Food For Thought

Soundtrack: The Doors- People Are Strange

Fowl Manor, Dublin, 2 days until resurrection

Artemis had been asleep when the hidden fairy communicator bleeped. The sharpness of the noise roused him, and initially he was confused about his current whereabouts. Looking around, Artemis discovered he had once again fallen asleep in the study; several sheets of paper from the desk were stuck to his face. Suddenly very aware of his shabby appearance he bolted upright when he realized the meaning of the sound. There were only two fairies under the earth who had his contact number for the communicator, and Foaly never called just to say ‘Hi’.
Artemis did an emergency once-over on his hair before snatching up the device. Green, that meant social. Nowadays Artemis wasn’t sure what type of contact he preferred from Holly, green or red- red being urgent. He took a deep breath, sat back in his chair and pressed answer. Being tired and nervous as he was, Artemis’ greeting in Gnommish did not come out as planned.
‘Holly! How is your body this tonight evening?’ The elfin face on the screen appeared confused and a little shocked.
‘Artemis!? What do you-’ He desperately tried to backpedal.
‘How are you! I meant how are you this evening?’ He betrayed a huge blush, praying that she would answer quickly. Holly looked suspicious, a raised eyebrow and an examining stare, but eventually she responded.
‘Errm, yeah I’m fine… You’ve fallen asleep in the study again, haven’t you?’ She was quick to notice, Artemis thought, he had to give her that. Was it the worry lines forming across his brow? The dark, overworked panda eyes- laced with stress? Or was it the stray piece of A4 that had only just fallen from his cheek?
‘Holly, it’s not a big deal, don’t worry-’
‘He’s had you working like this for weeks now! You said you would talk to him, or at least get your Mum or Juliet to! You shouldn’t be working like you are at your age, Arty.’ Holly paused and looked him over sadly. ‘I’m worried for you… I mean, what time is it there anyway?’
‘Only half seven, Holly.’
‘And did you have lunch? Or supper? Exactly how long have you been at it?’
In truth, Artemis didn’t know himself. It had easily been since six that morning, if not earlier. Artemis Senior’s work demands were becoming heavier and heavier due to the enormity of the ‘illegal-legal switcheroo’ in terms of business. While Fowl the First was busy catching up on family matters, namely taming Beckett and Myles, Artemis was left to earn his worth by working obscene hours for his father. Artemis was in agreement with Holly to an extent, this probably wasn’t good for him, but he was desperate to appease his father. Desperate to show just what he could do. But now the lack of sleep had caught him up, and people had begun to notice. Butler, Holly, his Mother, and Juliet amongst others had all shown their concerns. Artemis had, to his dismay, even read a side column in a British tabloid with the headline: ‘Teenage Irish Business Heir Goes Emo?’. A paparazzi had mistaken the bags under his eyes for eyeliner.
Holly only had his best interests at heart, so for now Artemis tried to tell her what she wanted to hear.
‘Alright, you win. I’ll do something about it this time…’ He yawned as he said this and adjusted the back support on his chair. Artemis collected himself, reclined, and casually addressed Holly’s face on the screen. ‘Now, to what do I owe the pleasure? Assuming you aren’t just calling to check up on me,’ He said this and grinned slyly, ‘as that was the purpose of your last contact.’ In response Holly raised an eyebrow and, was that a pout?
‘Arty, if you really want me to come around to babysit you, you only need to say…’ His stomach did a prompt backflip. ‘But no.’ Holly continued, suddenly back to normal, ‘This time I’ve arranged something beforehand.’ She breathed, and Artemis watched the words form on her lips. ‘I’m coming to visit.’ She said, and at Artemis’ reaction gave him a puzzled look. The expression on his face was such a contorted mess of surprise and anxiety that if it wasn’t himself, Artemis would have labeled the wearer an imbecile.
‘…-temis? Aaaaaartemis? Helloooo…’ He snapped back to reality at her voice. A string of half-baked thoughts were stuttered incoherently outwards;
‘Visit? Err, when- no, why? I, erm… what?’ Artemis would have continued, but Holly fixed him with a stare.
‘Think before you speak, and remember, syllables in sentences.’ She said. Artemis attempted to regain lost ground, fast.
‘Well, Holly that’s a lovely gesture that you would wish to visit me, but unfortunately I, err…’
He lost his footing quickly, and Holly went on the offensive.
‘Artemis, you are not blowing me off again. Try and act just a little maturely. It’s arranged and everything now, so this time tomorrow or at sunset, be at the bottom of Gamlagh Park. There’s only a ten minute walk from your place.’ She smiled at him now, ‘Remember walking? The lost art of moving without an engine? Okay, I’ll see you there then!’
Holly cut him off before he had another chance to stutter a protest. Thoughts and feelings flew uncharted around Artemis’ head. Visit? What did that mean? Yeah right, he knew exactly what that meant. He’d been dodging the topic for months now, since Opal had escaped anyway. This couldn’t be happening. Surely not. Pinch yourself hard, son, and you’ll realize how ‘oh em gee’ happening this is. Artemis thought that he would seriously consider kissing Mulch if it meant he could get out of this now. But no, ladies and gentlemen you are no longer permitted to leave the roller coaster. Please fasten your seat-belts and keep your arms inside the ride at all times. Just fantastic. Then again, maybe Holly was right about this, and he should be more mature. He was fifteen going on sixteen now, legally nineteen. Should he not just try and get through this? Artemis saw Mulch’s face again, puckered up and looking remarkably tempting. And that it about babysitting? What was that all about? Having never been flirted with in all his life, Artemis failed to realize just what that was all about. More and more, questions like this were forming after conversations with Holly. He swept them under the metaphorical rug as best as he could, but he could still see some metaphorically huge lumps. In a daze, Artemis stood up and left his work, making his way to the bathroom. He stared in the mirror at Holly’s hazel eye. Splashing cold water onto his face, Artemis was still in a stupor as he turned away and headed for his bedroom. As he crashed out onto the bed, there was but one thought left recurring; the eternal cry of all male-kind: ‘Life would be so much simpler without women.’

Some other stories by saynototrouble:

• Contest Entry- A Visitor.