A Twilight-like Predicament.
Written on February 28th, 2010 by Beckett SimpletonStory Details
- Category: Funny and Romance and One Shots
- Author: Beckett Simpleton
- Word Count: 667
- Read 198 times
(6 votes, average: 4.5 out of 5)
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Something I thought up quickly. WILL spoil the Twilight books for you a LOT! A/H.
“Hay, Artemis, what are you reading?”
I look up. Damn it. Why do people always catch you reading romance?
“Um… New book that came out. It’s rubbish really. I just wanted to see what it was like. It’s nothing.”
*Secretly enjoying it.*
“Uh huh, let me see.”
I oblige. She snickers. I go red.
“Twilight? Isn’t that, like, a crappy vampire romance?”
I go purple.
“Yup. It’s utterly terrible.”
But it’s teaching me exactly how to kiss.
“What’s it about?”
WHY ARE FAIRIES SUCH NOSY CREATURES!?
“Um… A lass who keeps telling you just how ugly she is for about three chapters then she sees this lad called Edward who acts like she’s something on his shoe on minute and his friend the next. Then she starts wondering why his skin is cold and he never comes to school on sunny days and why he’s so supposedly beautiful. Then she tells you how beautiful he is every time she sees him. She then starts snogging him, then she finds out that she loves her best friend, who’s a werewolf, and that Edward’s a vampire and how they can’t cross each other’s territory. Then she realizes that Edward’s seventeen forever and she’s going to get old and die-he bites her and she turns into a vampire but not before they start reproducing and only after three years of each other’s company.”
Holly laughs.
“I didn’t ask for a novel I asked for a summary.”
I go blue.
“Never mind.”
******
I’m lying on the bed and Holly comes in. I’ve something to get off my chest.
“Holly?”
She looks up.
“I can’t help feeling we’re in a Twilight-like predicament…”
Holly’s eyes go to fried egg mode.
“You don’t mean the reproducing after three years thing do you? Coz I may have known you longer, but as soon as you get knocked up you’re stuck with that thing for a lifetime.”
I go into fried egg mode.
“No no no. I meant as in, me getting older, you being old enough to be my grandma whilst you’re almost half my size and how I’ll get old, go into a home, probably get senile dementia the way my luck is and then die and I won’t even see the other side of a century where as you’re gonna be young and *cough*beautiful*cough* for the rest of your life.”
Fried egg mode for both of us and every molecule in the room at that exact moment in time.
Holly laughs again.
“Do you want me to bite you?”
Either my face is a small plate or my eyes are big eggs.
“Not in either sense I’m thinking about.”
Holly rolls her eyes.
“Then what do you want me to do about it?”
I consider this.
“I could leave you… Or I could kill myself. Or I could kill you. Or you could be like Opal and have a HGH fitted or I could have a brain op. to do something about that bothersome ageing thing. But all of those things are very extreme.”
“Damn right.”
“But I’m finding myself in another Twilight-like predicament.”
“What’s that?”
Fairies are nosy creatures. It’s always best to just show them.
“Now I know exactly how to kiss.”
XD
February 28th, 2010 at 9:26 pm
It ain’t bad, I’ll give you that. You should probably spellcheck, as there are a few spelling errors (though much less than sometimes), but I like it. It’s pretty funny. I can’t really see Artemis saying “yup”, but it’s not like it’s an offense punishable by law to get him a bit OOC, so I’m cool with it. I like it.
And yes, if you think about it, A/H is just a bit like E/B… only about a million times better. XD
February 28th, 2010 at 9:54 pm
yes. I don’t ship but i would rather read twilight’s storyline with Arty and Holly rather than Edward and Bella. I didn’t have spell check on the computer i was using but i do now. Strangly, in one of the AF books (can’t rememer which) Artemis says, ‘Nope’.
But hay…It was just a laugh =)
February 28th, 2010 at 10:17 pm
Well hey, if you don’t have a spellcheck, you could always use a website. Or I could tell you the mistakes if you want, I wouldn’t have a problem with that.
It just seems so much more professional when things are spelled right…
Really? “Nope”? Wow… well alrighty then, I suppose you have perfect right to use “Yup” XD
March 1st, 2010 at 3:08 am
Brilliant. XD Fro some reason throughout that whole story, I invisioned Holly as this creepy little drawing I did last year.
Update???? Pweeease? 5 Stars. 
March 1st, 2010 at 3:42 am
Hahaha! super hilarious Beckkett S.! Im not a Twilight person, but it was acctually good!
March 1st, 2010 at 5:49 pm
Dont worry I read the entire Twi-collection in two days…u haven’t spoiled a thing XD
II’d rather read a Arty/Holly Twi instead of a Ed/Bella Twi anyday.
I like it XD
March 2nd, 2010 at 8:19 pm
@ AA: Yes I do! XD
@ CC: It’s a one shot. There’s no more plot!
@ AL: I was close to hate with twilight. My aunty pauline loves it for some strange reason.
@Toushi: Twilight would be so much better if Stephanie Mayer had read Artemis Fowl.LOL
March 2nd, 2010 at 9:32 pm
I kno but I like Twilight…not a huge fanatic but I like it….
If only Steph had read Arty…I wish…
March 2nd, 2010 at 10:02 pm
I loved it. What more is there to say?
~Yoshi
P.S. Five stars!!!
March 3rd, 2010 at 2:22 am
*hee hee* update. that was actually pretty good.
March 4th, 2010 at 6:45 pm
One Shot. That’s all it is. There will be no updates. That’s the end!
March 6th, 2010 at 12:40 am
What is it with people begging for updates on one-shots?
Fun fanfiction fact: Both ‘Hide and Seek with Opal Koboi’ and ‘A Tale of Betrayal and Randomness’ were supposed to be one-shots.
~Yoshi
March 6th, 2010 at 3:01 pm
ATOBAR is a one shot! no way! that thing is WAAAY too long! I am happy you continued though!
April 9th, 2010 at 6:28 am
ATOBAR????? Wow. That’s kinda(understatement)random.
That’s pretty good BS. But when he debriefs the entire book, he might want to breathe a bit more. No offence meant.=)=)=)=)
April 9th, 2010 at 9:05 am
haha. Yeah I know. I should put some full stops in there.
May 29th, 2010 at 1:13 pm
You should write a sequel. A BUNCH of sequels. Like…. a mini-series. About Aretmis reading a BUNCH of different books.
A BUNCH of people would read that. 
~CC
May 29th, 2010 at 1:29 pm
Ha ha. That’s a really good idea! I could do that… Hmmm, i might try.
May 29th, 2010 at 3:57 pm
Artemis acctually addmiting that the most gross book in the world taught him how to kiss? now that is something i would like to see
. Good story though.
May 29th, 2010 at 5:07 pm
Wow a comment with no swaering or cursing! What did your mum give you for breakfast this morning!?
May 31st, 2010 at 2:55 am
Nothing. Her mother StArVeD hEr!
June 12th, 2010 at 3:03 pm
myles, if you get starved you can forage in my bin!
June 12th, 2010 at 3:12 pm
Just found this. It’s tawesome.
June 15th, 2010 at 9:25 pm
Ok…………….
Know what?
June 26th, 2010 at 6:55 pm
Falcon, I have no idea what the diddles your on about sometimes. (but awsome name) TWS (i gotta ask, what IS your ship???) Thank you. I have to say, I’m flattered. *no hints of sarcasam*
June 30th, 2010 at 2:00 pm
XD, that’s pretty good. I don’t like Twilight, but thanks for giving me an overview of the series.
Awesome!
-Star
July 10th, 2010 at 11:12 am
UPDATE PLEASE! I really want to see Holly’s reaction to Arty’s last words. Hehehehe^^ I bet she would so totally punch him! Hehehehe^^
July 10th, 2010 at 1:03 pm
Fowl Star, it ENDS there!
i