Artemis Fowl and the Fortune Cookies of Doom
Written on May 21st, 2007 by Moonlite KnightStory Details
(38 votes, average: 3.97 out of 5)
Loading ...Chapter 4: The Trip Fortune
Artemis was mentally going over every possible way to get out of the situation that he was currently in.
However, very few of the possibilities that he could think of were realistic.
There was one thing though that he could try, no matter how demeaning ad inferior it made him (in his eyes).
Stall.
He looked at the bag Butler offered him and then looked at the sky.
“It appears that a cold front has blown in. We had better get under a roof before we are soaked.”
As everyone looked up at the clear, cloud-free blue sky, Artemis attempted to sneak off.
His plan would have worked if Butler didn’t clamp a vice-like grip on Artemis’s arm effectively stopping him from going anywhere.
“There are no thunderclouds in sight, Artemis.” Butler said, inwardly grinning.
Anar smirked.
“Don’t you even know the difference between a warm and cold front Arty?
Artemis ignored her (his predicament was more serious that Anar’s obvious insults towards his intelligence. At the moment anyway) and changed tactics.
“But Butler, we are being terribly impolite making all of our guests stand outside, under the open sky, where they can become victims of flash storms and birds.”
Worried, Minerva looked at the sky, searching for nonexistent birds.
Anar and Holly exchanged a look. The Mud Boy was stalling.
How amusing.
Juliet giggled, watching the drama unfold.
Butler took pity on Artemis and besides, the young genius had a point.
They (Artemis mostly though) were being impolite.
Keeping his face carefully blank, Artemis lead the way inside Fowl Manor and to the living room.
He was so focused on figuring out a way to secretly dispose of the bag of cookies that he failed to notice that he and Anar were tracking mud on the expensive Persian carpets.
Anar noticed, but she didn’t say anything. She was obviously the type of girl who held grudges.
However, she did forget about her annoyance for a minute, when she noticed a gorgeous white porcelain vase on the coffee table in the living room, enough to inquire about it.
“Oh, that. Mother bought it from a weird pushy old man at an antique shop.” Artemis frowned.
“Actually, he wouldn’t let us leave until we bought something.”
As everyone settled on the couches, Artemis once again tried to sneak off and was once again stopped by Butler. Really, Artemis was beginning to think that Butler had switched sides.
“Artemis, just eat the cookie and everyone will leave you alone.” Butler told his young charge quietly.
That was all Artemis had to do, but apparently, the boy genius had yet to realize that.
“Butler,” Artemis replied, stubbornly.
“I refuse to allow them to win.”
The ‘them’ he was referring to was apparently every female currently in the room.
Butler sighed.
Oh well. He’d tried. But pride was just too strong of an opponent to conquer.
“Good,” Anar, said, having overheard the last part of their conversation.
“Now eat the cookie.”
She smirked, crossed her arms across her chest and leaned back in the whitest, once clean loveseat in the room.
Artemis resisted the urge to grit his teeth.
Everyone was against him today.
He briefly considered conquering the world and getting rid of every trace of fortune cookies, but discarded it when he realized that that idea was of no help at the present moment.
Holly, however, seemed to be having the time of her life.
“What’s wrong, Artemis? Are you scared?” she asked, raising an eyebrow and grinning.
“He is petrified.” Anar stated to Holly.
“That was the last straw for Artemis.
“Fine!”
Artemis just barely managed to stop himself from shouting at the top of his lungs.
Barely.
He snatched a cookie from Butler, tore off the wrapper (which was dropped carelessly to the floor), broke the cookie in half, removed the fortune, and looked at his avid audience.
Holly was grinning, clearly amused.
Juliet and Minerva were giggling.
Butler was attempting (and failing miserably) to look uninterested.
Anar gave his a dangerous smile, her eyes challenging him to eat the cookie.
Never being one to back down from a challenge, Artemis stuffed one half of the cookie in his mouth, chewed, and swallowed.
He repeated the procedure with the second half of the cookie, though taking care to allow as many crumbs fall on the carpet as possible.
It was better to have those pieces of cookie on the carpet rather than his stomach.
Artemis just managed to resist the urge to make a face at the disgusting taste the cookie had left in his mouth.
“Mind your manners, Artemis” Juliet said in a singsong voice.
“What you mean he actually has manners?” Anar smirked.
It was becoming harder and harder for Artemis to be a gentlemen and ignore Anar.
His checks turned a light, peculiar pink color and he did his best to calm down.
You can get revenge later, he comforted himself.
Right now, just focus on getting out of this just-too-ridiculous-to-be-described situation.
“Artemis, what is your fortune?” Minerva asked, suddenly.
Artemis looked at the piece of paper in his hands.
Darn, he’d been hoping that everyone would forget about the fortune in view of his bad manners, but Minerva had to go and ruin it.
Looking back at his amused friends, Artemis saw that Minerva’s question had refocused everyone’s attention onto him.
Again, there was no way out of it.
Well, he could eat the fortune.
Artemis looked at it.
Ugh, no. He wasn’t that desperate. Yet.
“Just how much brainpower does one need to read a fortune?” Anar asked Holly in a loud whisper.
Artemis took a deep breath.
He refused to act in a manner unbefitting a gentleman, but Anar really was pushing it.
He unfolded the paper.
Maybe this fortune will predict her untimely demise, he thought, before recalling that he did NOT believe in those unscientific, illogical words of so –called wisdom.
On the small piece of paper, in the same innocently evil penmanship, were the words:
Expect an unexpected trip.
Be sure ot take particular note of the belongings of those around you.
Don’t forget the first.
“What kind of idiotic advice is this?” Artemis muttered under his breath.
He looked up to see Anar looking at the fortune thoughfully.
“May I see it?” she asked in a surprisingly civil voice.
Artemis didn’t move.
It was sure to be a trap.
Butler frowned and gave him a gentle nudge forward.
Artemis really seemed to have forgotten his manners today.
Artemis took another step foreword and everything went downhill after that.
Some other stories by Moonlite Knight:
- Update
- If I Told You I Loved You...
- Boredom is a Powerful Weapon
- ¤Ο¤Holiday Blues ¤Ο¤
- I Don't Like Lollipops
May 22nd, 2007 at 1:52 am
Haha, it’s funny! I like it.
Is this an A/H? That’s what I thought at first, then you said green eyes.
And I love the book Twilight by the way!
May 22nd, 2007 at 2:02 am
Ooh, I still have to read that…
Anyway, I like this too- very funny. And, unusually for something so funny, the characters are barely OOC. I can’t wait for the rest.
May 22nd, 2007 at 3:26 am
oh this is so interesting
May 22nd, 2007 at 8:33 am
IT’S OK………
4 NOW
May 23rd, 2007 at 8:07 am
i thought at first is was a A/H but when the whole green eyes thing came i totaly obiouse that its not…..but ya its an awsomee story add more quick plz
May 23rd, 2007 at 12:15 pm
It’s great! I’m not getting a headache, as there is ACTUAL PUNCTUATION! OMG.
I’m guessing it’s going to be A/OC.
May 23rd, 2007 at 12:54 pm
AWESOME, and i enjoy the fact that thismight be M/A because of the whole love of Arty’s life, and the green eyes thing. ^_^
May 23rd, 2007 at 11:10 pm
Please keep writing! ^-^
May 26th, 2007 at 3:25 am
Puh-leaze update soon!
May 26th, 2007 at 8:36 pm
PLEASE UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Using mesmer to force you to write more* BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA……..(realizes that he is stil typing)
May 27th, 2007 at 1:24 am
really funny please cont.
May 28th, 2007 at 11:41 am
Dom - you wrote exactly the same thing on my fic.
May 28th, 2007 at 4:44 pm
Yeah, well, I don’t have many ‘Holy $#!+ this is good! Write more. NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’ review ideas.
May 29th, 2007 at 2:44 am
That’s good. Because according to the article How To Write a Good Review, in the archive’s ‘help and how to’ section, you should not be writing those kinds of reviews anyway. Try to elaborate on why you liked the story, maybe even add some constructive criticism. And DON’T just type ‘update!’ because the author will update in his/her own time. I mean, three ‘update!’ reviews in a row? It’s completely unnecessary.
I don’t mean to pick on you, Domovi- Almost all of your reviews are really good, and I’m glad you’re commenting, just try to contribute with your comments please. This was for everybody,because almost everybody’s been writing comments like that- you just don’t see many of them because they get deleted.
So consider this a warning, everyone: Make sure your reviews are actually reviews.
May 30th, 2007 at 10:49 am
I still think this story is awesome. The characters are in character (well, who knows about Juliet, as if she can manage to cut up vegetables and make cordon bleu she must be able to make a cake) and it has a good (albeit weird) plot.
May 31st, 2007 at 9:21 am
one quesstion…..why would juliet get over happy over baking a cake?
June 1st, 2007 at 9:50 pm
Because, well, let’s just say that, at Artemis’s last buisness meeting, he planned on poisoning the people by tainting the cake, but, Juliet was cooking, and, let’s just say, the appetizer got to them first……………………………….
June 6th, 2007 at 7:33 pm
luv it. i couldn’t stop laughing.
great work!!!!
June 20th, 2007 at 3:55 am
Fortune cookies? XD This thing rules! Write more!
My 2 favorite parts? When dear little Arty first claimed the cookies to be “Fortune cookies of DOOM!” And when he tricked Butler and Juliet.
The cake thing was pretty funny too. I’d totaly feel the same way. XD
August 11th, 2007 at 9:22 pm
that… was… hilarious!!! i loved it! obvoiously u like twilight. ive seen u before on forums.
August 15th, 2007 at 9:44 pm
keep updating.but so far I luv it!!hahahaha
August 29th, 2007 at 1:49 am
I love it! It’s so funny! Write some more!
September 8th, 2007 at 12:35 am
luv it luv it luv it! add more more more!
September 29th, 2007 at 9:12 pm
This is good
October 3rd, 2007 at 3:07 am
ahhhhhhhhhh its been WEEKS!!!!!! I LIKE POTATOES!!!!
October 3rd, 2007 at 3:57 am
So like, when are you like going to add more?
October 4th, 2007 at 4:38 am
very, very sorry.
I will definitely add more the minute my teachers stop their insane competition to see who can hand out the most homework.
October 4th, 2007 at 9:37 am
thank god my techers don’t do that competiton lol
October 5th, 2007 at 10:47 pm
I agree with Artemis that they are unhealthy and they taste like carboard(shudders at the flashback when her sister forced her to eat the cookie). But I am Chinese and I am slightly offended at that comment.
October 6th, 2007 at 1:17 am
ur chinese? awsome!
October 6th, 2007 at 3:40 am
strange though, I have always known fortune cookies to be from america.if im wrong dont think im stupid!!! also strange,I KINDA LIKE THEM….
October 6th, 2007 at 5:03 am
To Holly Short 99999999:
I’m sorry! My intention was not to offend anyone and I am very sorry if I did. Fortune cookies are sort of unhealthy, but I guess they don’t taste like cardboard and I’m very sorry if that comment offends anyone.
October 6th, 2007 at 5:37 am
Well, fortune cookies are from America, but you know that you fortune cookies from Chinese restaurants, right? They might even have Chinese words on them. To lil.arty, you think that me being Chinese is awesome? I think so to, but for this reason, people like to cheat of my paper. They say the reason why I am so smart is because I am Chinese! That has nothing to do with that! To Moonlite Knight, it is okay. I still think this story is great! Keep writing!
October 7th, 2007 at 9:06 pm
OK that is stupid people are so near sighted in the world today some kid from New Jersey thought that all wisconsin people were farmers!!
October 17th, 2007 at 1:05 am
Nobody is on this thing! here it is only 4:00! (pm)
November 11th, 2007 at 7:00 pm
wow i lov this , luv it , i seroiusly have soooo much to relate to it , actully.. . i used to wacth this t.v show were the moon lite knite was a carecter i loved that show , it had a charecter named artemis in it. ( a boy cat named artemis ) and also , y did they give him that music , idk anyone named haroon …. why is everyone going crazy . By the way , I THOUGHT artemis knew every language anyway…. i luv this story plllllzzzzzzzzz continue!
November 11th, 2007 at 8:13 pm
Do u know gnomish? It is very easy!
go on RUNESCAPE!
November 12th, 2007 at 2:33 am
To mahi101:
Which show are you talking about? I just made up the name Moonlite Knight because I’m really interested in the Middle Ages (espically Knights) and magic and nature, espically astronomy(hence Moonlite) Plus I thought it sounded cool.
As for the music, there’s a reason his parentssent him that and you’ll find out when my teachers stop trying to drown their students in h/w. Haroon is a Pakistani singer, so unless you from Pakistan, you’ve don’t know him. U can look him up on Wikipedia if u’re still interested.
In my opionioon, it is impossible for someone to know all the languages of the world, there are well over a thousand.
I will continue as soon as I can, I promise!
November 27th, 2007 at 12:57 am
:)
Hurry! I just new this story wasn’t over!!!!
November 27th, 2007 at 12:59 am
how many chapys will there b?
November 27th, 2007 at 1:19 am
Guys, stay on topic! And don’t post two comments in a row, unless there is a new chapter to comment on.
Your story was hilarious, and very well written. The title through me off, after I read it I rechecked the title and I thought that it sounded a little off… something I’d expect to be badly written, but it was very good. Your style made it flow, make sense, and be funny at the same time! Keep up the good work!
November 27th, 2007 at 2:42 am
moonlite knite- I reread the story and no new chapters? WRITE NOW! And yeah , I am from pakistan so i should know that , Well , I guess i don’t really pay attnetion to pakistan that much ( taht’s really bad , my parents r ganna kill me!) The moonlight Knightis a person in the english version of sailor moon, ( oh well , the name does sound way kool!) Actully… I think i have a CD of Haroon’s songs… but I don’t listen to it…yeah speaking of that I just metioned to my mother about Haroon and she’s like “Mahi!! you know taht’s a great name! we could name the baby that if it’s a boy!!” ( Yes she is pregnant….)
December 17th, 2007 at 5:31 am
NICE!!! I hate puberty! HA!
December 17th, 2007 at 1:32 pm
lol…. but YOU NEED TO CONTINUE!!! whenever I check there is nothing more written!! you need to continue this!
January 6th, 2008 at 9:44 am
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! Sorry about that. I had to let out my excitement. I was practically hyperventilating! Okay. Maybe I exaggerated a little. I did wonder when you were going to update this story. It is interesting. I wonder what happens next. *grins evilly at the thought of what I think will happen next*
January 6th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
its good.
January 8th, 2008 at 12:24 am
What happened??!?!
January 13th, 2008 at 10:58 am
well, the story was nice
its been really long since u wrote it
hehhehe
January 22nd, 2008 at 11:53 pm
good upd8.
January 23rd, 2008 at 12:23 am
he he he I want to read that fortune!
January 23rd, 2008 at 12:40 am
Ha! I like it!
February 21st, 2008 at 5:09 am
Innocent? I think not! Since when have those nasty, evil little things been innocent? They are evil! Sorry. I might have a hunch on what happens next. I might be right, I might be wrong.
July 10th, 2008 at 11:55 am
So I anderstant that Arty will fall in love with Anar? In their trip someting will be stolen? The left fortune cookie will be for the happy ending, seing somting about that every ting will bee okey,that they (Arty and Anar) will manage to bee togeder?
If it’s not then tfik of this as a sugestions.
August 15th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
ooooooooooooo
I love it.
Well, where did they go?
And is Anar a human or a Fairy?
This is great! Update, please.