The Five Times Root Regretted Yelling At People

Time One: You’re Fired!

“Okay, Horsey Boy. What’s the big deal?” Root’s face was a rosier than his normal purple beet. Bane, the technical assistant before Foaly took his position, shook his head, tail swishing.

“Alright Root. Don’t blow your top, I’m pulling it up.” Bane turned to his computer, and pulled the video of Howler Peak’s visitor room.

“Not another one Bane.” Root grumbled, lighting his cigar instead of just chewing on it.

“Don’t worry Julius. This one is good.” Bane hit the “Play” button. Root sucked in on his cigar, and blew a cloud of acrid smoke in Bane’s face. Root watched the video. Goblins were nasty creatures. He was watching a goblin scratch his armpit and pick his nose. All of a sudden, and very scary face popped up on the screen, accompanied by a screaming noise. Root jumped backwards and cursed so violently that I couldn’t print it.

“Bane! What the hell were you thinking? I could’ve had a heart attack!” Bane was laughing so hard he was gagging for breath.

“Sorry sir. That’s the girl from The Exorcist. Vinyaya told me how scared you got when you saw that movie. I couldn’t resist.” Bane started laughing again.

“That scared the hell out of me! You can resist now! You’re fired!” Bane stopped.

“Fired? Sir, it was a joke. You’ve told me you were the best technical assistant you’ve ever had!” Root shook his head.

“Pack your stuff! Get out of my building! NOW!” Bane scrambled with his things, regretting ever playing that joke. He had just been booted out of the best job in Haven.

Root composed himself, and stormed out of the office, and cloud of curses and smoke following him.

Time Two: Root and Athena In The Park

“These hotdogs are delicious, Julius!” Athena licked her fingers, and giggled. Root followed suit. They had bought the hotdogs from a vendor.

Root was at his prime at 800 years old. Athena had been his girlfriend since he was 775 years old, a short amount of time for fairies. Athena was a beautiful brown haired fairy, who was only 800 years old too.

“I’m glad you liked them, Athena.” He scratched uncertainly at his new-grown beard. He was unsure what to do.” Athena reached for her mineral water, and took a little sip of it. Awkward silence followed.

“So, it’s so beautiful today. Don’t you think so, Julius?” He nodded, reaching inside his pocket, making sure it was still there. It was, safe and sound in its little velvet case.

“I wonder how they make the weather like this. I’ll find out eventually.” Root and Athena laughed lightly. Root’s eyes were drawn to a little girl and her mother. She was pulling on her mother’s hand.

“Wait a second, Holly!” The young woman laughed. The girl, who’s name was Holly, stilled for a second, then resumed her tugging. The woman laughed again, and allowed Holly to pull her across the bridge.

“I’ve always wanted children.” Athena sighed. Root pulled out the velvet case, and fell to his knee in front of Athena.

“Athena, I’ve known you for the human equivalent of 15 years, and I love you so much.” Athena’s hands flew to her mouth.

“Will you marry me?” She didn’t answer. Root waited, anxiety growing in his chest.

“Julius, I love you too. But this is a little fast. Don’t you think we should-” Athena never finished her sentence. Root exploded.

“Athena! No! I-DON’T-THINK-WE-SHOULD-WAIT!” Root’s worlds strung together. Athena was on her feet, and turning around. Root reached out to grab her, and she started to run away.

“Athena! Please! Come back!” She never turned around.

Time Three: Job Hunt

Julius Root was waiting in Burger Bob’s manager’s office. He was in desperate need of a job, and this was the only opening. His happy level was down, and he wanted a Coca-Cola.

“Alright Larry, I’ll get right on it!” A jolly man with a large stomach and too tight jeans walked in. He sat down at the desk, the chair creaking in protest to his immense bulk.

“So Mr.,” The man referred to the sheet. “Root. Mr. Julius Root. What can I help you with today?” Root shifted in his seat. He answered the man, “I’m here for the job, sir.” The man nodded.

“Alright then… College… Good…. Excellent cooking skills… Perfect…” Root was getting fidgety. “Hrm… And you haven’t got a criminal record.. That’s a first.” The man looked up.

“So? Did I get the job?” this was the best interview Root had been at.

“Well, no.” The man scratched his belly.

“No? NO! HOW COULD I NOT GET THE JOB! YOUSAIDIWASPERFECTLYQUALIFIED!” Root’s words ran together in his anger. The man seemed unperturbed. Instead, he picked up his pen, and scratched something on his referral sheet.

“What are you doing?” Root was now nervous, itching his sweating hands, anger dying away.

“I’m saying that you are a very angry young man with an easily upset temper.” Root was shocked. He grabbed his referral sheets and stamped out of the office.

Time Four: Clarinet+Band Teacher=Very Angry Principal

“Julius, A flat, not natural!” His band teacher was obviously getting flustered with his terrible clarinet playing.

“I’m trying, Ms. Jones!” Root was getting angry again. His fingers hurt, his head hurt, and his anger level was rising rapidly.

“Try again, Julius.” She sighed and leaned back in her chair, rubbing her temples. Julius started to play. It sounded like this:

Right note, wrong note, right note, right note, SQQQQUUUUEEEAAAAKKK!!!! Oops.

“Julius!” She rubbed her head again.

“I’M SORRY! I’M SORRY I’M A TERRIBLE CLARINET PLAYER!” With that, he promptly threw the clarinet at her, and hit her on her stomach. She said nothing. She was livid. She grabbed his arm, and before he knew, he was in the principal’s office, and his mom was on the phone.

After that incident, Julius was suspended and grounded for three months.

Time Five: Julius and the Hopeful Pilot

Julius Root’s anger level was in the red zone. He was training in a new pilot, and that certain pilot was absolutely hopeless.

Root was flung to the left when the pilot hit the wall.

“D’Arvit!” Root swore as his head whacked into the side of the metal pod. That poor pilot was sweating buckets, and Root’s shouting wasn’t helping. The pilot sneezed. The pod jerked violently. Root swore very loudly, knocked the pilot out of the way, and took control.

After there were safely landed, Root turned his attention to the pilot, who had a regretful look on his face.

“WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? YOU COULD HAVE KILLED BOTH OF US! YOU WILL NEVER BE A PILOT!” The pilot’s eyes brimmed with tears.

“I need the money, sir. My mom, she ain’t doing too well. She needs some help, sir.” The pilot burst into tears, and ran from the building, tears streaming down his face.

Root was reading the paper the next week, and read an article about a young fairy with a son who had died. She had had no magic left, and no money for warlocks to help her. Root set the paper down. He remembered shouting at the pilot, and suddenly felt terrible. If he had only had more patience…

~*Well, there you have it! My cruddy entry! Please review!*~

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• I Dump Jacob, Get Artemis Back, And Minerva Gets Hit By A Jet Plane on A Train Track! (Part Four of my Randomness Series!)
• "You Are Formally Invited" Update and Warnings! (May Contain Little Spoilers)
• You Are Formally Invited...
• Checkmate
• How Opal Koboi Became Evil