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Artemis’s Battery

Summary: Artemis was sitting peacefully on the couch, attempting to meditate. All of a sudden he felt the urge to pick […]

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Artemis was sitting peacefully on the couch, attempting to meditate. All of a sudden he felt the urge to pick his nose. He opened his right eye, searching for any watchers. Satisfied with the resaults, he slowly raised his index finger to his nose. Target: the brain. Target set…Gooooooo! His bony finger shot up the left nostril. He felt nothing, so reached farther. Artemis soon realized he was touching something squishy. My brain, he thought. He slipped his finger higher and it stuck to the surface of his mind. “Butler,” he said suddenly, knowing he now needed his bodygaurd’s aid, even if it cost him his dignety. “Butler I need you!” he called to the staircase. Butler arived two minutes later. “Yes, Master Artemis?” he said, eyeing the nose-picking Irish boy. “My finger’s stuck.” Artemis replied. Butler nodded, “I see.” Artemis gazed up at him expectantly. “Go on then.” he said. “What?” Butler questioned. “Pull it out! Go on, do it!” the boy demanded. “Alright, alright.” Butler said, waving his garbage lid hands. He reached testily toward the impatint Artemis’s finger. Butler tugged, easing the too-thin-for-a-fourteen-year-old finger, out. “There,” Butler said, shoving the free hand to Artemis. “Uhh,” the boy replied. “Is something wrong?” the bodygaurd asked urgently. “There’s brain on my finger!” Artemis screamed, “Butler! Hurry put it back in! Quickly! Before I lose my,” Artemis began drooling and said stupidly, raising his unbrainified finger in the air, “smartitude.” he finished. “Artemis,” Butler whispered as he slowly backed away. Artemis started running in messed up circles and he giggled in a dumb way. While this all unfolded, Holly was stepping smartly on the stairs, going down, down, down. She arived in the parlor to see none other than Artemis Fowl going loco. She quickened her pace and rushed to Butler. “What’s wrong with him?” She asked. “Long story.” was the bodygaurd’s reply. They stared blankly at the so-called genuis. After a small while, Artemis noticed Holly. “Pretty girl.” he said, a blob of saliva dripping from his open mouth. He repeated that phrase almost a dozen times before stumbling toward an unlucky Holly. She ran, glancing behind her often. He was on her tail, however fast she ran, for he was propelled by love. Soon he cornered her in Miles and Beckette’s room. A laptop was propped against the wall. Foaly appeared on the screen. When he saw Artemis he asked Holly, “What’s wrong with Artemis?” “Long story.” Holly repeated the saying. Artemis glanced at Foaly and burst into tears. “Pony ugly!” he cried stupidly. Holly shook a fist at him replied without Foaly (or Pony)’s permission, “Pony’s gonna hurt you if you don’t shut UP!” Artemis said nothing for the ‘pretty girl’ had said it. Everything she did struck him as extreamly beautiful and smart. He started to totter forward. Suddenly Butler rushed to the pair of them (if you don’t count ‘Pony’) and shoved the finger of which Artemis’s puny peice of brain was up the boy’s nose and carefully took out the finger, not the brain. Artemis froze and then his mind returned. “Wha?” he asked, confused. “You went crazy,” answered Butler. Artemis grinned slyly at Butler and said in a drawling tone, “That is not possible.” Foaly clicked his hooves and replied, “Oh really?” A video of the whole ordeal appeared on the monitor. When it was over Artemis turned slowly to his bodygaurd. “Butler,” he said, “I think you found my battery.” Foaly laughed. “Let’s do it again!”

THE END

Comments on This Post

27 responses to “Artemis’s Battery.” Join in!

  1. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA!!! ‘pretty girl’ unlucky holly!!!! OMGosh! so osssosososososo!!!fnnny! You spelled Myles wrong, though, you spelled it Miles. soo. COOL 4 STAR!

  2. Ahahahhahahhaaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    5 stars!!!!!!! (if I could rate)

  3. I read this to my sis and she was perdy much CHOKING WITH LAUGHTER! idk why you only have two comments, not including this one.

  4. Me too!!! It’s just so D&%m funny!!!!!

  5. Smartattuide, lol, Pony ugly, XD This is HIGHlarious (dont ask)

  6. LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL!

  7. I read this again, and choked on my rice!!! (Yes, I sometimes eat dinner at the compu, gotta problem with that?)

  8. hitsugayatoushiro December 27th, 2008 at 5:02 pm 8

    OMG
    haha i nearly fell off my chair laughin
    and there’s nothin wrong with eatin at the compu i do it everyday

  9. Alanna-Lena Zelen December 28th, 2008 at 5:52 am 9

    Go Holly! Some people might think you went overboard, but trust me, if my brother had of actually read that, he would be using it as matierial to anoy me.

  10. ArtemisFowlfan January 4th, 2009 at 1:14 am 10

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    THAT WAS HILARIOUS! SMARTITUDE! PRETTY GIRL! PONY UGLY! I CANT BELIEVE HE HE CHASED THE ‘PRETTY GIRL’ AFTER LOSING HIS SMARTITUDE AND CALLED FOALY ‘UGLY PONY’ AND CRIED ABOUT IT! LOLTI AND ROFLTITI!
    (Laugh Out Loud Times Infinity) (Roll On Floor Laughing Times Infinity Times Infinity)

  11. thanks, and by the way i eat at the computer too. it took me like, 45 minutes to write this. And my friend who doesn’t have an acount (Holly101) made a comic, but me and another friend of mine, ummmmmmmm i’ll call her, Read Arty Fowl series in ’bout three months,we made it up.

  12. partyonsoccerfan January 24th, 2009 at 9:01 pm 12

    yo’ i helped to!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Remember i’m peaceg.

  13. ArtemisFowlfan96 January 24th, 2009 at 10:22 pm 13

    its so funny!

  14. partyonsoccerfan January 25th, 2009 at 8:57 pm 14

    hello? Emo cupcake and i ( Partly all me) helped make it !!!! Remember Peace girl with all of the peace signs! We made it together give me credit to would ya’?

  15. ArtemisFowlfan96 January 25th, 2009 at 10:13 pm 15

    lol this story is hilarious! I cant believe he felt an urge to pick his nose!

  16. haha!!!!! PONYYY!!!!!!

  17. ArtemisFowlfan96 January 25th, 2009 at 11:09 pm 17

    I know! and he cried because he was ugly!

  18. yes, partyonsoccerfan did help…we had so much fun doing this story!

  19. oh my god that was hilarous!!!!
    Holly=prtty grl
    foaly=ugly poni
    what does that make butler?human mountian or scary dude? these are the questions that haunt me.

  20. ArtemisFowlfan96 January 31st, 2009 at 6:39 pm 20

    lol i know! so funny!

  21. Even though that was inpossible, that was REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY FUNNY!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

  22. yes, the impossible is always the funniest if you write it in just the right way.

  23. partyonsoccerfan March 4th, 2009 at 1:07 am 23

    liz, story is tots awesome. peace out!

  24. It’s funny cuz… well…. it’s just so…… out there!!!!!

  25. 🙁 disgusting
    Artemis!

  26. hitsugayatoushiro June 8th, 2009 at 6:54 pm 26

    IWUVARTY, HOW CAN U SAY THAT?
    ARTEMIS IS STILL KOOL EVN WITHOUT HIS SMARTITUDE.
    ARTY ROX”!

  27. Very very out there!!!

    I agree! Arty’s still awesome even with a shortage of smartitude. Though the nose-picking thing is… strange.

    ~Yoshi~

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