Artemis Fowl and the Fortune Cookies of Doom
Written on May 21st, 2007 by Moonlite KnightStory Details
(38 votes, average: 3.97 out of 5)
Loading ...Chapter 5 Unexpected Fortune
He stepped on an inconveniently placed toy car (the Fowl twins later claimed complete innocence to the placement of their car in the middle of the floor), fell on top of the small table placed in the center of the room, causing the fruit in a basket on top the afore mentioned table to sail trough the air in different directions.
A pair of pears hit Minerva on the head, grapes rained down on Holly, and an orange hit Juliet squarely between the eyes.
Butler managed to avoid the flying fruit.
Anar was not so lucky.
A pineapple hit her in the stomach as she was bombarded with too ripe cherries, which burst on contact with her skin.
She now had the appearance of a person who had been shot multiple times and was only alive to get revenge.
Which she did by throwing the pineapple at Artemis who had sat and watched fruit shower his friends with an expression of awe on his face.
However, he wasn’t too awestruck not to duck.
The pineapple sailed over his head and hit Artemis’s mother’s vase (which she had completely fallen in love with, just in case you wanted to know that).
The poor unfortunate vase promptly fell off the coffee table and shattered into hundreds of little pieces.
The entire room was silent as everyone stared at the broken vase.
“Um, oops.” Artemis whispered.
Oh, he was in so much trouble when his mother saw that her wonder vase had been broken.
He had better just runaway now and become an astronaut.
Maybe he could escape her wrath if he went to the moon.
“Is that all you have to say?” Minerva snapped, rubbing her head.
Anar once again cut off Artemis as he tried to answer.
“What is that?” she asked in a shocked voice, pointing at the wreckage that had once been Angeline Fowl’s beloved vase.
“The remains off the vase that you broke.” Artemis replied, in a patronizing manner.
Surprisingly, Anar didn’t react.
“Not that, that!”
“What—?”
And then he saw it.
A multi-colored hole had appeared a few feet above the shards of the vase.
And it was growing larger every second.
“Don’t go near it!” Holly snapped, wishing that she had brought a weapon.
It was Artemis’s birthday party that she was attending.
One would think that she’d be smart enough to bring a weapon.
“Wait a minute!” Juliet suddenly shouted.
“Where’s Dom?”
Indeed, the Caucasian bodyguard had vanished.
“The hole ate him.” Anar said.
“What? That’s absurd!” Artemis replied.
“He probably just went into the kitchen.”
Without anyone even noticing him leaving until now.
“No” Anar replied.
“The hole ate him. Just like it did to Juliet.”
The remaining people in the room immediately looked at the last place Juliet had been seen.
She wasn’t there.
Artemis turned back to Anar only to find her gone too.
There was a surprised shriek that ended abruptly as Minerva too vanished.
Only Holy and Artemis were left.
They stared at the growing hole.
“I believe we caused a rip in the time space continuum.” Artemis whispered, in an awed voice.
“What?” Holly snapped and then she too was gone.
Artemis looked at the hole, which was now the size of a door and sighed.
“They should have listened. I knew those fortune cookies were evil.”
And then he suffered the same fate as his friends
Almost as soon as the last occupant of the room vanished, the hole too blinked out of existence.
All that was left was a single fortune cookie that had somehow fallen out of the bag.
It lay innocently, in the middle of the room, waiting.
Some other stories by Moonlite Knight:
- If I Told You I Loved You...
- Update to Secert World
- Boredom is a Powerful Weapon
- ¤Ο¤Holiday Blues ¤Ο¤
- I Don't Like Lollipops
May 22nd, 2007 at 1:52 am
Haha, it’s funny! I like it.
Is this an A/H? That’s what I thought at first, then you said green eyes.
And I love the book Twilight by the way!
May 22nd, 2007 at 2:02 am
Ooh, I still have to read that…
Anyway, I like this too- very funny. And, unusually for something so funny, the characters are barely OOC. I can’t wait for the rest.
May 22nd, 2007 at 3:26 am
oh this is so interesting
May 22nd, 2007 at 8:33 am
IT’S OK………
4 NOW
May 23rd, 2007 at 8:07 am
i thought at first is was a A/H but when the whole green eyes thing came i totaly obiouse that its not…..but ya its an awsomee story add more quick plz
May 23rd, 2007 at 12:15 pm
It’s great! I’m not getting a headache, as there is ACTUAL PUNCTUATION! OMG.
I’m guessing it’s going to be A/OC.
May 23rd, 2007 at 12:54 pm
AWESOME, and i enjoy the fact that thismight be M/A because of the whole love of Arty’s life, and the green eyes thing. ^_^
May 23rd, 2007 at 11:10 pm
Please keep writing! ^-^
May 26th, 2007 at 3:25 am
Puh-leaze update soon!
May 26th, 2007 at 8:36 pm
PLEASE UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Using mesmer to force you to write more* BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA……..(realizes that he is stil typing)
May 27th, 2007 at 1:24 am
really funny please cont.
May 28th, 2007 at 11:41 am
Dom - you wrote exactly the same thing on my fic.
May 28th, 2007 at 4:44 pm
Yeah, well, I don’t have many ‘Holy $#!+ this is good! Write more. NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’ review ideas.
May 29th, 2007 at 2:44 am
That’s good. Because according to the article How To Write a Good Review, in the archive’s ‘help and how to’ section, you should not be writing those kinds of reviews anyway. Try to elaborate on why you liked the story, maybe even add some constructive criticism. And DON’T just type ‘update!’ because the author will update in his/her own time. I mean, three ‘update!’ reviews in a row? It’s completely unnecessary.
I don’t mean to pick on you, Domovi- Almost all of your reviews are really good, and I’m glad you’re commenting, just try to contribute with your comments please. This was for everybody,because almost everybody’s been writing comments like that- you just don’t see many of them because they get deleted.
So consider this a warning, everyone: Make sure your reviews are actually reviews.
May 30th, 2007 at 10:49 am
I still think this story is awesome. The characters are in character (well, who knows about Juliet, as if she can manage to cut up vegetables and make cordon bleu she must be able to make a cake) and it has a good (albeit weird) plot.
May 31st, 2007 at 9:21 am
one quesstion…..why would juliet get over happy over baking a cake?
June 1st, 2007 at 9:50 pm
Because, well, let’s just say that, at Artemis’s last buisness meeting, he planned on poisoning the people by tainting the cake, but, Juliet was cooking, and, let’s just say, the appetizer got to them first……………………………….
June 6th, 2007 at 7:33 pm
luv it. i couldn’t stop laughing.
great work!!!!
June 20th, 2007 at 3:55 am
Fortune cookies? XD This thing rules! Write more!
My 2 favorite parts? When dear little Arty first claimed the cookies to be “Fortune cookies of DOOM!” And when he tricked Butler and Juliet.
The cake thing was pretty funny too. I’d totaly feel the same way. XD
August 11th, 2007 at 9:22 pm
that… was… hilarious!!! i loved it! obvoiously u like twilight. ive seen u before on forums.
August 15th, 2007 at 9:44 pm
keep updating.but so far I luv it!!hahahaha
August 29th, 2007 at 1:49 am
I love it! It’s so funny! Write some more!
September 8th, 2007 at 12:35 am
luv it luv it luv it! add more more more!
September 29th, 2007 at 9:12 pm
This is good
October 3rd, 2007 at 3:07 am
ahhhhhhhhhh its been WEEKS!!!!!! I LIKE POTATOES!!!!
October 3rd, 2007 at 3:57 am
So like, when are you like going to add more?
October 4th, 2007 at 4:38 am
very, very sorry.
I will definitely add more the minute my teachers stop their insane competition to see who can hand out the most homework.
October 4th, 2007 at 9:37 am
thank god my techers don’t do that competiton lol
October 5th, 2007 at 10:47 pm
I agree with Artemis that they are unhealthy and they taste like carboard(shudders at the flashback when her sister forced her to eat the cookie). But I am Chinese and I am slightly offended at that comment.
October 6th, 2007 at 1:17 am
ur chinese? awsome!
October 6th, 2007 at 3:40 am
strange though, I have always known fortune cookies to be from america.if im wrong dont think im stupid!!! also strange,I KINDA LIKE THEM….
October 6th, 2007 at 5:03 am
To Holly Short 99999999:
I’m sorry! My intention was not to offend anyone and I am very sorry if I did. Fortune cookies are sort of unhealthy, but I guess they don’t taste like cardboard and I’m very sorry if that comment offends anyone.
October 6th, 2007 at 5:37 am
Well, fortune cookies are from America, but you know that you fortune cookies from Chinese restaurants, right? They might even have Chinese words on them. To lil.arty, you think that me being Chinese is awesome? I think so to, but for this reason, people like to cheat of my paper. They say the reason why I am so smart is because I am Chinese! That has nothing to do with that! To Moonlite Knight, it is okay. I still think this story is great! Keep writing!
October 7th, 2007 at 9:06 pm
OK that is stupid people are so near sighted in the world today some kid from New Jersey thought that all wisconsin people were farmers!!
October 17th, 2007 at 1:05 am
Nobody is on this thing! here it is only 4:00! (pm)
November 11th, 2007 at 7:00 pm
wow i lov this , luv it , i seroiusly have soooo much to relate to it , actully.. . i used to wacth this t.v show were the moon lite knite was a carecter i loved that show , it had a charecter named artemis in it. ( a boy cat named artemis ) and also , y did they give him that music , idk anyone named haroon …. why is everyone going crazy . By the way , I THOUGHT artemis knew every language anyway…. i luv this story plllllzzzzzzzzz continue!
November 11th, 2007 at 8:13 pm
Do u know gnomish? It is very easy!
go on RUNESCAPE!
November 12th, 2007 at 2:33 am
To mahi101:
Which show are you talking about? I just made up the name Moonlite Knight because I’m really interested in the Middle Ages (espically Knights) and magic and nature, espically astronomy(hence Moonlite) Plus I thought it sounded cool.
As for the music, there’s a reason his parentssent him that and you’ll find out when my teachers stop trying to drown their students in h/w. Haroon is a Pakistani singer, so unless you from Pakistan, you’ve don’t know him. U can look him up on Wikipedia if u’re still interested.
In my opionioon, it is impossible for someone to know all the languages of the world, there are well over a thousand.
I will continue as soon as I can, I promise!
November 27th, 2007 at 12:57 am
:)
Hurry! I just new this story wasn’t over!!!!
November 27th, 2007 at 12:59 am
how many chapys will there b?
November 27th, 2007 at 1:19 am
Guys, stay on topic! And don’t post two comments in a row, unless there is a new chapter to comment on.
Your story was hilarious, and very well written. The title through me off, after I read it I rechecked the title and I thought that it sounded a little off… something I’d expect to be badly written, but it was very good. Your style made it flow, make sense, and be funny at the same time! Keep up the good work!
November 27th, 2007 at 2:42 am
moonlite knite- I reread the story and no new chapters? WRITE NOW! And yeah , I am from pakistan so i should know that , Well , I guess i don’t really pay attnetion to pakistan that much ( taht’s really bad , my parents r ganna kill me!) The moonlight Knightis a person in the english version of sailor moon, ( oh well , the name does sound way kool!) Actully… I think i have a CD of Haroon’s songs… but I don’t listen to it…yeah speaking of that I just metioned to my mother about Haroon and she’s like “Mahi!! you know taht’s a great name! we could name the baby that if it’s a boy!!” ( Yes she is pregnant….)
December 17th, 2007 at 5:31 am
NICE!!! I hate puberty! HA!
December 17th, 2007 at 1:32 pm
lol…. but YOU NEED TO CONTINUE!!! whenever I check there is nothing more written!! you need to continue this!
January 6th, 2008 at 9:44 am
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! Sorry about that. I had to let out my excitement. I was practically hyperventilating! Okay. Maybe I exaggerated a little. I did wonder when you were going to update this story. It is interesting. I wonder what happens next. *grins evilly at the thought of what I think will happen next*
January 6th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
its good.
January 8th, 2008 at 12:24 am
What happened??!?!
January 13th, 2008 at 10:58 am
well, the story was nice
its been really long since u wrote it
hehhehe
January 22nd, 2008 at 11:53 pm
good upd8.
January 23rd, 2008 at 12:23 am
he he he I want to read that fortune!
January 23rd, 2008 at 12:40 am
Ha! I like it!
February 21st, 2008 at 5:09 am
Innocent? I think not! Since when have those nasty, evil little things been innocent? They are evil! Sorry. I might have a hunch on what happens next. I might be right, I might be wrong.
July 10th, 2008 at 11:55 am
So I anderstant that Arty will fall in love with Anar? In their trip someting will be stolen? The left fortune cookie will be for the happy ending, seing somting about that every ting will bee okey,that they (Arty and Anar) will manage to bee togeder?
If it’s not then tfik of this as a sugestions.