Okay! I’m back! Check FF.net for Chapter one of TCSB’s rewrite, which I posted moments ago. I’m sure I don’t have unlimited computer time so I decided to update this. As for the disclaimer I forgot to add into the previous chapters, I don’t own the Artemis Fowl characters and the song referred to in the first chapter is “Best Song Ever” by One Direction, which I don’t own either. I thought it might be funny, since both Arty and 1D are Irish. Couldn’t think of a more suitable song anyway.
Written in Shakespearean style, something I have come to admire a lot. Well, in just some plays. Not all of them. You should check Julius Ceasar.
HOLLY: Orion, I said no!
ORION: With a lollipop on top?
ARTEMIS: Neither one of us like lollipops, you are aware.
ORION: Be quiet.
ARTEMIS: Yes, right, because the last time I checked, this body is MINE and not YOURS!
ORION: But we exist separately for now at least.
HOLLY: Quit the chat eventually leading to scientific debate stuff. Orion, no is no.
ORION: But, fair maiden!
HOLLY: What happened to the chivalry?
ORION: Oh, I relent. Please forgive my repulsive behavior.
HOLLY: At least HE knows what an apology is!
ORION: Yes, Artemis! At least I know what an apology is!
ARTEMIS: You are me.
HOLLY: Shut up, Mud Boy!
ORION: Yes, do shut up, Mud B–
ARTEMIS: You are in no way fit to call me “Mud Boy”.
MULCH: I just found some very tasty potato wedges. Not necessarily chips, but they were–hey! It’s night!
ARTEMIS: (dryly) You notice now.
MULCH: Don’t care. Hey, Oreo, we get our own rooms, right?
ORION: For you, my knight, royal bedrooms! Come, we must find the Noble Steed and ride to my palace!
SCENE II: The Magnificent Palace Of Orion Fowl
HOLLY: NO! Should I say it again? NO! I am NOT “sharing your chambers” with you!
ARTEMIS: Of course she is not. And you need my permission for a thing of that nature, Orion. I strongly disagree.
ORION: Alright, I must respect the maiden’s wishes. Now, for a royal feast!
MULCH: Oh, finally! The REAL fun begins!
FOALY: Ugh. I cannot sit on a human chair!
Orion turns it into a centaur-appropriate chair.
FOALY: For that, I am grateful. Now, let’s dig in!
MULCH: Wow. Hey, er…is that mutton or beef?
ARTEMIS: I thought your dwarf nose could tell the difference.
MULCH: Er, it’s…BEEF! Why did I not think of it, I do not know. (Mulch eats)
FOALY: *face palm* He can’t just admit the aroma of the spices is far too great for his Dwarfen senses!
HOLLY: Em, Foaly?
HOLLY: Why are you speaking like…medieval?
ARTEMIS: It’s Mulch as well.
FOALY: Medieval! I, for one, am content with my speaking–Oh. I do sound medieval! HELP! ORION’S GROWING ON ME!
ORION: An improvement, I’d say.
MULCH: I, for one, remain unaffected.
Silence ensues once again.
HOLLY: I think…I’m going.
ARTEMIS: Me too. I need a shower. Considering Orion’s palace has showers.
ORION: Aye, regrettably not. But we have the best spring wells!
FOALY: Spring wells. Joy.
MULCH: I think I’ll pass.
EVERYONE BUT MULCH: EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!!!
HOLLY: Oh, no you don’t! Like it or not, all of us need a bath after everything that happened today.
SCENE III: Spring Wells.
ARTEMIS: This is very undignified.
HOLLY: I think I like it.
FOALY: Me too, but a little privacy wouldn’t hurt.
MULCH: Like we haven’t seen a shirtless donkey before.
FOALY: Hey! Seeing a naked Dwarf is worse!
MULCH: I’m not naked.
FOALY: And thank Frond for that. But, as I was saying, get out of that suit, Arty.
ARTEMIS: And wear what, my undershirt?
FOALY: Like we haven’t seen you in less.
MULCH: We’re straight males, we don’t care.
ARTEMIS: But Holly is…
HOLLY: I’ve seen you in less.
FOALY: Don’t get ideas, Captain Short.
HOLLY: (murderous glare)
MULCH: Or, we could just leave you and the mud boy alone.
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! Cliffie! And more A/H, H/O to come! 😀 Review!