All Hallows Eve (Halloween Contest)

Summary: Arty faces several enemies on Halloween, such as Holly, Little Be Bo Beep, and..PUBERTY?

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How he hated this holiday.

Artemis fingered his costume with disgust. He couldn’t believe Holly and his mother had joined forces to rope him into this. Well, actually, he could.

But a talking mutant turtle? Really?

He was sitting at his desk, fingering this ‘Leonardo’ in his hands. The costume involved a ridiculous plastic turtle shell, which was already humiliating enough. Then a very unrealistic turtle costume that could somehow support itself on two limbs. There was no way a turtle could mutate into…this. It was part of a group wearing color-themed headbands.

Foaly had gladly provided him with clips of the movie, (laughing all the while) and Artemis was disgusted enough by the premise, but seeing it all in live action made him want to puke.Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Really?

He wouldn’t wear the thing otherwise, but Holly had threatened him with a repeat of the Christmas accident. Artemis shuddered. The ‘Crazy undies’ video had gone viral on the web. And Holly kept finding ways to let it turn up in the strangest conversations.

Artemis shook himself and walked into the bathroom in his study to change.A few minutes later, he emerged wearing a small Leonardo costume that was three times his size and cut off the blood flow to his extremities. Grumbling, he marched outside his room.

Holly was waiting, whistling innocently.

“Oh. Hello Artemis. That costume loose enough? It’s just the right size.”

Artemis scowled at Holly as he strapped the undersized plastic shell onto his back. She held a hand over her mouth as she struggled to keep her laughter contained.

“You roped me into this. But if I find another video of my bunny boxers circling the internet, I’ll-”

Holly, who was laughing freely now, broke in.

“You could-mph-wear the-ha-‘alternate’ costume. Ah-ha-ha!!”

Holly was giggling crazily.

Artemis had a feeling that whatever this alternate costume was, it wasn’t exactly going to give him points on the pride sheet.

Five minutes later, Beckett and Myles bounded down the stairs, dressed as sheep, followed by-guess who-little Bo Beep.

Artemis fumed as he adjusted the itchy fake wig. The pink dress, however, was by far the most humiliating part.

And, in typical Short humor, the costume was exactly his size.

But that wasn’t the worst of it. Upon entering the living room, he found Mulch, Foal, and Trouble all discussing some LEP jargon. Artemis tried to back up the stairs, moving slowly as not to attract attention. Before he could, however, Beckett and Myles burst onto the scene, singing in total chorus “Artemis a girl, Artemis is a girl!”

Artemis froze on the stairs. Trouble, Mulch and Foaly turned to look at him. There was complete silence for a second. Then..

“HA! Oh, gods, HA!! Have you been shopping in the ladies section again, Fowl?” blurted Foaly.

Blushing, Artemis pushed past his three laughing friends.

_________________________

“Are you a boy?”

The old lady stared at the pale, vampire-like boy standing on her front steps. He wore a frilly headdress and a curly blonde wig, along with a pretty pink dress.

Artemis sighed as the door was slammed in is face-but not before Beckett and Myles received heaping amounts of candy. That’s right. Spoil the children.

Suddenly, Artemis noticed a figure in a very familiar Armani suit walking down the road to join them. By the time the figure reached them, he was steaming.

“Holly..”Artemis asked.

“..what the D’arvit are you doing wearing my suit!?”

Holly smiled and waved at him. She was wearing small fake leather fake human ears. She had painted her skin vampire pale. She had a raven black wig. And to top it off, she wore a nametag that read: HELLO, MY NAME IS: Artemis James Fowl II.

She was trick-or-treating as Artemis.

“I..you…my suit! This is totally unacceptable. I demand that-”

Holly walked up to him.

“Mud-boy…” she leaned in close.

“..you should really shut up.”

And then she kissed him. Artemis’ eyes bulged out, and he dropped his bag of candy. Vaguely, he noticed Holly’s hair smelled like lollipops.  Beckett and Myles made gagging motions and the proceeded to raid Artemis’s candy stash, then proceeded to make crude comments about how they could possibly be getting air.

Finally, after a solid minute, Holly released him.

“Happy Halloween, Fowl.”Artemis staggered back.

“I..that was…you…and we…” Artemis was at a loss for words. Suddenly, a random sentence blurted out of his mouth.

” I..I think I like lollipops.”

“Really? Wait till Christmas.”

__________________

To be continued if anyone wants me to. I have a whole chapter just waiting.

 

Comments on This Post

13 responses to “All Hallows Eve (Halloween Contest).” Join in!

  1. If you continue, you can’t enter the contest, just saying. No con crit. I like this, but it wasn’t THAT funny…

  2. OMG huhhh ……. Update update!!!!!!!!

  3. You had me falling off my chair. Remember, no con crit.
    Ow, my abdomen hurts from laughing.

  4. Wow, that was good! Well done!
    That was so funny. BUNNY BOXERS?!?! You’ve got to be kidding. That was so great! But I actually think you should leave it at that. It’s a good story on it’s own, and I don’t really see how it could be updated.

  5. Eh… I liked it, but I really don’t think it’s the type to continue. Good job, though!

  6. I don’t know how to publish can someone help me?

    Go on over to the help and how-to page and read that, as well as the rules. To publish, you need to enter your storyboard, and at the top of the page, it says ‘Add new’, click on that, and begin writing! Hope that helps! 😉 ~Fowlie

  7. A fanfic I see! By Orion Fowl, Oh my! Lollipops and ice cream will be given to him by-the-by. Thank you for liking my fic! Of your fics I can’t pick which one I like best. Now that my fic is good, it is time for me to rest. NO I AM NOT A POET! don’t you know it?

  8. I ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT!!!!!!! PLEASE POST THE SECOND CHAPTER!!!!!!!!

    Refrain from using all caps, please. ~Fowlie

  9. Man, you must have had a lot of previous writing experience before you came here. You really did a very good job putting every scene in my head, especially the “crazy undies ” thing and the kiss. Keep up the good work!

  10. Fern Razorblade December 31st, 2011 at 1:13 am 10

    Pride sheet? What pride sheet? XD

  11. Thanks for all the compliments.

  12. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA
    *falls off chair and rolls around on floor*
    Heh.
    Funny.
    UPDATE!!! I WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENS AT CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

  13. ArtemisFowlII July 18th, 2012 at 2:46 pm 13

    i really want you to update another chapter! its soo funny!

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