t feel like mentioning. How? With EMAILS!! Posted by you in the reviews. you probably know how this works, but there ARE newbies, sooooo…(And yes, the title stinks.HELP MEEE!!!0
Chapter One: How the HECK did you get this address??: Fowl Manor, Ireland: Artemis was sitting in his study, relaxing, when his laptop chimed. He opened it, heading for his emails. When he opened it, he found the most bizarre Email he’d ever seen.
It’s me, Orion, And I’m insane again!! Oh, and there’s a whole Society of people who know all about you Arty. And did you know that your in a book?? And that this guy named Eoin Colfer wrote you up? uh-huh. None of it is real. And now that I’ve destroyed your basic comprehension of reality, bye-bye!! – Orion Fowl
Artemis gaped at the Email. It DID seem like the sort of thing Orion would write. But all that other stuff…garbage!! Right? Right?Right……..
Dear Orion Fowl
I find it rather hard to believe that you are Orion, and I most definitely do not believe that load of centuar dung you told me. But you are most definitely insane. Goodbye – Artemis Fowl II
Almost as soon as he sent the letter, a new one chimed up. He sighed, clicking on it.
How are you doing? Who am I your puny mind may be asking? I AM SHORT!!! If you start calling me “Shorty” Like FS (Fowlie) does, I will have to murder you in your sleep. I hope you are enjoying your life right now, because soon, I shall make it hell. Oh! And say hi to one of my many comrades, Orion, for me.
K, thanks loser, goodbye for now,
Artemis stared at the letter for a minute or so, blinked, and replied:
I am seriously beginning to doubt the sanity of you and your “comrade” Orion, if at all he IS Orion, which I doubt. And by the way, if you, your comrade Orion, or any of your “Society” attempt to murder me, Butler would snap your necks before you put toe on the manor’s grounds, much less my bedroom.
-Artemis fowl II
Artemis pressed send. And waited. After a minute or two, his computer had not chimed. he got up, thinking about asking Juliet for some escargot, a real delicacy. As he walked out the door, his computer chimed. Artemis stood stone still for a moment, his eye twitching angrily. A minute later, his jaw hung open as he read the latest email.
Hello Mr Im-so-smart-that-I-can-cheat-the-time-stop
I’m sure you’ve heard this before but I’m going to say it anyway. I….. HATE……YOU!
Yeah, I said it. You think your so smart since your a genious and you have a tough babysitter? Do you know what they called soldiers back in the days. Bash ‘n’ wackers! And that’s all he is, a bash ‘n’ wacker. No I’m kidding, I do respect his super cool awesome ninga skills. But I DO NOT like you. You kidnapped my Conrad. I WILL GET YOU!
Tell Butler, Juliet and Mr Crazy upstairs i said hi!
With hate, Lep officer.
Artemis rubbed his forehead, then leaned back and let out an exasperated sigh. And started typing.
Dear Lep officer,
First things first, I did NOT cheat the time stop. The knowledge was right there. I simply reached out and pulled it out from under centuries of misinformation. And Butler does not really care that you think he has “Awesome ninja skills”, but that you threatened me. And I do not know who “Your Conrad” might be, but if you mean “Comrade” I have not done so, but I will if you continue to pester me with annoying threats that will never become reality.
-Artemis Fowl II