Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Artemis Fowl. Nor do I own the quote below.

“No one ever calls me just to say hello.”
 
pg. 338, Artemis Fowl: The Opal Deception US Edition

Chapter 1: The Calls

Artemis Fowl was currently working on a very important and very secret project.

It was so secret that if I, the authoress, told you what it was, then Artemis would have Butler hunt me down and then he would hunt you, the kind reader, down.

So it is quite understandable that I cannot tell you what he is working on.  

Anyway, the aforementioned boy genius was working on his very important project, but not for long.

Ring! Ring!
 
Artemis could not help but frown as the phone in his bedroom rang in an exceedingly annoying fashion, distracting him from his work.

It crossed Artemis’s brilliant mind to simply continue working and let Butler answer the phone, but when the phone continued to ring and Butler never showed up, he discarded the idea as improbable. 

Brow wrinkling slightly with mild irritation, Artemis turned away from his computer and picked up the phone, which, strangely enough, was within reaching distance.

“Hello?” he asked as he put the receiver next to his ear, feeling that the individual on the other end had better have a very good reason for calling.

Or that person would soon find him or herself unable to use any electronic devices they owned for a very long time.    

“Hello,” replied the person on the other end and promptly hung up.

Utterly bewildered, the young boy genius could only stare at the receiver for a few moments. Though it defied all possible reason, Artemis was a bit unsure about what had just occurred.

Artemis put the phone down and turned back to his work after concluding that his project was more important than the odd call.

(Here the authoress would like to add that the only reason Artemis did this was because he still a bit confused by the phone call, but did not want to show it, even in private, because being confused is just something a Fowl does not do.)

However, poor Arty did not have the chance to get very far in his work.

Brinng! Brinng!

Artemis looked up in surprise at the portable phone Juliet had left in his room, for some odd reason that only she knew, earlier that same day.

Artemis picked up the phone and turned it on, mainly because he just wanted the infernal noise to stop.

“Hello?” he asked once again, his voice betraying very little of the irritation which he was currently feeling.

“Hello,” was the reply and then the phone went dead.

It took most of Artemis’s will power to stop him from slamming the phone onto his desk.

Who is this person? He thought as he rubbed his temples, for he was quite certain that both phone calls had been made by the same person.

The voice pattern was unmistakable (as were that choice of words) and Artemis had the strangest feeling nagging the back of his mind. Where had he heard that voice before?

But before Artemis could ponder more on the identity of the mystery caller, his personal cell rang.

Artemis nearly smiled. Nearly.

Only Butler and his parents had that number.

“Hello?” Artemis said for the third time that day, expecting Butler or one of his parents to answer.

“Hello,” said the mystery caller before, once again, hanging up on a very confused, and now annoyed, boy genius.

Artemis calmly placed the cell phone on the desk.

He then closed his eyes and counted to 10 (in Chinese, in case anyone wanted to know that), before shouting for Butler.

(The authoress interrupts just for a moment to point out that Artemis shouted for Butler, when he was surrounded by three phones, all which were within easy reaching distance. This should show you just how annoyed he was.)

Butler came running into Artemis’s bedroom only a few seconds later, his revolver drawn, and expecting an intruder or some other type of danger.

What he did not expect was Artemis, looking more annoyed than Butler could ever remember seeing him before, sitting at his desk, which had three phones on top of it.

“What is it, Artemis?” Butler asked, lowering his revolver, but still alert, ready for almost anything.

“Butler, old friend, I need you to trace the last calls received on these phones,” Artemis said, waving a hand in the direction of the mentioned devices. 

Butler carefully concealed his surprise. He trusted that Artemis had a very good reason for this request.

Or rather, he hoped.

Butler gathered up the phones and made to leave the room, but was stooped by the arrival of his sister, Juliet, who appeared at the door, looking even more annoyed than Artemis currently was.

(The authoress would like to point out that this was also something that the local boys found enchanting.)

“It’s for you.” She said shortly, holding out her neon green cell phone and, more or less, glaring at Artemis. 

The boy genius made no move to accept the offered phone.

Instead, he subjected it to his best vampire glare.

Butler frowned slightly, taking note of his charge’s odd behavior.        

Juliet, however, appeared to be too annoyed to notice anything unusual.

“Hurry up and answer it,” she said, tapping her right foot impatiently.

“Who is it?” Artemis asked, but he didn’t take the phone.

“How should I know?” Juliet snapped, her annoyance increasing every second.

“You’re the one who gives your friends the number to my cell.”

“I never gave anyone the number to your cell.” Artemis protested, concentrating too hard on the cell, to notice Juliet’s tone of voice.  

(Which was a very good thing for Juliet because if Artemis had noticed, Juliet would be spending the next few days being very careful about what she did. No one could speak to Artemis with that tone of voice and get away with it. That is, unless they were Butler, Artemis’s parents, or a select few of the fairies.)

“Artemis?” Butler began, attempting to distract the young genius form his sister.

“Why don’t you just simply answer the phone?”

Unable to find an answer that would not demean him in the eyes of his colleagues, Artemis gave up and took the phone from Juliet.

Holding it cautiously to his ear, Artemis let out a very intimidating (you’d be surprised at just how intimidating Artemis could be when he left like it) “Hello?”

“Hello.” Replied the unfazed mystery caller before, once again, hanging up.

“That’s it!”

Artemis just barely managed to stop himself from flinging Juliet’s phone at the wall. He was, however, unable to keep all of the irritation out of his voice.

Butler was a bit surprised and highly intrigued.

How had the person on the other end managed to destroy Artemis’s usually calm composure?

It usually took Juliet days to accomplish what the caller had done in a matter of seconds.

Meanwhile, Juliet was not completely oblivious to Artemis’s irritation as her brother believed.

It was just fun to needle Artemis and watch him burst.

And Juliet was currently imaging the different ways she could bug Artemis about the phone call.

Artemis, on the other hand, was composing a plan to unmask the mystery caller.

All in all, it was just a typical day in Fowl Manor.

So what do you guys think? Please review and give your feedback! I got the idea for this story when my brother was re-reading the Opal Deception and I kept bugging him by saying “No one ever calls me just to say hello,” over and over and over, until I nearly drove him insane. Then I wondered what would Artemis do if someone did that to him. :)        

Some other stories by Moonlite Knight:

• Update
• If I Told You I Loved You...
• Boredom is a Powerful Weapon
• ¤Ο¤Holiday Blues ¤Ο¤
• I Don't Like Lollipops