Mulch: (sneaks into Opal’s luxury shuttle)

Scant: I’m hungry

Opal: Shut up, idiot!

Merv: I’m hungry too. Let’s go make a sandwich.

Brill brothers: (turns around and spots Mulch)

Snake: (exclaimation point goes over his head and hides under box)

Brill brothers: Opal!

Opal: Shut up, idiots! And address me as Miss Koboi!

Scant: There’s a dwarf in here.

Mulch: (farts)

Opal: (smacks Merv) Stop passing wind!

Merv: That wasn’t me!

Snake: I thought we were on the ground.

Mulch: (smacks Snake) Go back to Metal Gear Solid!

Snake: (Grabs Mulch and holds him in hostage position) Don’t move or the midget gets it!

Mulch: I’m a dwarf

Opal: Go ahead and kill him. He’s our enemy.

Mulch: (farts)

Opal: (smacks Merv) Stop passing wind!

Merv: That wasn’t me!

Scant: Yes it was!

Merv: (smacks Scant) No it wasn’t!

Opal: (smacks the Brill brothers) Shut up! Only I can smack someone!

Mulch: (farts)

Opal: (smacks Merv) Stop passing wind!

Merv: (cries) That wasn’t me!

Opal: (smacks Merv) Stop crying!

Merv: (cries harder)

Snake: (drops Mulch and takes Artemis)

Opal: (says to Artemis) How did you get in here?

Artemis: The back door was open

Opal: We don’t have a back door!

Artemis: Oh, but you do.

Mulch: (farts)

Opal: (smacks Merv) Stop passing wind!

Merv: That wasn’t me!

God: Sorry Julius.

Julius: Don’t call me Julius or your budget gets slashed!

God: I don’t work for you.

Julius: D’Arvit!

God: Sorry Julius, but you’re not going to Heaven.

Holly: (cries)

Minerva: (smacks Holly)

Holly: You shouldn’t even be here yet!

Butler: (smacks Snake and throws him out) Let’s go Arty. Let’s go Eloise.

Minerva: The cop isn’t even here!

Eoin: Sorry. (picks up Minerva and puts her in The Lost Colony)

Mulch: (farts)

Opal: (smacks Merv) Stop passing wind!

Merv: (rubs his head) That wasn’t me!

Julius: Convict! You’ll never get away with this!

Mulch: Which convict? Me or Opal?

Opal: Everybody get out except for the dwarf, the Brill brothers, and me!

Everybody except for the dwarf, the Brill brothers, and Opal: (gets out)

Mulch: (farts)

Opal: (smacks Merv) Stop passing wind!

Merv: That wasn’t me!

Scant: (snickers)

Merv: (cries)

Scant: (snickers) 

Opal: (smacks Merv)

Merv: (cries)

Mulch: (farts)

Opal: (smacks Merv)

Mulch: (smacks Merv)

Scant: (smacks Merv)

Merv: (smacks Merv)

Cudgeon: (smacks Merv)

Kenric: I am Kenric of Penrith!

Mulch: Go back to Lowthar!

Kenric: But I already brought the Fey.

the Fey: Show us your luna-lith!

Opal: We’re not in Mithin Dur!!! (eyes glow red)

Kenric: A sleag!

Mulch: (farts)

Opal: (smacks Merv)

Merv: That wasn’t me!

Kenric: (raise hand with all three stones) By the power of the earth, moon, and fire, I bind you with these stones as they are bound to my king’s will. Free yourself!

Opal: (starts to melt) I’m melting! I’m meeeeelting!

Valorin: You were supposed to do that to me!

Hnagi: Ai! Ai! Nasty Fey stone burn Hnagi!

Mulch: (face glows extremely red)

Brill brothers: Oh gods! Help us!

Mulch: (blows up the whole shuttle)

Me: Ooooh. Pretty lights. (sniffs the air) What’s that smell?

Some other stories by GoMulchGo:

• Butler's Turn
• ????????
• Update!
• Three Choices
• Mulch and Foaly