WARNING: May contain reference to M rating. REFERENCE. Nothing descriptive, no fluff and nothing really happens, but I thought it would be funny. Rated T. No BAD things, it’s just for fun.
And on with the story, guys! I present to you…
AN AWESOMELY RANDOM FIC!!
Artemis Fowl was going insane.
Who wouldn’t go insane in a situation like this?! He was being…hurruph…forced to…ruhg…
Carry a box.
A heavy, merciless cardboard box with a stack of encyclopedias inside. A stack of gigantic hardcover encyclopedias with five thousand pages each.
Where was Butler when he was most needed?!
Yes, the Faithful bodyguard had let him down using only one sentence: “You can handle that yourself, Artemis, and Mr Fowl’s flat car tire is a bigger issue.”
So here he was, on his Birthday, moving the objects in his study to another room for temporary storage, while his study was all blank and ready to be treated for possible termites.
Artemis tried his best, he truly did. But then everyone had their limits.
“HOLLY!” he yelled into his communicator. “Please come to Fowl Manor at once, I’m in a crisis and I desperately need assistance!”
The elf’s hologram image sighed. “Well, we were planning to visit anyway, and your Surprise Party was supposed to be a surprise. But I guess I could come an hour earlier than we planned.”
“Mulch’s idea. He wanted the food.”
“Ah. Opportunities arise.”
Half an hour later, Holly was cursing.
“D’Arvit, Mud Boy! This thing is so freaking heavy-”
Artemis put down his box, taking out some books and arranging them on the shelf. “You can’t complain, Holly. We’ve brought down colonies of Demons, travelled through time, saved the world from malicious pixies and faced a herd of bloodthirsty trolls, yet this-”
“Is hell, Artemis!”
“Read the box, Captain. Handle with care, what part of that is not clear to you?”
“Handle with care,” sighed Holly. “Yeah, it hurts reeeaal bad.”
“You or the box?”
Foaly, Mulch, Qwan, Number One, Trouble and Butler stood outside the door of the Fowl heir’s temporary study. All fairies shielded, of course. It had taken Mulch a lot of effort to convince the Commander about throwing Artemis a surprise party. But a few chewed sofas later, he agreed.
Butler hesitated, hand hovering over the doorknob. They could hear noises from inside.
“Handle with care–it hurts…”
The Bodyguard frowned. “What?”
“I’m enjoying this, Holly.”
Foaly’s ears perked up. “What’s happening in there? What are they doing?”
The elf grunted, heaving a huge box on top of the table.
Artemis grinned. “I’m enjoying this, Holly.”
Holly’s eyes narrowed at the genius who was currently not taking part in the hardcore labor, instead sitting on the bed reading a frond damn textbook.
“Me too,” she said, sarcastically. “Come on here and help!”
“Don’t torment the Birthday boy.”
“D’Arvit Fowl! Why the hell are you so…hard to…rughh…reason with?”
“Simply put,I was born that way.”
Holly folded her arms, now obviously glad she wasn’t carrying a box anymore. “I’m watching TV,” she muttered, sitting on the other end of the bed with the remote in her hand. “And I don’t care whatever garbage is going, until I’m done with my program I want you to try lifting those things yourself.”
Artemis sighed as the indignant elf pressed the “ON” switch…
…And nearly gagged as a scene from an adult movie came into focus.
Foaly and the rest were still listening. Trouble and Mulch looked sick. Number One was still attempting to analyze the situation. He finally got it.
“Are they…Foaly, are they…?!”
The centaur groaned. “We should probably just leave…”
“D’Arvit Fowl! Why are you so…ughh…hard to reason with?!”
“Simply put, I was born that way.”
There was a while of silence, and then a high pitched yell, “YOU’RE HOT!!”
Holly was staring at the screen, appalled at the display of two half naked mud people rolling on a bed and screaming at each other how “hot” they thought each other were.
“This is disgusting!” She made a face. “Is this the kind of theater you Mud Men have?!”
I’m running out of time, sorry. There will be an update soon, I assure you. And I hope you’ve understood by now what’s going on. Foaly and the others have got a TOTALLY INSANE wrong idea of what’s going on inside Arty’s room.
PLEASE READ THE NEXT CHAPTER FOR NEWS THAT WILL BLOW YOUR MIND!!
Comments on This Post
6 responses to “A Weird Story and an Awesome Announcement! CHAPTER FOUR ADDED.” Join in!
Leave a Reply
Help: How do I get an avatar?