yes if you have read the summary it says you can dare ANYONE including me to do anything at all
me: muhahaha you guys have to do this because you signed a contract muhahaha (good thing they didnt read the fine print)
Artemis: you cant make us do this. that contracts writing was impossible to read, you wrote it yourself thats why
me: who cares about my handwriting now lets wait for reveiws so we can get this show on the road >=) i am better than you at making smiley faces than you Artemis
Artemis: i dont care finn jus get on with your created dares scince no one reveiwed
me: ughh fine even though it is so fun to annoy you
Foaly: just get on with it finn
me: ok here are my dares, Foaly you have to find a way to go to the Lord of the rings world and back, Artemis, you have to make out with Minerva, Holly, you have to kill a kitten, Minerva, ummm stay away from me at all times, mulch, you have to make a birthday cake without eating it, trouble, you have to scare Artemis (trust me its hard), Opal, you have to go a whole day without robbing someone. there you go
Foaly: no way thats too hard even for me
Artemis: NO WAY IN *BEEEEEEP* (we are experiencine technichal difficulties)
Holly: WHAT IM NOT KILLING A KITTEN
Minerva: but why? oh i still get Arty, YAY
Mulch: Alright you know me better than that, i get hungry every single 3 minutes
Trouble: alright WHAT? i have tried that 20,000 times how is it going to work now
Opal: WHAT? but i love robbing and murduring wait *whispers to self* he never said i could not murder anyone *sneaks toward me and gets hit by my giant boxing hand dispenser*
Foaly: *tries to get to the Lord of the Rings place* ughhh its impossible
me: fine then i’ll just take the cookie jar you have and eat them all myself
Foaly: IM WORKING ON IT
Minerva: *tackles Artemis and kisses*
Holly: *stabs a kitten forgetting they have nine lives*
Me: oh, Holly did you forget cats have nine lives
Holly: WHAT I HAVE TO STAB IT 8 MORE D’ARVITTING TIMES
me: yes, yes you do
Mulch: *bakes the cake* its to tempting *eats it*
Me: fine then *makes mulch a plush toy*
trouble: *tries to scare artemis* its no use *looks at mulch* oh crap
Opal: *tries to murder people* crap, crap, crap
Artemis: but you forgot we all get to dare you
Me: NOOOO i thought you would forget
Holly: well we didn’t to our great joy
Artemis: you have to go to the Legend of Zelda world the stupid game you like so much
Me: oh thats easy i can just use my author powers to-
Artemis: and make out with that Malon girl
Me: CRAP YOU, but i’ll do it anyway *goes to Legend of Zelda world* ughhh great last time i went there Malon acted like Minerva except she has an even bigger crush on me (which is huge)
Me: Wait the only person who calls me that here is- HOLY CRAP. RUUUUUN. GET AWAY FROM ME MALON
Malon: NEVER *runs toward me*
me: crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, CRAP.
Artemis: ummmm, i did put an Iris cam in his eye to see if he would actually do it… but this is just madness
Holly: ummm i think we noticed that Artemis
Me: *is being dragged away* I HATE THE TIMES WITH MAGIC AND STUFF NOW. NOOOOOOO.
Malon: *giggles* there we go *kisses me*
Me: DHHDFJYFZSEHGTFRUHRBFTYKUOKMNFXSHJB (translation) THIS IS THE LAST TIME I GO HERE WITHOUT A DISGUISE wait thats it! *turns into Artemis*
Malon: EWWWW who are you
Me: someone you do not want to mess with *goes back* YOU ARE ALL DEAD- wait where is everyone *changes back*
???: IM HERE
Me: *Turns around* WAIT WHAT! MALON. GET AWAY FROM ME *runs*
Artemis: alright even as much as i hate him i think we should stop this girl is phsycotic
mulch: DUDE HE TURNED ME INTO A DOLL SO I CANT FREAKING MOVE
trouble: that was pretty funny actually
Holly: i know right
Opal: alright can i murder him now
everyone: no you have to stop thinking about murduring people like him
Everyone: your welcome
Minerva: GET AWAY. HE. IS. MINE
Malon: NO HE’S MINE
Minerva: NO HE’S MINE
me:ummmmm i’ll just walk away before i have to watch them fight to the death
Foaly: even they wouldnt do that
Me: ummm see for yourself
Artemis: HOLY CRAP THEY ARE FIGHTING TO THE DEATH
Holly: i think that was obvious
Me: oh Crap crap crap Malon won *heals minerva* Even though she is REALLY annoying, i dont like it when people die
Malon: oh where are you finney?
me: *teleports malon back to the legend of zelda world* phew that was close. i thought she was going to force me to marry her. and why are there so many girls in different worlds that like me
Me:oh we got a dare oh and he hates trouble like i do and if i didn’t sign my contract he would be the one to be turned into a doll ok here is the dare. Artemis you have to kiss holly right in front of trouble
trouble: oh crap that-
me: HEY THATS MY SAYING
Artemis: *kisses Holly*
trouble: CRAP YOU ARTEMIS YOU *BEEEEEEEEEP* we are experiencin technical difficulties
Holly: there we go one angy trouble served up with his face redder than roots
Artemis: hahahaha WAIT WHAT I HAVE TO DO THIS *looks at the person who dared him to dress casual and talk dumbly for the rest of the day* I.HATE.YOU.
me: basically why i made this to torture you guys
Foaly: yes i made the portal!
me: to bad *changes Foaly into a plush doll also*
Foaly: CRAP YOU
Me: ohh this is becoming more popular alright artemis slap Holly, Foaly and then yourself with a smelly tuna
Artemis: oh fine *slaps Holly with the tuna*
Holly: owww that hurts more than i thought it would
Artemis: i would slap Foaly anyway but im happy someone asked *slaps Foaly with it*
Foaly: CRAP THA-
me: MY LINE
Foaly: alright knowing he can use his author powers to kill me
Artemis: *slaps himself* AHHH FLIES
me: MUHAHAHA I love my fans dares
Artemis: WHAT NOW I HAVE TOO KISS THE DARN THING THEN KISS MINERVA AND DO WHAT SHE SAYS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
me: *whispers* im glad no one has dared me yet or i would die because of how cruel they are but it gives me a sick kind of pleasure like when kirby murders people
Holly: *smirks* HEY EVERYONE THINK OF A VERY CRUEL DARE FOR FINN AND POST IT
Me: no no no no no no no
Artemis: *is being forced to kiss minerva*
Butler: WHAT I HAVE TO GET CRAPPED ON BY MULCH AGAIN!?
me: absabhbd abdjabdja fannfakn dnjkandfajk
Holly: STOP MAKING TUNELESS SONGS
Me: fine then ill do one with a tune. BECAUSE IM A MARSHMELLOW ON A UNICORN WITH LOTS OF PENGUINS AND A RAINBOW
me: that was the longest scream i’ve ever heard ohhhh i get to torture mulch
mulch: THATS IT IM BECOMING A MUDERER
me: HOLY CRAP and foaly dont put your hair in a ponytail
Foaly: i dont- ohh i get it ha-ha-ha very funny finn
Artemis: HEY MY SUIT IS GONE. NOW IM DRESSED AHHHHHH CASUAL CLOTHES
me: *singing to self* i——-i stole artemis’s suit i———i stole artemis’s suit *eats ice cream in front of mulch*
mulch: LET ME GO HOLLY
Holly: I cant he used his stupid authors powers im gonna try to let go alright
me: ohhh Holly if you let him go, i’ll tell everyone about your little “meeting” with artemis
Holly: *color drains out of face* h-ho-how do you know about that wait they will never beleive you your just a mudboy *looks at the tape he has* I’LL HOLD HIM
Artemis: FINN YOU ARE GOING TO FREAKING DIE
me: OH **** wait did i just say that because that was weird like **** STOP IT IM ONLY SAYING HECK
me: anyway more dares artemis you have to date malon holly you have to dance to the song ummm im sexy and i know it while tied to artemis foaly you have to eat salt only for a day minerva build a snowman in honor of me butler you have to take the worlds longest crapper juliet you have to take that video of artemis and holly kissing to the LEP
Artemis: you wouldnt
me: try me
Holly: WHAT thats impossible
Me: plush doll it is
Holly: ill do it
Foaly:But ill become dehydrated
me: too bad *shoves salt in Foalys face*
minerva: done *steps aside to show the worlds biggest snowman in the world*
me: uhhh ok
butler: thankyou i had to go anyway
me: well i hope this helps you *takes away the toilet*
Butler: CRAP YOU
Juliett: i dont see how thats torture
me: you have to walk from here to tara and then walk to the LEP
Juliett: CRAP YOU
me: alright trouble you have to run down 12 volt wires while holding mierva and if you drop her then you have to start over and then put on a skirt and act like a girl Artemis you have to dunk holly in a tank of water while singing friday Foaly you have to break your favorite invention butler you have to kiss someone juliet you have to cut off your hair mulch eat nothing but healthy stuff and opal you have to give everybody biiig hugs
Artemis: DARN YOU *dunks holly* friday friday gotta get down on friday friday gotta get down on friday-
me: *shoots* SHUT UP
Foaly: Danget i was really starting to like the portal to the lord of the rings place
me: THAT is your favorite invention well please smash it im so annoyed of infinate Frodos coming out of it
Frodos: hello i am frodo, hey my names Frodo too, me too, me 3, me 4, me 5, me 6, me 7, me 8, me-
Me: SHUT UP OR I WILL SING FRIDAY
Frodos: … me 9, me 10, me 11-
me: THATS IT, Friday, friday, gotta get down on friday, friday, gotta get down on-
Frodos: AHHHHHH *runs back in portal*
me: DESTROY IT NOW BEFORE THEY COME OUT AGAIN
Trouble fine ill do it only because im getting used to these dares *runs down the hill drops minerva, starts again, drops minerva* AHHHH MAKE IT STOP
Me: fine then ill make you a plush doll wearing the same clothes as minerva
Trouble: WHAT NOOO- *turns into a doll* CRAP YOU
Butler: ok *kisses juliet on on the forehead*
me: oh stupid loopholes
Juliet: WHAT ok fine *shaves off hair* there you go ok
Me: *makes juliet’s hair grow back* your the only one who co-operated so i rewarded you
Juliet: OH YEAH
me: your welcome
Mulch: i cant do that
me: fine then i have something special for you *turns him into a action figure for beckett and myles*
Myles: wook Becket new toy
mulch: NOOOOOOO *says in weird tone*
darth vader: STOP STEALING MY LINE
Me: ummmm how did you get here
darth vader: ohh um yeah i really dont know how i did
me: fine ill get you back
darth vader: YES
me: *uses author powers to put darth vader back* oh we have a new dare alright holly you have to – this is kinda akward mesmerise the girl i like into liking me and mesmerise minerva and the malon girl into not liking me
Holly: sorry against the rules to make someone love you oh but you can transfer it except you probably dont want to do that with minerva
Me: no dip sherlock and also darn you and the books rules
trouble: aww great now i have to make minerva and the other girl to like me *mesmerises minerva and malon*
Minerva: ohhh trubbie
malon: come on over here trubbie
trouble: CRAP THA-
me: MY LINE oh and holly you have to recite the declaration of independance in all languages
holly: Fine * a long while after* finally *looks around* WHAT EVERYBODYS SLEEPING!
me:*wakes up* no i wasnt alright artemis you have to WHAT rebuild the portal to the lord of the rings place! NOOOOO
Artemis: fine*10 minutes later* done oh crap frodos
me: dont worry i got it “friday, friday , gotta get down on friday,friday, gotta get down on friday,friday” ITS NOT WORKING oh fine ill do something much, much worse *devilish smile* i make it so horrible because its… JUSTIN BEIBER SONGS!!! “I JUST NEED SOMEBODY TO LOOOOOOOOOVE I NEED SOMEBODY TO OH I NEED SOMEBODY TO-”
Frodos: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *explodes*
me: ummm ok
*2 months later*
me: hello! and we are back with our usual contestants *steps away to reveal artemis fowl and others* hehe hahaha HAHAHAHA *laughs insanely and turns into insane turtle form*
artemis: just when i thought it was over. JUST WHEN CAN I RELAX
me:until you die of old age. anyways, first dare, artemis you have to kiss minerva in front of holly and then you have to kiss holly in front of minerva
minerva: *stares at artemis’s lips and smiles evily*
artemis:… no way in heck
me: ok fine then, ill just set fire to fowl manor and take all your money and gold *walks away*
artemis: WAIT NO. fine ill do it
me: oh look, im now public enemy nuber one to the LEP now, what a change of events *puts giant speakers singing justin beiber around the perimeter to repel everyone*
Holly: *when im not looking unties the ropes holden her hands together and sneaks up behind me and knocks me out*
me: *falls to the ground*
artemis fowl crew: *picks me up and carries me to LEP*
me: *wakes up 3 hours later in LEP interrogation cell*
commander root: WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS
me: hey be grateful i brought you back to life
commander root: *punches me*
me: *multiple personality disorder kicks in* *starts talking in a jock style voice* yo untie me or ill mess up your face more than it already is. what you gonna do short root, grow a tree on me?
commander root: does this happen normally?
artemis fowl crew: no
commander root: ok *punches me*
me: *starts talking in a scared voice* whe-where am i? AH im not in finns brain, whats going on? oooh metal *within 5 seconds makes protective armour* yaaaay im safe
commander root:*punches me*
me: *starts talking normally* oh thank the turtle-
commander root: *punches me*
me: *starts talking like an austrailien indiana jones and puts a fedora on* ah welcome mates, in gonna get out now *unties rope and uses it like a whip on commander root and pushes his way through the AF crew*
AF crew: GET HIM!!!
me: *gets on elevator* goodbye mates *door closes and starts talking to normal me* ok your the one who can teleport now try and teleport us out of this bloody place *starts talking normally* fine *teleports me and the AF crew to the truth or dare place and looks at camera* hi fans, can you tell me if i snored when i was knocked out? oh nevermind.
Foaly: *eats an apple and throws it at me*
me:*dodges and goes into Tobuscus mode* thats it, im singing nugget in a biscut just for that *starts singing* nugget, biscut, nugget in a biscut *repeats for an hour until AF crew is begging for mercy then i turn into insane turtle mode* now thats the way i like it
bekkit and myles: *start incasing the AF crew in duct tape* thanks for the job finn
artemis: *glares at me*
me: *laughs* ok now, i have to make some dares. most of them will be based on artemis due to the point that he hates me
artemis: crap you
me: *laughs again insanely* oh gosh this is gonna be fun
mulch: *stares at cake*
me: mulch, you can go, and have this cake as a compliment *hands mulch cake*
me: *laughs* i put a sedative in it, oh the things i can do *starts talking like an old man* kids these days, ughh i hate them *trips on a rock* AHH darn kids placing rocks everywhere *starts talking normally again* GET OUT ADEAPHON. anyways, artemis, you have to eat the cake and holly you have to make him look like a girl… just his face.
holly and artemis: crap you *artemis eats cake, crumples* *holly puts alot of makeup on him to look like a girl*
batman: *glides down* dont worry ill save you
me:… batman?!? what is this world coming to!!!
me: *starts talking like a jock* i will show you justice in your face!!! *punches batman*
batman: *dodges and kicks me*
me: *uses author powers to create a diamond sword* *goes into tobuscus mode* do you like my sword sword sword my diamond sword sword. you can not afford ‘ford for ma’ diamond sword sword. even if you could could I HAVE A PATENT. no one else can make a sword exactly in this mannner manner, welcome to my manor manor. i c-c-c-c cana cana swing swing swing my sword sword whenever i get bored bored *swings sword* I CAN SWING MY SWORD SWORD, I CAN SWING MY SWORD SWORD *stops singing* oh whatever *uses author powers to make batman go away* *goes back into insane turtle mode* did any of you know he was real?
AF crew: no
me: ok im good with that who wants pizza!?!?!
me: well to bad, you cant have any, this pizzas mine *eats pizza in front of mulch*
mulch: *unhinges jaw*
artemis: just get on with it and kill me
me: no, that would be illigal
AF crew: *facepalms*
me: oh wow unision facepalm hooray!!! anyways, artemis, you have to… hmmmmmmmmmmm OH! i know!!! be stupid*uses author powers to make artemis stupid*
artemis: hey… i feel the same!!!
holly: whats 2+2?
artemis: its ummm…. its on the tip of my tounge…. oh! 3!!!
holly:… your stupid
artemis: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO what does that mean?
butler: *glares from titanium cage*
me: sooooooooo… whos next!
opal: not me
me: ok! opal it is, you have to ummmmmm… OH! have mervall stare at you so your skin turns bad… as you think
me: ok, ill just turn you into the LEP *uses author powers to teleport her*
me:: next artemis, as much as i hate you, ill give you your smarts back *gives artemis his intellegence back*
artemis: *blabbers out sience…ish stuff* YES!!!
me: OH! yes, i almost forgot, *looks at camera* i will be giving shoutouts to people who have good stories, just because i want others to read them. First off, Amber root’s(A.K.A Amy) happy birthday song for artemis, very funny, almost as funny as tobuscus playing slender *goes into tobuscus mode* OH GOD! WHAT THE HE**!! CRAP!!! *goes back into insane turtle mode* ya, you get the picture. when i get more, ill tell you guys, and if i miss anyone that i have previously said i was going to give a shoutout to, please tell me!
Artemis: you mean she sang happy birthday to me?
Me: no, butler forced her to
me: OH! we got a new dare, artemis, you have to kiss opal
artemis: you. are freaking. sick.
me: hey! tell that to whosasking *Waves to who*
opal: id rather kiss mulch’s behind
me: *uses author powers to make them kiss each other*
artemis and opal: *both run at me with murder in there eyes*
*3 months later*
Me: *points shaky camera at my face* ok guys i’ve managed to escape Artemis and – OH CRAP!!!
Artemis with a lot of LEPrecon officers: GET HIM!!!
Me: GUYS HELP!!! *runs* PLEASE DARE THEM TO NOT CAPTURE AND TORTURE ME!!!
Me: *walks in front of screen* ok, so apparently its illegal to hold book characters hostage and put them in a truth or dare fic, so now im wanted by the LEP and am probably going to be captured and put in jail for 30 years.
Holly: *flies in front of me and kicks me in the face, the other people i tortured following* i got him!!!
Trouble: *stares at me angrily* can i please kill him?
others: no, something much worse
Me: nope *teleports them back to secret place with them tied up in chairs* your choice of how we punish them now!
Artemis: i hate you with all my heart and soul
me: i know you do Arty
Artemis: *starts screaming and cursing at me*
Me: DUDE! language!
Me: hmm, this isnt as popular as it used to be, ok ill make some dares!
Artemis Fowl gang: ughhhhhhh
Me: Artemis, you have to kill a troll. trouble, you slap holly 10 times in the face. holly, you have to hand me the iris came your wearing. Juliet, ehh you listen to me, you can go *unties juliet*
Juliet: Yes! *is teleported to Fowl manor*
Me: Opal, you have to… try and murder me. Butler, you have to break through a 20 foot titanium wall, fairy sized. and Foaly, you have to help Opal try and murder me
Opal and Foaly: how is that bad in any way?
Me: you’ll see
Butler: *is teleported into a room with 20 foot titanium walls* oh come on! im strong but not THAT strong
Me: plush doll or action figure? *is talking in speaker system*
Holly: What iris cam?
Root: *is speaking in megaphone* FINN! GET OUT HERE NOW OR YOUR BUTT WILL HANG ON MY WALL, WE PIN POINTED YOUR POSITION WITH HOLLY’S IRIS CAM, COME OUT NOW!!!
Me: Hand it over holly
Holly: *takes out iris cam and gives it to me*
Me: good girl *opal shoots me and i fall to the ground*
Opal: Not hard at all
Artemis: you know he’s probably still alive considering how much we try to kill him
Butler: *finally breaks through wall* yes finally! oh hes dead… YES!!!
Holly: want to turn him into the LEP again?
Foaly: might as well
all: *drags me outside and to root*
*a few hours later, maybe a day*
Me: *wakes up* you know you didnt kill me right?
Artemis: it would have been a dream if we did.
Me: well we have a new… nothing! no dares here!
Opal: *steals paper and laughs evilly* FINN HAS TO KILL HIMSELF
me: *punches opal in the face* i hate you so much *shoots self in the head*
all: YAY!!! HE IS DEAD!!!
Me: *revives self* why am I hearing cheering and not cries of pain?
Foaly: bu-but… I. Hate. you.
me: i know, Artemis… you have to make a clone of yourself
artemis: thats it?
Me: oh and he has to like me, and be friends with me, if not you will be sleeping with kronski’s fishies.
Artemis: you wont kill me
me: *gets out sword* you wanna test that theory?
Artemis: Nope *starts working on clone*
Me: now wait-
Holly: I dare you to shut down this fic!
Me: Never, and because of that you have to learn how to play call of duty with me and if you don’t you will DIE!!!
Holly: wait what?
Me: oh and you have to break the law and take drugs
Holly: now that’s too far!
Me: exactly you idiot! *turns mulch into a doll for no reason*
Mulch: what the heck man i did nothing!
Me: exactly i just hate you
Superman: never fear, super man is here!
Me: you stole 2 hours and 30 minutes if my life with that crappy man of steal movie, heheh, get it instead if steel steal?… ya i suck *sighs* but at least i broke 4000 words on this sentence!
Superman: awwww *flies away*
Foaly: you’re just going to fly away? what the heck?, ugh, his new movie sucked anyway
Artemis: so wait, you almost made me commit suicide, and insult every old lady in haven in the new fic???
Artemis: How do those things even relate?!?
Me: don’t question me or i will sing power rangers in japanese
Artemis: where did you learn that!?
me: just dance
Artemis: oh yeah? sing it
Me: that is something you will regret, SPECTRONIZER, bami kaz zu da! SPECTRONIZER!
*4 days later*
Me: ok it is fixed and i will never sing that song again!
Opal: please just go into a hole and die
Me: i don’t wanna join Jul M’dama though
Me: nothing, Halo
Butler: i think beckett plays that game Artemis