A Fatal Mistake- Award Winning! 3rd
Written on February 10th, 2008 by Star JininStory Details
- Category: General and What If? and Editor's Choice and Elseworlds Contest
- Author: Star Jinin
- Word Count: 1217
- Read 500 times
- Skip to chapter: 1, 2, 3,
(5 votes, average: 3.4 out of 5)
Loading ...
Please no flamers! I had this feeling that this is going to have a lot of protesters, but I was all out of ideas for the Elseworlds contest. And I might change things up a bit from the original book to shorten the events so you might see some signifigant changes. Some chapters are short, but I am just putting a rough draft that I will add finishing touches later.
“You first, then the ape”, Arno Blunt cocked his gun, took aim briefly, and fired. (Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code: Chapter 3)
Artemis was careless. One moment of relaxation and he dropped his guard and was faced with a gunman with a pistol. He was too speechless to speak. Was this it? Was it that he, Artemis Fowl the Second, was going to die right here?
Butler came ramming from the other room, shielding Artemis from the bullet. The impact also sent Artemis crashing to a wall. Butler fired six bullets at Blunt, making sure that his Principal would survive, at the very least. It turned out to be one of his last acts that would haunt Artemis for the rest of his life…
“Really, Butler, I really should start choosing my buisness associates more carefully. Rarely a day goes by when we aren’t the victims of some plot” Artemis’s voice shuddered, trying to draw attention away from the truth. There was no way that Butler would die…
“Artemis…is that you?”
“Yes, don’t talk. The wound is not serious”
Butler sputtered.
“Very well, it is serious. Lie still, I’ll think of something” Artemis had tears cascading down his face as he gripped the reality of the situation. His heart melted as he slowly accepted the truth
“Call me Domovoi” Butler said.
“Goodbye Domovoi” Artemis sobbed. Butler’s hand dropped. Domovoi Butler was no more.
February 10th, 2008 at 9:56 pm
Good! I like it! Tell us when we can read chapter 2. Artemis is bit OOC. But only a little bit! Keep up the good work! 4/5 stars!
February 10th, 2008 at 9:59 pm
I was making this in accordance of the Eternity code. He really did and said most of those things. Hey, Butler was his lifelong friend and he is dying. What else would Artemis do? You will probably see the change by the 3rd,4th, or 5th chapter.
February 10th, 2008 at 10:05 pm
Okay… I’ll wait and see…
February 11th, 2008 at 12:26 am
I like it, although it is a lot like the book at the moment. Please update so I can read that change.
February 11th, 2008 at 2:43 am
Arty was a lttle OOC. But I like it! ^^ Hiya! I’m mayqueen17 by the way! ^^
February 12th, 2008 at 4:35 am
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Butler!!!!!!!!!
February 12th, 2008 at 11:46 pm
Umm…constructive criticrism here?
February 13th, 2008 at 4:45 am
That wasn’t constructive criticism, it was my reaction. I really love the story. It is exactly how I pictured it might have gone if it went differently. Please continue!
February 18th, 2008 at 1:07 am
Uh… I’m considering on deleting this. Should I?
February 19th, 2008 at 12:00 am
NO!!! DO NOT DELETE THIS! THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE STORIES IN HERE!!!!
February 24th, 2008 at 12:21 am
NO! I just read this because it was NUMBER ONE on the rating list, you still thinking of deleting it, I THINK NOT! Sorry, really hyper now , anyway, I loved it, you should continue and show more of how this affects arty//…
March 2nd, 2008 at 4:53 am
I am sooooooooooooooo sorry mahi101, but I have a diffrent opinion. I mean, it’s good and all, but the story line, as different as it is, doen’t make it too interesting. Does Bulter really play such a big role in The Enternity Cube??? It’s only three chapters, so try writing a bit more, then consider.
March 2nd, 2008 at 7:22 pm
Well its not really about that I think its because arty was so close to Butler imagine loosing the only person who was closest to you, always there for u.. its kind of sad really/…… but ur rite too Hunter , I think if she continued maybe if he kept rememberred how he failed he wouldnt b as confindent or something?
March 27th, 2008 at 3:09 am
I mostly liked this, as it is. It’s sort of… rough in a way I can’t describe, and the mesmerizing bit at the end of Chapter 3 seemed too sudden.
But it’s really interesting- if you continue, I’ll definitely read it. But some advice: You should make it go in at least a slightly different direction than the real book, because it’s pretty boring reading something we’ve all already read.
Oh, and congratulations on 3rd place!
March 30th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
[…] “A Fatal Mistake” by Star Jinin is truly one of the most wonderful FanFictions on the net! This story’s gene is Artemis Fowl, and it tells about what would have happened if the evil Opal Koboi’s second attempt at world domination had worked. […]
May 17th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Wow, the mesmerize part…
I guess the next chapter will be interesting.
Keep writing!
May 17th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
Actually, I’m discontinueing it. I entered this entry by mistake. The real entry was supposed to be Untimely Meeting…and I thought this was incredibly lame…
July 4th, 2008 at 1:47 am
Cool. Good story, but what do you mean by Holly’s room?
July 11th, 2008 at 12:34 am
its good, but you’re using too much of the book.
its kinda sad too, and i dont like sad stories!