Artemis Fowl and the Fortune Cookies of Doom
Written on May 21st, 2007 by Moonlite KnightStory Details
(38 votes, average: 3.97 out of 5)
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Chapter 3: Fortune or Unfortune
Artemis stared into the beautiful green a moment longer, until he realized that the owner of those magnificent eyes was speaking.
And she was not happy about being knocked into the mud.
Then again which sane person would be?
“Would you kindly explain why you felt compelled to knock me into the mud?” the girl with the eyes that had enchanted Artemis said.
“Excuse me, are you even listening to me?”
“Ah, yes, I mean, no, I mean…”
Artemis struggled to clear his head and answer the girl who was currently attempting to get as much mud out of her dark red, almost black, hair.
“Ignore him Anar,” said a very familiar voice.
Artemis looked up to see Holly help the green-eyed girl up out of the mud.
“Sometimes the Mud Boy has no manners. Really Artemis. Couldn’t you use that massive IQ of yours to come up with a better plan to attract a girl’s attention?”
Holly turned her head slightly away from Artemis so that he could not see her smiling.
“Yes,” The girl agreed while inspecting how much damage the mud had done to her clothes.
“A large percentage of the female population does not appreciate being knocked into the mud. I happen to be part of that percentile.”
Artemis was now highly embarrassed and irritated about the fact that he was embarrassed.
“I did not do that on purpose.” he said, getting up.
“Really, Arty.” Said Juliet as she came up to the group.
That’s not how you apologize to a girl. Haven’t you read any books on proper etiquette? You’re supposed to be a genius!”
She shook her head in mock disappointment, solely because she knew this would irritate Artemis.
She wasn’t wrong.
Artemis had now resorted to taking deep calming breaths.
“I repeat. I did not push her into the mud on purpose. It was an accident which occurred after I tripped coming down the stairs.”
He now turned towards the girl that he had shoved into the mud.
“I beg your pardon mademoiselle and hope that I did not cause any lasting damage.”
The girl stopped inspecting her clothes and sighed.
“Oh forget it. I accept your apology, Artemis, but you owe me.”
“I owe you what?” Artemis asked confused (probably for the first time in his life).
The girl rolled her eyes.
“Forget it, Mr. Genius.”
The way she said genius made it quite clear that was not what she thought Artemis was.
Before Artemis had a chance to make a witty comeback, Butler swiftly intervened.
Honestly, sometimes he felt more like a referee rather than a bodyguard.
“Hello, Holly,” he said while giving Artemis a look which was meant to shut him up.
“Pleased to see you again. Who’s your friend?” he asked nodding his head once in the direction of the muddied girl.
He gave the girl in question an automatic bodyguard’s once-over.
She seemed to be around Artemis’s age with emerald green eyes and long dark red hair. She was very pretty and very covered with mud.
Holly smiled and said, somewhat proudly.
“This is Anarkali, my new Section 8 partner. Mulch had to take an unexpected vacation when he came in contact with some very suspicious purple slime.”
For a moment, Holly positively, well, impish.
Mulch who was currently sitting miserably in a room he had rented in the darkest neighborhood in San Francisco was really regretting that comment he made about Holly and Trouble.
You could only tease a fairy so far.
Back at Fowl Manor, no one in the vicinity doubted for a second that Holly and Mulch’s sudden desire to travel were not connected.
However, before anyone could comment, the arrival of a pretty blond girl distracted the group.
“Bonjour, mon amies!” Minerva said happily, as she joined the group.
She looked at Anarkali, with surprise.
“What happened to you, Anar?”
“Artemis.” Replied Anarkali, looking pointedly away from the boy genius.
Artemis considered defending himself, but, based on the previous reactions of everyone, he discarded the idea as useless.
Everyone seemed determined to make sure that Artemis, or anyone else, forgot about this incident anytime soon.
Artemis knew it was childish, but he couldn’t help thinking that this was the evil bag of fortune cookies fault.
“Artemis, really! Apologize now.” Minerva said, outraged on the behalf of her friend.
“I already did.” Artemis snapped.
Why was everyone making such a big deal about this incident?
“Ohhh!” Juliet said suddenly, startling everyone.
Artemis immediately took a step back when he saw the look in her eye.
“I know how Artemis should be punished.” She paused for dramatic effect.
“Make him eat another fortune cookie.”
Holly gave a very un-ladylike snort.
“Fortune cookies?” she said incredulously.
She clearly did not think much of Juliet’s suggested form of punishment.
“Yes, let’s.” said Anarkali, suddenly, looking at Artemis. She had not missed how Artemis’s face had paled at the mention of fortune cookies and neither had Butler.
The bodyguard could not help grinning as the three pretty girls (was Anarkali a fairy or human?) and one pretty fairy ganged up on Artemis the second they realized Artemis was less than fond of Juliet’s plan.
What’s the deal with Artemis and fortune cookies” Holly asked curiously, looking at Artemis. She had been acquainted with the Mud Boy long enough to know that he was uncomfortable.
“Arty’s afraid of fortune cookies.” Juliet announced gleefully.
Holly snorted again, highly amused.
Anarkali raised one eyebrow, her green eyes sparkling.
Minerva giggled uncontrollably.
Butler struggled to keep a straight face.
Artemis was now desperately wishing that the ground under his feet would swallow him up.
“I am not afraid of fortune cookies!” he said forcefully, avoiding eye contact with anyone.
“I just believe that they are unhealthy and idiotic.”
“You owe me, Arty.” Anarkali said, grinning even more impishly than Holly.
“Eat the cookie.”
Artemis looked at Anarkali, fully intending to forget it (in a more civilized manner of course).
Unfortunately, he made the mistake of looking into her eyes.
Once again, the boy genius was lost in those gorgeous green orbs.
“Fine.” He dimly heard himself agreeing.
Then he blinked, freeing himself from the girl’s hypnotic gaze.
Eyes widening as he realized what he had agreed to, Artemis just looked at an amused Butler who offering the evil bag of fortune cookies.
The only thing his brilliant mind could think was:
I hate puberty.
Some other stories by Moonlite Knight:
- If I Told You I Loved You...
- Update to Secert World
- Boredom is a Powerful Weapon
- ¤Ο¤Holiday Blues ¤Ο¤
- I Don't Like Lollipops
May 22nd, 2007 at 1:52 am
Haha, it’s funny! I like it.
Is this an A/H? That’s what I thought at first, then you said green eyes.
And I love the book Twilight by the way!
May 22nd, 2007 at 2:02 am
Ooh, I still have to read that…
Anyway, I like this too- very funny. And, unusually for something so funny, the characters are barely OOC. I can’t wait for the rest.
May 22nd, 2007 at 3:26 am
oh this is so interesting
May 22nd, 2007 at 8:33 am
IT’S OK………
4 NOW
May 23rd, 2007 at 8:07 am
i thought at first is was a A/H but when the whole green eyes thing came i totaly obiouse that its not…..but ya its an awsomee story add more quick plz
May 23rd, 2007 at 12:15 pm
It’s great! I’m not getting a headache, as there is ACTUAL PUNCTUATION! OMG.
I’m guessing it’s going to be A/OC.
May 23rd, 2007 at 12:54 pm
AWESOME, and i enjoy the fact that thismight be M/A because of the whole love of Arty’s life, and the green eyes thing. ^_^
May 23rd, 2007 at 11:10 pm
Please keep writing! ^-^
May 26th, 2007 at 3:25 am
Puh-leaze update soon!
May 26th, 2007 at 8:36 pm
PLEASE UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Using mesmer to force you to write more* BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA……..(realizes that he is stil typing)
May 27th, 2007 at 1:24 am
really funny please cont.
May 28th, 2007 at 11:41 am
Dom - you wrote exactly the same thing on my fic.
May 28th, 2007 at 4:44 pm
Yeah, well, I don’t have many ‘Holy $#!+ this is good! Write more. NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’ review ideas.
May 29th, 2007 at 2:44 am
That’s good. Because according to the article How To Write a Good Review, in the archive’s ‘help and how to’ section, you should not be writing those kinds of reviews anyway. Try to elaborate on why you liked the story, maybe even add some constructive criticism. And DON’T just type ‘update!’ because the author will update in his/her own time. I mean, three ‘update!’ reviews in a row? It’s completely unnecessary.
I don’t mean to pick on you, Domovi- Almost all of your reviews are really good, and I’m glad you’re commenting, just try to contribute with your comments please. This was for everybody,because almost everybody’s been writing comments like that- you just don’t see many of them because they get deleted.
So consider this a warning, everyone: Make sure your reviews are actually reviews.
May 30th, 2007 at 10:49 am
I still think this story is awesome. The characters are in character (well, who knows about Juliet, as if she can manage to cut up vegetables and make cordon bleu she must be able to make a cake) and it has a good (albeit weird) plot.
May 31st, 2007 at 9:21 am
one quesstion…..why would juliet get over happy over baking a cake?
June 1st, 2007 at 9:50 pm
Because, well, let’s just say that, at Artemis’s last buisness meeting, he planned on poisoning the people by tainting the cake, but, Juliet was cooking, and, let’s just say, the appetizer got to them first……………………………….
June 6th, 2007 at 7:33 pm
luv it. i couldn’t stop laughing.
great work!!!!
June 20th, 2007 at 3:55 am
Fortune cookies? XD This thing rules! Write more!
My 2 favorite parts? When dear little Arty first claimed the cookies to be “Fortune cookies of DOOM!” And when he tricked Butler and Juliet.
The cake thing was pretty funny too. I’d totaly feel the same way. XD
August 11th, 2007 at 9:22 pm
that… was… hilarious!!! i loved it! obvoiously u like twilight. ive seen u before on forums.
August 15th, 2007 at 9:44 pm
keep updating.but so far I luv it!!hahahaha
August 29th, 2007 at 1:49 am
I love it! It’s so funny! Write some more!
September 8th, 2007 at 12:35 am
luv it luv it luv it! add more more more!
September 29th, 2007 at 9:12 pm
This is good
October 3rd, 2007 at 3:07 am
ahhhhhhhhhh its been WEEKS!!!!!! I LIKE POTATOES!!!!
October 3rd, 2007 at 3:57 am
So like, when are you like going to add more?
October 4th, 2007 at 4:38 am
very, very sorry.
I will definitely add more the minute my teachers stop their insane competition to see who can hand out the most homework.
October 4th, 2007 at 9:37 am
thank god my techers don’t do that competiton lol
October 5th, 2007 at 10:47 pm
I agree with Artemis that they are unhealthy and they taste like carboard(shudders at the flashback when her sister forced her to eat the cookie). But I am Chinese and I am slightly offended at that comment.
October 6th, 2007 at 1:17 am
ur chinese? awsome!
October 6th, 2007 at 3:40 am
strange though, I have always known fortune cookies to be from america.if im wrong dont think im stupid!!! also strange,I KINDA LIKE THEM….
October 6th, 2007 at 5:03 am
To Holly Short 99999999:
I’m sorry! My intention was not to offend anyone and I am very sorry if I did. Fortune cookies are sort of unhealthy, but I guess they don’t taste like cardboard and I’m very sorry if that comment offends anyone.
October 6th, 2007 at 5:37 am
Well, fortune cookies are from America, but you know that you fortune cookies from Chinese restaurants, right? They might even have Chinese words on them. To lil.arty, you think that me being Chinese is awesome? I think so to, but for this reason, people like to cheat of my paper. They say the reason why I am so smart is because I am Chinese! That has nothing to do with that! To Moonlite Knight, it is okay. I still think this story is great! Keep writing!
October 7th, 2007 at 9:06 pm
OK that is stupid people are so near sighted in the world today some kid from New Jersey thought that all wisconsin people were farmers!!
October 17th, 2007 at 1:05 am
Nobody is on this thing! here it is only 4:00! (pm)
November 11th, 2007 at 7:00 pm
wow i lov this , luv it , i seroiusly have soooo much to relate to it , actully.. . i used to wacth this t.v show were the moon lite knite was a carecter i loved that show , it had a charecter named artemis in it. ( a boy cat named artemis ) and also , y did they give him that music , idk anyone named haroon …. why is everyone going crazy . By the way , I THOUGHT artemis knew every language anyway…. i luv this story plllllzzzzzzzzz continue!
November 11th, 2007 at 8:13 pm
Do u know gnomish? It is very easy!
go on RUNESCAPE!
November 12th, 2007 at 2:33 am
To mahi101:
Which show are you talking about? I just made up the name Moonlite Knight because I’m really interested in the Middle Ages (espically Knights) and magic and nature, espically astronomy(hence Moonlite) Plus I thought it sounded cool.
As for the music, there’s a reason his parentssent him that and you’ll find out when my teachers stop trying to drown their students in h/w. Haroon is a Pakistani singer, so unless you from Pakistan, you’ve don’t know him. U can look him up on Wikipedia if u’re still interested.
In my opionioon, it is impossible for someone to know all the languages of the world, there are well over a thousand.
I will continue as soon as I can, I promise!
November 27th, 2007 at 12:57 am
:)
Hurry! I just new this story wasn’t over!!!!
November 27th, 2007 at 12:59 am
how many chapys will there b?
November 27th, 2007 at 1:19 am
Guys, stay on topic! And don’t post two comments in a row, unless there is a new chapter to comment on.
Your story was hilarious, and very well written. The title through me off, after I read it I rechecked the title and I thought that it sounded a little off… something I’d expect to be badly written, but it was very good. Your style made it flow, make sense, and be funny at the same time! Keep up the good work!
November 27th, 2007 at 2:42 am
moonlite knite- I reread the story and no new chapters? WRITE NOW! And yeah , I am from pakistan so i should know that , Well , I guess i don’t really pay attnetion to pakistan that much ( taht’s really bad , my parents r ganna kill me!) The moonlight Knightis a person in the english version of sailor moon, ( oh well , the name does sound way kool!) Actully… I think i have a CD of Haroon’s songs… but I don’t listen to it…yeah speaking of that I just metioned to my mother about Haroon and she’s like “Mahi!! you know taht’s a great name! we could name the baby that if it’s a boy!!” ( Yes she is pregnant….)
December 17th, 2007 at 5:31 am
NICE!!! I hate puberty! HA!
December 17th, 2007 at 1:32 pm
lol…. but YOU NEED TO CONTINUE!!! whenever I check there is nothing more written!! you need to continue this!
January 6th, 2008 at 9:44 am
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! Sorry about that. I had to let out my excitement. I was practically hyperventilating! Okay. Maybe I exaggerated a little. I did wonder when you were going to update this story. It is interesting. I wonder what happens next. *grins evilly at the thought of what I think will happen next*
January 6th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
its good.
January 8th, 2008 at 12:24 am
What happened??!?!
January 13th, 2008 at 10:58 am
well, the story was nice
its been really long since u wrote it
hehhehe
January 22nd, 2008 at 11:53 pm
good upd8.
January 23rd, 2008 at 12:23 am
he he he I want to read that fortune!
January 23rd, 2008 at 12:40 am
Ha! I like it!
February 21st, 2008 at 5:09 am
Innocent? I think not! Since when have those nasty, evil little things been innocent? They are evil! Sorry. I might have a hunch on what happens next. I might be right, I might be wrong.
July 10th, 2008 at 11:55 am
So I anderstant that Arty will fall in love with Anar? In their trip someting will be stolen? The left fortune cookie will be for the happy ending, seing somting about that every ting will bee okey,that they (Arty and Anar) will manage to bee togeder?
If it’s not then tfik of this as a sugestions.