Artemis Fowl: The Last Criminal Plot
Written on February 26th, 2007 by MMKStory Details
Chapter 3
Progression and Regression
Artemis had been on his own for three days. He was paler even than usual, and his bright blue eyes were held in stark contrast by the dark bags beneath them. Ceaseless hours spent staring at a computer screen, combined with a lack of sleep, had given him an appearance that was closer to a that of a zombie than to his usual vampire.
It was worth it, though; the realization of a few nights ago had given him a new purpose; he had gotten an idea. That idea had been followed by research. He was finishing up that research now, and was confident that he was close to the third stage- after the idea and the research comes the most important stage of operations: the plan.
Artemis had not just been surfing the web. He had been surfing the fairy web. That is to say, he had hacked into the LEP and was looking through their files. Lots of interesting information there. He had also found a few holes in their security that less honorable persons could take advantage of. He should probably tell Holly. He wasn’t going to, however.
Artemis was startled by a call over the intercom. It was Juliet. “Artemis! Are you planning on eating dinner at all this week? For that matter, what happened to breakfast and lunch?”
Artemis glanced at the screen in front of him. The research was basically done. He looked at Holly’s mission parameters- she wouldn’t arrive for a while yet. “I’m coming,” he replied.
***
Dinner started as a pleasurable affair; Artemis’s mood could almost be described as lighthearted. He was helpful with the twins for the first time since his parents had left. He even laughed once or twice.
The blip came when he got a paper cut. Everyone else clearly saw the blood, but Artemis was preoccupied at the time, so his magic healed it automatically.
“What was that?” asked Juliet, frowning. She had lost her fairy memories after the Spiro incident, but the way she looked at him made Artemis uneasy.
“What was what?” asked Artemis, deciding that the best policy was to pretend nothing had happened.
“You cut yourself.” She looked back at her brother for support, but he only shrugged. Juliet was safer oblivious.
“It was blue!” Jonathan added helpfully. Callie nodded. They saw the sparks, thought Artemis. It wasn’t the first time, but the twins were getting older, and he had to be more careful.
“Blood is red, not blue,” Juliet smiled at Jon, distracted. The topic soon changed. But Juliet seemed to be thinking about something; she kept losing track of the conversation.
The rest of dinner passed uncomfortably, and Artemis excused himself early, as had become his habit.
***
When he returned to his room, he looked at the clock. 22:30. Holly wouldn’t arrive for another hour and a half.
He picked up the telephone and dialed a number. It was longer than usual, since it was outside the country.
A drowsy girl’s voice answered on the third ring. “Bonjour?”
“Hello, Minerva.”
“Artemis!” he could practically hear her smiling. “It’s been too long.” Her voice turned suspicious. “But, of course, Artemis Fowl doesn’t call without a reason.”
“I need your assistance with something.”
“The great Artemis Fowl needs my help?” she was definitely grinning now, but her smile faded as he proceeded to explain his plan. Part of his plan, anyway. There was a long pause after he finished.
“Artemis,” Minerva finally spoke into the receiver, “your plan is idiocy, and doomed to fail. Only a fool would help you with it.”
“It only sounds that way because you haven’t heard the whole thing,” he replied. “There is a reasonable chance of success. And in the case of failure, nobody will be hurt. There is no danger in it, Minerva.”
“It only sounds that way because I haven’t heard the whole thing,” she retorted.
“If necessary I can do it without you. But I would very much prefer not to.”
“Does this have anything to do with puberty?” she asked. This was her favorite question to pose to Artemis, and had been since she had befriended Holly. Artemis did not answer. He never did. He said that he refused to dignify such a juvenile comment with a response, but privately she liked to think that he remained silent because the answer was yes. “All right,” she said after a long silence. “I’m in. But you owe me, Fowl.”
There was another slight pause, as Artemis was still thinking about the puberty comment. Then he said, “Thank you, Minerva. I shall see you soon.”
“Good bye, Artemis.”
“Good night, Minerva.”
Artemis hung up, then rose to leave the room in order to instruct Butler. He looked at the clock on his way out. Forty-five minutes. He would be ready by then.
Poor Holly had no idea what she was walking- or rather, flying- into. The fairy world was in for an unwelcome surprise.

(56 votes, average: 3.95 out of 5)
February 26th, 2007 at 10:15 pm
Constructive criticism encouraged, please!
This is the first thing I’ve ever written…
February 27th, 2007 at 1:57 am
Darn. I was so excited to constructively critisize, because I love constructive crtisism, but your story was too brilliant!
I loved it, you write like Eoin Colfer. The story progresses at a perfect pace, and I’m glad you didn’t purposely leave any characters out because of spite or hatred. Usually Minerva or Holly are turned into what is almost the bad guy.
Basically I wish I could crtisize, you are either naturally gifted or are naturally gifted and have a really good beta. Either way I envy you
February 27th, 2007 at 9:46 am
It was AWESOME!!!! even AWESOMER than that story that i gave five outta five for. it’s gonna be hard rating this one.
*awkward silence*
i know!
100000000000000000000000000000000000000000/5
Fully sik rite mor chaptas! rite mor captas!!!!!
February 27th, 2007 at 9:13 pm
Well… um… I feel rather awkward saying this now, so long after putting this up, but I wrote the story. I’m not quite sure now why I felt it necessary to write under a psudonym, I think I went temporarily insane with nervoussness, because I was convinced that it was terrible (thanks for telling me it’s not, BlackOpal and Skaknes). Anyway, today at school, I thought it over and decided that I was being stupid, and decieving people. So, here I am, admitting to writing this…
I just realized you probably don’t know who I am and think I’m insane. Well, for those of you who care, I apologize.
February 28th, 2007 at 1:37 am
I don’t think you’re insane. I’ve done that myself once, except I was right that my Fic was horrible :]
February 28th, 2007 at 7:47 pm
You’re not insane, you’re brilliant. I loved it, you sould write more (and more and more and more!). Good for you. ; )
March 1st, 2007 at 11:25 pm
all ive got 2 say is………………………………………………………………….WOW! love it!!
March 4th, 2007 at 2:01 pm
Thanks!
I added Chapters four and five.
Oh, and I changed it to credit me as an author so there’d be no confusion (although I did like the name tripleness… oh, well).
March 4th, 2007 at 7:45 pm
MMK is kind of tripleness, I mean there’s three letters XD
I still love it! I can’t wait for more character development on the bad guys!
March 5th, 2007 at 11:14 am
*falls off chair in exitement* Squeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! Need to know what happens!!!
Aw. Arty is a typical teenager. Cute. XD *is strangled by Artemis*
But why did he sedate Holly? Argh! Got- to - know - what - happens *gasp, wheeze* *faints*
I thought Juliet had her memories back. Ah well.
March 5th, 2007 at 3:15 pm
*decides to stop writing so that Nicole_Artist dies*
Kidding, of course. But I laughed reading your review.
I don’t think Juliet got her memories back- I mean, when could she have? And I remember reading in TOD that the disk had two folders: one for Artemis and one for Butler. So I don’t think she remembers.
March 6th, 2007 at 2:17 am
It isn’t fair.
I wanted to add this as editor’s choice, but since you’ve written it I can’t. *pouts* Can you not be an editor anymore so we can add this?
It’s still amazing. I still don’t understand why Artemis would do that? *Is confuzzled, in a sad, lonely way*
[/pointless review]
March 6th, 2007 at 3:46 am
Ooh, I should never have owned up. But you might have noticed my IP adress sooner or later.
But now we’re even, because I wanted to put in ‘One Simple Convenience’. Then again, we have ‘Disaster at First Sight’ in there, and Drawingpup’s an editor.
Whatever. Anyway, what this comment was originally going to be was me laughing at you and reveling in your being held in suspense while I know what’s coming. But it’s too long for that now.
March 6th, 2007 at 3:24 pm
cool,artemis IS evil,i knew it!(well i was gussig he had a crush on holly,or the other way around……..)but still,i KNEW it! =),nice story,u should put it on deviantart or something…
March 7th, 2007 at 12:37 am
Ok! Now I’ve read 4 and 5 and liked it but i have to say somthing that really disturbs me.
Since when did artemis have second thoughts? Plus Holly and Artemis are just meant to be friends and there should be no romance between them. I whould actually have Minerva and Artemis go out or even in that story get married but humans and elves should never mix.
Sorry to people who disagee with me this is my OPINION and I will stick with it!
March 22nd, 2007 at 8:37 pm
wow, you right really well and im waiting on breath for your next chapter to come out, as for me IM NEW so hi everbody
March 29th, 2007 at 12:11 am
*at the edge of my seat*
*gasps how could artemis…*
This is really well organized story. I am really enjoying it and hope you write more soon.
April 8th, 2007 at 9:25 pm
When are you gonna update!!! I need to read more!!! Sorry, I’m getting too excited. Really good stuff! Bad evil Arty…teehee. Anyways, I like it, as long as it doesn’t turn into one of those A/H snogging fics, I hate those. They’re like ‘oh, good lil’ story, great plot, ends with half the characters eating face’. Those really piss me off.
April 12th, 2007 at 12:53 am
Those annoy me too. Don’t worry, this is not romance… actually, I can see by the reviews that I’ve already put too much in. I’m a non-shipper, actually.
I’m sorry updating is taking so long- stupid schoolwork…
April 15th, 2007 at 9:19 pm
I AGREE WITH RACHAEL!
April 15th, 2007 at 11:10 pm
Rachael, I think that Artemis has been having second thoughts a lot lately. He’s changing, turning good, and his guilty conscience is getting to him a lot lately.
April 18th, 2007 at 1:53 am
I WAS AGREING WITH THE ARTEMIS AND HOLLY ARE ONLY FRIENDS, AND ARTY AND MINNIE (ARTEMIS AND MINERVA, SORRY, SOME PETNAMES THAT I PICKD UP SOMEWHERE)ARE MEANT TO BE!!!!!!!
April 21st, 2007 at 3:09 am
continue
August 16th, 2007 at 6:44 pm
more more keep adding!!Dont keep me in suspence!!!PLEASE!
August 22nd, 2007 at 8:05 am
I really love the story,I really do. It’s so great. I agree Arty and Holly are friends, but Arty and Minerva are also friends. I want the friend relationship more.
August 22nd, 2007 at 10:35 pm
Thanks for the compliments.
Don’t forget, constructive criticism is more than encouraged.
I finally put up chapter six- sorry it took so long!
September 12th, 2007 at 1:13 am
Chapter seven’s now up. If you read it, please review!
September 17th, 2007 at 10:44 pm
I love your plotline. It is so confusing and mysterious, just like Colfer. And it is driving me absolutely bonkers! Honestly!
Constructive criticism: Uhm… write faster? I can’t think of anything, sorry.
September 23rd, 2007 at 7:31 pm
Very good, write more please!!!!
September 28th, 2007 at 8:27 pm
This is a very good story, The plot is so confusing that it reminds me of Colfer’s story writing style. I think that this is really good and that you should keep this up. The only constructive crit I have for you is that you really need to improve the speed of your typing. It would probably be for the best if you hurried up before the whole of fanfiction is on your back screaming for more
October 3rd, 2007 at 3:06 am
i WOULD THINK THAT WOULD BE NICE!!
October 4th, 2007 at 9:48 pm
I think you publish at about the write speed and you are wrong, just because i didn’t comment didn’t mean i didn’t read. You are obviously very talented. I think that you should try to make it a bit more humerous though that would probably improve interest. Adios!
October 6th, 2007 at 5:48 am
This is getting good! Now if they only letted me rate ten……………………………………………………………………………..
October 9th, 2007 at 9:52 pm
Fair enough lol, each to her own! But don’t worry, you have a gift. Me? Yeah I can write funny really well, and romance but I can’t write a proper adventure to save myself. It just becomes all sarcastic and stupid and pointless when I try!Another great chapter by the way I am gripped!
October 9th, 2007 at 9:58 pm
I am eeating crackers. They r good. This story is better.
October 14th, 2007 at 10:29 pm
This is really good. You have a real gift with writing.
Oh and Vinyaya. Have you considered writing a funny adventure story.
Make it funny but make them go on an adventure to middle earth or something. That would be really cool.
If you don’t want that idea then I call dibs.
Just tell me if you want it or not.
October 15th, 2007 at 9:06 pm
I love TLCP! I’m so glad that you’ve updated.
I’m sorry, I cannot think of constructive criticism for the life of me. I read it twice too.
November 17th, 2007 at 3:12 pm
Finish
December 10th, 2007 at 4:05 am
Come on!!! I’ve been waiting forever for the new updates!
December 11th, 2007 at 5:05 am
WHEN WILL THE NEXT ONE COME OUT ALLREADY!?!?!?
December 11th, 2007 at 5:23 am
Hey, be patient. I’ve been working hard. Anymore comments like that and they’ll get deleted.
Hopefully I’ll have up to chapter 12 reposted by Sunday, and then I’ll post chapter 12 itself, which I’ve already written. No guarantees, though.
December 12th, 2007 at 12:02 pm
lurved it! ( btw guys “ and gals ) im kinda new here =) a small intro of yourselves? ( sry, pls dun think i am lame! )
December 13th, 2007 at 3:57 am
Chapters 9+10 have a little bit of error at the top. There’s a part in italics that just repeats itself.
As for the story, I loved it of course.
Constructive criticism…
Uhm…
The fight between Trouble and Vinyaya was resolved rather quickly. But they both have a lot at stake and are reasonable people…
Oh, real constructive crit:
When the bomb went off there wasn’t really enough terrified sadness. There was a lot, but not enough. Trouble seemed just stressed, did he know anybody in that district? Did any of the other officers? That’s a huge portion of their town completely destroyed. Like you said, it was a massacre.
Or maybe Trouble’s just too focused on the Holly situation.
Great job! I hope you update soon!
December 15th, 2007 at 7:55 pm
I really like how you made Artemis back into his evil self, and I’m quite interested to see where this goes. Also, I’m glad Minerva is back. You managed to keep the best parts of her personality without making her annoying. Good job!
I agree with what BlackOpal said about the Trouble/Vinyaya argument. I thought it should have been a bit bigger than that. After all, they are both under extreme stress right now!
I also thought your description of Artemis’ powers was cool, but I think it would be neat if he could do something a bit more..evil than just attack people with them. Like controlling/reading their minds. I’d like to see him with that.
Great story, and keep it up!
December 25th, 2007 at 2:25 am
Ummm… I thought editors couldn’t get their work in the “Editor’s choice” catagory
December 25th, 2007 at 4:38 am
That’s not true.
She didn’t add it either, I did. It’s my favourite AF story, or at least one of them. MMK worked hard on it too, so I thought it deserved editor’s choice. Her being an editor had nothing to do with it.
Editor’s really shouldn’t add their own stories, but that’s not a rule, that’s just site etiquette.
Still love it and still waiting impatiently!
December 31st, 2007 at 7:34 am
This story is quite interesting. I must say, you do write like Eoin Colfer. I am waiting patiently for you to update. Please update soon because BlackOpal is getting a bit impatient. Thank you for using your time to read this and I wish you a Happy New Year.
January 1st, 2008 at 9:28 pm
You too, HS9. Thanks for the compliment, and for being patient. I am still writing, but it may take a while to actually post. It turns out that my plot sort of self destructs in the next two chapters- I didn’t plan it out as well as I thought I had (basically, I have two plotlines that each work separately, but not together). I have to figure out a way to fix it.
BlackOpal & carino: Thanks for the constructive criticism. I suppose Trouble & Vinyaya’s fight could have gone on a bit longer, but they were both stressed more than angry in the first place, and they are too professional to hold onto a grudge when it’ll interfere with their jobs at such a critical moment. As for there not being enough sadness/terror because of the bio-bomb- you’re right. I’ll probably rewrite it or something, but after I actually finish the story.
And Artemis’s powers- I don’t view either fairy magic or humans as evil. Remember, the powers aren’t meant to be Artemis-specific, they’re just what humans in general would have- the basic fairy magic with a few changes. And don’t forget, you haven’t really seen all that Artemis can do yet.
January 26th, 2008 at 3:39 am
OMG U HAVE TO KEEP UPDATING! Please post an update announcement when you update. I LOVE IT!
February 5th, 2008 at 11:18 pm
Are you really Eoin Colfer?I think you are.No one can write a story like this unless that person is Eoin Colfer.
March 20th, 2008 at 3:24 am
Please update! This has got to be one of the best fanfics ever! I love it! OMG! I think I know…Minerva, Holly, then… IT ALL MAKES SINCE! OMG! YOU ARE COMPARABLE TO THE GENIUS HIMSELF! COLFER RULES! Sorry, I’m hyper…I haven’t read any new books, so reading something like this… I dunno, it’s just SO good I got *hyper*! I should celebrate! *lifts truffle in toast to author* OMG! If I knew where to send it to, I would send you a million booty boxes of truffles!
March 27th, 2008 at 6:04 am
Are you going to update?
March 27th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
Yes. Finally, I think I MAY have things sorted out… there’ll be a couple of new chapters on Sunday I think. Maybe earlier.
March 31st, 2008 at 5:31 am
Love it!
April 1st, 2008 at 12:06 am
Finally.
I’m kind of confused. I don’t really understand Artemis’ plan.
Am I supposed to? It’s just been a while so I started semi-lost.
I’ll go reread some more of it.
Anyways, it’s really good. I felt so sad at the end of chapter fifteen.
Juliet was out of character, I think. She may be a loose canon but she always had more control and style than that. She didn’t hit with rage, she was just cool.
And if she did have her memories back she’d feel some empathy for Artemis.
Or maybe not.
It was awesome though.
I can’t wait.
April 1st, 2008 at 1:12 am
Okay…that was random…so Juliet just walked in and whalloped Artemis?
The LEP would NEVER be that evil!
ROOT! WE WANT YOU BACK!
Holly didn’t get to the interrogations! Aww… Also, Artemis wouldn’t be so…well, he always has a plan for every occasion, doesn’t he? No way would my hero give up so easily!
DIE, BOM!
April 11th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
When will it update again?
Love it , really love it. just… the story and the writing are too brilliant.
it’s sad to see Holly and Artemis like that…
love Arty’s new magic of stopping bullet, cool, Matrix!
but i am a little bit confuse beacuse of not knowing Artemis’s and Holly’s plan, and why Bom do that all…
at all this the best fanfic ever.
keep going please, i can’t wait
May 21st, 2008 at 4:41 pm
I really love this story! Definitely one of the best in the archive. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT so please write as fast as possible without your fingers falling off!
June 21st, 2008 at 9:49 am
Woah!!!
This is BRILLIANT!!!
But why would Artemis do all these things?
I mean, we still don’t know his ulterior motive!!!You HAVE to write more. if this is writer’s block then hurry up and get over it quick!!!
P.S I will seriously DIE if you don’t write more.
August 23rd, 2008 at 7:41 pm
MEMEME WILL KILL YOU!! ME MUST NOT BEG FOR MORE!!*Gets on knees starts begging/crying* ME GOING TO DIE IF YOU DON’T WRITE!!! *falls over dead*
Come on MMK! Write more.