Artemis Fowl: The Last Criminal Plot
Written on February 26th, 2007 by MMKStory Details
(55 votes, average: 3.95 out of 5)
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Chapter 1
Family Matters
Artemis Fowl was not pleased. At first, having siblings had been a novelty. All too soon, however, they became nothing more than an annoyance. Unfortunately, they were not the type of annoyance that he could ask Butler to take care of.
“Why, exactly, is this necessary?” Artemis asked in frustration.
“Your parents want you to get to know your brothers. They don’t want you withdrawing the way you used to,” his bodyguard, Butler, answered promptly.
Artemis was sitting on the floor, and was supposed to be helping his two-and-a-half-year-old siblings do simple jigsaw puzzles. To someone with his intellectual capabilities, it was almost unbearable to watch them try and stuff the wrong pieces in repeatedly. Calliope was determined to solve her puzzle alone, which suited Artemis. Jonathan, however, asked for confirmation of every piece.
Artemis continued to converse with Butler, all but ignoring the twins. “Most parents are distracted from their firstborn when they have new children.”
“The rules change, Artemis, when you vanish for three years.”
“I’m aware of that,” replied Artemis sullenly. “But now I’ve been back for six months, and there are limits to my patience. I-”
“Dis one?” asked Jonathan hopefully, looking up at Artemis, a diamond-shaped piece in his raised hand.
“No,” answered Artemis shortly. Jonathan’s smile wilted. Artemis’s conscience twinged. Now he was annoyed at himself. Why did he have to go out and acquire morality? It was nothing but a nuisance, honestly. Artemis leaned over and attempted to show his brother the right way to do the puzzle. Jonathan’s grin returned, and he continued to work enthusiastically.
“I require a certain amount of freedom,” said Artemis, resuming his conversation. “And I simply cannot stand my parents hovering over me like this. It is getting ridiculous.”
The sound of a door opening could be heard. “Speaking of your parents…” Butler gestured toward the adjacent room.
“Arty!” called a cheerful woman’s voice. “Jon! Callie! Come welcome your parents home.”
The twins needed no invitation, and ran through the hall towards their mother’s voice. Artemis lingered, slowly standing up and dusting himself off meticulously (despite the fact that the carpet was perfectly clean).
“Artemis!” called Artemis Fowl Senior.
“I’m coming, Father.” Artemis took a breath as if to brace himself, then turned and walked through the doorway. Smiling slightly, his bodyguard followed.
He walked into the room to see his father holding the twins and spinning them around. “How was your evening?” asked Artemis. His parents had gone “on a date” to the theater.
“Wonderful,” replied Angeline, her eyes bright. She swept forward and embraced her eldest son. ” But, come now, Artemis, how are you?”
“Not very different from how I was last time you saw me, a mere three hours ago.” Artemis couldn’t hold back the sharp retort. His mother did her best to ignore his tone and laughed.
Artemis Senior joined his wife in laughing, and he tickled the twins so that they giggled too. “With you, Arty, one never knows,” he said.
That used to be true, Artemis thought bitterly. Not anymore. Now I’m being a perfect little boy. No criminal enterprises, no fairy hacking, not even any disobedience to my parents… Artemis smiled hollowly, watching his family laugh.
“Anyway,” Angeline said breathlessly, once she stopped laughing, “I think we’ve postponed dinner long enough.”
She led them to the kitchen, where Juliet, Butler’s sister, already had a hot meal prepared. She was staying with the Fowls while on a break from her wrestling tour. During Artemis’s disappearance, she had often acted as bodyguard/babysitter when the Fowls were out. Now, she still did a bit of the bodyguarding, but Artemis was the babysitter.
Together, they all sat down for dinner. Artemis listened politely as his parents discussed their date, as Juliet told an entertaining story about wrestling, as the twins exclaimed over whatever it was they found interesting. He didn’t join in. What was there to say?
“About school next year-” Angeline said hesitantly. Artemis came to attention. His parents had decided that he’d skip the remainder of the last academic year (”after all, you know everything already”) to spend more time with the family now that he was back. But summer would soon end, and he needed a school to go to.
“Yes, mother?”
“There’s a lovely day school near here, I was thinking we could go for a visit, see what you think.”
“That would be fine, mother. When shall we go?” his voice was flat, and he found that he didn’t really care about it.
Artemis’s father frowned at his son’s apathetic behavior. “Artemis, are you all right?”
“Yes, of course.” No he wasn’t actually. He was clearly afflicted with depression, and was exhibiting all of the obvious symptoms. But what could he do about it- see a psychologist? That was laughable- he practically was one. Medication, of course, was out of the question. Obviously some sort of self-reflection was necessary, to find the source of the problem, but he hadn’t been meditating lately.
“Artemis,” said his mother gently. “You know you can tell us anything.”
No he couldn’t. He couldn’t tell them about the People- in fact, he had been required to make them forget. He had needed to confuse their sense of time, so that they didn’t realize that he should be seventeen. And he had to swallow his frustration for them. “I know, Mother.”
Artemis’s father glanced around at the assembled company. “If you want to talk privately-”
“No thank you, Father, I’m fine.”
“Artemis,” said Angeline with concern. “If something’s bothering you, you really should-”
“I’M FINE!” Artemis himself was startled by his own vehemence.
His parents looked shocked- Artemis had never shouted in their presence before. Juliet stared, and Calliope started to cry. Butler, however, looked unsurprised.
Artemis looked down at his plate; he hadn’t eaten much, but he definitely didn’t want any more. “May I be excused?” he asked quietly.
His parents gazed at him helplessly. “All right, Artemis, you may go.”
***
Artemis was sitting cross-legged on his bed, meditating, when there was a knock on his door. He had been expecting it, but still he said nothing. There was another knock.
“Come in.”
His parents entered, looking sad. They sat on either side of him, and his mother grasped his hand. “We’re sorry if we did anything to upset you, Artemis.”
Artemis’s thoughts were dull; clearly he was still depressed. “You didn’t,” he lied.
“If we didn’t, who did?” his father asked shrewdly. “The twins?”
It suddenly became clear- they thought that he was upset because he had siblings. They thought he was being a classic eldest child, jealous of the attention his new siblings were getting. They thought that he was depressed because he was no longer an only child. How out of touch could you get?
“Artemis,” his mother said slowly, “Maybe the three of us could go somewhere, just for a break before the end of the summer. We-”
Artemis felt the unexpected anger rise up in him again. “Or maybe we shouldn’t,” he said sarcastically. “Maybe, you two could leave me alone for five minutes, instead of hanging around me every second. Perhaps, just perhaps, I could have some autonomy, without you making every decision for me!” He suddenly realized that he was yelling. When the flare of anger subsided, he fell back onto the bed again, not tired, exactly, but completely uninterested in anything. He turned to face the wall in silence.
His parents watched him uncertainly for a minute, then left without a word.
***
The next morning, Artemis walked downstairs slowly. Juliet had called him for breakfast, speaking quickly and then ducking out of the room as if she were afraid he would throw something at her. He hadn’t slept, and there were bags under his eyes. His parents were waiting for him at the table, watching him anxiously.
“I apologize for shouting at you,” Artemis said abruptly, sitting down. “I believe it was largely caused by hormones, and I-”
“No, Artemis,” said his father, shaking his head. “You were right. We’ve been hovering over you too much, and we apologize. Perhaps it was hormones that triggered it, but what you said was true.”
“So we’ve decided,” said Angeline quickly, cutting across Artemis, who had opened his mouth to speak, “That your father and I will go somewhere for the week, to give you some time to yourself. Juliet will take care of the twins, you won’t have to spend any more time with them than you want to.”
“You really don’t-” Artemis was speechless; his parents had managed to surprise him.
“Our decision is made, Artemis,” said his mother, smiling.
“Thank you,” Artemis said. He walked around the table and hugged them tightly, something that he knew would make them happy.
“I love you, Artemis,” each said into his ear.
“I know,” said Artemis. Then he swallowed and said, “I love you too.”
***
Artemis had analyzed his emotions, and realized overnight why he was depressed. It was, as he had shouted, due to lack of privacy, and a perceived lack of freedom. It was not, however, caused by his parents; that was just classic anger displacement. His parents were not the only ones watching him; and his lack of freedom was not from their constant supervision. It was the People, partially. They were always, and would always be, monitoring his every twitch. Mostly, though, it was himself. Why, Artemis asked himself mentally again, had he acquired a conscience? Life had been easier as a criminal mastermind. Much easier.
February 26th, 2007 at 10:15 pm
Constructive criticism encouraged, please!
This is the first thing I’ve ever written…
February 27th, 2007 at 1:57 am
Darn. I was so excited to constructively critisize, because I love constructive crtisism, but your story was too brilliant!
I loved it, you write like Eoin Colfer. The story progresses at a perfect pace, and I’m glad you didn’t purposely leave any characters out because of spite or hatred. Usually Minerva or Holly are turned into what is almost the bad guy.
Basically I wish I could crtisize, you are either naturally gifted or are naturally gifted and have a really good beta. Either way I envy you
February 27th, 2007 at 9:46 am
It was AWESOME!!!! even AWESOMER than that story that i gave five outta five for. it’s gonna be hard rating this one.
*awkward silence*
i know!
100000000000000000000000000000000000000000/5
Fully sik rite mor chaptas! rite mor captas!!!!!
February 27th, 2007 at 9:13 pm
Well… um… I feel rather awkward saying this now, so long after putting this up, but I wrote the story. I’m not quite sure now why I felt it necessary to write under a psudonym, I think I went temporarily insane with nervoussness, because I was convinced that it was terrible (thanks for telling me it’s not, BlackOpal and Skaknes). Anyway, today at school, I thought it over and decided that I was being stupid, and decieving people. So, here I am, admitting to writing this…
I just realized you probably don’t know who I am and think I’m insane. Well, for those of you who care, I apologize.
February 28th, 2007 at 1:37 am
I don’t think you’re insane. I’ve done that myself once, except I was right that my Fic was horrible :]
February 28th, 2007 at 7:47 pm
You’re not insane, you’re brilliant. I loved it, you sould write more (and more and more and more!). Good for you. ; )
March 1st, 2007 at 11:25 pm
all ive got 2 say is………………………………………………………………….WOW! love it!!
March 4th, 2007 at 2:01 pm
Thanks!
I added Chapters four and five.
Oh, and I changed it to credit me as an author so there’d be no confusion (although I did like the name tripleness… oh, well).
March 4th, 2007 at 7:45 pm
MMK is kind of tripleness, I mean there’s three letters XD
I still love it! I can’t wait for more character development on the bad guys!
March 5th, 2007 at 11:14 am
*falls off chair in exitement* Squeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! Need to know what happens!!!
Aw. Arty is a typical teenager. Cute. XD *is strangled by Artemis*
But why did he sedate Holly? Argh! Got- to - know - what - happens *gasp, wheeze* *faints*
I thought Juliet had her memories back. Ah well.
March 5th, 2007 at 3:15 pm
*decides to stop writing so that Nicole_Artist dies*
Kidding, of course. But I laughed reading your review.
I don’t think Juliet got her memories back- I mean, when could she have? And I remember reading in TOD that the disk had two folders: one for Artemis and one for Butler. So I don’t think she remembers.
March 6th, 2007 at 2:17 am
It isn’t fair.
I wanted to add this as editor’s choice, but since you’ve written it I can’t. *pouts* Can you not be an editor anymore so we can add this?
It’s still amazing. I still don’t understand why Artemis would do that? *Is confuzzled, in a sad, lonely way*
[/pointless review]
March 6th, 2007 at 3:46 am
Ooh, I should never have owned up. But you might have noticed my IP adress sooner or later.
But now we’re even, because I wanted to put in ‘One Simple Convenience’. Then again, we have ‘Disaster at First Sight’ in there, and Drawingpup’s an editor.
Whatever. Anyway, what this comment was originally going to be was me laughing at you and reveling in your being held in suspense while I know what’s coming. But it’s too long for that now.
March 6th, 2007 at 3:24 pm
cool,artemis IS evil,i knew it!(well i was gussig he had a crush on holly,or the other way around……..)but still,i KNEW it! =),nice story,u should put it on deviantart or something…
March 7th, 2007 at 12:37 am
Ok! Now I’ve read 4 and 5 and liked it but i have to say somthing that really disturbs me.
Since when did artemis have second thoughts? Plus Holly and Artemis are just meant to be friends and there should be no romance between them. I whould actually have Minerva and Artemis go out or even in that story get married but humans and elves should never mix.
Sorry to people who disagee with me this is my OPINION and I will stick with it!
March 22nd, 2007 at 8:37 pm
wow, you right really well and im waiting on breath for your next chapter to come out, as for me IM NEW so hi everbody
March 29th, 2007 at 12:11 am
*at the edge of my seat*
*gasps how could artemis…*
This is really well organized story. I am really enjoying it and hope you write more soon.
April 8th, 2007 at 9:25 pm
When are you gonna update!!! I need to read more!!! Sorry, I’m getting too excited. Really good stuff! Bad evil Arty…teehee. Anyways, I like it, as long as it doesn’t turn into one of those A/H snogging fics, I hate those. They’re like ‘oh, good lil’ story, great plot, ends with half the characters eating face’. Those really piss me off.
April 12th, 2007 at 12:53 am
Those annoy me too. Don’t worry, this is not romance… actually, I can see by the reviews that I’ve already put too much in. I’m a non-shipper, actually.
I’m sorry updating is taking so long- stupid schoolwork…
April 15th, 2007 at 9:19 pm
I AGREE WITH RACHAEL!
April 15th, 2007 at 11:10 pm
Rachael, I think that Artemis has been having second thoughts a lot lately. He’s changing, turning good, and his guilty conscience is getting to him a lot lately.
April 18th, 2007 at 1:53 am
I WAS AGREING WITH THE ARTEMIS AND HOLLY ARE ONLY FRIENDS, AND ARTY AND MINNIE (ARTEMIS AND MINERVA, SORRY, SOME PETNAMES THAT I PICKD UP SOMEWHERE)ARE MEANT TO BE!!!!!!!
April 21st, 2007 at 3:09 am
continue
August 16th, 2007 at 6:44 pm
more more keep adding!!Dont keep me in suspence!!!PLEASE!
August 22nd, 2007 at 8:05 am
I really love the story,I really do. It’s so great. I agree Arty and Holly are friends, but Arty and Minerva are also friends. I want the friend relationship more.
August 22nd, 2007 at 10:35 pm
Thanks for the compliments.
Don’t forget, constructive criticism is more than encouraged.
I finally put up chapter six- sorry it took so long!
September 12th, 2007 at 1:13 am
Chapter seven’s now up. If you read it, please review!
September 17th, 2007 at 10:44 pm
I love your plotline. It is so confusing and mysterious, just like Colfer. And it is driving me absolutely bonkers! Honestly!
Constructive criticism: Uhm… write faster? I can’t think of anything, sorry.
September 23rd, 2007 at 7:31 pm
Very good, write more please!!!!
September 28th, 2007 at 8:27 pm
This is a very good story, The plot is so confusing that it reminds me of Colfer’s story writing style. I think that this is really good and that you should keep this up. The only constructive crit I have for you is that you really need to improve the speed of your typing. It would probably be for the best if you hurried up before the whole of fanfiction is on your back screaming for more
October 3rd, 2007 at 3:06 am
i WOULD THINK THAT WOULD BE NICE!!
October 4th, 2007 at 9:48 pm
I think you publish at about the write speed and you are wrong, just because i didn’t comment didn’t mean i didn’t read. You are obviously very talented. I think that you should try to make it a bit more humerous though that would probably improve interest. Adios!
October 6th, 2007 at 5:48 am
This is getting good! Now if they only letted me rate ten……………………………………………………………………………..
October 9th, 2007 at 9:52 pm
Fair enough lol, each to her own! But don’t worry, you have a gift. Me? Yeah I can write funny really well, and romance but I can’t write a proper adventure to save myself. It just becomes all sarcastic and stupid and pointless when I try!Another great chapter by the way I am gripped!
October 9th, 2007 at 9:58 pm
I am eeating crackers. They r good. This story is better.
October 14th, 2007 at 10:29 pm
This is really good. You have a real gift with writing.
Oh and Vinyaya. Have you considered writing a funny adventure story.
Make it funny but make them go on an adventure to middle earth or something. That would be really cool.
If you don’t want that idea then I call dibs.
Just tell me if you want it or not.
October 15th, 2007 at 9:06 pm
I love TLCP! I’m so glad that you’ve updated.
I’m sorry, I cannot think of constructive criticism for the life of me. I read it twice too.
November 17th, 2007 at 3:12 pm
Finish
December 10th, 2007 at 4:05 am
Come on!!! I’ve been waiting forever for the new updates!
December 11th, 2007 at 5:05 am
WHEN WILL THE NEXT ONE COME OUT ALLREADY!?!?!?
December 11th, 2007 at 5:23 am
Hey, be patient. I’ve been working hard. Anymore comments like that and they’ll get deleted.
Hopefully I’ll have up to chapter 12 reposted by Sunday, and then I’ll post chapter 12 itself, which I’ve already written. No guarantees, though.
December 12th, 2007 at 12:02 pm
lurved it! ( btw guys “ and gals ) im kinda new here =) a small intro of yourselves? ( sry, pls dun think i am lame! )
December 13th, 2007 at 3:57 am
Chapters 9+10 have a little bit of error at the top. There’s a part in italics that just repeats itself.
As for the story, I loved it of course.
Constructive criticism…
Uhm…
The fight between Trouble and Vinyaya was resolved rather quickly. But they both have a lot at stake and are reasonable people…
Oh, real constructive crit:
When the bomb went off there wasn’t really enough terrified sadness. There was a lot, but not enough. Trouble seemed just stressed, did he know anybody in that district? Did any of the other officers? That’s a huge portion of their town completely destroyed. Like you said, it was a massacre.
Or maybe Trouble’s just too focused on the Holly situation.
Great job! I hope you update soon!
December 15th, 2007 at 7:55 pm
I really like how you made Artemis back into his evil self, and I’m quite interested to see where this goes. Also, I’m glad Minerva is back. You managed to keep the best parts of her personality without making her annoying. Good job!
I agree with what BlackOpal said about the Trouble/Vinyaya argument. I thought it should have been a bit bigger than that. After all, they are both under extreme stress right now!
I also thought your description of Artemis’ powers was cool, but I think it would be neat if he could do something a bit more..evil than just attack people with them. Like controlling/reading their minds. I’d like to see him with that.
Great story, and keep it up!
December 25th, 2007 at 2:25 am
Ummm… I thought editors couldn’t get their work in the “Editor’s choice” catagory
December 25th, 2007 at 4:38 am
That’s not true.
She didn’t add it either, I did. It’s my favourite AF story, or at least one of them. MMK worked hard on it too, so I thought it deserved editor’s choice. Her being an editor had nothing to do with it.
Editor’s really shouldn’t add their own stories, but that’s not a rule, that’s just site etiquette.
Still love it and still waiting impatiently!
December 31st, 2007 at 7:34 am
This story is quite interesting. I must say, you do write like Eoin Colfer. I am waiting patiently for you to update. Please update soon because BlackOpal is getting a bit impatient. Thank you for using your time to read this and I wish you a Happy New Year.
January 1st, 2008 at 9:28 pm
You too, HS9. Thanks for the compliment, and for being patient. I am still writing, but it may take a while to actually post. It turns out that my plot sort of self destructs in the next two chapters- I didn’t plan it out as well as I thought I had (basically, I have two plotlines that each work separately, but not together). I have to figure out a way to fix it.
BlackOpal & carino: Thanks for the constructive criticism. I suppose Trouble & Vinyaya’s fight could have gone on a bit longer, but they were both stressed more than angry in the first place, and they are too professional to hold onto a grudge when it’ll interfere with their jobs at such a critical moment. As for there not being enough sadness/terror because of the bio-bomb- you’re right. I’ll probably rewrite it or something, but after I actually finish the story.
And Artemis’s powers- I don’t view either fairy magic or humans as evil. Remember, the powers aren’t meant to be Artemis-specific, they’re just what humans in general would have- the basic fairy magic with a few changes. And don’t forget, you haven’t really seen all that Artemis can do yet.
January 26th, 2008 at 3:39 am
OMG U HAVE TO KEEP UPDATING! Please post an update announcement when you update. I LOVE IT!
February 5th, 2008 at 11:18 pm
Are you really Eoin Colfer?I think you are.No one can write a story like this unless that person is Eoin Colfer.
March 20th, 2008 at 3:24 am
Please update! This has got to be one of the best fanfics ever! I love it! OMG! I think I know…Minerva, Holly, then… IT ALL MAKES SINCE! OMG! YOU ARE COMPARABLE TO THE GENIUS HIMSELF! COLFER RULES! Sorry, I’m hyper…I haven’t read any new books, so reading something like this… I dunno, it’s just SO good I got *hyper*! I should celebrate! *lifts truffle in toast to author* OMG! If I knew where to send it to, I would send you a million booty boxes of truffles!
March 27th, 2008 at 6:04 am
Are you going to update?
March 27th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
Yes. Finally, I think I MAY have things sorted out… there’ll be a couple of new chapters on Sunday I think. Maybe earlier.
March 31st, 2008 at 5:31 am
Love it!
April 1st, 2008 at 12:06 am
Finally.
I’m kind of confused. I don’t really understand Artemis’ plan.
Am I supposed to? It’s just been a while so I started semi-lost.
I’ll go reread some more of it.
Anyways, it’s really good. I felt so sad at the end of chapter fifteen.
Juliet was out of character, I think. She may be a loose canon but she always had more control and style than that. She didn’t hit with rage, she was just cool.
And if she did have her memories back she’d feel some empathy for Artemis.
Or maybe not.
It was awesome though.
I can’t wait.
April 1st, 2008 at 1:12 am
Okay…that was random…so Juliet just walked in and whalloped Artemis?
The LEP would NEVER be that evil!
ROOT! WE WANT YOU BACK!
Holly didn’t get to the interrogations! Aww… Also, Artemis wouldn’t be so…well, he always has a plan for every occasion, doesn’t he? No way would my hero give up so easily!
DIE, BOM!
April 11th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
When will it update again?
Love it , really love it. just… the story and the writing are too brilliant.
it’s sad to see Holly and Artemis like that…
love Arty’s new magic of stopping bullet, cool, Matrix!
but i am a little bit confuse beacuse of not knowing Artemis’s and Holly’s plan, and why Bom do that all…
at all this the best fanfic ever.
keep going please, i can’t wait
May 21st, 2008 at 4:41 pm
I really love this story! Definitely one of the best in the archive. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT so please write as fast as possible without your fingers falling off!
June 21st, 2008 at 9:49 am
Woah!!!
This is BRILLIANT!!!
But why would Artemis do all these things?
I mean, we still don’t know his ulterior motive!!!You HAVE to write more. if this is writer’s block then hurry up and get over it quick!!!
P.S I will seriously DIE if you don’t write more.