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Girlfriend

Summary: A very predictable and cliched song for Minerva, but I hope you like it. 🙂 Hey hey, You you. I don’t […]

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A very predictable and cliched song for Minerva, but I hope you like it. 🙂

Hey hey,

You you.

I don’t like your girlfriend.

No way. No way.

I think you need a new one.

Hey hey.

You you.

I could be your girlfriend.

Minerva hated that Holly Short. What did Artemis see in Holly? what did she have that Minerva didn’t.

“I’m ten times smarter than her,” Minerva thought out loud to her pet poodle, Marcus. “And, I’m ten times prettier, too.” She looked at herself in the mirror. She giggled as she pictured Artemis drooling over her. She really liked Artemis. His eyes filled with determination, adn the way his browed creased when they played chess. She about started drooling herself. Suddenly, and just her luck, the phone rang.

Hey hey.

You you.

I know that you like me.

No way. No way.

You know its not a secret.

Hey hey

You you

I want to be your girlfriend.

“Hello,” she said sweetly to the phone. Thank God for caller ID.

“Minerva? This is Artemis Fowl. I don’t know if you remember me…” she cut him off in mid-sentence.

“Of course I do!” She laughed happily.

“Oh. Well then… I was just calling to ask you…” she knew what was coming. This was it! “Have you found a good chess tournament, latley?”

“No, I haven’t,” she shot back. “I wouldn’t tell you if I found one, anyways.”

“Are you scared I’m going to beat you?” She heard him chuckle. She muted the microphone. “I hate boys!” She spat at Marcus, who just backed away in fear of the wrath of Minnie.

You’re so fine. I want you mine. You’re so delicious.

I think about you all the time. You’re so addictive.

Don’t you know what I could do to make you fell allright?

Don’t pretend, I think you know that I’m precious.

And, heck yeah. I’m the freakin’ princess.

I can tell you like me, too. And, you know I’m right.

Cause she’s like so whatever.

And you could do so much better.

I think we should get together now.

And that’s what everyone’s talkin’ bout.

Hey hey.

You you.

I don’t like your girlfriend.

No way. No way.

I think you need a new one.

Hey hey.

You you.

I could be your girlfriend.

Hey hey.

You you.

I know that you like me.

No way. No way.

You know its not a secret.

Hey hey.

You you.

I want to be your girlfriend.

Then, Minerva went on this giant rant to Artemis about how she had been waiting and waiting for him to pop the question. And she yelled about how Holly was an elf, and that he belonged with her. Minnie that is. The yelling went on for a good five minutes. When she was done she looked back at the phone, only to find that her microphone was still muted. So, she just hung up.

Minerva flopped onto her bed, and buried her face in the cashmere pillows. She cried and cried. Marcus hopped up next to her, trying to provide comfort. She looked back into the mirror. Her face was smeared with mascara and eyeliner. (The expensive knid!) And, her makeup had made an exact print of itself onto the pillow.

‘Oh well,’ Minnie thought to herself. ‘The servants will get it.’ Her phone rang again.

“Hello,” she sighed.

“Minerva? Why did you hang up on me? I was just about to ask you something.” Minerva swore this happended, because right then, the sun peeked out of the clouds and shone miraculously through her window.

I can see the way, see the way you look at me.

And, even when you look away I know you think of me.

I know you talk about me all the time again and again.

So come over here, and tell me what I want to hear.

Better yet, make the girlfriend dissapear.

I don’t to hear you say her name ever again.

Cause she’s like so whatever.

And you could do so much better.

I think we should get together now.

And that’s what everyone’s talkin’ bout.

Hey hey.

You you.

I don’t like your girlfriend.

No way. No way.

I think you need a new one.

Hey hey.

You you.

I could be your girlfriend.

Hey hey.

You you.

I know that you like me.

No way. No way.

You know it’s not a secret.

Hey hey.

You you.

I could be your girlfriend.

In a second you’ll be wrapped around my finger

Cause I can, cause I can do it better

There’s no other, so when’s it gonna sink in.

She’s so stupid. What the heck were you thinkin.

“Do you have a boyfriend?” Artemis asked. THIS WAS IT!!!  What Minerva had been waiting years for! the moment!

“No,” she replied. Her voice was shaking.

Hey hey.

You you.

I don’t like your girlfriend.

No way. No way.

I think you need a new one

Hey hey

You you.

I could be your girlfriend.

“Oh. That stinks. I was going to ask if you wanted to double date with me and Holly, but I guess you can’t. Minerva?”

“NOOOOOO!” Minnie screamed. She chucked the phone at the wall. It hit a lamp and both shattered in a giant explosion. Her room caught on fire, but she just stood in the middle, screaming. Soon, the firemen came and dragged her out of the burning estate. Marcus, whose fur was half burnt off, looked at her with pure hatred.

“Oh, SHUT UP!” she screamed at the dog. Marcus jumped up and bit her arm. “GET OFF ME YOU STUPID MUTT!” Minerva thought this day couldn’t get any worse, until her father pulled up the driveway.

“What the…” but the long string of swear words was censored by more sirens wailing down the streets of Nice.

HEY HEY!

NO WAAAY!

NO WAY! NO WAY! HEY HEY!

Epilouge:

“Artemis! Come look at this!” Holly yelled from the living room. Artemis walked in and saw a blazing building on the television.

“Yeah, What about it?” he asked.

“Just listen.”

“Today, an estate owned by the Paradizo’s caught fire.” the announcer said. “Firemen have found the source of the blaze. Apparently, one of the residents, Minerva Paradizo, threw her phone and it hit a lamp, causing an explosion.” The two anchors on the screen laughed. Artemis felt like lead had dropped into his stoumach.

‘Maybe I should call Minerva back,’ he thought, reaching for his phone. He called her number.

“I’m sorry,” said a female voice. “But this number is no longer in service. Please try another number.”

‘Oh yeah,’ Artemis thought to himself.

Comments on This Post

13 responses to “Girlfriend.” Join in!

  1. Oh. My. Gods. This is HILARIOUS! This is just so funny… Minervie Gone Coo-Coo! * Snickeres coldly *

  2. I love making Minnie go freakozoid! Its fun!

  3. That was VEREH FUNNEH. Utterly pointless, but funny. Really, really funny. Minerva is a spoiled brat. D:

  4. Uh…actually I already did this song a few years ago, but whatever, it was for Holly.

    GO GO GO!!! Minerva was sooo co-co. I can see those tweety-birds flying around her head already! Five stars!

  5. myles smarty-pants February 16th, 2010 at 8:47 pm 5

    haha very good and i can just imagine minerva going to artemis’ house and setting it on fire but really good AND she should have suggested a tree-some with artemis and i guess you don’t like swearing ’cause you missed a few out and put the sirens civering some but other than that five stars!

  6. Beckett Simpleton February 16th, 2010 at 9:34 pm 6

    That was totally hillarius! I laughed really hard at the double date thing! Artemis was OOC but do I look like I care? with some stories you can get away with things like that. I used to have that song on my phone. I HATE IT! but I like your fic. =)

  7. 5 stars. Im just trying to figure out y minnie thinks SHES the smart one. 😛

  8. *laughs* I love reading about Minnie going loopy. It cheers me up.

    ~Yoshi

  9. =)=)=)=) I love that song and the story!!!

  10. THAT CANT BE BETTER!!!!!!!! I LOVED IT!!!! SO AWESOME!!!!!! PLUS THATS ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS!!!!!! DEFINATELY TOP 3!!!!!!!! MY FAVORITE!!!!!!!!! *she says very loudley as sister walks in screaming “WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!!!!!”*

  11. lolz this is freakin histerical! the last part was pure ginious! *lolz still cant spell* the look on their faces wouldv’e been priceless! lolz great job!

  12. Goodness that was fun a good read, I think I will read it again some time. You should go into a writing career. I am, probably.

  13. -grin-

    That’s all I got to say. You made my day.

    “Do you have a boyfriend?” This was it, the big moment!
    “No.”
    “Oh, that stinks, I was wondering if you’d like a double date with me and Holly.”

    Ahahahahahaahha!!! Great job!

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